MIDDLE-AGED WOMEN 40-60ish

Momine

Tessa, you absolutely get a say with regard to the recon. You do not have to be reconstructed, and even if you want reconstruction it does not have to be started immediately. The recovery is much easier without the TE. If you need advice/input etc check out the "living without recon" forum here on BCO.

Loral

Congratulations Valjean

NativeMainer

TessaW--

YES, YOU HAVE A SAY IN WHAT PROCEDURES ARE DONE TO YOU!!!!!!!

The first thing you need to do is get a consultation appointment with at least 2 plastic surgeons, from different offices/practices, from different geographic locations if possible.Find out what all your options are.Have another appointment with the breast surgeon, find out what your options are there.Mastectomy, skin sparing mastectomy, lumpectomy, no surgery, radiation, chemo before surgery.There are probably even more options.I would highly recommend interviewing at least one other breast surgeon, too, the current one not giving you your options is blatant malpractice.Have you seen an oncologist yet?Get a referral to one BEFORE making any more treatment choices.When you see the oncologist ask to see the social worker, that person can help you with financial decisions and help you connect with the ADA (cancer is an automatic disability) and can help you advocate for yourself with your employer.

Someone already said this, but you do not need to do recon immediately.I took time between my mastectomy and recon to research my options more thoroughly, and was very glad I did.The best option for me wasn't available in my area, I had to travel and it took some time to set up everything.

Your boss making work decisions based on social media information is pretty stupid.I would ignore him/her, or just say your doctor hasn't told you yet what the restrictions will be.Your boss can make all the plans he/she wants, but that doesn't mean the reality will match up.

Meece

Welcome, TessaW. You will be amazed as to what you can do. I was a single mom of three, two who were teenagers and still at home. My marriage of 22 years ended a couple of months prior to starting the battle. It was doable, and I fought not only for my kids, but to show certain people that I was strong and capable. I had surgery on a Friday and was back to work Monday. I missed some full days when I couldn't schedule chemo in the afternoon (one day every three weeks at most) , scheduled rads during my lunch hour, and missed 2 days due to nausea. If wimpy me can do this YOU CAN get through this.

Unfortunately, not every employer is covered for FLMA. The FMLA applies to any employer in the private sector who engages in commerce, or in any industry or activity affecting commerce, and who has 50 or more employees each working day during at least 20 calendar weeks in the current or preceding calendar year. I had one employer who fought this because each branch of their business did not have 50 employees. The other employer I had since BC made me use up all of my PTO before I could take a FMLA day off for scans or dr, appointments. This meant I never got a vacation day to relax. Something needs to be done to change this program.

Not every cancer is treated the same way. Not every chemo can be or is delivered by the pack. Just because your boss thinks you should have it doesn't mean your doctor will agree. AND just because you are mobile carrying the pack, does not mean you won't feel the effects of chemo, the nausea, the exhaustion, and other SEs.

barsco1963

Welcome Tessa - Lots of support and encouragement to be found here - as you can see from the wonderful posts already. Sending (hugs) and hopes for everything to fall into place for you. Of course not everything will be straightforward, but hopefully you will be able to navigate through all of the decisions to be made without too much stress.

Val - congrats on 5 years. So glad that you are able to have it pass by as "just another day".

staynsane

Tessa- With so much racing through your mind, the first step I would recommend is BREATHE. Most cancers are slow growing, and like someone else said, you don't have to make immediate decisions that will affect the rest of your life while you are unclear of the best path.

When the first breast surgeon I met with offered me no alternatives to mastectomy (and scheduled me for one three days later), I met with another. The second one took a lot more time to explain exactly what my case looked like to him and confirmed that a mastectomy was what he would recommend. I asked about a skin and nipple sparing mast, and for me it was an option, and is what I had about a month later. Above all, I had confidence and faith in the second doctor, which dramatically lessoned the fear and panic I felt after meeting with the first.

Your medical center should be able to provide you with additional resources of support. Let the breast counselor there (if there is one) know that you are concerned about finances, physical and emotional support, and they should help provide answers or give you contact info to find them.

Information is power, and if you can get beyond the first emotional hurdle, you can discover the options that will work best for YOU. They are not the same for everyone. Making decisions with a clear head will give you relief and the ability to take the next steps one by one.

elimar86861

Welcome, wyo! Thanks for the advice that you (and so many others) had to offer TessaW.

TessaW, I think all of the posts had sound advice for you. To me, it seems that the healthcare workers are all familiar with how they "do" cancer, and it can be a fast track to treatment, without concern for your understanding of all the choices. Unless they have told you that you have one of the rare extremely aggressive B/Cs, then do not be afraid to apply the brakes a little in order to get a better understanding of what you will go through, and get enough info. to make an informed choice on recon. options.

Valjean! Happy to celebrate with you, my sister-lady-girlfriend! I am following in your footsteps (hopefully.) We all know that the five year point is no magic get out of cancer-jail free card for the ER+ gals, but I have always felt it was a milestone well worth celebrating because only if you make it to the five year point can you set your sights even further, 10 years and beyond. Every year out is worth rejoicing, really. If it was just like any other day, maybe it's because your new normal is not that far removed from old normal. Congrats!!!!!!!

Howz this for a happy dance?

p.s. That reminds me...my hair is about that short now, only with bangs. I chopped it off a week ago and once again donated to Pantene's Beautiful Lengths.

barsco1963

Phew - Eli - you certainly seem to be recovering well being able to dance like that. I can't move like that on my best days! Way to go with the hair donation also. I am trying to get my hair long again - is crazy curly so some days I wonder if it will make it.

nwood450

Hello "middle aged" sisters! Turned 53 in August, and will celebrate my "cancerversary" in March. Five years! Woo hoo! After almost 5 years on tamoxifen, my MO is talking about switching me to an AI by my next 6 month appt. SEs on tamox were fairly manageable, but lately I have had increased bone and muscle pain. My hips hurt so much. Sleeping is difficult due to the pain. Sometimes I even limp. Is this something that happens so far into tamox treatment? And now I'm wondering what the switch to an AI will have in store for me.

,

marlegal

answering as I read...ValJean, please celebrate. Don't look back...that's done. Ahead is only good for you

Jeannie57

TessaW, do you work for a company with a human resources department? If so, I would go there and get information about your medical rights, etc. If you get laid off you can keep your health insurance through COBRA but it is so expensive!! Unemployment is helpful but Congress talks about cutting the length of time you can be on it. The American Cancer Society is a good place to start, too, or there should be a patient advocate at your hospital or cancer center who can guide you regarding finances, etc. My husband was laid off while I was going through chemo (I'm not working) so I know financial stress is not helpful! I would check Susan G Komen, too, and any other breast cancer org. you know of. There is financial help/guidance out there somewhere! Your boss sounds like she may be trying to be helpful but I agree with others: tell her you will be guided by your doctors, not the Internet, thank you very much. Your docs have letters you can give your employer saying how much time you need to take off. Judging by friends' experiences, disability often takes a long time to get. Be ready for people to do and say all kinds of surprising and insensitive things. In most cases, they just don't know any better. It can be shocking but be strong and positive when you can!

I don't post here regularly but I do read often. I am a friend of DianaRose as we went through chemo at the same time.

Valjean

Thanks for the Congrats everyone on my milestone.

E ~  Love the Happy Dance!

And that reminds me, I need to take a day to shop for new jeans. Geez, I hate doing that. (like shopping for bras & bathing suits!!) Why is it soooo hard to find jeans that are set below the waist but not with a 4" little zipper or so so that they come down in the back when you bend over???? I don't want them to fit directly at the waist, but not like bikinis either. Ugh! Any recommendations of good fitting jeans?  

(marlegal ~  I will remember what you said.)

Momine

Val, belated congrats and for the jeans, I know exactly what you mean. Last year I had really good luck at Benetton - their "classic cut" jeans, I think they were called. They fit really well, even if you have actual hips and stuff, yet do not look like mom jeans.

barsco1963

welcome nwood - and happy for you on your 5 yr milestone!! I have been on tamox for a little over 2 yrs. I find the joint pain still comes and goes and for some reason the hot flushes seem to be happening more often lately. Sorry can't help with the AI question. But wanted to say hi.

Jeannie - nice to see your smiling face!

luvmygoats

Welcome Tessa and Nancy.

Congrats Valjean. WOOHOO!. About the jeans. I know some rave about Not My Daughters Jeans but the price is outrageous and I'm not an online shopper for clothes. They say they try them on, get the correct style # and wait for an online sale. My experience with jeans is they all fit differently same size style # pulled right off the same shelf. I decided since I'm basically built like a man with all my weight up front I'm going to try on mens jeans. Put my DH's denim shorts on and they fit pretty perfectly just tiny bit tight in waist so need to go up to next size. I bought a pair of Lee's at WalMart that are going back today. The placket on the zipper will not lay flat other than that they fit OK for jeans. I have never bought 2 pair of jeans. I usually have one pair, wear it out and move it to junk jeans, then buy another good pair. But I'm with you with jean and bra shopping. No where to swim and since we never! travel I don't see a swimsuit again.

elimar86861

Welcome nwood450, I never thought I would say this but, you know, if I were a doctor, I would probably have to check on the bone pain you are having. I mean with a bone scan. You might want to have that done. Your call. It is probably nothing more than the osteoarthritis that comes with our middle years, but if you are actually limping, it may be a good idea to check it further. If you are considering a switch to an AI, I would suggest a DEXA bone scan to you prior to starting. To me, the big drawback to the AIs is the bone loss, and so I would want a baseline of how my bones were doing before starting an AI and then I'd keep an eye on them with yearlty or bi-yearly (depending on how dense they were to begin with) follow-up scans. All that being said, it is wonderful that you are approaching your five year mark. Our social calendars are open for a big celebration with you in March.

I only did three years of Tamox., so I'd like to throw out my own related question to anyont who has done both Tamox. and AIs: I've heard AI flashes are worse than Tamox., true or not?

nwood450

Thanks for the welcome and your insight. My MO told me she will be doing a bone density test prior to changing my meds. I mentioned the bone pain at my last onco appt. in October. She didn't seem concerned but truthfully the pain has increased since then. Maybe it is just my older body making noise. I hope so. Why is it that the uncertainty never truly leaves you on this journey?

MinusTwo

Valjean: I've had good luck w/Coldwater Creek jeans in the past but I wait until there's a 35-50% sale. I don't like the "classic" - high waist. I buy the "natural" - slightly below the waist but not low in the back like you're describing. That said - they've messed w/the front pockets this year and they are too short to even keep keys. Sigh.

Luv: I agree about men's jeans. That's all I wore for years because I could get them long enough. With all my continuing weight loss from chemo, I'm ready to go back.

marlegal

Eli, I did 3.5 yrs of tamox and then1.5 of aromasin. My hot flashes and night sweats dropped by 75% on aromasin, it was heaven!

Jeans, I found a pair of Elle jeans at Kohls that I loved, so I got two blue and one black. They'll tide me over for many years, or until I get serious about losing some weight!

Valjean

Thanks for all the jean recommendations! I'll have to check them out. I do have a Coldwater Creek shop 20 miles from me. I've never tried on the Elle jeans in Kohl's. I have Dockers now. They seem to fit me the best (they fit me great in the waist & hip bone area with no gap in the back, but they are the wide leg ones & I'd like some sort of a boot cut one. Every pair I try on are either too low, too big in the waist with that stupid gap in the back (I'm on the small side there) &/or too tight in the upper thigh.

luvmygoats ~ Omg, I soooo agree with you - I can take 2-3-4 pairs of the same style # jeans in to try on & they will all fit differently!!! Some friends think I'm crazy for doing that!! My DD's think I'm nuts! I have always wanted to try on the Not Your Daughter's Jeans (they have them in my Younkers) but haven't yet. Yeah, that's what I'd do-try them on & wait for an online sale. (Hey, gals, isn't that always the way to go?!? Wait for those BIG sales?!?)

nwood450 ~ Welcome! Before I began my AI, my doctor ordered a baseline DXA scan & I have had two since to monitor. I did not use Tamoxifen, being post-menopausal I was started out directly on Aromasin. I do agree with elimar in having a Bone Scan to rule out anything serious for the bone pain you are having. I hope you let us know what you decide.

wyo

A good pair of jeans- now isn't that a question for the ages!! I have had good luck with lands end and talbots- both can be pricey but both go on sale- you can try on lands end ones if you have a sears nearby. Lands End will hem to your inseam and talbots has a length that works for my not-quite petite and not-quite average inseam.

I don't think "plumber's crack" is attractive on anyone especially me so I like jeans that stay up when I bend over, don't gap when I sit down and that I don't need to worry about a bikini wax they are so low....

staynsane

Regarding jeans, I'll just add that I bought a pair of Not Your Daughters Jeans at Ross last weekend on clearance for $19.99! I'm tall, and I figure they were in the clearance section because they were long (perfect!). I purchased the same brand about a year ago and loved the stretch in the fabric- absolutely the most comfortable jeans I own, but they were a little large (size 6). Years ago I consistently wore a size 10 pant, but my latest purchase was a size 4. The manufacturers are really screwing around with sizing, I think to make women feel better. I am the same size I have been for many years and figure within a couple more years I'll be a size zero without making any changes to my physique!

The other pairs that I love are by Paige. Also expensive, but I buy them at TJ Max or Marshalls. They too have some stretch to the fabric. I am in jeans every day for work, and will never go back to jeans without "give" in the denim! They also have a lower waist and do not look like "mom jeans."

elimar86861

I've heard that downsize-of-the-sizing called Vanity Sizing. How true! I went thru' some months a few years ago, not knowing what size to buy or even take into the fitting room. Eventually got it figured out, and then it finally made sense how some of these celebrities were a size zero.

While finding the perfect jeans has nothing to do with B/C, it has everything to do with middle-age; but, Newbies, fear not...B/C info and support is a top priority around here, so even if we are off on a tangent, do jump in with any concern you may be having. We can switch gears unbelievably quickly, and don't mind in the least.

Momine

Staynsane, lol, same here. I used to be a 10 twenty-five years ago, now I am a 4/6, except I am the same size. Scratching head.

Eph3_12

I'm the same size but instead of a 14-16 I now have to try on 18-22s. THAT is not vanity sizing!

marlegal

Eph, as I was reading the other posts, I was thinking...hhmmmm.....things must change after size12-14 because I'm buying larger and I'm the same! Thanks for saving me

Eph3_12

Gotcher back Marl!

staynsane

Ok, we have proved that there is no rhyme or reason to sizing these days! The size number means nothing and I don't pat myself on the back for seemingly getting smaller year by year; it's just baloney!

Katlebbie

Wow .............I feel like I have missed so much! WE have SMILEYS back! So much has happened, welcome all of the newbies, beautiful.... ring good for you Dianarose jeans, parties, Halloween, Pocket parties that I missed ! I did think about and pray for you ladies while I was gone. Going back to work full time (daycare) zapped me ..........

I've been dealing with some things also that I needed to just sit back and digest. I had my colonoscopy and had two polyps removed which turned out to be pre cancer, good thing I finally was forced to have the colonoscopy by my doctor. Now I'm on the three year plan!

I also have been to the 2 nd dermatologist ( the 1st one didn't do anything but stick a needle in my hip with cortisone which ticked my family dr. off ) the hair loss that I am having is permanent the bald spots are here to stay, it is not going to grow back. The hair follicles are destroyed and there is noting they can do about it. Now I am going to have two biopsies on the 25th to see if they can figure out what is attacking my head and hair. They need to figure this out soon...... I cry every time I see this hair coming out and know now that it will not come back.

On Tuesday I saw the PS for a final check, I have one squishy and one not so squishy boob. She doesn't think that the lefty will soften up but to keep the message up. The good news is that the fat grafting looks good and so do the boobs. It's just sort of strange feeling the difference.

Two weeks ago my son went to Lincoln to watch the Husker game ( we live in Omaha) He gets all the way to Lincoln, on the party bus, when he notices that he doesn't have his tickets. So yes, good old mom was called, in my hurry to get the tickets to him I bent over wrong to tie my shoes and hear this POP, yep my back, now I've been through two back surgeries and know this is not good, I did drive to Lincoln got the ticket to my son on time before the game started but couldn't even walk the rest of the weekend. Sitting was the worse part of it.

I go back to the family doctor tomorrow to find out about my back and shoulder, I have a small rotator cuff tear and not sure what the next step is. I am literally falling apart and scared but other than that things are wonderful. Ha Ha

Sorry I just needed to vent to someone! If anyone has anything on not so squishy boobs and hair loss I would be open to hear about it~

elimar86861

Kat, You did a good thing, getting rid of the little troublemakers (polyps.) Going every three years for a check IS annoying but, trust me, you never want to give anything a chance to develop. I'm sorry you are falling apart. From middle-age on, it is so hard to make headway in the health dept., but keep at it and try not to become too frustrated. I do think the boob hardness may still resolve. It takes months, and it really has not been that long since your surgery, so give it more time. No knowledge of the hair loss issue. Isn't it just amazing how many things still are stumping the doctors in this day and age of all of our technological marvels?