MIDDLE-AGED WOMEN 40-60ish

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  • Kay_G
    Kay_G Member Posts: 3,345
    edited January 2012

    It is the BC. I used to be a real saver. I would put the max I could in my 401k, one of the first things I did when I found out I had BC was to cancel any deduction at all. I wasn't worried about saving for retirement, I wanted to use it and enjoy it now. I was contemplating taking what I had saved out. This wasn't really my personality, and I am more back to myself, but I feel like I want to get he most of everything. I want to do things in the house, buy all kinds of cooking gadgets, and I want to do them immediately. I am sure the melanoma and the death of your sister makes you feel these things even more than you would with just the BC. Hang out with us. We know how you feel, and you can vent and get lots of info and support here.



    Speaking of strange things BC has done to you, has anyone become less religious since BC? I was a very faithful church goer before BC, had been going to daily mass for several years. I dropped down to just Sundays. After sx, I didn't go at all for about 7 weeks. Now I am back to just Sundays again, but small things like painful joints or something will have me skip even that. I would have thought this would make me more religious, but it has had the opposite effect. Any ideas or anything about it?

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  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited January 2012

    Kay, you have met your God personally and looked Him in the eye with your cancer diagnosis. You don't need organized religion to prove your faith. You are living it every day!!!

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  • NativeMainer
    NativeMainer Member Posts: 10,462
    edited January 2012

    Kay--I have become more spritual, more aware of God's presence in my life since bc, but my church attendance is down, partly because of aches, pains, restrictions from driving after surgeries, etc and now because I work a weekend job.  Like Barbe said, religious service attendance and faith are 2 different things.  I know many people very strong in their faith who rarely attend church, and some who attend church religiously (pun intended) but do not act as if they have much faith.  Do you talk to God (pray) as much as before bc?  more?  less?  Do you see God's hand in the things around you?  That would be a better measure of belief or faith than  how regularly you attend church, at least in my book.  

     Playing catch up here: 

    RE: living with the "waiting for the other shoe to drop" or already diagnosed Stage 4, I almost think it would be easier for me to be Stage 4.  I waited months to find out if the lump I found was bc, and that waiting totally destroyed my nerves and changed my whole life.  It was a totally lost time for me.  I've learned to live better with the not knowing, although it creates a lot of anxiety right before my Onc appointments every 4 months and I get terrified every time I get an ache or pain.  But if I'm ever changed to Stage 4 it will be a bit of a relief--the worst has happened and I don't have to worry about it happening any more.  That's how I felt when I finally got a diagnosis on the lump in the first place.  On the other hand, after 3 years of not being able to plan any further ahead than my next Onc appointment, I now am making plans that cover the next few years, AND I feel like I will actually be able to carry them out.  There are even times when I don't think about bc for minutes or hours at a time.  Living with this DOES get better over time. 

     Janis--in the pocket for your MRI today!  Only someone with cancer would hope for a disc problem when there is back pain, but there we are. 

    The on thing bc has taken away from me (besides my breasts) that I would like to have back is the ability to sleep well regularly.  

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  • LovesChristmas-Barb
    LovesChristmas-Barb Member Posts: 706
    edited January 2012

    Kay....I have gone to daily Mass for the last 11 years. I have had times when I have been tempted to not go. However, I have talked about this with a wise priest who told me that whenever you're trying to live your faith more fully you will be tempted to do otherwise. He asked me if I ever regretted going to Mass when I have gone.

    I know it does me good, even if I don't recognize it at the time. I can look back and see the changes in me and my attitude and I know that I am a better person because of my daily receiving of our Lord in the Eucharist.

    I have missed daily Mass more often this past 8 months than I have in the past because of treatments, especially this past month when I've been recovering from surgery and couldn't drive. I have also discovered that it is definitely harder to pray when you're not feeling well but I have struggled through at least part of my normal prayertime everyday.

    Knowing and believing that God has a plan for our lives is what has kept me calm these last 8 months. I have had moments of tears and fear, but they have always been overcome by the thought that He only wants our good and good can come from even the difficult things that happen in our lives.

    I would be happy to continue discussing this by PM if you would like. {{{hugs}}}!!!

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  • justmejanis
    justmejanis Member Posts: 1,847
    edited January 2012

    Native Maine.....wouldn't want you to get too lonely in that pocket.  It is tomorrow!  12:30 Mountain Time.  Party following next Tuesday at 10:00 AM to hear the results.  All good news of course.  LOL on wishing for a disc problem huh?  I loke your philosophy about living with this.  While my doctor says he is worried about this current back pain, i really am not.  However, whatever they find, I will just deal with it like I did the original cancer.  It will not destroy my spirit, ever!

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  • Kay_G
    Kay_G Member Posts: 3,345
    edited January 2012

    Thank you for the responses on religion. I will drop it after this. I get the part about organized religion and faith being two different things. That is not something that sits too well with Catholics. I agree with you Barb, I do always feel good after going to mass. It is not just a thing with aches and pains or any kind of problem with the church institution. It is me and my spirituality. I feel like that song in AChorus Line, I dug right down to the bottom of my heart to feel what I have inside, and I felt nothing. I am really pouring my heart out to you ladies, I hope you don't mind, but I got it off my chest now and I will have to do some real soul searching.

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  • Maya2
    Maya2 Member Posts: 468
    edited January 2012

    I had already given up on religion prior to my diagnosis. And the diagnosis didn't send me back. I have no interest in religion. I don't care "who" is "out there."

    But, I did add more travel. I was already a world traveller and I've only added to that. I moved from the US to France in 1999. Living in Europe makes it very easy to travel Europe and Africa, but I've also been to Australia, South & Central America. Currently, I've returned to the US and am trying out my homeland, but I'm disappointed and will likely return to Europe. The lack of healthcare in the States (I have none currently) and the lack of public transit is something I just can't understand. So it's likely (unless things change) I'll be returning in a few months. I'm also a French citizen.

    I used to work as a BC navigator in a French hospital where I worked with all the English speaking patients. We encouraged our patients to try things they've always wanted to do. Sometimes it takes something scary like BC to get us doing the things we always put off. There's a saying: Life begins at the end of your comfort zone. BC is good training for functioning outside our comfort zone.

    Good luck explorers!

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  • elimar86861
    elimar86861 Member Posts: 7,416
    edited January 2012

    kay1963, I am sure that B/C is a part of that but, even without B/C, middle-age itself is a big time for re-evaluation.  I don't really like to call it "mid-life crisis" but that is the familiar label.  I went into it, am in it even still, and I'm not yet entirely sure WHO is going to come out on the other side.  Like B/C, you are not alone in that either my friend.

    Layla2525 and Maya 2, welcome to the thread!  We are having a special for 59-year olds today.  Hang out for a year, get 2 "ish" years for free.  We will try and break you of all your clean living habits...look where it got you.  (Just kidding.)  Did someone say MOODY?  We don't know a thing about that here, do we Middies?  Ha!  Let's just say, if those mood ring were still popular, you'd probably see every color of the rainbow in a 48-hour period.

                                                         

    KatMac626, So sorry to hear that B/C took your sister.  It probably upped the terror a notch when you got your own Dx.  But B/C truly is more than just one disease.  It can be so many different things.  You have a good chance to see those sights you mention.  

    Momine, greetings to you also. 

    ------------------------------------------

    Faiths, beliefs and other...   Belonging to a religion seems to bring people together in a community, but divide them up on a larger scale.  Most religions have a version of The Golden Rule (and that's hard enough for most people to sustain for any length of time.)  On this thread, if someone wants to pray for me, keep me in their thoughts, or send out a positive vibe, it's all good, I'll gladly take it. 

    God is really open to interpretation, and there are so many interesting ones.  On New Year's Day, I was thinking if God was so omni-clever, why are there over 300,000+ kinds of beetles?  That is a little retarded, or fixated, or something.  Only about 17 of those beetles even look cute, the rest of them, yukko!   Evolution also needs to step up and answer that one too.

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  • KatMac626
    KatMac626 Member Posts: 4
    edited January 2012

    Thanks for all the wonderful responses.  I'm sorry there are so many of us out there having to deal with this awful disease.  I definitely found myself re-evaluating things after the melanoma.  I was an accountant at a local University, commuting 3 hours a day; spending 8.5 hours alone in an office crunching numbers -- dealing with PhD's....computer scientists of all things...sheeeshhh.  I couldn't bear the thought of getting hit by a bus and having spent the last of my life doing this.  I spent almost all my waking hours someplace that didn't make me happy...so I quit. :)  My DH and I have a home business so that's what I've been focusing on, and playing with my puppies....  and remodeling.  And shopping for that RV.  My new mantra is 'Life begins at the end of your comfort zone'.... thanks for that Maya!

    My religious two cents: I was not raised in an organized religion, but my mom was very spiritual...as am I.  I do not believe in a Omnipotent God - to believe that would be to believe He thinks I am deserving of this - I believe in a loving God or higher power that grieves for us as we do for each other.  I believe that my sister and my mom are here with me...pushing me to go to the doctor to have that stupid little bump checked out... It comforts me.  More so than I would find going to church.  Although I do love going into churches, it's like all of the energy from all the people is almost palpable.  I can see why people like to go. 

    Thanks for letting me rant and be a part of your world.   

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  • YaYa5
    YaYa5 Member Posts: 667
    edited January 2012

    katmac, i feel exactly the same way you do ... i want to travel, rennovate my house, take chances, take care of myself without worrying about taking care of others.  i love that mantra ... 'life begins at the end of your comfort zone.'  i'm going to live by that mantra for the rest of my life!

    maya, oh, to be a world traveler!  i've never been out of the US except to the virgin islands and the bahamas.  i don't even have a passport!  one of my goals this month is to apply for one.  i don't have any hair so i'm worried about my passport picture.  how dumb is THAT??   

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  • Momine
    Momine Member Posts: 7,859
    edited January 2012

    Ya-ya, with that name, you have to come visit Greece ;)

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  • Hauntie
    Hauntie Member Posts: 483
    edited January 2012

    I've been off this thread for a while - computer problems and really busy. I'm about 20 pages behind. I'll never catch up. Now that things have settled down a bit, maybe I can check in more frequently. I hope everyone is doing well and had a great holiday.

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  • Paula66
    Paula66 Member Posts: 1,728
    edited January 2012

    Eli I am all healed up from my tat and I remember you asking me to repost when it was all healed so here it is!

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  • elimar86861
    elimar86861 Member Posts: 7,416
    edited January 2012

    Paula66,  That would look pretty awesome in a flip-flop!

    Good to hear from you Hauntie. and as the lettuce said to the tomato...ketchup!

    Wonder if Kittygirl survived "retail Xmas?"  Hollah back, Kittygirl.

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  • WaveWhisperer
    WaveWhisperer Member Posts: 898
    edited January 2012

    Katmac, you're not alone in wanting to waste no time and do a million things. I think BC does shake us up and make us realize how short life is, and how it can change in an heartbeat. (You sure saw that first-hand with your sister.)  I think it gives us a push to do things we might have put off. It gives focus to our lives, something to concentrate on other than our illness, our treatment and the side effects.

    Yes, I want to travel. And my husband and I this fall, just before my DX, took one of the trips you mentioned -- to the HIghlands of Scotland. What a glorious trip!! Now we're thinking about a trip to Barcelona or somewhere else in Spain for next fall, after my treatments.

    This BC also made me want to set things right with people I might have hurt in the past, sort of like a recovering addict's 12 steps to recovery. I wrote a long letter of apology to a dear friend whom I had become estranged from. She called me on Christmas Eve, and we've patched things up. Another friend of almost 40 years, I had cut off, merely because she failed to send me the annual birthday card and letter we had sent each other for 39 years. I wrote her, too, and now we're e-mailing each other every week.  I'm finding other old friends through Facebook and telling them that I want them back in my life now.

    And, yes, I'm getting my bathrooms renovated, too. (I spend more time in my bathroom than my kitchen these days!) 

    YaYa, yes, get that passport. 

    None of us knows what the future will bring. But if you knew you had only 1 or 2 years to live, how would you choose to live it?  

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  • macatacmv
    macatacmv Member Posts: 1,386
    edited January 2012

    Hello all, for the first month after diagnosis and biopsy and lump/snb all I have wanted to do is sleep. Now all of a suddden I want to do everything! I just started back to work yesterday and instead of feeling overwhelmed I feel energized. I do have a painful armpit, hoping that is "normal". My post op appt with BS and MO has been pushed back to the 23rd from the 9th and I got bummed about that for a short time yesterday because I just want to get on with this.

     I had been planning to go to Italy to visit my nephew and family in Jan and my BS told me to not buy any tickets, so now I have to wait, which I hate!!!! I had already started to feel this restlessness before BC, in Nov I took a trip to CO to see my DD and had a blast. We took a hot air balloon ride (see my profile pic). I had my annual mammo in Oct and then I planned my trip, then I got the call back for 2nd mammo and I said no, I'm going on a trip I'll come in afterward. I am so glad I did that, great memories. Before this roller coaster ride. It just seems to me that they pushed me into surgery 3 days before Christmas and now I have to wait to find out treatment plan.

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  • Paula66
    Paula66 Member Posts: 1,728
    edited January 2012

    Wow everyones planning vacations.  I guess I'm the weird one and am just not into vacas so I am planning a new tattoo for my back.  I want the whole thing done so it'll take awhile.  It will also be for my anniversary. First I was gonna do a fire fairy but found a pic that I fell in love with so Im having that done  first.  My inner freak has been in hiding so long that its time to let her out and live!

    Janis am jumping in the pockets for ya!

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  • LovesChristmas-Barb
    LovesChristmas-Barb Member Posts: 706
    edited January 2012

    Jumping in your pocket today Janis!!

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  • Maya2
    Maya2 Member Posts: 468
    edited January 2012
    YaYa, get a wig you like--you'll have that passport 10 years--and get your pic taken. Yes, yes, get a passport, see the world. It's waiting for you to discover all the incredible vistas, mysteries and oh so interesting people. Go, go!
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  • Maya2
    Maya2 Member Posts: 468
    edited January 2012

    Elimar, thanks for the special. I'm still smiling. I'll take those 2 years and raise you one.

    Oh my, I remember mood rings too. Aaacccchhhh!

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  • justmejanis
    justmejanis Member Posts: 1,847
    edited January 2012

    Leaving in about an hour for the MRI.  Almost party time!!!!

    I would love a vacation but our finances are bleak.  I can't even afford gas to Boise...25 miles!  LOL.  I'll dream of all the places I want to go.  I really want to go to my son and DIL's house in the mountains of Colorado.  Talk about peaceful!  I'll keep dreaming, someday it will happen.  The bad part is DH cannot go with me.   Their house is at 9,400' elevation and with his COPD he can't breathe up there.  :(

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  • Ceeztheday
    Ceeztheday Member Posts: 403
    edited January 2012

    Move over ladies and make room for me in Janis' pocket.

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  • justmejanis
    justmejanis Member Posts: 1,847
    edited January 2012

    Ceeztheday...I am leaving in five minutes.  I knew you would be there.  Thanks hon!!!  You guys have fun, and remember next Tuesday I get he results.  Party hearty okay?  Love my sistas and I thank you all for being here for me!  Laughing

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  • Sherryc
    Sherryc Member Posts: 5,938
    edited January 2012

    Janis I jumping in

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  • walley
    walley Member Posts: 231
    edited January 2012

    jumping in,don't leave without me:)

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  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited January 2012

    I was in on time but couldn`t let you know because Sherry was sitting on my head!!!

    As for vacations....lately been staycations. I just don`t have the wherewithawl to spend good money on a temporary product!! We travelled SO much years ago (thank God!!!) that I just know I can`t handle the line ups. We tend to get things for the house...like the wood floors and new carpet last year. This year...????

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  • juliet62
    juliet62 Member Posts: 3,412
    edited January 2012

    yaya  ,get a passport! the only time you have to worry about traveling is when you look like your passport picture, then its time to go home!   

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  • 3jaysmom
    3jaysmom Member Posts: 4,266
    edited January 2012
    im bummed, can't vacation, can't move from the hypothyroid.. i know!!!i'll save $$$now, for when i do get better, plze plze plze.... good to see you all here for Janis' pocket party!i caught you, Maya!!!.3jays
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  • 3jaysmom
    3jaysmom Member Posts: 4,266
    edited January 2012

    found more 3 jays.. didn't steal from Elimar, and Maya didn't have to do it!!! im getting grown  up here, thanks to you ladies..

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  • 3jaysmom
    3jaysmom Member Posts: 4,266
    edited January 2012

    sorry, but i thought this was more like them... see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil.. evil being bc, of course... whaddya think??? 3jays  hahahaha

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