MIDDLE-AGED WOMEN 40-60ish

elimar86861

Hey chrisct, I think you have posted here before, but it's been quite a while.  How's it going?  Have your follow ups been non-eventful, or is there something that bears watching?   I think you are about where I am with the Tamox.  Will be on for two years in the late Fall.

walker2222

My bro had enough chin hair he braided it to where it hung down mid chest level. He worked on the oil rigs, a tough crowd.



Yaya - job transfer is what brought DH to TX. I'm an KS girl though and college brought me to TX.



OK here is PS follow up, it was fluid build up. He drained 130 cc of it. After that it looked a lot better. He wants to see me in a week to make sure it doesn't building back up. In the mean time I am to wear a tight sports bra (threw my surgery binder away) and bind with a 6 in ace bandage, especially over night. If the fluid still builds up he is going to recommend a pump be put in. Hope that doesn't happen. Over all ok with the visit, I just need to give it time.

jo1955

MJB - Glad the PS visit went well - hope the fluid doesn't build up again and you don't need a pump.

BarbaraA

Mjb so glad it was that simple. Hugs, pal.

chrisct

Followups were ok.  This year radiologist saw calcifications on my non-bc side.  She was 99% sure it was nothing, but with my history, couldn't give me that last 1% so I had a bx.  Bx showed it was nothing which was a relief, but expensive.  So good 'til next March.  Been on tamox since Dec '09.  Night sweats from time to time.  Not sure about the hot flashes.  They aren't so flashy so I can't tell if I'm just getting too hot or hot flashing.  I already had trouble regulating body temp.  Sitting still, I'm freezing.  Moving around, I'm sweating so it's hard to tell.  And I have much less energy than I think I should.  Again, not sure why- tamox?  thyroid?  never recovered from chemo?  Hoping I can get some energy back soon.

Hope the fluid doesn't come back, MJB.

((((((((Middies)))))))))

BarbaraA

(((chrisct)))

elimar86861

chrisct, You sound about like the rest of us Early Stagers here, trying to get by and move forward.  I really hate the Bx (especially CNB.)  It left me so bruised up.  Glad all was B9 for yours.

mbj,  No wonder you didn't like the result...130cc of fluid would have made you all kinds of lopsided. Well, that was a fairly easy fix.  Now do a good job with the binding, 'cause the pump does not sound fun.

Sherryc

mjb glad it was something simple and hope it does not build back up.

Ok my BIL has the long beard like the pictures.  He is a motorcyle guy and very different from the rest of the family but he is the sweetest and since he is my only BIL he is my favorite. I remind him of that all the time.  He says the same about me I am his only SIL.

MinusTwo

After only one day at work, I'm behind again.  But eilmar, wanted to let you know that contrary to public opinion, I did have fake ID that (shocker) my mother helped me borrow so I could go out with the guy she wanted me to marry.  Nope - didn't happen.  And I belonged to a private club at age 19 - dry area with lockers for those of you who have lived someplace like that.  For some reason the club owner decided I would fit in & they served great steaks.  So I don't so much mind settling down now since I did sow some wild oats when I was younger.

Love the hair posts.  Great to come home after a rough work day to some laughs.

lynniea

Tomorrow the big day I see both OD and Surgeon the  same praying for good results.  I will let you all know.

cindyjane

Hi ladies!  It's been almost a year since I started on this trip called cancer.  I made it thru all the surgeries, all the chemo and radiation and took a 10 month leave of absence from work so I could get  thru it all.  Well I'm thru it all and life isn't back to normal.  I feel like I'm missing something in my life...I'm not the same person I was a year ago, when I look in the mirror I see a stranger....are all these feelings normal and does it get better?

YaYa5

lynnlea, good luck tomorrow.  i'll be thinking about you and sending good vibes.  please keep us posted.

mjb, i'm happy it was simple and hope and pray that it's over in terms of THAT problem. 

 cindy, i haven't even started chemo yet and i know i'm already different.  i can't explain it, but it's just true for me.  i'm fairly certain that life will get back to some kind of 'normal,' but i don't think we'll ever be the same again ... hopefully, in a good way.

jo1955

Lynniea - Good luck tomorrow - will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.  Let us know how it goes.

Sherryc

Lynniea good luck tomorrow, I hope you get the new you want.  Keep us posted

reesie

Hey "I"never had a fake ID. And my girlfriend didn't either. It was a real ID. Well it was my real ID not hers but it was real.



Welcome Cindyjane. I can't help you with getting back to "normal". I'm pretty new to this and won't finish trearment but I would say that you are different, you have to be. This is a lifechanging experience no matter what stage. It makes you face your mortality in a more real manner. I don't think any of us will ever be the same. It's impossible to get that carefree naivety back.



I do think it will get better for you though. But I bet you stop and smell the roses a lot more in the future.

reesie

Almost forgot - what have I gotten myself into? I have promised my DD that we will get tattoos together as soon as I'm allowed. I must be crazy, but she told me she wants this experience together - just her and me. I couldn't say no to that.

jo1955

ressie - I couldn't have said it better - this is a real life changing experience and one does tend to stop and smell the roses more these days.

Sherryc

Well the area of Texas that I live in back in the day no one carded you anyhow so you did not need a fake ID.  As they use to say if you could reach the bar and pay for your beer that was all that mattered. Things were so different back then.  Also my best friends aunt owned a liquor store and she would let us go in and pick what we wanted and we would leave the money on the table in the back room and then she would bring us our bottles to the car (in a brown paper bag).  Like that made it legal or something???  Sometimes I wonder how we survived, and I don't tell my kids any of these stories. Actually they are grown now so some of it is slipping out.

elimar86861

cindyjane, each person works thru' it in their own way, so I can't say there is a normal time period for us to feel like our old selves or feel good with our new selves.  Like my original post said, this age group tends to be sandwiched in with a lot going on.  B/C sort of forces you to take a pause in your life and you can't help but reflect and evaluate the point you are at.  Some of us look around for the first time and think, "How did I wind up here?" and it can be disorienting.   All I can say is this group of women is familiar with what you are feeling and you are not alone.  Btw, I am feeling much better in my second year out than in my first year.

Oooops, forgot to say, welcome!

BarbaraA

Cindy, I am a year and 3 months out and I am not my 'old' self but I am getting there or I am getting close to my new normal. Welcome.

{{LYNNIE}}

barbe1958

Even if we didn't have bc, the year would have made us different somehow. It's just that bc is such a BIG event that we notice it more than the little things. I became a grandma 3 times in the past year. That probably changed me more than bc, but because it's a good thing, I don't begrudge it.

Change is inevitable, growth is optional.

I used to love that quote and now I know why. It kind of matches something else I like, along the lines of "it's not what happens to you that matters, it's whether you get up and keep going that counts". That is a loose paraphrase as I've heard it many different ways.

We will be different a year from now anyway.

kal_1865

incredibly perfect barbe1958 and thank you all for succinctly putting into writing how I've been feeling.  I am different from interacting with all of you, the doctors, the staff, the caring strangers and of course the idots along the way too!  I'm not as angry as I used to be, don't get me wrong, I'm still driven and passionate but things don't seem to push my buttons like they used to.

Sherryc

Barb1958 I love that quote Change is inevitable, growth is optional.  I heard it several years ago and it has stuck with me.

walker2222

Cindy welcome, we will not be the same so you are not alone. It is just going take time dealing throug all the emotions. It can cause bouts of depression so take to you MO on how your feeling. Barbe love that quote it fit this whole journey in those few words. Gona put it on my computer.



{{lynniea}}



I have started to drink green tea with pomegranate lately and trying to exercise more it seems to help the bouts of melancholy that I feel. I have asked my PCP and doesn't think it will interfere with my meds.

cmbear

Lynnlea, good luck tomorrow, I will thinking of you!!

Cindy, Welcome to our little group!! I am a year out too and sometimes I think I am going thru the hardest time emotionally RIGHT NOW. The last year was just a whirl and numbing. Now I have to figure out how to move on, still not physically back to my old self, don't think my brain EVER will be the same--every day is another step towards healing. Its just not as quick as I hoped it would be. Coming here and reading that you are not alone and that other women are going thru the same issues--helps immensely. (((HUGS))) 

YaYa5

got my echo results yesterday ... all good!  my ejection faction was 60-65%.  the nurse told me that anything above 50% was good. i researched it and everything i read said the same thing. whew! now if that onco would just get back, i'll be a happy girl.  there's a small chance it will be back tomorrow, but probably not until monday.  ah, the agonies of waiting.  i just want to get on with it.

anyone else having problems with the family not being all that supportive?  my adult children, especially my daughter (who's pregnant), act as if there's nothing wrong with me and that i should just keep on the same way i was before dx.  i have friends and a wonderful, supportive sister who lives here, but my kids are beginning to hurt me.  anyone else?

Sherryc

yaya I have three boys and they are just your typical man and did not really want to hear much about my BC, except that I found them talking to their Dad about it more than talking to me about it.  Guess it is a man to man thing, or there was just something a little uncomfortable talking to me about my breast.  My DIL's on the other hand have been very good about calling and keeping up with things.  Even though my boys are uncomfortable talking to me about all it I have emailed them with all results and progress along the way and they will email back little comments.  I don't have any of my children living close around.  DH has been very supportive as well as other family that live close by and friends that helped me out when I needed it.  I hope your kids come around because you really do need your family now, but sometimes I think they just get scared and don't know how to deal with it all, so sometimes they just ignore like that is going to make it do away.

sheila888

YaYa...When I was DX my older one was 27 & the younger daughter was 24.

I really believe its not that they don't care they are so worried and dont want to talk about it.

I know from experience she picked me up from chemo and i told her that was a great emotional help.

Younger one being a social worker and just graduated took thinks better than her older sister.

i didn't talk about my BC except every 3 months when I had my blood work I updated them.

If you notice some people and friends they think if they don't talk about it that it will never happen to them.

Good Luck and (((HUGS)))

Sheila

jenn3

As usual, a little late on a subject, but feel the need to say something.  RE:  hair........My sister took me on a long weekend to Biltmore to get me out of the house and cheer me up (I was still in chemo).  We had a great first day.  The next morning I woke up looked in the very well lit mirror and magnifying mirror and to my horror found that I had a face full of white hair.  I flipped out grabbed her razor and shaved my entire face, except the two hairs I had around my eyebrows.

YaYa - great to hear that your scans are coming back with good news....

mjb - so glad to hear that your problem was easily remedied.

Barb - you always come up with good quotes, sayings or just something funny.

Cindyjane - BC changes us in so many ways, emotionally and for some physcially.  We all have to heal in our own time.  I felt "different" when I returned to work my first round with chemo in 09.  I can remember sitting at my desk feeling so out of place and awkward.  Not that anyone at the office did anything, it was me.  Months.............later I can remember thinking to myself that things were feeling "normal" again.  Some things in your life will slowly go back to the way they were, other things will probably be different.  To answer your question, yes - it does get better.

YaYa - my youngest DD has a terrible attitude when it comes to my cancer.  There are times I just want to scream at her "do you know my time is limited"?  She is 19, almost 20, in college away from home and is capable of taking care of herself.  However, while home for the summer she will come home looking for a cooked meal every night like it was before BC.  And....when the meal isn't there or I'm tired and don't have the energy to sit up late and talk with her, she can be really mean.  As mad as it makes me, I think she is that way because she is scared out of her mind.  She recently stayed with me on a short hospital stay and knew what I needed without me saying a word.  What I'm getting at is that I think sometimes our children no matter how old act out against our cancer in different ways and while it hurts us, we have to remember that they are in pain too.  Good luck with your children, I know it's painful and causes many tears, but they do love you or they wouldn't be acting out. (((hugs))) Jenn

reesie

YaYa5, I have not had that problem with my DH and kids, but I was hospitilized immediately after dx and bedridden for 5 months after - so I "showed" as sick. 

On top of looking and feeling "healthy" (I'm assuming you do?) you also have the problem of denial.  I think part of the problem with your kids is if they recognize this as serious, they have to face your mortality (wow, getting a lot of use out of this word lately). 

Especially your pregnant daughter.  My daughter wanted to know if she needed to get knocked up and married in the next couple of months because these are experiences she wants to go through with me.  She was only partially joking, I know, because I feel the same way.  

I told her in no uncertain terms NO.