MIDDLE-AGED WOMEN 40-60ish

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  • marlegal
    marlegal Member Posts: 2,264
    edited December 2010
    PMom, rest up and heal in good time hon.  Healing hugs :)
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  • jo1955
    jo1955 Member Posts: 8,543
    edited December 2010

    Hello Ladies -  Feeling kinda down tonight.  A good friend of mine was dx'd with BC in April.  Had a mx, no chemo, no rads, Tamox.  Had to stop Tamox and switched to Arimidex.  Was admitted to the hosp recently with a possible reaction to Arimidex was released yesterday and is feeling somewhat better. Onc is not sure but is going to find out if the meds is the problem.  She is one of my winter residents so I did not see her until recently.  Did email some during the summer.

    We were both talking and both of us admitted that we really, really haven't emotionally dealt with the reality of BC.  For me it has only been 4 months since dx and it seems all I have done is go to doctors and tx.  Trying to get through each day by putting all my effort into work (denial?). Who knows.  Anyway, we cried a bit.  We have done a lot of that.  Now that rads are done, next step for me is onc on Monday.  Have mixed emotions about this whole thing.  Still angry. 

    We are making plans to get together for coffee and talk and to support each other.

    Don't want to sound pitiful, just wanted to vent.  Thanks for listening. 

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  • susantm
    susantm Member Posts: 184
    edited August 2013

    I know what you mean, Jo. I'm not sure I've really dealt with it that much either. I've been busy trying to organize Christmas, work, keep the house up, not to mention be strong for my faraway sons and my husband, who suffers from general anxiety disorder. I think he would fall apart if I couldn't be strong for him. Sometimes I wish I had a weekend where I could go off by myself and let it all soak in. But maybe it's just as good to just keep on keeping on. So vent away! This is a place you can safely do so.

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  • sheila888
    sheila888 Member Posts: 25,634
    edited December 2010

    Jo...I called this period my empty time. you are finished with treatment, tests running to a DR daily basis.

    Now your brain feels relaxed and you start thinking and feeling low. I have been told these happened to a lot of women.

    It takes time to get used to it believe me I'm talking from experience.

    As much as I was happy finishing when the nurses made a celebration day for me with cupcake and a candle. It was a bitter sweet feeling

    Came home cried and I fell into some type a depression.

    When you feel this way come here more often.

    We care

    HUGS♥

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  • jo1955
    jo1955 Member Posts: 8,543
    edited December 2010

    susantm - Thanks.  I just can't seem to shake the numb feeling.  I am normally a laid back person (comes from being from So Cal) and can take things in stride.  But not this.  I continuously ask myself "Why Me?" and then I ask the other question "Why Not Me?"  Just don't like it.  Then there is the fear at the back of my mind. I don't let it control me by any means - but it is there.  I dread the first mammo and/or MRI.  Don't want to hear that I have to go through this again. Always hoping to hear that things are negative.  I am really trying hard to have a positive attitude, it will take some time.  You hear of some many women having recurrences, it just breaks my heart.  

    You have a good idea though.  A weekend away by ourselves to try and sort it out.  Be able to just let go - cry, scream and perhaps finally come to terms with it. 

    We so want to have everything done now to get the beast out of our bodies we don't take into consideration the emotional side of it.  Although I can talk to hubby about what happens at the appts, he is not one to open up on the emotional side of it.  Seems to work better for me if I have someone who has been through this and can truly understand.  

    These threads have been a godsend.  I probably would have been an emotional wreck if I had not found this website.  The love and support from all the ladies has meant so much. 

    Guess I am just in one of those moods.  Hope to get a good night's sleep and things will be better tomorrow. 

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  • Meece
    Meece Member Posts: 19,483
    edited December 2010

    In speaking with Pm today, I admitted that through tx I tended to not want to here the yucky stuff.  I think I went through those months with my fingers in my ears singing la la la.  I don't think I ever emotionally dealt with BC.  I had to much responsibility in my life to think about me.

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  • jo1955
    jo1955 Member Posts: 8,543
    edited December 2010

    Sheila - Celebrated after finishing rads.  Had a good time but like you said it feels like an empty time.  Realizing a part of me has been taken away and i will never get it back.  I want to hate my surgeon but I absolutely can not and will not.  He is one of my biggest supporters and had big shoulders for me to cry on and was generous with the hugs.  I still get calls from him to see how I am doing even though I don't have to go back and see him.  He is an amazing person.

    Thank you soooo much for all your support.  coy tesekkuler 

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  • Sherryc
    Sherryc Member Posts: 5,938
    edited December 2010

    Meece love the Santa and Reindeer thanks so much

    Jo-sorry you are having a down time right now.  If it helps to talk with your friend that I would spend what time you can with her.  Sometimes it does help to talk to someone else who has been through it. When I was in my waiting time after surgery I was able to visit with a good friend who went through this 4 years ago.  She was stage III and doing great now.  We cried together and it made me feel so much better.  Talking is good

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  • 3jaysmom
    3jaysmom Member Posts: 4,266
    edited December 2010

    ive just started to deal; or rather, to admit im NOT dealing very well with this, and its' now 11/2 yrs away from BMX.. got inot therapy with therapist at my cancer centre. he's great, and today was a particularly hard session w/ him, with all thats' gone on the past few weeks..i had a lot to deal with, with family issues BEFORE the BEAST came into town.. now, although im dancing with NED; there's some problems.. and, dealing with all the left overs from chemo. its tough going. don't be afraid to get emotional help when you need it, ladies. i don't even consider the cost right now. i am lucky to have the insurance, and when they come knocking on my door for the rest; well, i hope im over the worst of it emotionally.

       he made a good point to me today. PTSD; for sure, if we'd had tx..add to that , the AL's we're doing, be they natural, or RX.. they screw with us emotionally. i knew i failed all the RX drugs for AL therapy, but i had discounted that the natural ones are still manipulating my hormones'. AND, i can't take anti deprressants, so im in a bit of a "hole" myself. i think the holidays magnifies things; both good, or basd or is that and?? we just have to put one foot in front of the other, and try for everyday to do our best. ive really been hit hard emotionally, and don't expect to "whiz" thru any of this.. not expecting it, i tend to be more gentle with myself.. just thinking aloud right now. wishing you all well in your journey. being here, with you all; that i KNOW you've been there, helps me more than anything, and i thank you all for that..

       am so glad to hear the news about PM, Meece, thanks for the update..and the great pics!!      3jays

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  • elimar86861
    elimar86861 Member Posts: 7,416
    edited December 2010

    When you get right down to it, most women have a pretty good fighting spirit so when you are in active treatment you do feel like you are DOING SOMETHING about your B/C.  All the F/Us that come afterward are really kind of dreary, but neccessary I guess.  Seeing the doctors every three-four mos. makes me feel like I still have cancer, in a way.  I think when (I know I could say if, but I won't) I get back to just having yearly exams again, I feel like it will be an affirmation that I have fully returned to "health." 

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  • brazos58
    brazos58 Member Posts: 261
    edited February 2011

    Quick drive by Post...

    MarLegal....have not been on this thread since last friday and I missed your post about the get together. Thank you so much for putting that out there for me!  We will need to find me someone to ride shotgun as I am as directional as all Hell.

    I had my 1st six month check up s/p my BMX's on wed. There is a 7mm nodule on my chest wall.I found it Monday. My BS does not think it is anything, wants to watch it, maybee a fat necrosis ( i am not even sure what that is about.....)  But if i want, he will biopsy it.

    So I have totally revisited having a recurrance and had a freaking Night Terror one night of having to have Rads/ Chemo and more surgery ....surgery when I have nothing left. I am really tired. I don't know which end is up at the moment. I have not done much for Christmas.

    Sending you all Love, Light, Strength to Hold you UP.

    Hi to all Newbies

    (( Love to PMOM ))

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  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited December 2010

    I would go to a breast cancer retreat IF it was about crying, screaming, ranting and raving. NOT about pink ribbons and good cheer. Does that make sense? We get all the rah-rah shit from TV and radio and retail stores. What we need is to be able to stop smiling and let the bad crap out of our systems.

    Anyone want to come with me?

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  • OG56
    OG56 Member Posts: 897
    edited December 2010

    Ho Ho Ho, ladies Santa Claus came to my house yesterday and brought me a beautifully wrapped package that weighed in at 7 lbs and is 21" long and he is a doll!  Yes, now you can call me "Grandma".. DD had an easy time of it and they are both doing well. I will be going to see them next Thursday, I cannot wait to spoil him rotten and then give him back to his Mama!

    Hope everyone is doing well, I can't seem to keep up with our thread as I am on the road for work constantly and when I get back to my hotel room every night I fall into bed and sleep...

    Hugs,

    Linda 

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  • Meece
    Meece Member Posts: 19,483
    edited December 2010

    Linda, congratulations.  Now the G in your name can stand for Grandma!

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  • jo1955
    jo1955 Member Posts: 8,543
    edited December 2010
    barbe1958 - It does make sense and I agree with you - Sign me up.  I will go with you.  That is what I need about now.
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  • elimar86861
    elimar86861 Member Posts: 7,416
    edited August 2013

    OG56, Thanks for sharing your exciting news with us.  Congrats to all!   What can Santa bring on the 25th that could ever top that???   You are so correct in your new "job description."  Spoiling the kids IS the grandparents job.  (Embarrassing the kids is the parents job---hohoho!) 

    Barbe, You mention "retreat" when most people are in "charge" mode.  Charge it!  Hohoho again!

                                             ---------------------------------------------------------------

    I'm just full of laughter today because I had the dreaded Endometrial Biopsy procedure from my GYN doc, that is a part of my Tamox. monitoring.  My doctor did say that MANY doctors do not do the E. Biopsy routinely, only if a woman has some bleeding or uterine symptoms, but he does it yearly as a screening for women on Tamox.   He said in over 30 years, he has only had two women get endometrial cancer from taking Tamox.  I feel like I probably don't even need this test, but then, again, it WAS NOT EVEN BAD.  I had been dreading it for six months because I heard it makes a woman crampy, and even heard "hurts like hell."  I kept waiting for a big cramp, but then he seemed to be done, and I had to ask if that was the worst of it?  He said that was it...done.  I consider myself to be about average as far as pain threshold, but I've had period cramps that were 10 times worse.  The slight pressure?  If you've had a kicking baby in your uterus, then you've had movement and pressure 5 times as bad from that.  Seriously, although this was no ride on the merry-go-round, it really was not bad either.  The only thing that was a surprise was when the nurse gave me A PAD and said "you're bleeding now" because they disturbed my uterine lining.  I don't know if it's going to make me have a full blown period now or what?  I had just gotten used to NOT having one of those.  Oh, the memories.

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  • Eph3_12
    Eph3_12 Member Posts: 4,781
    edited December 2010

    Barbe-sign me up!

    I have the athletic fields for the local high school out my back gate.  I have on occasion walked out in the middle of the night and screamed my head off!  Feels good!

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  • Meece
    Meece Member Posts: 19,483
    edited December 2010

    Elimar,

    Not sure if it is "period" bleeding, or scratch/cut type bleeding.  I thought that if your body isn't having periods the endometrial lining doesn't develop to the point it could "slough off".  Am I wrong?

    I have had numerous bx of my cervix and I do have nerves/pain receptors there.

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  • cookiegal
    cookiegal Member Posts: 3,296
    edited December 2010

    Faith have fun in Utah...I loved it there!

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  • Meece
    Meece Member Posts: 19,483
    edited December 2010

    I thought the highways seemed in such good condition there, that it was pleasant to be on the road!

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  • elimar86861
    elimar86861 Member Posts: 7,416
    edited August 2013

    Barbe, if you ever give up the day job, consider "Barbe's B/C Bed & Breakfast"...eating, sleeping, crying, ranting and side trips to Toronto!

         

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  • jo1955
    jo1955 Member Posts: 8,543
    edited December 2010

    elimar - I want one of the first reservations.  We can all get together with multiple bottles of wine and just let it all out.  Never been to Toronto - that would be fun.

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  • 3jaysmom
    3jaysmom Member Posts: 4,266
    edited December 2010
    congratulations on new GS!!!3jays
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  • 3jaysmom
    3jaysmom Member Posts: 4,266
    edited December 2010
    congratulations on new GS!!!3jays
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  • jo1955
    jo1955 Member Posts: 8,543
    edited December 2010

    Weekend Comments and Graphics for MySpace, Tagged, Facebook

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  • Eph3_12
    Eph3_12 Member Posts: 4,781
    edited December 2010

    Elimar-I forgot how a green scarf makes the green in your eyes POP!  Love the picture of you in the new topper ;>)

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  • BarbaraA
    BarbaraA Member Posts: 7,378
    edited December 2010

    Barbe - sign me up for the rant and rave retreat. I am ready for that!!

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  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited December 2010

    Rant and Rave....LOVE it!!!!

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  • sheila888
    sheila888 Member Posts: 25,634
    edited December 2010

    I always had this desire to be on an open field of daisies and wild flowers.......

    The one exactly like the opening of Little House on The Prairie when the youngest one is running.

    Running, screaming crying, say anything i want to say.........

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  • sheila888
    sheila888 Member Posts: 25,634
    edited December 2010

    Congratulations OG/grandma.

    ♥

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