**NEW** Starting Chemo March 2009
Comments
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WLL: Prayers and positive thoughts are being sent your way. It is good that they are checking everything out....I am getting a cat scan on the 20th for peace of mind more than anything. It is not uncommon to get cysts on the ovaries so try and stay positive and not worry too much.(easy for me to say) but seriously think good thoughts and do something special for yourself this weekend. Be thankful that you are under good medical care. I hope you have minimal or no side effects from your 3rd tx. Rest and take good care.
Luv2sing:Welcome aboard the post treatment motivational train.(when we actually get it going) Looking forward to any input you might have. I agree that sometimes the information on BC is overwhelming and being cooped up is no fun. You said you read a lot. Michael J Fox has a new book out and I saw his documentary about it on TV last night. It is called Looking Up, The Eternal Optomist. Very inspirational and insightful. I am going to get the book tomorrow to help pass the time next week when I get another tx on Monday. I think you might enjoy this book as well. He's quite a guy. By the way...great Mother's day message. Thank you!
Moborn: beautiful Mother's day message. Thank you!
Diane: A different format other than the BC one might be good, but starting a new forum on here may help other gals see the light at the end of the tunnel and help them look forward to getting back on track. I am open to whatever format everyone is most comfortable with.Yahoo may be a good option. As far as not having done much since your kids arrived (me too and they're 22 and 25!!!) it still sounds like you have valuable knowledge of fitness as you were a runner etc. You will be a welcome wealth of insight.
5time winner:Take care of that foot..maybe you should get it looked at. Looking forward to your input on nutrition, exercise etc. I didn't know that you are a Hodgkin's survivor. My aunt had non-Hodgkin's lymphoma 23 years ago. She was told 7 years ago that she had 2-3 months left....get her affairs in order....and guess what....she is still here and doing amazing. She comes to visit me every 2 years (3000 miles away) and we went to Cuba with her 2 years ago. She has been an amazing inspiration to me. I don't know why doctors say such things and take hope away from people. There are so many stories of people being given a time frame and they thrive beyond anyone's expectations (except maybe their own). I mentioned Michael J Fox's new book to Luv2sing.(see above) I would recommend this book to everyone. I saw it on TV last night and a light went on.I don't mean to sound all Pollyanna but it really opened my eyes. One thing he said was that Parkinson's is something he doesn't have control over but he does have control over how he chooses to live everyday...he chooses joy and optimism in everything. It made me feel more rejuvenated and optimistic about this whole BC than I ever have before. Maybe that's why I want to see us all start a post treatment plan so we can all move on with our lives and be the best and most healthy we've ever been.
Kim40. Great to hear that you will join us on the post treatment train too! Power in numbers...we can do it!
Bwlby: You're in my thoughts. Hope everything is ok.
Gina: hope you are having a better week.
Hugs and good night to everyone
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My foot is getting better (as in far less pain and no swelling), so who knows what it might be. If it is neuropathy, it's common for the symptoms to subside between chemo Txs. I swear, this chemo might just make me a bit paranoid before it's over, because now every little thing becomes a side effect to me (which might actually be true, lol)!
Pickle, that's great about your aunt! At the time of my Dx, if someone survived HD for five years after Tx, they were considered "in remission." Not sure how it works now. So, I've been in remission for 20 years.
Funny thing is, the docs back then wanted to do both radiation and chemo on me, but my mother refused chemo because of the issue of possible sterility (I was only 14). The hospital even wanted to take her to court over it, but thought it might make things more difficult for me, so opted not to. Turns out, having only radiation, I've been in remission all this time anwway. And now I have 2 beautiful kids
Again, my belief that things happen as they do for a reason...This BC-related chemo seemed like a no-brainer to me...I had MANY involved nodes, which use to freak me out and keep me up at night in the beginning. Now, I just try to see that as the nodes doing the job they were intended to do.
Sorry, now I'm rambling, lol....!!
Cheers,
Nadine
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WLL - Sending good thoughts your way - hope everything will be o.k.
BWLBY - You're in my thoughts also.
Ladies, as for the "Motivationial Train" , you may want to check out www.runningroom.com . I don't know if The Running Room exists in your areas but I have just joined for the "Survivor 2009" run. This is a free program offered by the Running Room in your local area and is for BC survivors. It is a 10 week program that helps you get into shape and train for the Run for the Cure. Run for the Cure here is in October and this program starts here the last week of July - twice a week for 10 weeks. Worth a shot! Check it out!
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Sorry if it sounds like I'm rambling - chemo brain is starting to sink in today!!
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Hi everyone..just an update. I have been reading all the latest postings and our chemo groups are moving toward the finish line!! I have been busy sinch March with extra work and taxes. I just completed by 4th/final AC treatment on 5/05...min SE. Can still enjoy warking a few mils/day, enjoying the spring weather here in Ca..lost a few pounds and most of my hair, but.........I understands that the taxotere is more taxing (pun intented)? I was looking for anyone already started on dd taxotere x 4. My first tx will be on 5/19. I guess I will just take each day as it comes and enjoy the nice weather. Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there........Vb
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VBK1944
I am on a Taxotere/Cytoxan regimen. There is also a thread in the discussion boards (see the index) for those on Taxotere. Lots of info there, or just ask here...a number of us gals are on it.
Cheers,
Nadine
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I've been on Taxotere along with the AC - just had the 4th of 6th. I am really tired of all of this- wish I was done after 4. wish I could say I wasn't jealous of those of you who are done. Having a hard time being positive today. day 5 after treatment.
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Hey Dayla, day 5 for me has always been about the *worst* day, so hang in there and remember that however crappy you feel today, it's temporary.
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Hi,
Exciting day for me today. I went to a specialty store and bought a Mastectomy bra to hold my prothesis as well as a bathing suit. I was embarassed at first to ask for a Mastectomy bra and suit. I think I felt a little better when the women said is it for you. I guess even with my wig I don't look that bad...
So I don't forget Happy Mother's day to all.
Dawn..Thks for your nice thoguhts to me.
Pickle-- As always your comments are so cheerful. I will look into the Nioxin when I am looking for hair. LOL.
Buddy..You are the true inspiration on this board. Always with that great sense of humor.
Raymon...Hope all goes well with your tests ..
Moborn..Loved your poem as well as your angel..
WLL- Hope all comes out well.
5TimeWinner - You always have such a great attitude also..
Alyad- Hope you get your spirits up soon.
My thoughts on the Motivation Group. I would just like to continue our group as it is here. I see no need to go to another forum. Why can't we just be a group of caring friends who can share things with each otherand show true care. That we have definitley demonstrated to all of us on this board. Yes we can share expertise when needed with others but what can be better than a group of women out there being there for us.
Hugs to All,
Stay strong and try to be upbeat!
Francine
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Dayla: Sorry you are feeling a little down today.I think that we have all had those days. Day 4 and 5 have been my toughest and most emotional days but it does get better after that.Go easy on yourself. You are getting so close to the finish line and being done all of this. 4/6 is soooo close. Hang in there
Hugs
Beth P
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Dayla....ditto on day 4 and 5. Those have really been bad for me, too......one minute I feel great, the next, there I am crashed on my bed relaxing...if you can call it relaxing. My last TX is Wed and I am going to TRY (don't know if my plan will work) and make the moment I go out that door my last thought of chemo......I know I am going to feel like a lug here and there but I told my husband to just keep pushing me! I am so ready to resume a "normal" life.......even though I have to do Tamoxifen but I am not too worried about what that may bring......yet
.As far as the thread.......I just find it hard to re read posts from months ago when I am looking for something someone said and trying not to repeat the same question over and over. Just a thought. Will plan on following where ever we end up. You all are my support group and I love you all!
hugs,
Diane
Happy Mother's Day to all!!!!
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Oh, one more thing.....I got a really nice compliment on one of my scarves from one of the mom's in my daughter's preschool class last night......I went to the Mother's Day Tea yesterday and NO ONE knew I was going through chemo or BC....I hadn't seen any of them to tell them. The woman who emailed me was so supportive...but more importantly thought the head wrap rocked!
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thanks for the support everyone, it has been a rough day. day 4-6 is always my worst. A friend of the family had chemo 20 years ago and quit part way through.I can see why. I am not going to do that, I'm just tired of it. She's fine BTW.
I have a trip I am going on later this week- driving from MO to VA for a big hiker festival and then going to a diff smaller hiker gathering of people I met on my 2001 Appalachian Trail hike. I am worried I won't be able to enjoy the trip. For me the treatments are getting harder, I didn't really fully appreciate that. My DH is really supportive, I don't know what I'd do without him. He's folding my laundry!
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Hi ladies, bit tired to do too much reading back but I hope everyone is feeling well. End of the weekend here in Sydney. Spent a lovely Mother's Day with the family. Yummy Italian food cooked by my niece and my (non-cancer) sister.
Yesterday was day 5 after my first Taxotere chemo. I slept from 11pm and barely raised my head until 12 noon the next day. Managed to get dressed for a visit from my Mum by about 3pm. Then I had a major tantrum about being left alone most of the time. My poor mum! she hs so much on her plate. Truly more exhausted than I have ever been.
Weirdest side effect so far has been the pain in my fingernails. It feels like little elves have been hammering on them all night. My fingertips feel bruised. My sister helped me paint them a dark blood red today. The nurses suggested this as a way to overcome the nail problems with sunlight. We'll see! Hurts even to type....now for the whining.
Being alone a lot this has been probably the hardest thing for me so far. I had trouble opening some yoghurt this morning because it hurt my hands so much. My best friend was supposed to come for breakfast but had a pet emergency (kitty is ok now) so canceled on me last minute. Who knew this would be the thing to bring me down. It's like the final blow to my independence. I was teary all the way to lunch but managed to pull it together for the family. I know I don't have it as bad as a lot of people but trying to do this as a single person really, truly sucks. It occurs to me that I spend a lot of time trying to make other people feel better about my situation and keep the really hard bits to myself.
Anyway, thats all for now. Hopefully will get some perspective after another night's sleep.
R xo
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Ricki/RachelI know what you mean about keeping the hard bits to yourself. I do that too - keep up appearences in front of people and then sneak away to cry afterwards. It is funny too the things that are the straw breaking the camel's back. This week for me it was a girl at choir practice who was snotty to me. Usually I would not even notice, but on Thursday I had to leave the room and cry in the toilets. Ridiculous, but I just could not help it. You are right that it is really hard to do this when you don;t have someone there with you to help, and when you are a strong independent woman it is horrible giving up that independence and having to rely on others. But we'll get it back again! I hope you get some good sleep tonight. Have you thought about taking any naturopathic supplements for your finger nail pain? I am taking something which is meant to help with that. L-glutamine is meant to help a lot.
Dayla hope you are feeling better.
Nadine thank you for that wonderful way of thinking about the nodes. You're right, they were doing their job. I hope your foot has continued to improve.
Gina thank you for your comment on my blog. How funny that we have the same wig! Hope CMF is not treating you too badly.
I have AC number 3 on Tuesday. I think Pickle and maidmarion are also on Monday or Tuesday. Have negotiated with my onco to let me have Emend again, though in a smaller dose. He agreed, as he said he had no real idea what caused me to faint the first time around, and blaming the Emend is only his best guess! I'm staying overnight again - I am so spoilt.
Love to all - may the weekend have been SE-free!
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Ricki, so sorry you are struggling. I feel the pressure to keep up a positive attitude for others too- the facade has wore thin- I can't pretend I'm having fun anymore- if someone askes how I'm doing, I don't want to say oh just fine, cause I'm not just fine. This is kicking my ass and I don't want to do it anymore. I am frustrated with myself not being able to do anything besides lay here- just out of juice to do anything like remember to take vitamins, get minor tasks done- inertia has taken over and it all gets put off. Little things set me off too. I tried to go for a walk yesterday and made it a few hundred yards and then the thought of continuning was just too overwhelming and I had a breakdown and had to go home. I can't even go for a damn walk!
But yesterday was rough and its over- I think I feel better today somewhat- going to go out to lunch to with my MIL later. all we can do is take one day at a time and try to make it through all this.
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Well gals.....you can add me to the "hot flashes" club. I just joined this weekend......AND what a drag. What can I expect from this???? It is hot here and the flashes come day and night. OMG.....why?
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Just caught up on everyone's posts... been away at a college graduation. Lemme tell ya... those things take FOREVER!
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I'm a member of the hot flash club too- i can't keep a constant tempature- I'm hot and sweaty- then I flash off and get chilled. no happy medium. Does anyone else's head sweat a lot? I want to go bald- but I get sweaty and the cold evaporation chill hits- almost makes my head hurt- I put on a hat for warmth- then my head gets hot and sweaty and I rip the hat off, repeat cycle.
dress in layers, I have a couple different bed covers- I have both avaialable, I might need to switch mid way through the night. This time of year Dh's and I thermostats are so different we use separate covers luckily.
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I'm also a member of the hot flash club. Alyad- I shaved my head and I am experiencing exactly what you described. I used to be cold all the time now I don't know what I am. When I do get the hot flashes I feel like an evil wicked witch. I'm so crabby because I can't get right.
Ricki - Being single is tough. I think some people just don't understand how hard it is when you have to try to do everything your self. I'm pretty independent so, it was even hard for me to ask for help but, I realized I couldn't do this alone and started to tell my friends and family exactly what I need from them. Once I did that things got much better. I guess I expected them to know what I needed.
Happy Mother's Day to all the great mothers here!!!
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This is the week I am going to have to make my decision of when to quit my chemo. The hands and feet are getting worse with every treatment. I am going to do #8 of 12 this week, but when I see onc next week I think I am going to stop. My second opinion onc saw no problem with stoping the taxol and just going on with the herceptin every 3 weeks. Herceptin and femara are going to give me the greatest benefits. I will be doing rads sometime here but have not seen the rad onc yet. We are doing a family vacation on lake michigan in July. If we can get them done before then great, otherwise we wait and start when we get back. I still have not lost my hair and since I am probably doing only one more round, I may keep it. It has thinned some. Lots in the sink when I shampoo. I thought I might make it thru with no neulasta shot, but it is on the agenda for me the day after chemo this week. Counts dropped last week and as tired as I feel today I know they have to be low. They told me they want me to keep on schedule so they will give the chemo and shot the next day to get me built back up. I would sure like to have more energy. Walking across the room takes about all the energy I have right now. Hope everyone had a good mothers day. Annette
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Hi ladies,
So sad to see many of you struggling with the SE's of your chemos. This stuff definitely sucks. Just try to look down the road a few months and imagine being thru with all this cancer stuff.
Ricki-Yes I can imagine how hard it must be dealing with this and being single. Stay strong we are here to listen/
Alyad- I do hope you get some strengh back so you can enjoy your hiking..
Nana-Sorry you are having such a rough time . Much luck in making your decision.
Hope all enjoyed your Mother's day...
Hugs,
Francine
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Ricki! Sorry you are having such a rough time! It has to be hard to be alone!
Sorry so many are having such bad SE. Do the oncs give you decadron and benedryl and tagament? I am on TAC, and my SE are minimal, but they give me so much premed, it takes forever for my TX. I feel it is worth it, I've gained some weight, but hopefully it will come off after chemo, and during rads. Happy Mother's Day! Dawn
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Good Morning,
I havent' posted in a few days, but thought I'd give an update...
Had first Taxol on Tuesday. Neulasta Wed. Took Claritan before shot and 2 days after. Had some achiness on Wed. and Thurs. More hit Thurs evening and all day Friday. Took Motirn during the day and Thur/Fri night took a Percocet. This is so much easier than the AC. I have no naussea and can take a pain pill to ward off the bone/muscle pains. Hands and feet continue to feel like they've been burnt. I just use a lot of cream on them to keep them from drying out.
For those of you looking to begin Taxol...it is a break from AC!!
Hope everyone had a great Mother's Day!!!
Hugs to alll...
Chris
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Morning all!
I haven't posted in awhile, but have continued to read nearly daily. I can't believe how many are finishing up!
Add me to the motivation list, I will need it once all of this is done!
Dayla - I can totally relate to where you are mentally right now. I also have 4 of 6 TAC out of the way, and felt REALLY REALLY sorry for myself after #4. It took much longer to recover from it than it had from the 1st three, and seeing everyone else finishing up that just had 4 treatments really made me have a big ole pity party for one. I pouted, I contemplated quitting treatment, and I just couldn't see how I can go on. Luckily, about 11-12 days after treatment, the cloud lifted. Now I am ready for #5 this Thursday, and I will chant to myself the whole time "only one more to go, only one more to go". You will feel better soon, I promise!
I also have hot flashes from hell, and it makes my head super sweaty. I do the layers thing, and have a sheet and light blanket on the bed, with a down throw nearby in case I get chilled. I spend all night throwning covers off and on. You do get more used to it as time passes. They don't get better, you just find yourself adjusting. However, I can no longer wear a wig, as it seems to make the hot flashes constant in the 95+ degree weather we are having.
Ricki - I hope you are doing better! I also live alone, and it can be frustrating sometimes to not be able to do things yourself. I am terrible about asking for help, so I have been just forcing myself to get things done. Do ask for help if needed though, this is a time where I know there are so many people who would be willing to help, and we are all here to listen anytime!
Hope everyone is feeling good today, and had a great mother's day!
Janine
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Hi All,
I hope you all had a happy Mother's Day...
Ricki - I'm single too and know just how you feel. In the beginning I was trying to be very positive but chemo has been much harder than I expected. And I found myself in that vicious cycle of not asking for help because I'd become too independent. Interestingly, one day when I was in a store looking for a new wig, there was another woman there going through her second bout of chemo treatment for a second diagnosis. My heart went out to her because I honestly don't know how I will deal with this if it happens again. Anyway, I was just about to get my second treatment and she talked about the first time, how you try to into it as positive as you can, buying cute wigs, having fun with it and then you actually deal with it and reality sets in and you realize you just have to get through it however you can. What she was saying was exactly what had been going through my mind for the last couple of days. I was comforted that I wasn't alone with those feelings. As with all of you, I feel like I have to be so strong and not let this affect me. But it's been so difficult at times and I'm thankful that I've got some family in Maryland (I'm originally from PA) who have been absolutely wonderful in helping me with whatver I need.
I've just finished my third treatment of TAC, with three to go. And getting to that hump was kind of nice, but I know I won't be happy at all until it's finally OVER!!!!!
My best wishes to you all!!! Hang in there!!!! It's all we can do, but aren't we getting good at it???
Beth
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We are all getting very good at it - Stay positive ladies - the light is at the end of the tunnel.
I had my first dose of Taxotere last Wednesday and I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop. Other than a shooting pain going down my leg every now and then and feeling a little on the tired side, the SE's have been very minimal. The only SE that is really getting on my nerves is that I have to go to the bathroom a lot - and my butt is sore!!!
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Hey everyone....mornin' Haven't been on in awhile... hoping everyone is feeling decent today...
Kim... I had my 3rd AC cancelled for this week...problems with the port. Two more AC then start on the Taxotere... so glad to hear someone is doing well on it. Gives me hope...
Hoping there's minimal SE's this week for all of you brave ladies :-)
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I'm single, too - separated from my husband for a good two years now. It's not that I need physical help with things so much as I have no direct ongoing core emotional support. I have friends and family that are all wonderful, but there's nothing like the unconditional support of a significant other to just say "don't worry - everything will be okay" or to sit quietly and hold your hand. Of cource, that missing piece also transcends cancer treatment and extends into my life in general, but that's a topic for another forum, lol.
I have always been very independent and I hate to ask for help, appear incapable of taking care of myself, show signs of weakness, etc. I can take care of myself, and I do. My mom made a wise observation though - she said "you either have a really great attitude, or you're a terrific actress" and I told her it was honestly some of both. I do believe that you can change how you feel by sheer will, so I make myself happy by simply choosing to feel that way, and I focus on the positive, and all that jazz, but yeah, it doesn't always work, and when it doesn't, I just pretend that it does.
Physically, I think we're all just getting weary, as is to be expected. It sucks that I'm through 4 AC treatments, but I still have 75% of my treatments left to go (12 Taxol). Then again, I've been able to more or less keep up with life, and it could still be so much worse than this. Today I woke up and just could not go to work, so I didn't. This is only the 2nd day I've done that since all this started, and I'm working at home. I decided I had nothing to prove to them, and I should cash in the pity card for a day at home while I have the opportunity.
I'm rambling. My point is that we all need to hang in there, get rest when we can, lean on our friends and family and each other when we feel like we need to, and keep remembering that this is all temporary.
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Morning all...It's been a while since I posted anything but I have tried to keep up with reading posts most days, I have been working quite a bit these last two weeks while I can in the good period, even though I have felt a little more fatigued this time round. As for the head wear, well I have resorted to wearing buffs all the time, at first because of scalp issues, I mentioned before I have Psoriasis and boy does the chemo make it angry, takes about 8 days with treatment to settle it down, and now its just too hot here to wear a wig. At home I don't wear anything except to sleep in, my partner has to have a fan going all night and like so many of you I have the hot flushes and when it gets sweaty the fan makes my head freeze!
Ricki Sorry you are having a hard time, I can only imagine how difficult this is living alone, if ever there was a time though to let people help if willing, this is it. Doesn't mean independence is lost just makes this journey a little easier, and I think others actually feel better if they can do something to help. I have even had offers of help from clients at work, as they know my immediate family are back in the UK, one client has insisted she makes me chicken soup after my next treatment, even though I explained I have support here, I didn't refuse for two reasons because I felt this would make her happy to be able to help in some way, and it will. Hang in there....this too shall pass.... we are always here for you!
Sakura......Yep Tuesday is Tx 3 of 4 started my steroid trip this morning! I hope the Emend works out for you this time round, it certainly has been the best for me so far. Hope all goes well for Se's after...I will probably be craving my mash and Gravy again . I know you had said you love gravy. Do you think it's a Pome thing we took over to you all?
My partner & family here don't go a bundle on it.Good luck to all those having Tx's this week here's hoping for minimum Se's...the finishing line is getting closer!!
Sending healing thoughts as always!
Julie
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