Amazonian Women ~ the One Breasted

KAK

Listen, you girls have to tell me if this upsets any of you & I'll take it away.  But I'm an artist (when I'm not at my day job) & I have a pretty candid, irreverent blog call "The Accidental Amazon," which should give you some idea of my sense of humor.

Anyway, I've been working on a series of art pictures about my experience, and this is the first one finished.  It's called "Diagram."  Yes, that's me in the photo.  If I can't change what happened, at least I can laugh at it.  Yes, you can actually laugh at breast cancer, believe it or not.  Especially being lopsided......sexy, huh??

crazy4carrots

Kathi, I love it!

Looks like you're wearing a contact prosthesis.  What make, and is it comfy?

(Pretty bra too!)

Linda

SoCalLisa

Kathy...where did you get that photo of me???

KAK

Lisa, LOL.

Linda, the prosthesis is an Amoena and I don't think it's meant to be a contact prosthesis, but as I've previously complained, if I put it in a pocket bra, it slides down into a lump in the pocket.  It works much better if I just stick it next to my skin, and the little that's left of my R breast, in my old pre-BC bras.  I just rinse it off and pat it dry after use.

And they had the nerve to call my surgery a lumpectomy!!  Slab-ectomy is more like it...partial amputation, maybe.  It was no lump that was removed.   Hate those darn euphemisms!

nelia48

I'm really glad I found this thread, and I just spent the last hour reading through all of your posts!!!!   Just great.  I had a left mastectomy in January, and just finished up radiation April 15th.  I burned badly, so spent a few weeks healing up.  It's strange, but during treatments, etc., I was fine with only one boob, and went everywhere like that.  But for some reason, now that it's just about healed up, I'm feeling very strange and out of place and very noticeable.  I'm wishing, too, that I had the double mastectomy instead.  At least I would feel even.  I guess I'm going to have to go soon and get one of those rubber thingies!!!!  I haven't had a bra on since last August when my boob burst open  and the tumor came through the skin.  I actually tried on my bra a few days ago, and I found out that I will definitely need a smaller size.  Guess that's a good thing, huh?

lynnmarie

Hello, I'm a soon to be Amazonian, at least I think I am--I'm having chemo first and then surgery sometime in the summer. My surgeon and oncologosist both nearly fell out of their chairs when I said I wasn't planning on reconstruction--they both said it was important to recovery that I feel "whole". I'm 57, a widow and a mother--I always felt that breast feeding was the coolest thing I'd ever experienced, so I think I can feel whole no matter how many breasts I have. The thing that worries me is that a lot of you wonderful women have said how hard it is to look in a mirror even years later--does everyone feel that way? Also, though I don't have much of a social life, dating still happens every now and then, and I'm wondering, if it's hard to look in a mirror, do men or women who didn't know you previously feel the same revulsion? Any Amazonians out there who can talk about the reactions of people new in their lives to their amazonian looks?

Erica3681

Hi lynnmarie,

I am always disappointed when I hear about doctors reacting that way to a woman's wish not to reconstruct. We should really educate them. Some women do seem to find that reconstruction makes them feel "whole" again. But I feel whole despite my bilateral mastectomy and I don't want reconstruction. The way I think of it is that I choose to wear external prostheses, while those with reconstruction wear internal ones. Some of the women you'll meet here are so comfortable with themselves and so self-confident that they go without prostheses altogether (harder when you've only had one breast removed).

I've also read posts on breastcancer.org from many women who have had reconstruction and still don't feel comfortable showing their chests to their husbands. I've never had a problem baring my chest in front of my DH, even though mine is flat as a board. I think we all bring different personal qualities and experiences to the decision about reconstruction. It's important to figure out what's important to you and not be overly influenced by what doctors or even friends and family assume about your psychological needs. I would have been distraught had I tried reconstruction and had complications or a less-than-perfect result. I prefer being able to create the illusion of breasts with two perfectly-matched breast forms (prostheses).

You might enjoy reading Reggie's Story on my non-profit website, BreastFree.org. Reggie was my mother-in-law (she passed away last fall at age 82, not from breast cancer). My father-in-law died when she was in her sixties (long after she'd had both breasts removed with no recon) and she met and married a wonderful, handsome guy who couldn't have cared less about her lack of breasts. So, there are definitely men out there who are looking at the entire woman, not just her breasts (or lack of them). You can read more about Reggie in my BreastFree Blog. Just scroll down to the post titled "Like Mother(-in-Law), Like Daughter(-in-Law).

I created BreastFree.org to offer women a way to think positively about not reconstructing. A number of doctors across the country now refer their patients to my website at the same time as they give them a referral to a plastic surgeon. I think that's a more balanced approach, which honors a woman's right to make an informed choice.

By the way, I was exactly your age when I had my bilateral mastectomy almost three years ago. I don't find it hard to look in the mirror at all. I looked the very first day and haven't had any problem. Again, we're all different. Some women with reconstruction don't like to look at themselves and that's probably true of some who choose non-reconstruction.

Barbara 

mumito

I also have one breast left but have no problem with mirrors or dressing and heading out without a prostesis.  I plan to remove the other one this summer and am not going to bother with reconstruction. Sometimes I think my new apearance bothers other family members more than me.

rumoret

Just had my annual gyno appointment with my FEMALE gyno and she asked me why I never chose to reconstruct. I told her that even though I loved my breasts.......I did not care to reconstruct.....was not something I wanted. I even told her I may even have the other one taken off later on. I told her I wanted my body to recover and not to hurt it so much. Funny thing....I was talking in my head out in the waiting room wondering if she would ask me this very question.....and she DID! This is my 3rd visit to her office since my mastectomy.....and 2nd time she gave me my ob exam.Even though she asked me the question.........she said I seemed very confident in my decision....and then she said that she felt like I did and would probably do the same thing if she was in my position. Anyway.....I think we each make our own decisions...........hopefully............and should we change our mind in the future.........so be it.

Hugs,

Terry

hbcheryl

I too am happy with myself, I don't even own a prostesis can't be bothered, will probably get one one day but for now take me or leave me.....  Mumayan is right it tends to bother others more than me.

Cheryl

havehope

My onc is not a fan of reconstruction and my surgeon just asked me if I want one since he needs to know what to do. He was ok with my choice. I told him I might do it later ( I am  44) and even now I don't want it, I don't know I will feel in 5 years. You can always change your mind.

I do cry from time to time because I feel ugly, but then I remember I am alive and go on. My scar is very long ( 14 in) and in places wide ( 1/2 in) due to the position of the tumor. Surgery was Oct 31,2008.

Btw, in September I will have the other breast removed (prophylactic) without reconstruction.

darsura

I am 6 months out from my right mastectomy.  I remember feeling panic mostly (after the decision of how to tell my children of my diagnosis) because of the decisions that had to be made whether or not to reconstruct, and how to reconstruct.  I knew nothing about the process, and neither did anyone I knew.  Yet, overwhelmingly, the opinion out there (outside of my immediate family who encouraged me to do what I felt was best) was to reconstruct.  The more I learned, the less I wanted to reconstruct, at least at this point in my life.  It was hard, explaining to others why I did not want to reconstruct.  But once I had made the decision, I felt so much better.  I know there are very happy people out there who have had reconstruction.  I have a dear friend who is quite happy with hers, and has told me not to rule it out for myself at some point.  However, I am okay with myself right now.  I have healed, and feel great. I wear a prosthesis, and look fine in clothes.  I have always been so small breasted, that I can go without a bra and the prosthesis, and I do not think anyone would take much notice.  So the prosthesis part is not bad.  Really I do not think I will ever reconstruct.  That being said, I have to say I do not like looking at the scar, and miss having my breast; however, I hope to get more comfortable with my new self over time, and it helps that my husband has never had a problem with my scar or unilateral look.   

61linda

I am 10 weeks out from a double mastectomy with no reconstruction and no prosthesis. My docs all encourage me to get the prostheses and my insurance covers them but it feels like such a lot of effort and bother. I just go flat and in all this time only one woman noticed! It's nice to know I can change my mind, though. I looked at my incisions the first day and took before and after pictures to document how I am healing.

Most of my friends are really curious and wanted to see, too. It seems to help them visualize their own bodies as they process their own "what if"and helps me as I go through my own process of accepting my changed body. I rejected reconstruction after seeing the plastic surgeon and finding out anything he could do involved multiple surgeries over about two years. The basic principle for me is that I am more than the sum of my body parts. It's wonderful to find other women who understand that in such a fundamental way.

I found this site pre-op and it helped me make the decision that turned out to be better than I had expected. Two more LCIS were found in addition to the ILC originally diagnosed, one of which was in the other breast. My family seems good with this, viewing it as the life saver it is. My daughter can't look at my scars, though. My current focus is finding clothes I like since most of the old stuff looks odd going from 38D to flat. I really don't feel ugly -- just different.

Love the artwork, KAK.

nagem

Nearly two years after my bilateral, it sometimes seems outright bizarre to think of having two sacks of fat on my chest. How did I ever manage them? Looking at my before-and-after pix a few months ago, my daughter said, Mom, you looked weird with breasts! I obviously found it very easy to get used to being breastless—and my family was totally copacetic about it. That said, there are rare occasions when I suddenly feel a little wistful. Not about having breasts, per se, but about being "normal." I don't know whether reconstruction would eliminate that very occasional wistfulness, and even if it did, it would be a very big solution for a very little problem. And then how would I manage those sacks of fat?

greenfrog

It is a year since I became a monoboob. I don't miss it at all - but I dislike being lopsided and wish I had asked them to remove the other one at the same time. Reconstruction is not on the cards for me - eventhough it is free for us here in the UK. Maybe I will think differently in a few years. I am just sick of pain and hospitals.

I have a prosthesis which I am so accustomed to that I don't even think about it. I think that this is me now - this is my body. I am missing something which served no purpose whatsoever. It doesn't stop me from walking, thinking, speaking. My ovary removal had far greater impact on me than losing my boob but curiously the focus is always on the breast. This breast obsession in western culture makes me quite militant about not getting reconstruction done!

Nagem I really liked your comment that reconstructive surgery would be a big solution for a little problem. Kathi - a superb picture.

darsura

Nagem:  You said it just right...I feel wistful at times....I feel like I can hardly believe what has taken place in the last few months...and then, what you said about reconstructive surgery, being a big solution for a little problem.....true for me as well. 

lynnmarie

Everyone,

 Thank you so much for all the perspectives, insight and wisdom. I can't thank you enough. I feel so much more comfortable about making this decision because everything you said rang true to my own instincts and comfort level.  it's a great weight to have lifted from my list of worries during this strange and heartbreaking and profoundly emotional time (as opposed to the much littler weight that the surgeon will remove.) Bless you all.  I will be proud to join the ranks of such remarkable women.

KAK

Hello, Amazons.  I've made some more art about us.  My blog has also been nominated for an award as "most provocative."  You can visit & vote at the link once a day evidently (www.accidentalamazon.com).  Here's one of them.  Thanks for the compliments on the last picture.

 

nagem

Good lord! My supervisor walked in just as this file was opening on my desktop. 

KAK

LOL!!!!

mikkara

I LOVE your sense of humor!!  I am 3 yrs out having had invasive ductal/lobular cancer with left side mastectomy.  I dislike being lopsided and wish that I had had both breasts removed.  I use an Amoena prosthesis with a cool pad inside, and only wear it when I have to go out or go to work.  The minute I come home, it's off.  In fact, most times I walk in the door, reach in and throw it up against the wall......and now my 2-yr old grandaughter reaches in my shirt and says,
"Nana booby gone".  Anyway, I've gone through the array of mastectomy bras.......don't like those either, so now am happy with Playtex breathable fabric no wire bra and just insert the prosthesis so it is against my skin.    I think the funniest thing about all of this is, when I look in the mirror and put my arms out to the side, it looks like there's a booby under my armpit!!!  I joked with my surgeon and asked why he left the third boob, and stupid me, was told that that actually was back fat!!!!  Yuck.  Need a sense of humor about all this, as cancer just ain't funny.

Susan  P.S.  How do you post a pic here?

CancerSchmancer

Hi all.  I just found this thread and I'm so glad I did!  I too am sporting a 'uniboob', and I keep going back and forth on the whole reconstruction thing.  As nice as it would be to have a matching set again, the surgery is a little bit scary to me, 

Unique, thanks for posting the 'beauty out of damage' link.  She is quite inspirational!  I love her tatoo :-) ...  Hmmm... I wonder if getting a tatoo could worsen lymphodema.

 KAK, I just visited your blog.  Fantastic pictures! Thank you for sharing.  All of you ladies are inspirational.  Just reading through this thread I feel so much more at ease about the whole 'to reconstruct or not to reconstruct' dilema.  It might seem strange, but knowing that there are so many other ladies out there who are perfectly happy with their decision not to reconstruct helps me to feel a little bit better about embracing my new shape just the way it is.

Have a fabulous weekend, ladies!

KAK

Thanks, CS!!  I love that you are using the name Fran Drescher uses for her website about ovarian cancer.  I LOVE her.

Hugs to all.

marmsie

Day 23 in the land of Amazonia (Amazonian?). I have much acclimating to do.  The reconstruction option just never really made it onto the table as I just can't see subjecting my already battered body to what that entails (this is me second breast cancer on this side, so lumpectomy first time, mastectomy this time). To also borrow from the previous quote, recon does strike me as a big solution to a little problem! And it is on the little side in my case...

That said, I'm getting a little tired of the over sized button shirt "camo" look - I've always been a slim fit t-shirt kind of girl. At some point I'm going to have to venture out into the world and find something to "fill the void". The smashing of what I have left and donning the oversized whatever won't work forever.

It IS good to know I am not alone out there - thanks all for sharing and posting. And if you care to share your early "coping" tips - that would be much appreciated.

Cydney

I've been lurking in this topic for the past couple of months.  You all express my thoughts and feelings so well and with so much humor.  Thanks.

I finally am posting cause I'm like Marmsie - a uni-boober on her 2nd go around with BC.  I had my surgery in April.  Marmsie - I go a la natural to the gym in the morning.  One of my gym buddies is a guy who had prostrate cancer a couple of years ago.  He is the one who encouraged me to "come as I am" in my gym clothes.  He said health is more important than vanity - and I had to agree he has a point.  I need to recover my lost strength and muscle tone.

They gave me a surgery cami that came with a "poof".  At first even that little light weight thing was too much for me, so I just went natural.  I have a "Life is Good" tshirt that has the saying "Half Full" on the front.  I wear that when uni-boobing at the market.  Now I wear the poof with my old bra just to kind of fluff things out - my T's hang better with the two sides more even.

I am scared of more surgery.  I'm more than a bit irritated my scar looks worse than a beginner's sewing project - but I'm glad to be on the mend.  I love the idea of being "Amazonian"!!!  

Marmsie let me know what you find that works too, please.

Cyd 

Erica3681

Thought I'd bump this one back to the top as it was "lost" after the site shut down for a while yesterday. Instead of being organized in order of the most recent post, some threads are now listed according to when they started (this one started in March).

So if you're looking for any other popular threads, they're probably still around, just not where they were until yesterday.

simmonba

Hi Marmsie - I'm at day 28 in the Amazon.  I found the poofy too much inside my cami, so I pinned it to the outside of the camie and wore my shirt over top.  I'm a 36DD right-sider, so really felt like I wanted something for a bit more symmetry when I was walking the kids to school. A friend passed on her various pocket camis and bras to me and I am experimenting.  Bathing suit is a challenge.

 I am inclined towards reconstruction down the road, partly because I can get a reduction and lift in the rightside breast (a friend called it my "orphan" breast - yuck!!) and aim for the smaller, perkier bosom I've wanted pretty much since grade 11.    But for now, it's about scar massage and remindin myself that I'm only  4 weeks out still.  And still healing.

KAK

Hi, Amazons!!!

Hope everyone is well.   I'm just spreading the word that my blog, The Accidental Amazon, has been nominated for a Most Provocative Blog award!!   If you visit the blog, you'll see a big purple button on the sidebar that links you to the voting.  Click on the Provocative category when you get there, and if you're inclined, you're allowed to vote everyday until July 6th.

Erica & everyone, just want to share that I met with the new director of the local Breast Health Center & we had a great meeting.  I work for the Visiting Nurses as a PT & I'm trying to get the surgeons to follow a better post-op protocol and order home care & outpatient services more regularly for us.  I'm also putting some links & other info together, and will be including your site on the list, Erica.   There is so much patient & survivor driven info that is really useful and doesn't get out there enough.  

Simmonba, here is a link for some scar softening material that I'm going to send for myself.  Some of the other women here swear by it.    Oleeva Scar Shapes

havehope

bump

Tbirdkim

Great posts. Thanks to one and all for sharing. I went to ONE and only one support group meeting. Left there wanting a drink and a smoke more than when I was diagnosed16 month ago. They couldn't comprehend my decision not to recon or do chemo. I kept to my decision and havn't looked back. Full rt. mast April '08...no rads no chemo no recon and I just keep truckin'. My scar (or my" latitude line "as I refer to it) has healed great and looks great( thanks to Dr.Tafra) This first year has been a learning experience and now comando has a whole new meaning.