Can we have a forum for "older" people with bc?
Comments
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AFternoon all,
REally enjoying all the fun and memories. When I was 18-19 years old, I remember a neighbor dying. She was in her late 20's, maybe early 30's and died from an aneurysm. First time I ever heard that word. You can just imagine how upset her mother was, especially since she had 2 little ones. I went with my mother and aunt to the funeral, and heard my aunt say to the mother " Nancy always had such a nice smile". I thought how stupid- why would her mother care about a smile - her daughter was dead! Now I realize, many funerals later, family doesn't remember or even take in anything said at that time.
Another time, we were taking my FIL to another son's home for a birthday celebration. I had never been there. FIL says to my DH, "here we are" and walked inside yelling "Happy Birthday". He was one house away from his son'S house.
On our first official date, we went to a cousin's wedding. It was at a Catholic Church, and back then, masses were still said in Latin. It was kind of a double date with my sister and her boyfriend. We looked like the keystone kops through-out the whole mass. Everyone but us would stand up. By the time we stood up, they were all kneeling- we'd rush to kneel and they would sit - the cousin that sat behind us said she'd never had so much fun at mass.
I did get my paperwork from the contractor, so I feel much better.
Yesterday was my granddaughter's first birthday. Just her mom and her came down because the other 2 kids had some kind of fun run at their school today. Alexandria was so happy to be here. We lit a candle on a cupcake and sang Happy Birthday, then let her go at the cupcake. She is, I found out, very prissy and girly- she liked the taste of the cupcake until she got icing on her fingers. We had to keep cleaning her hand off- she did not like icing on them. I had realized earlier that day that she also doesn't like the feel of grass. She has no problem walking on it (with shoes), but when she falls, she cries till someone helps her up - she will not touch the grass with her hands.
Meanwhile in SC, my son was taking his 3 1/2 year old to the ER for the second time in a week. And she had been to the pediatrician yesterday morning. She is runnng fevers of 104.8, 105. Drs say it is a virus that just has to work its way out, but they did give her antibiotics last night- wonder if she just doesn't have her own antibodies or they aren't strong enough because of the extreme vegan diet her mom feeds her.
Never a dull moment around here.
Anne
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Creativity of all kinds focuses your mind, engages your imagination, and feeds your soul. Being creative can also facilitate understanding and encourage healing. Creativity is mindfulness in motion--intuitive, artistic motion. Creative moments and activities give you a boost and help you feel energized and good about yourself.
Sue Patton Thoele -
Anne, you are right on so many levels. You got me thinking about my Mom's wake ( we only did the wake, not a funeral as such ) and later on a cousin came up to me. I had one of my relatives ( these were all from my Mom's side -- children of her sisters ) come up to me and say -- the man doing the 'wake' service in general only talked about his wife mainly. I could not relate --- I don't remember what I heard or from whom. But in some ways this cousin may have been right to a degree. It wouldn't have mattered to me. My Mom was so glad to get to move back home and be with her sister. All of my cousins and their significant others treated my Mom like the special spirit I knew she was --- so no matter what this cousin said -- I know she would have greatly approved of my choice.
Hearing you say that often those who have lost someone barely if at all register the things that people say to them just totally struck that nerve. I think I am glad that no one tapes these 'services'. I was okay with it and this way I'll always be okay with it. I do know sometimes people take pictures -- I say hmm on that one. My children could not come and sometimes I do wish I had gone earlier and maybe taken a couple of pictures so they could feel a bit more participation, but I really spent a month or two in an existence mode. That just seems to be the way it works.
You know, people can be successful vegans, though sometimes they do end up with issues. I'm really not sure putting young babies through something like that is a good thing to do at all. I 'd be more into maybe a restricted vegan until the baby/toddler, grade schooler gets more of the needed nutrients. I guess for people though with that lifestyle there are no halfway measures. Hopefully it will work out but I do think the young ones miss out on things as the way through -- like a 'grass' aversion. Fresh green grass is for rolling around on in the summertime. Finding an anthill too is fantastic -- watching these little hardy Americans working constantly. Hmmm, huh !!!
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Ant hills are interesting as long as they aren't in the grass you just rolled in.
GS is a voluntary vegetarian. I think he will eat eggs, however. And they lied and told him dino chicken was not meat. Odd kid; favorite veggie is parsley.
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Not wanting to throw a damper on things here, but strong tactile aversions, especially inexplicable & illogical ones like frosting or grass, can be a sign of sensory integration deficit. I could never explain why I hated to wear wool against my skin, had to rip the tags out of shirts & blouses, or was nauseated by the odor and texture of raw bananas--until Gordy had trouble "crossing the midline" when learning to write, drew people as circles with lines coming out where the limbs would be, couldn't skip, had trouble climbing things (I never could climb a tree), and had very poor balance. He couldn't print his name at five years old--though he had taught himself to read at the sixth grade level and had the vocabulary and memory retention of a high school senior. His Montessori kindergarten thought it was no big deal--"kids progress at their own rate."
When two local private day schools wouldn't accept him for first grade because they were worried that his small motor skills and vision wouldn't "mesh," one suggested we send him to a "psychometrican," who found he had severe dyspraxia as well as sensorimotor integration deficit. The psychometrican became his counselor through his high school years and they kept in touch past his college graduation, until her death from lung cancer. She also found him a day school that was a perfect fit--he attended from first grade through high school graduation; and sent him to twice-weekly occupational therapy, which continued till his Bar Mitzvah.
And when the OT explained his condition was hereditary, everything clicked--so that's why I kept flunking penmanship and typing, couldn't jump rope, was unable to reproduce what bowling & tennis instructors tried to teach me (part of this syndrome is an inability to perceive just what your limbs are doing without the aid of another sense); and why both of us hated tags in our clothing--even why he couldn't and can't stand the texture of whipped cream.
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Thanks for the advice and info, Sandy, but I don't think it is an long term issue for Alexandria. She just started walking less than a month ago, and I remember all of my kids didn't like grass or sand at first. They just feel strange at first. And since it was her first birthday, she had never eaten anything but a few baby cheerio type hints on her own.
Also, she is not the vegan. I am far from an expert, but each time they have taken Lucia to the Dr, ER, etc, they have been told it is a virus, and it just needs to run its course. Fri night, the ER gave her a script for antibiotics. I am wondering, given the limited vegan diet she is on due to her mother's issues, if her body is low on natural antibodies that would normally fight a virus. They did blood work, and said it was fine, but...
When I went to the Dr last week, she gave me paperwork for both the lymphedema and physical therapy for the sciatica. My grandson that lives with me is friends with a boy whose mom does lymphedema therapy at your home. I have worked with her several times over the last few years, mostly when I first came home with it 3 years ago. So the Dr faxed her my info and gave me a written script for PT. I know a monitor has to check me out for the lymphedema before the therapist comes out, so I wasn't surprised when this man called. When he got here, he kept asking me if I fall a lot, and who else lives here, and when I told him my 14 year old grandson lived here, he told me I have to be very careful with where I keep my Percocet because he knew a lady whose grandson stole hers. I told him my grandson doesn't even know I have Percocet, but I keep all my meds in my bedroom, and he only comes in there when I am already in there to talk to me.
None of the questions were inappropriate, but seemed odd and unrelated to lymphedema. Then he gives me a folder as he is leaving and everything in it says "Elder Care". I asked him why, because I said neither of my issues has anything to do with my age- especially lymphedema. He didn't know why either- he said he was sent here to go through it with me. I finally figured out that it must be because I am on medicare. The following morning, a lady knocked at my door, and she was the lymphedema nurse I had expected. I was surprised and very happy to find out that my lymphedema therapist can also do my physical therapy.
I went to church this morning, then came home and took a three hour nap. Now I am just waiting for Tracy to make us French Onion soup for dinner.
Anne
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Sandy, how interesting. I'd never heard of that.
Mike is improving at a record pace. Coincidentally, his physical progress is surpassed only by his resolving brain injury. Every day there is a new "Look what I can do" moment. He is so proud of himself. After four long months, the short term memory loss has disappeared. He wants to do things and go places, including dancing on Friday night. (I think it's too early since his balance is still an issue) but won't stand in the way. Whatever he wants to do is fine. Last night we went to a party with the whole group of friends who have been so incredibly supportive during the past two years. They were all thrilled to see him looking good, with a smile on his face. We got him a few new shirts and pants so he isn't swimming in those XL shirts and pants that only emphasized his 110 lb weight loss. The edema in his legs and feet is much better and he was able to get on a pair of "real" shoes. He was one happy guy! Here's a photo of him last night with his friend Tommy.
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Sandra,
Mike is making wonderful progress and looking happy!!
He's getting spring fever and wants to kick up his heels.
I hope you're getting more rest.
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Sandra - absolutely amazing. Thank you so much for posting the update & the pictures. I agree with Teka, hope you're getting more rest now.
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Don't hate me ladies.......WOO HOO........OH WHAT A NIGHT......MORE TO COME.....
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Ducky,
You're so lucky and thanks for posting the pics.
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Mornin all,
Sandra- Mike is a living miracle! He has literally come back from death's doorway more than once. I am so glad to see him using his unexpected time on good things- getting together with friends, dancing. He has learned, it seems, the lesson we all should learn- don't waste a minute of your life-- fill it with things and people you love.
Ducky, I am jealous. I remember back to my older son's teenage rebellious years. Garth Brooks was a rising star, but my son was hard rock, exclusively. One day he came home saying he loved Garth Brooks. I said "Really? He's country". My son fought me for weeks, if not longer, swearing he was right. I had never heard of a singer crossing over music genres, so I knew I was right. Long story short, my son became a country music fan, and couldn't wait for our Chili Cook Off each Jan, because Garth was a frequent participant. Fast forward a few years, and 4 out of my 5 gave each other chili cook off tickets for Christmas every years.It was a two day affair, so they would be gone by 7am (to get parking and a good spot on the grass) and would come home about 7, filthy and hungry. I wold have dinner ready, they would eat, shower and go to bed, only to repeat again the next day. Thanks for bringing up some really special memories- it was so good to see them all together, having fun, and watching out for each other.
Anne
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Anne.....I saw Garth Brooks 19 years ago in his last world tour.........seems like yesterday...time does fly.......I love country, and Garth Brooks....he is a true "show-man, and a fantastic entertainer........love your story.............hugs.
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Being aware of your true self is the best way to free yourself from the controlling, manipulative behavior of others.You don't need the right car, the right shoes, the right girlfriend to be complete.All you really need is to be yourself.Your spirit is the real you.Let it guide you.Be still.Listen to your spirit say, "I am, and I am enough."In the silence, you'll hear God. -Melody Beattie
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Sandra, Mike does look so very, very good. If I didn't know the history you two have been through I would just think of those pictures as ones of a really happy man. I think Teka is right -- there is a lot of Spring fever showing through as well as a man who is grateful for the blessings of the return of his health and he is anxious to make the most of it -- making up some lost time. Beautiful spirits full of gratitude. It shows.
Garth Brooks -- just fantastic. My earliest memories were of the country music my mother loved. In those days there was some twanginess ( I had to put that word in my personal dictionary as it isn't one ) but it was what I was used to. Later as a teenager I went for rock and roll. There seemed a lot more artists and it was easy to dance to --- and I loved to dance. Later, I learned an appreciation for a lot of different types of music but never was able to get into jazz, hard/acid rock, or heavy metal. I can still listen to many different kinds of music and enjoy it, but most of the cd's I buy are country music. It remains my ALL time favorite. Some of the other artists I enjoy are Vince Gill, Alan Jackson, Keith Urban, Randy Travis, Rascal Flatts --and oh do I love Tim McGraw and Faith Hill.
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I also love country music, but I play 50's and 60's in the car. When I go up to Ga at the end of the month, my DD and her hubby are going to a Garth Brooks concert. A much earlier concert of his was the first concert they ever went to together. It is their 21st anniversary present to each other.
Anne
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Mike’s looking great, Sandra—wanting to dance is a very good sign. Ducky, sounds like you had a great time—I’m not a country fan, but Garth to you is like Springsteen, the Who or U2 to me.
Anne, veganism does not "deplete natural antibodies" (nutrients may be a different story, but not antibodies). Being breast-fed actually helps transfer the mom’s protective natural antibodies. I am concerned that despite the diagnosis of a virus & normal blood counts, Lucia was given an antibiotic. That’s how so many of us developed allergies to them (when we were kids, a penicillin shot was a given every time we got “the grippe” because doctors didn’t know any better) and how drug-resistant bugs develop today. I would hold on to the ‘script & not fill it, or if filled, not start it, unless Lucia showed signs of a bacterial infection. But if she already started taking it, then she needs to take the whole course, just in case there are bacteria there and no stragglers survive and become resistant.
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Anne, if they see the same concert I saw they are in for a huge treat.....it is his World Tour 2017....I think it is winding down.....to the last few cities.....he is a showman like none I have ever seen.....Springsteen "good".........Garth....."Great".......he moves around the stage like a 20 year old....you will have to let me know what your daughter thinks.........I'M IN LOVE WITH THE BOY..............LOL......
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Morning all.... So happy for you both Sandra! What a miracle!
And you guys are having too much FUN! Hah! Going to concerts, and seeing all these guys! Last one I went to was in Tampa with my Daughter... Sweet Baby James and Carole King.... This concert was so FUN! At one time, the whole audience stood up, singing along.... and Sheri looked at me, and put her arm around me and said "I love you Mom"... I almost cried....
So anyway.......... Yes.... a million years ago, we all took antibiotics.... And it DID save a lot of lives I imagine.... So I can see why they are prescribed.... sometimes maybe even when unnecessary, but I really think there ARE times when even little ones need them!
In my case, I NEED them now, when I am getting sick....... not only as a "cure", but a preventative.... I only take them when I am getting too sick, and I KNOW that I am not getting better on my own! Maybe it IS because I took them when I was younger.... but all I know is they help.... ! Sometimes when one doesn't work, I am prescribed something else!
You always hear all kinds of stories.... But sometimes we have to trust the Doctor's.... We can always second-guess, but if something "works" then it's worth it.....
We usually talk about our "own" stuff that happened with drugs... Things that happened to "US".... doesn't mean it will happen to you. Same with me taking Tamoxifen! Didn't work for me.... but I KNOW it helps thousands of others, and they have no side-effects.
I can't take certain drugs, maybe just because my system, my genes are different than others!
Right now my Husband and I are NOT taking anything! We are both almost 80, and for the most part, feel great! I don't even take Aleve! Unless something hurts pretty bad! Then I go to bed, and it is better the next day.
We go walking the Mills Mall, go shopping, walking up to Starbucks, and I just thank God we are doing as well as we are.... ! As long as I can work in my yard, I am happy.
So okay Cammi & Ducky.... talk to you guys later.... xoxo
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The miracle of gratitude is that it shifts your perception
to such an extent that it changes the world you see.
- Robert Holden -
Sandy- I totally agree with you in theory. And I trust your medical info. My concern with Lucia is that her mom is germophobic and hasn't given Lu the chance to build up any natural immunity to germs. I was with them when Lu was about 8 mos old and we were at Walmart. Mom was there to get some baby sunscreen. There were maybe 8-10 options. Mom read each one over and over and over.Daddy, Lu and I got bored so we decided to walk around while mom continued to read the sunscreen bottles. Lu dropped her pacifier on the floor. Dad picked it up,put it in his mouth, then gave it back to Lu. I just looked at him and he said, "Mom, you know my wife- I have to expose Lu to germs whenever I get the chance" I said I understood- and even did that many times myself but the Walmart floor? Lu had a sand table, but has never been allowed to play in the dirt. Mom is meticulous about sanatizing hands every where they go. Mom's diet is not a healthy one, so I am concerned that she doesn't have a strong immune system herself. And that observation has nothing to do with the fact that she is vegan.
But believe it or not, Lucia is not the grandchild I am most worried about at the moment. My 8 yr old Kayden, made it very clear he did not want to move to Lake Placid, by running away a few weeks before the move. He was gone for more than three hours and we had to get the police to help is find him. They, of course, went ahead with the move. The apartment they are in now is a step above the warehouse, but a very small step. Kayden started school and loved his teacher. Teacher had surgery or something, so less than a week after he started school, his teacher changed. Had a tough time adjusting to the change, but seemed to be okay- now the original teacher is back. This has totally flipped Kayden. He can be a behavior problem in stable situations. Now, he is out of control- threatening to kill or shoot classmates, provoking fights, etc. All he'll say is that he wants to come back to his school here, he hates it there. I cannot begin to tell you how heartbroken I am. His mom called her brother last night because he is a well respected behavior specialist. I havent heard from her, but I did hear from him. I don't think she liked his advice which was that she and her husband get real jobs and move these kids into a real home, with real furniture etc. He said Kayden is at an age where he sees how the way he lives is not how most kids do. They have a terrible problem with him lying, yet since he started kindergarten they have told him to lie about where he lives so he could go to a good school, using my address. Confusing to a five year old? Good lies and bad lies? Who decides? Jamie's rationalization is that each move has been an improvement. Rob said she may think that, but the kids don't. Their dad was making customized game controls when they were living in their house, he was making them when they moved into the warehouse, now they've be taken away from everyone they know, and Dad is still making remotes- so how has life gotten better? They live like paupers. Right now, both kids have real beds- my gift to make them feel better about the move. But neither bedroom comes close to what a child's bedroom should look. like. They are using two old mattresses in the main room as a couch. They have a widescreen TV, but can only watch Dvd's on it. There is a dining area, but it is full of partially unpacked boxes and what is unpacked is just thrown somewhere. And Jamie yells and threatens constantly- but she expects her eight year old to behave differently? Phil's excuse is that his father was an entrepreneur and he wants to be one too. His father was in construction and somehow became a motivationer speaker for a short while. So Phil makes the remotes and raises fish. As far as I know, he has yet to sell one fish. He had not held or even gotten one real job in the 13 years they have been together- not one!
Thanks for listening to my rant
Anne
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Anne, As I have learned , we can't change our grown kIds. We can suggest, but they will do as they please. If there is any danger to the kids CPS can be called, which of course wud not endear you to the parents. Your grandson may need counseling to deal with the situation, the school can supply this. After 13 years, your dreams of changes in your daughter or her relationship, I'm afraid are just that, dreams. I know how frustrating our head strong grown kids can be
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I'm with Bonnets here in her feelings that as parents our hands to a degree are really tied. I think strong souls ( no matter the age when things occur ) can perhaps through counseling or a really special friend or hopefully both can rise above almost any circumstance, but I so think Jaime's brothers' advice was quite to the point and substantial -- just doesn't sound like something that could happen right now. If Jaime has gone this many yrs. unable to 'see through' her hubby's line of hocus it is likely that she is going to remain un-convinced that someone HAS to show grown-up responsibility for these children brought into this world. As older adults we can and do survive but on a level not possible for little ones being hopefully formed as close to correct as can be for adulthood. I do hope someone ( school counselor or good friend ) can arrive in Kayden's life and help take the pressure and distress he is feeling down. It is sad for all and so much for you Anne as you are a people/grandchild type of person who wants to see the positive.
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Thanks Jean and Jackie
I hear what you're saying and agree. I turned Jamie over to God a long time ago, and try now to keep contact with her. I am very careful in what I do say to her and try to be as gentle as possible. It's the kids that get me every time. They started out with two unstable parents who are together because she got pregnant 3 weeks after they started seeing each other again. He convinced her that they had to stay together because of the baby. They separated when their second child was under a year old, but that didn't last long, because neither one of them could handle the two children on their own. They didn't marry until their first child was 8 yrs old. It was somewhere in there that I realized they were adults- not mature adults- but in or near their 30's, and I had little if any means of helping them. I get that, I really do.
What bothers me is that they have moved away from their main support, and even more, they have taken the children away as well. Jamie has very little ability to deal with stress. She has PTSD, among other Dx's. Her husband is in a world of his own and never considers the kids needs. Since she had her first 12 years ago, we have always provided her with a break from the kids, and gave the kids some calm loving time in a real home. I am afraid, knowing what little control Jamie has, about the the kids stress levels and home environment. There is no basis to call DCF - I've talked to more than one police officer about it. They don't check out emotional abuse at all, they are overwhelmed with physical and sexual abuse cases.
I agree that Kayden needs counseling. My heart is broken for him. He is such a loving, tender hearted sweet boy that believes he is bad and uncontrollable. I am very happy with what my older son told her. As much as I love those kids, I can not live full time with Jamie. She brings chaos wherever she goes and I don't have the stamina for that any more.
Anne
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Hope arouses, as nothing else can arouse, a passion for the possible. -William Coffin
Hope is the anchor of the soul, the stimulus to action, and the incentive to achievement. -unknown
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Hi ladies,
Welcome to all the new ladies.
Sandra-- glad to hear that Mike is doing so well.
I haven't been on for a while but have been reading the posts to keep up with everyone. We are mostly settled in to our new house. We had a few of the grandkids here off and on while they were off school. Our other son will be flying down to florida on the other coast for spring break visiting her parents so I am hoping that they will drive another 4 hours to visit here but with 4 little ones I'm not sure they will. You know kids now days ---it may be an inconvenience. Oh well, I am hoping that they will come though I miss seeing the grandkids. We just moved DMIL to and assisted living center about 15 minutes from our house. It sure beats the hour and a half drive we have been doing each way to her house since we got here. She asked to find her a place and she seems to like it so far.
We are enjoying to get our new neighbors and so far everyone is very nice and there is plenty of things to do around here. We went and saw a tribute to Elvis. He sounded just like him and even really resembled him.
Hope everyone is doing good.
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It is a great day here so far -- no rain. Good that yesterday and today we get to dry out a bit before the next rain. Well, this time of yr. is a good time for rain. I am hoping ( but you never know ) that we will get some later on and not get crispy. There as yet haven't been any predictions for the type of summer we will have this yr. Probably just as well -- a lot of time we don't get anything near to what they say.
Our propane for this yr. was way down and our coming budget for electric is going from $141.00 to $81.00. That will work for me. We put in a new furnace this season and not only is it energy efficient but has done such a great job we have been able to leave the I-heaters stored away. I am beginning to think it costs more to run those little heaters than they say, but don't know for sure. One we have is older than another so it may take more -- just not sure. Was just glad to see the major difference in cost. It should work well. Especially since they have said propane will be higher this coming season. We are already paid up for the yr. this yr. as it was so reasonable.
Glad your MIL is closer Termite. When you have to make such a long trip it becomes tedious really fast -- no matter how nice the visit when you finally get there. MIL will likely be happy -- you and Dh will be relaxed when you visit, and should MIL wish to see you a bit more or due to a special reason it would not be so difficult to make happen.
Still enjoying Chevy and Cammi. Ducky too -- so hope we are in everyone's favorite list now for sure and for good.
Jackie
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Hi, Termite. Good to have you pop in. I'm glad to hear your Florida move has worked out well.
Jackie, I cleaned the interior of my car this morning but didn't clean the outside. That will have to wait until another day. Instead I spent some time in the kitchen prepping for tonight's dinner and made two extra casseroles for the freezer. I'm also in the process of making burger-sized buns for the freezer. Burgers (beef, turkey or lamb) are so much better with a good home-made bun.
This afternoon I have to download some books onto my Kindle.
Happy Wednesday to everyone.
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[The Native American] believes profoundly in silence—the sign of perfect equilibrium.Silence is the absolute poise or balance of body, mind and spirit.The people who preserve their selfhood ever calm and unshaken by the storms of existence—not a leaf, as it were, astir on the tree; not a ripple upon the surface of the shining pool—theirs, in the mind of the unlettered sage, is the ideal attitude and conduct of life.If you ask:"What are the fruits of silence?" he or she will say:"They are self-control, true courage or endurance, patience, dignity, and reverence.Silence is the cornerstone of character." - Ohiyesa (Charles Eastman)
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Good morning everyone and hope it is good. It is nice out here right now but rained last night and we have an 80% chance today which is pretty high for us. It likely will do it at some point -- while I look at some blue sky and white fluffy clouds. It changes fast here so though they are nice -- they just aren't likely to stay.
Nothing special here to me today. That is good so I can keep on and make progress with doing something with the house. Got to get Dh jazzed for getting taxes done. He has been working so much ( seems to be starting a pattern of having Sundays and Mondays off though ) that I think it has been hard for him to decide or find time to make the call.
Hope all is well with all of you. Hugs all around.
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