Can we have a forum for "older" people with bc?
Comments
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I hope Bob changes his world, Sandy.
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Sandy - In re: your husband's practice. Is he or whoever handles finances for the practice aware of the legislation related to forigiveable loans available to cover PR, etc? This is part of the COVID legislation that was recently passed. If you would like more info, please send me a PM if you would like me to email some good info from the AICPA on this.
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ChiSandy Thanks for sharing your wrenching situation. I send you a cyber hug of support. How challenging.
I enjoy, and often do read the posts on this thread, but I have not posted anything for awhile.
Sandy, I'm in a similar boat. My husband has some exposure to COVID19, and his exposure is my exposure.
DH is an RN manager of a huge team of hospice nurses. Typically (pre-pandemic), he went on patient visits for only the super complex cases that were beyond other nurses' skill sets. Currently, there are several patients with complex care needs, and he has to see them one day every week or two. I am in full panic mode about this. The majority of the time, he is managing his team from his "home office" now (used to be called our dining room) via two phones and a laptop and an iPad. Sometimes, there are absolutely anguishing situations, such as end-of-life with ALS, feeding tube due to stomach cancer, etc. Hospice means comfort care, and sometimes DH's the only one on his team who can manage the most challenging issues (interpersonal or medical) that come up.
He wears full PPE and stays 6' apart from patients. He does a decontamination ritual at our door: strips naked in the hall, puts everything in a pillowcase and pops into the shower, streaking through the house. The neighbors are usually shielded from this if we remember to close curtains, but perhaps not. Occasional TMI, I have no idea. Then, he puts disposable gloves on to toss that pillowcase of clothes into the washer later, and wipes down the washer knobs, cap of the detergent, etc. w/ a lysol or alcohol wipe. He wipes down his glasses ear pieces and phone with alcohol wipes, and he's wearing sneakers every day now. He has 3 similar pairs, and they go in the wash, too, then a pair dries in a day or so (no dryer for those). No more tie and jacket; for several weeks he's worn only scrubs, since they're so washable.
Our PCP recently told us that the Iceland study (a couple of weeks ago now) showing that about 50% of positive COVID19 patients are asymptomatic makes him advise his patients to assume that everyone, everywhere is contagious.
We each have serious co-morbidities, and we're 62 & 63, so our safest choice right now would be sheltering in home, BOTH OF US.
DH is enormously and deeply committed to his work, to his patients, to making a difference in the world. He's more deeply gratified by having the skills to help others right now than he has ever been. His job is enormously rewarding to his soul, he feels a deep connection to the patients he helps and the nurses he supervises. So, when I say "What a great time for you to retire, right this minute!!!!" he just stares at me, blankly. As if, his superhero cape is absolutely going to stay on right now.
After 40 years of a marriage, in which we've always made decisions quite mutually. As if, because of his deep sense of commitment right now, he gets a weighted vote. Hmmmmm I am completely struggling with this. Should we shelter separately in our home? It's something being done by many health care professionals who are at risk. This is under discussion at our house....
Don't forget, everyone: Staying Home of course reduces the load on PPE and medical facilities and can help to contain the spread of the virus. It's also to reduce the incidence of trauma injuries and other ED visits, so that medical personnel can manage the COVID crisis with perhaps fewer of the usual ER types of presentations. So say my ER doctor son-in-law and several friends who are hospitalist MD's, and my hospital RN friends, and two pulmonology ICU doc friends. However: I know people who are driving out of town to go hiking, or taking day trips to scenic places, or taking risks and driving more than for essentials.
Spread the word that reducing ALL risk-taking behaviors is an important reason to stay put. We need to protect our health care workers, and reducing all health and safety risks is part of how we can help do that.
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ChiSandy & HikingLady - I feel for both of you, step son is a Dr. But flip side is we, general public, need people like your husbands fighting the fight.
I know - hollow words, as it's not my husband, and I know I'd feel differently if it were.
HUGS to you both. ❤
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Celia, just last night he mentioned he & the office mgr. intend to apply for just such a loan, as a "small business."
HikingLady, Cindy, Reader, my prayers for you & yours too.
Judy, I so value your experienced advice! You nailed it: his identity is as a clinical physician (which was why he switched from yeast to mammalian genetics after his second year of PhD studies at the U. of Wash.--in order to get an MD to do human research--but early on he realized he loved working with, not just on, people and left the research lab behind forever after presenting & publishing his thesis).
When we fell in love & got married, we expected he would be a noble but perhaps starving academic scientist with me as a lawyer supporting us. All my sorority sisters (who thought my choice was nuts) ran themselves ragged going to med-school "mixers" in hope of snagging a doctor...and I was the only one who did, without even trying.
That's why when I say "retire," I mean he should keep doing the clinic at Union Health for as long as they'll have him: the original plan was to have it as a "side hustle" because he could no longer physically perform invasive cardiology procedures and eventually as a semi-retirement. Neither of us envisioned that even before the pandemic, Medicare Advantage HMOs would cause his office patient base to shrink to the extent it has. His plan, once more and more patients were limited to in-network docs (and the older ones passed away), was to close the office July 1 and hand the entire practice over to his partner (a general internist). But then came the pandemic, and her breast cancer. And neither of us expected he'd have to slash his draw by 2/3 and plow all the Union Health fees into the practice so his staff would get their full salaries.
So our agreed plan for the nights he's at Little Company is for him to stay at a hotel Sat. night; and before he comes home Sun., to strip and change into fresh clothes in the attending doctors' lounge men's room. (He refuses to "trespass" and use the hospital's only shower facilities, which are in the residents' on-call-room--but if ever there was a time to pull rank, this is it).
Here's what Clinical Oncology says about how to do adjuvant treatment during these times:
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Sandy thank you for sharing your heart in this deeply complex, frightening situation. My prayers are with you and Bob and Hiking Lady and family.
I too have (out of house) family members in the thick of it. At 60 myself I feel more of a guilt to complain about anything at all at this time. My problems aren't really problems right now in comparison.
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Just heard from my primary--he considers me to be at "medium risk," but to back out of that festival unless I can stay 6' away from others (which is impossible, especially the workshops which are taught in small tents or at least tight circles--and even the main stage is too small for me to keep that distance from my singing partner, who is 65 and a smoker).
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My mother was under hospice care until she continued to improve and didn't qualify. Her hospice nurse is a wonderful woman. She genuinely cared about her patients. After she was no longer my mother's nurse, she always made a point of saying hello not just to my mother but to me. When my mother died a couple of years after she was on hospice, Janet called me and expressed her sympathy for my loss.
Hiking Lady and Sandy, I understand your life-and-death concerns, but society is blessed to have devoted medical experts like your husbands. Medical workers rank high among the heroes in this global crisis.
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The cure for all the ills and wrongs, the cares, the sorrows, and the crimes of humanity, all lie in that one word "love. "It is the divine vitality that everywhere produces and restores life. To each and every one of us, it gives the power of working miracles if we will. - Lydia Maria Child
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Hospice nurses are truly wonderful. When my Mom died, her hospice nurse came to her funeral dressed in her white uniform. We were so touched by this. She joined our family lunch and had great things to say about Mom.
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Eighty years old and counting. This is my third encounter with breast cancer. I had a lumpectomy in 1997 (DCIS), then had another DCIS in the same place in 2004. Had a bilateral mastectomy. Late last year I had a CT scan for a problem that was not related to breast cancer and they found metastatic breast cancer on my pelvis. I'm currently having chemo to get my tumor markers under control and when they're controlled am supposed to switch to Ibrance.
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pennythepest, well, you've certainly been through alot, but way to go! 80 and counting
Keep us posted on how you're feeling, and welcome to our community.
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PennythePest,
Wishing you well and hoping you get a very good outcome on this latest issue. In the meantime, a warm welcome to the thread. I have a friend in the town where I live that tends to have a bc issue every ten yrs. First was breast, 10 yrs. later a very sm. cancer on a kidney and then 10 yrs. later the other breast. Now she is breastless an says her back has never felt so good. She has kept her sense of humor intact and you seem as well to have you stride in place too.
Glad to meet you and feel free to pop in anytime.
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pennythepest, Welcome
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[The Native American] believes profoundly in silence—the sign of perfect equilibrium. Silence is the absolute poise or balance of body, mind and spirit. The people who preserve their selfhood ever calm and unshaken by the storms of existence—not a leaf, as it were, astir on the tree; not a ripple upon the surface of the shining pool—theirs, in the mind of the unlettered sage, is the ideal attitude and conduct of life. If you ask: "What are the fruits of silence?" he or she will say: "They are self-control, true courage or endurance, patience, dignity, and reverence. Silence is the cornerstone of character." -Ohiyesa (Charles Eastman)
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Hi, Ladies. I went to the MO today and now have lymphedema in my surgical breast. I have to wear compression bras, do special massages and follow up in July, call if more swelling. Just one more thing.
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petite1 - sorry to hear that. You're right, one more thing. But hopefully the compression and massages will reduce the swelling.
Pennythepest- welcome to the group.
We had rain today, severly needed rain. I hand washed my car yesterday, and of course rain - had I known that's all it took for rain, I'd have washed it sooner! Temp dropped 10 degrees too, so nice all around.
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Sandy, your plan biweekly with Bob staying at hotel, your heroic laundry work ,Bob retiring but with Union Health twice a week, seems as good as it gets.
Two things from the sublime in importance to the ridiculous. Since I’m sort of like the princess and the pea, I use sleep phones to drown out Gil’s snoring- just a headband with internal speakers which attaches to my iPhone’s white noise( though I like brown noise better)app. Nothing goes in the ears- the headband pulled low serves as a sleep mask as well as noise blocker.
Did you write somewhere that your gel lifted off some fingers? I’d love that. I have acetone, foil, cotton balls, file, scraper, clippers, but feel I don’t have the vaguest how to do this. Do I clip first or last? It’s silly, but I’m really bad at this. When I finally get back to the manicurist, won’t do gel again; after I try to remove it myself, I probably won’t have any nails at all. Do feel accomplishment about dyeing my eyebrows though- how has it come to this that a successful day concerns my eyebrows and then swiffering.
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Judy, my gels that lift have to pop off by themselves (usually in the shower when I'm working the conditioner through my hair, or when I'm pulling up my jeans). If I try to peel them, they will take some of the nail surface with them. The ones that have fallen off completely are replaced by one coat each of post-enhancements "gel rescue" or "restoration" clear polish and then ridge-filler basecoat, followed by two of the same color OPI polish as the gels and one of OPI quick-drying (well, relatively) top coat, with a spritz of nail-drying spray (never mind the ozone layer). Still have four of six of the gels remaining, five weeks post-mani.
Here's how you remove the gels: First, clip the nails to the length you want. Then take an emery board or file and rough up the surface of the gel, to help the acetone penetrate. Then tear the foil into ten squares and fold them into triangles, and tear off ten small pieces of cotton. Next, Vaseline or Aquaphor your cuticles and the skin between them & the knuckles to protect them from the acetone. For each nail, lay one triangle--point facing up--on the table. Saturate the piece of cotton with acetone, place it over the gel, and wrap the foil completely around it. You can accelerate the process by either wearing disposable gloves over the foils, putting a heating pad over your hands, or both. After 10-15 min., check each nail. Scrape the melted gel gently--if any remains, re-saturate the cotton and re-wrap the nail. Wait another 5-10 min. and try again. Once your nails are finally bare, wash your hands thoroughly, and follow by oiling the nail beds and cuticles. If you want to paint them again, wait for the oil to be absorbed.
There are also little plastic clips available to hold the acetone in place if you don't want to use foil.
Gotta look into those "sleep phones." In the meantime, maybe swipe one of Bob's headbands (he has six, most of them unused) to hold the earbud in place and add an extra layer of "muffling the snore."
Unsettling news, though: our housekeeper's DH tested COVID+. Seems one dialysis patient at Hines V.A. got flu symptoms and tested positive, so all the dialysis patients were tested. But they won't test her (nor, for that matter, Bob) unless she has symptoms. No IL hospital will--though the National Guard tested family members as recently as Monday before test materials got scarce. Doesn't matter your age, risk factors for severe symptoms (mine, acc. to my PCP, is "medium"), with whom you've been in contact (or for whom you're even taking care), occupation: no symptoms, no test, period. She's been disinfecting everything--at her house and ours--since the start of flu season last fall. Unlike many black people, they both have excellent medical care and a very healthful diet, plus a two-story-plus-basement house in which distancing & self-isolation is feasible. Yet...
Not surprisingly, the dulcimer & folk festival in mid-June where my singing partner & I were booked to perform and teach workshops (our biggest paycheck of the summer) has been canceled. The majority of both the performers and attendees are >age 60. All of Chicago's street fairs & festivals have been cancelled or postponed to at least Aug., if not Oct. too. I would be shocked to see Lolla, Riot Fest and Pitchfork go on as scheduled. I might consider teaching dulcimer online, but I wouldn't monetize it because we don't need the $ that badly. Meanwhile, my singing partner & his wife--whose main income sources, respectively, have been senior center/library concerts and fine arts (paintings, jewelry, sculptures, textile art) sales at summer RenFairs and SCA fairs--have seen those income streams dry up. He's not comfortable giving online concerts for voluntary donations--to him it feels like busking, which was how he had to live when he started out in L.A. as a teenager who basically left Northbrook to "run away to join the circus" and was even homeless for awhile. He has vowed never to do that again--we never put out tip jars when we got booked to play farmers' markets and fairs, because we insisted on an actual paycheck. So he has turned to his visual arts/cartooning/graphic arts skills and made a range of "Panic With Care" merch. I just bought a tall coffee mug and a ladies' fit T-shirt. We're not supposed to sell stuff here, so PM me for the link if you're intrigued.
I got out of the house today, to take my little black princess kitty Heidi to the vet. She was suddenly lethargic and inappetant (I would have said "anorexic," but apparently veterinarians don't use that term) Tues. night into yesterday afternoon. Eventually, she returned to her own self, except she's taking the stairs slowly. (At 15, neither the vet nor I are surprised, especially since she's part Ragdoll with those short little legs). By last night, she had begun to eat like a horse and even played a little. Still, I kept the appointment in order to see if anything untoward is going on with her chem panel. She's lost a bit of weight--but we'd been instructed to make sure she did. She's still pretty stocky for her height & length. We will have the bloodwork results tomorrow or Sat. We have to bring her back next Fri. for her annual dental cleaning & x-rays (no extractions last year, but who knows now?). The vet's COVID-protection procedure is to drive up to the front door, call in, have the tech come and fetch the carrier from the car, wait in the car to speak to the vet post-exam, and then have the tech bring the kitty back. As soon as we got home, she wanted to eat...and eat some more. (Glad to oblige).
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The mayor of New Orleans has cancelled some big festivals in the city. The financial cost of this pandemic is huge.
I got the gel nails once and they were great until I balked at the continued expense of keeping them up. Afterwards my nails were ruined for months. I would never have them again. I always admire manicured nails but I can't be bothered with gloves. My hands look like hands that are well used. They match the rest of me!
Yesterday I played golf with another women who is 12 years younger. We walked the whole golf course, between 4 and 5 miles since there are stretches on the street between greens and tee boxes. I wish my golf were better but my walking was up to par!
An appliance repairman came during the afternoon and diagnosed my washing machine's problem as needing a new gear box, cost $240. Labor $200. Much too expensive. We will buy a new machine. Of course, it cost me $100 for his troubleshooting.
Today my goal is to finish pruning azalea bed no. 4. The weather will be a little warmer than yesterday but it still should be pleasant to work outside. DH is off to play golf today.
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Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow...
but only empties today of its strength.
- C. H. Spurgeon
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Rained this morning. Not sure about the rest of the day. I have lots to do inside as usual so no problem staying busy for me. Glad you found out for sure what is going on with your washer, Carole. AT least you can be sure what the best solution is for it.
Our machines are old now and I worry all the time, but they are doing fine so far. Around 11 yrs. old I think. Some time back I started doing what the maintenance guy from Sears recommended. He told me not to use the cup markings on the container you fill with your soap. He said a tbsp. or less ( depending on how much in your load ) and then the machine would not work as hard, use as much water to rinse, and not be as apt to clog and gum up. So far, I've saved a lot on soap and hopefully the machine as well has some extended time on it. We will see. Actually at our age we don't get as dirty as we use too. Thinking of taking my comforter to the laundromat to do. My machine is big enough at home, but I'm thinking since it if really well filled with the comforter I'd be happier size wise to do it elsewhere and save my machine that chore too. I think quicker overall for dry time as well.
Hope you all have a great day.
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I too wish my golf was better but am grateful I can play 3 days a week (nine holes with cart). DH just returned from early morning grocery store run. Said he was amazed how well stocked it was. Even paper products although we are set with them for now. A local variety store had masks yesterday. Overpriced but we bought some. I have an Amazon order in but who knows how fast it will come.
My cleaning service hasn't been here recently due to non-covid health issues. I am spoiled. Couldn't even find the mop this morning but managed a kitchen floor clean-up anyway. Ken said I probably didn't know what I was looking for.
Sandy, I learned 54 years ago that being married to a doctor has its challenges. We both regret that Ken didn't have more time with the kids growing up but that commitment to serve runs deep in the good ones. It does sound like Bob could do a little more to protect you though even if he won't protect himself.
We have chosen to continue to see one couple. They're coming for a few hours of cards this afternoon. In the meantime, I should be working on a proposal for a community grant from Walmart for our food bank.
Happy Weekend. Stay safe.
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They have canceled the Summer Solstice Parade in Seattle. I don't know how the naked bicyclists will fare without their annual exhibition. It's sad because it's a real community event, but best to be safe. It draws a huge crowd of tightly packed people.
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carolehalston, I too, had a bad experience with getting my nails done. I paint my toenails, myself, when I wear sandals. What I have a problem with is eyebrows. Mine get wild. Any suggestions?
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petite1 - I admit to being spoiled by getting my brows waxed at the Benefit Bar @ ULTA. Have reverted back to tweezing the "strays." Since we are social distancing, not too worried, as I do not see anyone.
One thing I do wonder about - What about those who get bikini/brazilian waxes? Will their significant others have to deal with the "bush"?
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IllinoisLady- I too take the large comforters to the laundry mat. Then I'm sure it's clean & it does dry faster as the commercial washer really gets the water out.
I'm back to hot & humid - short bike ride to a gf house down the street and I was drenched. 87 & feels like 93. Hot!
Enjoy the rest of the day!
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So, what I’m about to write seems exceedingly superficial to me, but as they say,” it is...it is.” Last year at this exact time, I was a trembling mess, phobically fearful of beginning radiation. A year later, I’m excited about removing gel nail polish per Sandy’s very detailed, generous instructions. I clipped and buffed them yesterday, today comes the acetone, foil stripping. Tomorrow, after base coat, etc, Opi polish arrives from Amazon, the finishing touches. I suppose all this nonsense makes me feel less helpless about being in this very fine retirement home in Evanston, Il where we do not have any KNOWN cases of the virus. But my fear is that they will not relax any of the stringent restrictions when the phases of the reopening begins, even for those of us in independent living. As it is, we can have no visitors, can only walk in the garden, through a side door, cannot go across the street into the other building , nor even stand outside the front door. I fear they may lock us up forever, since there is a nursing and memory care section, though most of the 320 of us live like in fancy condominium apartments. So I think about nails- mine and my little snowshoe Siamese’s, Dahlia. Our cars are locked up and the lovely young vet assistant , whose apt name is Serenitywho comes here once a month to cut Dahlia’s nails is not allowed in the building, nor can we leave to go to the vet.Afraid to do it myself. The year, from fear of radiation to fear of cutting nails, and so it goes...
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Lowe's will deliver the new Magtag washer tomorrow but will not bring it into the house or install it. Fortunately the laundry room has a door opening from the carport. Some days ago DH and I wrestled the "old not so old" machine out onto the carport so that he could inspect the bottom of it. Then we wrestled it back inside. So....we can do more wrestling to make the exchange tomorrow. He is quite handy and will have no problem connecting the water hoses. Balancing the new machine is key.
I read reviews on this new machine and most of the owners seem to hate it as is the case with the Whirlpool Cabrio that did last 8 years. Maybe only dissatisfied owners write reviews of their washing machines? In the past I have never paid for an extended warranty plan but I decided to take the 5 year warranty Lowe's offers. Consumers Reports recommended the Cabrio 8 years ago, so much for their recommendation.
Jackie, are laundromats open?
I will venture out soon in search of fresh veggies. I have never minded cooking, even enjoyed it, but lately I am weary of trying to figure out a menu for dinner. The easy route also packs on the weight. Carbs.
Wishing everyone a good Saturday. My plan is to take a walk today since my feet are rested up from the long walk on Thursday.
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CeliaC, LOL. Too Funny. I was thinking about using the personal trimmer to cut me husband's hair.
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