Can we have a forum for "older" people with bc?
Comments
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Puffin, I am very happy for you! I think you made a good decision. I have been relating to dh all the problems you're having in wintry ND. That's no way to live.
Speaking of dh, he's off to a Motor Vehicles facility today to renew his truck registration. We have tried to use the web site and tried calling the state office with no success. I hope he doesn't encounter too much frustration. I suspect there's a problem with the whole operation following a hacking episode.
It's another sunny day here. I really am amazed at our winter weather so far. I have many chores around the house that I can/could do. I never know in advance how much initiative I'll be able to muster. I have no problem keeping up with laundry and I do a good bit of cooking but housecleaning is another thing altogether.
Happy Monday to all.
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Puffin, congratulations!! Your move makes oh so much sense. If I were alone, there is no way I would want to deal with all the challenges of managing a house; I don't even live where it snows and you have had waaaay too much snow this year. Your complex looks great with loads of amenities. Enjoy your cruise, complete your move ( not certain that activity should be described as enjoyable but the outcome can be), and here's to a successful real estate experience in the spring. You appear to be planning very well, good on ya!
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Humility is not weakness; it is the epitome of strength. Humility moves a person away from human, personal weakness and limitation into divine expression, strength, and expansion. -Donald Curtis
When you practice humility, you want to become as accomplished and evolved as you can possibly be, yet you are willing to submit to the expertise of others to do so. You understand the scope of your aptitudes yet you choose to eradicate arrogance from your attitude, and you can distinguish the value you possess as an individual while still acting in the interests of your fellow human beings. Humility, simply put, is a form of balance in which you can celebrate your own worth while sincerely believing that every other person on the planet is just as worthy as you. -unattributed
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Cindy: thanks for the suggestions about the water, I'd planned on having a light on a timer and turning the heat down some but hadn't thought about the water heater or shutting off valves to the washing machine or opening doors to cabinets under the sinks.
McBaker: My plan had been to wait 2 years when I turned 70 and had to take mandatory IRA withdrawals, figuring then I'd be able to afford the monthly payment. My mortgage has been paid off for several years and having a large monthly payment was daunting. Although I hadn't taken a tour of One Oak Place, I had heard good things about it. It dawned on me that once I sell the house I can put that money aside and plan to use it for my monthly payments. I have enough savings to make the payments until my house sells. It really was fast though, taking the tour and signing the contract the same afternoon.
Service Master is back this morning, the dryers were successful in the bedroom and nothing more needs to be done there. However, the kitchen wall is still wet so the workers are now removing the sheatrock between the backdoor and the window, and between the window and the stove and will dry out the insulation to prevent mold. Then I'll have to hire another company to put everything back together again and to paint the wall. -
AND insurance will pay for it. I got divorced and got a job out of the area. I put the house up for sale, but then there was a leak in the roof. I supposed it was from a nasty hailstone, but the repair people said that there was a rock up there. I have my suspicions whose hand last held that rock. Anyway, they told me that there ware already two or three layers of shingles up there, so it was a free re-roofing job. Plus a bit of repair on the living-room ceiling. Only improved the value of the house.
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Puffin, I can see why you were able to make a quick decision. The place is really lovely and I'm sure you won't miss house maintenance and shoveling your door free all night long. My friend who recently moved to a similar facility is delighted with her decision. I don't envy the work of moving, however. I think we've stayed here so long because moving is atrocious if you're not good at getting rid of things. Best wishes for a smooth move, lovely cruise, and quick house sale.
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Realized at supper I was feeling chilly, house temp was 63 and furnace wasn't working. Called the after-hours staff and he came over. Would you believe the powerful blower the guys set in front of the furnace to blow on my kitchen wall to dry it had created enough suction on the back end that it caused my furnace to quit working. Some little white part had to be replaced for $100 if I wanted it fixed tonight or less if we waited and got the part from Minneapolis. Don't want pipes to freeze so I had him put in the $100 part. I then sent an email to my adjuster and told him there would be another bill to add to my claim.
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Puffin, so glad you're getting out from under ND winter home maintenance! Even though we grew up in NYC and spent the first 7 years of our marriage in Seattle, our first Chicago winter (the Blizzard of '79) was a rude awakening, I was home studying for the IL Bar Exam on a frigid (-20F) morning, with 2+ ft. of snow still on the ground, when our cat came into the bedroom crying. She led me into first the dining room and then the kitchen, and meowed as she lifted her head to the ceilings--not only were they and the window frames leaking, but there was even water dripping out of the light fixtures! It was the dreaded ice-damming--our landlord (we lived in a 36-unit 1920s Chicago-style "courtyard" building made up of 6 six-flats conjoined in a "U" shape around a central garden, and we were on the top floor) was a newbie and in over his head--he spent days up on the roof hacking at the ice dams with a hatchet & garden hoe. We began plotting ways to get out of our lease when one day we were served with "Notice of Intent to Declare Condominium," which would evict us unless we bought our (or another) apartment. I collapsed on to the floor, hopelessly laughing--It took me 15 min. to get up before I could call Bob. Until the day we moved out, they kept dropping the price in hopes we'd buy--but there was no parking lot or garage (every building for two blocks was an apt. house built all the way to the alleys), it took a long walk & bus ride to get to the train, and grocery shopping (espec. in winter) was a nightmare--because we could rarely park any closer than two or three blocks away, and the supermarket was not on a bus line, we had to schlep a cart half a mile in either direction. We lived in two more apts. before we finally bought our house. Home maintenance is a pain--but having to depend on a recalcitrant, stingy or incompetent landlord to do it is even worse!
We are thinking of moving into a nice 55+ building either on the lakefront or in Evanston (leaning toward the latter) when our housekeeper eventually retires down to AL. I get hives, though, just thinking of decluttering enough to hire a "stager;" and we have some major repairs to make (replace windows & interior stairs, re-do bedroom, office and 1st fl. bathroom ceilings) so the place will be salable. The neighborhood, especially our block, is mostly large frame & stucco "foursquare," Victorian and pre-Prairie houses (ours was built in 1908), so it's highly unlikely we can sell it "as is" for a teardown--it still has good "bones." That Evanston bldg. is lovely, with a restaurant, cafe & bar, refurbished Art Deco pool area, and garage on one side (and a tapas bar on the other), across from a branch of my health club, and only 3 bl. from both the CTA & Metra trains so we'd need only one car at most. But it is all studios, one-and-two bedroom units, so we would have to do some serious downsizing of possessions. And it's really, really pricey.
Gotta make an appt. to be refracted again--even with my computer glasses, I find myself closing one eye to read the screen. And I keep getting the robo-call from Amita Health to make an appt. for my annual "Medicare Wellness Visit." My doc will be pleased with my weight loss--hopefully, my a1c & glucose will be even better than it was in June and my cholesterol will have come down. If not, I can blame the letrozole.
So recreational weed became legal here in IL on New Year's Day. I had no desire to line up for hours at a time (I still have plenty of medical edibles & tinctures on hand)--and though medical patients could skip the line and breeze on in, we can do so only at the dispensary at which we're registered (and changing dispensaries is a royal PITA). I had thought that they'd stock up to be ready for the onslaught of stoners, but nooo. Every dispensary had run out by 4 pm on Wed., 3 pm Thurs. & Fri. And most (including mine) were selling only medical all weekend. (Cruised for 15 min. Sat. looking for parking, only to have hipsters take all the spaces. I sat waiting till one opened up, and I swooped in. As I was checking in, disappointed stoners who hadn't gotten the e-mails or visited social media pages kept coming in and walking out, many grousing about having paid the parking meters. I went because I did want to stock up on CBN capsules, which are my go-to for insomnia (when Bob's snoring & mattress-kicking and my pulsatile tinnitus are too much to handle). But when I went inside, I gasped--most of their stuff was gone. They have no idea when the CBN (whether capsules, pen or patches) will be in again. Had to settle for an indica dark chocolate bar (at 73% cocoa solids it's on my diet) and a syringe of RSO to try to dilute in coconut oil, both to take before bedtime. Several dispensaries are closed, period. Mine reopened for rec. sales today--but a friend reports the line stretched 2 blocks (for those who didn't want to sit in various bars & restaurants holding a pager). I checked the online menu--and they have even less than when I was there--almost nothing left but about 5 strains of flower, a couple of vapes and one brand of 1:1 gummy.
The trouble is that under the new law (as it was for medical dispensaries), all flower must be IL-grown and all products IL-made (even the chocolate from CA has to be repackaged & QR-coded here for taxation). IMHO, until and unless all stocks are replenished--which can take weeks if not months--it's just not worth it. I'm pretty much sticking with CBD. I hate feeling stoned anyway. (And as an asthmatic singer, smoking & vaping are off the table for me even if I didn't have to remove my retainer to do so).
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75, Sunny, Beautiful, in Key West. Direct flight 2.5 hours from Chicago. So, in Room 14, with the dreaded shower where I found the lump last January. But, how nice, they’ve remodeled the bathroom - it all looks different and I’m not having PTSD flashback- though will most probably not tempt fate by doing self-exam tonight. And tonight is the glorious strawberry shortcake.
Puffin and Sandy- though we are much older than you- we sold our beloved home in Glencoe which we’d had for 45 years and moved to a retirement community in Evanston. I mourned the loss of our home, the years passed and gone forever- downsizing was a trial. But we loved our new apartment from the get go. I had a fantasy that it would be like living in a college dorm and it is in the best way possible. This is a community where people care about each other, look out for one another and are in the same phase of life. It is very wise to move when one is healthy enough and not in crisis. We’ve made friends we never would have met otherwise, have a beautiful view of Lake Michigan and of the Chicago Skyline. Hard as it was to give up our house, it was the right decision at the right time.
Now, off to Duval Street to look for Charlottes Web, Lemon Vanilla CBD oil
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"Nobody grows old merely by living a number of years. We grow old by deserting our ideals. Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul."
-- Samuel Ullman
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I'm on late today. I needed to go back to Evanston, Ind. and see Dr. F, my orthopedic Dr. Great news. I do not have to return to him unless I have something unusual turn up. He has though ordered 6 more weeks of rehab therapy. JMO but I think his releasing me from returning to him was due to my having had to miss three appts. with him due to not having a DAV driver at those times. I also think that is why he ordered the 'extra' therapy time -- so I would get the advantage of their help while working on my home exercises. That and I did mention to him how much I felt I had gotten and improved on the manual stretching they do on my arm. I am always good and sore afterwards, but within a day or two of the "stretching" I seem to be able to do something I was not able to before. Usually I don't think and just use my left arm for something and find to my surprise that it is 'now' possible.
Keywest -- you are a marvelous advertiser for making the plunge into retirement community living. Dh and I lived in a couple of mobile home parks ( the last a 55 and older only one ) and we found it extremely satisfying. It is almost like family in a way, only better since they ( your new family ) live fairly close and most enjoy being able to trade skills and give you a bit of a hand. Good advice to make your move if at all possible while your health is good. It is hard to downsize. Still when your a bit older, being on a more minimal scale means less work overall and even if you don't actually need it right now, in time I'm sure you'll end up happy. It has been one of the projects ( long lasting so far ) that I've tried the last few yrs. to accomplish.
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We bought a house in an "active living" 55 plus community while still in our 50's. DH had a family heart history and we thought he would be dead by age 60. We've downsized once and could do it again but think we'll wait until we need independent living (although DH swears that is coming soon!). Watching friends and neighbors, too often folks wait too long and loose choices and control. I hope we don't make that mistake. I know QOL is better if one makes the move while one can still make new friends and enjoy the conveniences and outings that most communities offer.
Downsizing is a challenge but I really do know that I don't need four sets of dishes and the sterling silver serving bowls that are badly tarnished from not being used. One of the advantages of being in your new place for a few months before you sell the old is that you can decide that you really can't live without the ____ that is still in your old kitchen and bring it over. Here people use consignment shops and your favorite local charity would love to have things you can't use in their thrift shops. I had to get rid of a dining set (which could seat 12) with seats that I had needlepointed. I had a good photographer take pictures of my favorites and they are now framed and in my den. That's enough a memory of good times for me.
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Taco what a great idea -- taking pictures of things that meant a lot to you but which ( no matter how nice ) no longer accommodate your lifestyle that changes through the years.
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Our ideals resemble the stars; you will not succeed in touching them with your hands. But like seafarers on the desert waters, you choose them as your guides, and following them you will reach your destiny.
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Carl Schurz
The ideals which have lighted me on my way and time after time given me new courage to face life cheerfully, have been Truth, Goodness, and Beauty. . . . The ordinary objects of human endeavor -- property, outward success, luxury -- have always seemed to me contemptible. -Albert Einstein
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It really is the memories, not the things, that are important. And even if we have kids to "pass things down to", their life styles are often so different than ours and they don't have the memories attached. As I was putting the last of Christmas away today I was thinking about two ornaments that my folks must have had for years. (I don't remember them hanging on their tree but every year my mother - in her dementia- would help us decorate and comment on them.). I'm certain my "modern" daughter would never hang them on her tree but I do wish she would humor me and take them.
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That's the perfect term Taco - that the younger generation would "humor us" and take some of our special things.
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Hello all, I just found this thread and enjoyed reading back through the good conversations, quotes, and inspiration for those of us "of a certain age" as the French say. I read with interest the discussions about moving and 55+ communities as my husband and I have ongoing discussions about this. Of course he's a packrat and I'm mainly not. So discussions continue!!
Glad to have found you all.
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Good morning, Ladies. I enjoy the chatter about downsizing. We keep talking about it, but we like our house and I just don't see it happening. My best birthday present ever was a lady to clean my house. My husband came up with this great present for my 65th and have enjoyed her ever since. That was the only problem I had with the house, too much to clean. LOL
It is a lovely sunny morning. I am heading south to St. Petersburg to meet with the lawyer to start probate for mom's estate.
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My "new" cleaning lady came yesterday and spent four hours cleaning. She's actually a former neighbor and a friend who once had a cleaning business. She has taken on a few jobs and has agreed to add our house to her list. She cleaned for me some years ago and she's very thorough. I had told her the house looked orderly but wasn't clean according to her standards. She agreed with me after she got started cleaning!
I went to the gym to get myself out of the house. I did a Pilates class as a newcomer. Then I did the Silver Sneakers. I was "tuckered out" afterwards. Drove home expecting Arleen to be finished and gone but she was still there. I'm hoping this arrangement works out because I really dislike housecleaning at this stage of my life, no matter how much I tell myself the cleaning process is activity and good for me.
Today I'm nervous about playing bridge with a group of women as a sub. I'm actually a novice bridge player who started playing duplicate with a beginner group seven years ago and quit because I was too busy to make time for it. The last six months I started playing online but with computer robots not people. Social bridge is different from duplicate and I don't even know how to keep score by hand. Hope it all works out well and I enjoy this experience.
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Be on the lookout for mercies. The more we look for them, the more of them we will see. . . . Better to lose count while naming your blessings than to lose your blessings to counting your troubles. -Maltbie D. Babcock
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Reader425 , I'm sending a big welcome to you. Glad you found us. We enjoy each other on this thread. Ups and downs, assorted problems, or issues, sometimes a recipe, a laugh, and sometimes we even talk cancer and its many problems and how it behaves for those a bit older.
I mainly show up daily to insert a quote. I don't have the deep knowledge others possess. Though it has been some time, I didn't even know anyone much who had the disease. Imagine my surprise when I found that far from alone I was with a huge multitude. Later I discovered how many people around me very close also shared this ahem' distinction.
Anyway, glad you are here and feel free to discuss anything as we all do.
Petite, sounds like you have the best of worlds going on and Carole will be joining in with you. I love being/having things clean while seeing it as a terrible chore. Dh and I hope to stay here as long as possible. Why I am working to go as minimal as I can here. Seems every time I made a great start something comes along to cancel out the progress made and I have to start over. Now my broken arm is doing so well I am once again, beginning. Here's hoping that I continue on fruitfully to a satisfactory place.
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Reader 425, Welcome to our group. The more the merrier. FYI I share your situation. My DH is not a hoarder but definitely a packrat. The thought of trying to move is really daunting.
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Welcome Reader425.
The topic of downsizing is one on my mind a lot at the moment. We have a big house, with a big garage, which has accumulated a lot of stuff to fill these big spaces! I have been steadily trying to offload things for years, but it's an uphill battle as my husband has not had the time or inclination to help. Our two older daughters moved out this year, one of them bought her own place, the other just moved across the world to London. As we now have only our teenage son living at home, I feel much more motivated to clear things, it's incredible how much stuff one accumulates over 32 years living in the same house! The daughter who moved to London has mentioned coming back to live at home if she doesn't like London, I feel bad that part of me doesn't think this is a good idea! -
My late parents lived in a senior community and loved the life style - then moved to independent living when they needed more support. The senior community my folks lived in was in S. FL and really quite lovely, but not my cup of tea. Also we are still young (64 and 63) and both work, me 4 days/week and DH full-time. We've been in our house 26+ years and will probably be here till we go out in a pine box!!. I figure when we can no longer take care of the yard, clean etc, we can hire people. We have a large crawl space which is wonderful to put stuff!!! I've been on a mission to get rid of stuff we are not using, but the crawl space is still pretty full. Lots more to do. A lot of the stuff is children's stuff - crib, toddler bed toys and more. I keep having my kids go through stuff the last time they visited but they still held onto many, many things. My kids live too far away to send them boxes of childhood stuff. Eventually, I will say, it's out of here. This past Christmas, I donated several bags of stuffed animals that were in like new condition as well as games etc to the Santa Claus shop. We just cleaned out my late MIL's house a couple months ago and of course DH and I took things home!! I guess we are collectors
. I still have art work that belonged to my parents that I need to figure out what to do with. I want a few pieces as they are beyond sentimental (paintings of my grandparents and 2 cross stitch that my late father brought home from S. Korea after the war. Still have "junk" to go through from my mother (after almost 2 years), but it takes work!! Okay, enough rambling!!! I read here daily, but don't post often.
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Thank you all so much for the warm welcome. I too am a lurker at times but read with interest.
Wren, yes same here about packrat hub. To compound it we married late so you had two whole households combining, complete with boxes of stuff when both his parents passed away early in our marriage. I've managed to corral a lot of it in the basement so our home looks presentable. But while I've donated or trashed a bit of my own stuff in preparation for any move, since he still works full-time work on his part of it is really daunting.
Illinoislady i love your quote today and thank you for the welcome.
And to all who mentioned having a cleaning person come in....yes!! I told my husband that twice monthly expense has to stay in our retirement budget. It's a mental health expense!! 😘
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I saw a cute sign at my art class today. It had a picture of a kitten and said.
Reading, that's how you install software in your brain.
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Downsizing - I've live in an upstate NY house for 32+ years, and now 1/2 the year in SWFL since Oct 2015. Talk about stuff! In NY I have a walk in attic that I'm sure has Christmas stuff from the 1980's in the corners. Add in things in my garage from the passing of both parents 16 & 17 years ago. Double add in things from DH parents move from a cape to a 2 br apartment in an independent living facility. (We're keeping an old pink scale because?)
Just typing this overwhelms me. I keep telling DH we need to do the Swedish death clean, otherwise my step children & nieces will toss it all in a dumpster after we're gone.
I like the idea of a cleaning person but don't want them to see my "dirt" (I am my mother!).
OK, better thoughts to all!
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We hired someone to do an estate sale for my late MIL's house furniture, dishes, clothes etc. It is actually happening this week-end. After cleaned out, threw out and took the few things we wanted it was way too much for us to handle especially long distance. After this week-end my DH has hired someone to clean out the rest of the stuff - and do with whatever they do with it all. I was thinking this morning why I've said all the condolence cards for my parent and my MIL as well as emails. Am I really ever going to read them again? I'm sure it will take repeatedly going through stuff to get rid of stuff that I've kept just because!!
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A greater poverty than that caused by lack of money is the poverty of unawareness. Men and women go about the world unaware of the beauty, the goodness, and the glories in it. Their souls are poor. It is better to have a poor pocketbook than to suffer from a poor soul.
Jerry Fleishman
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Oh my yes, on the things we keep because now may not be the right time. I've said a million times that Dh and I live in a warehouse that resembled a house/home. Most of the things are out of sight, but while I love our house it does not have the storage capacity of our other home. So, I keep trying and will do so until I'm strong enough to heave-ho with no regrets. I gave a away a lot of my mother's things -- to my daughter who seemed so stable at the time. I may have been quite wrong. Well, I have to remember -- my honor and love go to the person and not the possessions for the most part. Still though there are a couple of things I wish I'd kept.
I too fear household help because I might be "judged". I know it is a bit silly since I at one time was a 'cleaning lady'. Can't recall how many of my clients owned up to 'cleaning' before I got there. I saw it as silly and likely if I did have someone in ( can't afford actually ) they'd likely feel the same way I did when I was one of them. We/I wasn't at all concerned ( unless it was massive amts. ) about what needed cleaning nearly as much as how much I needed the work and income. Dirt to me just represents something that needs to be gotten rid of and that is my primary focus -- not who has the most of it.
I recall one of my later clients who was always full of praise for me. Not because I cleaned well, ( though I know I did ) but because when she did it herself she never got her whole house cleaned at once. Over and over she told me how fantastic to come home to every room and nook and cranny sparkling. Sometimes the non-monetary paymts. are wonderful too.
Rained thru the night and more today. We will go under a flood watch since it will go through tomorrow. YIKES, I clash with more than one gray day. Thank goodness for my special lights ( gift of a lady on here ) that give me my sun back.
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