Has anyone started a forum for Chemo in Dec 2008?

Firni

busqueen, I'm pretty sure your feelings a quite normal.  It seems that all of us women must be the strong one, we must keep the house up etc.  After already going thru so much this probably does feel selfish to you.  But when would it be better to do the surgery?  Never.  You needed to do this for yourself and not feel guilty about it.  Take the time that you need to heal before going out and hauling around on a bus steering wheel.  Stop dropping hints and ask someone to load and empty the dishwasher and vacuum and mop the floors and anything else that is going to injure you.  You got thru the financial before, you will this time too.  Take a deep breath, have some tea and a percocet and relax.  This will all pass and you'll be glad you did it when you did.  Once the drains are out and you start having fills, you'll feel soooo much better.

mombos

busqueen - I'm sorry you are having such a rough time.  I don't think that having reconstruction surgery is considered selfish or vain.  It is only natural to want to be put back together the way you were before.  I view it as part of everything that needs to be done to say we are finished with this whole thing.  Some may not want to do it and that is fine but if it is in any way important to you then now is the time to do it.  I know recovery from the placement of TEs is difficult.  I had mine placed at the time my breasts were removed and my surgeon told me that if I was only having my breasts removed that the surgery wouldn't be that bad but that placing the TEs was the really hard part as far as recovery time goes.  No matter what procedure I have had done during this whole thing I have never been pleased with how long it has taken me to recover.  You can't force the recovery time.  Give yourself a break.  By the way, husbands and kids do not take hints very well.  Start your sentence out something like this...."I need you to unload the dishwasher for me."  You are recovering and they need to pull their weight and you should not feel guilty about that.  Over doing it will only cause your recovery to be longer.

I'm sorry I sound so preachy.  I just hate to see you being so hard on yourself.  This is a rough road.  Your body has been through a lot not to mention your mind and emotions.  Hang in there and keep talking to us.  We are here to support each other.

Texas357

busqueen: there's a reason why insurance has to pay for the reconstruction in the U.S. Don't beat yourself up over wanting to restore your body. If it was only vanity, insurance wouldn't pay for it. Besides the fact, I suspect part of your desire to have the surgery is to emotionally put all of this behind you. That will do alot toward your ability to contribute to your family's welfare.

You've been through SO much. Don't get down on yourself now.

colleen1960

busqueen:  Please do not feel bad about going on about how you are feeling.  That is why we are all here to help each other.  We all go through those days when we are not sure if we made the right decisions.  But like everyone else has said you will feel much better once the drains are out, I know that I did.  For me the drains seemed to be the worse part.  But once they are gone and you get the 1st fill you will definitely feel better.  As for your family, I know how you feel.  It is not that they forget, but sometimes they don't remember.  I know after I finished chemo my family thought maybe things would go back to the way they were before, with MOM doing everything.  But I sat them all done and explained that just because chemo was over it was going to take me a long time to really feel back to my self.  So please don't second guess your self.  You made the right choice and it will get better.

Colleen

swest

Thinking about you Firni!  I hope this is a easy surgury today!

Busqueen - I agree with what everyone else has said.  Take it easy.  Try using your arms less and the drainage should decrease.  I kept using mine after my mx since I was not in pain and had the drains in for alomost 2 weeks.  Don't second guess yourself.  You are worth this reconstruction!

Sonia

Bold

Busqueen, angel I sooo get it. I remember after my initial lumpectomy (where they took a tennis ball size out) I was talking to my daughter on the phone. My Dh was asleep ( as we had to get up at 4:00 am to get to surgery on time. Anyway I broke a huge glass vase and I do mean huge. It made a great crash. My DH did not get up to see if I had fallen or if I needed help. I had to get the vacuum and clean it up perfectly (barefoot and a cat in the house too). I was thinking WTF!!! But then just started laughing. I remembered how strong I am and that I can handle this. But most important I want you to know that I appreciate you doing the dishes. I do not expect you to do it and I am grateful that you care. I know that your family does too. I ended up having a real heart to heart with my husband and told him where I needed his support. He is not a mind reader and he is not good at anticipating MY needs. I had a much easier time of things after that. And still do. I am sorry that you are hurting and pray that you heal quickly and laugh a lot!!!!!!!!! Remeber the hard part is OVER!!!!

Bold

Busqueen, angel I sooo get it. I remember after my initial lumpectomy (where they took a tennis ball size out) I was talking to my daughter on the phone. My Dh was asleep ( as we had to get up at 4:00 am to get to surgery on time. Anyway I broke a huge glass vase and I do mean huge. It made a great crash. My DH did not get up to see if I had fallen or if I needed help. I had to get the vacuum and clean it up perfectly (barefoot and a cat in the house too). I was thinking WTF!!! But then just started laughing. I remembered how strong I am and that I can handle this. But most important I want you to know that I appreciate you doing the dishes. I do not expect you to do it and I am grateful that you care. I know that your family does too. I ended up having a real heart to heart with my husband and told him where I needed his support. He is not a mind reader and he is not good at anticipating MY needs. I had a much easier time of things after that. And still do. I am sorry that you are hurting and pray that you heal quickly and laugh a lot!!!!!!!!! Remeber the hard part is OVER!!!!

swest

Hi everyone!  Nothing exciting to write about.  Staying very busy at work.  Yuck!  Have a great weekend!

Sonia

Texas357

Hey y'all: my prophylactic mastectomy is scheduled for August 25th. Uggh. More drains! But this time my nerves are steady. In fact, the appointments with my BS and PS were both filled with smiles and laughter. As I told them: time to do some "tweaking" so Humpty Dumpty can get put back together again!

busqueen

Good Morning everybody.  And Happy Friday!

Thank you for your words of encouragement.  I've been feeling like such a wimp.  A wimp on house arrest.  With no boobs.:-)  I do feel better now, it seemed like I turned a corner a few days ago and yesterday I got my drains out and my first fill.  Now I just need to feel well enough to get back to work.

FIRNI ~~ how did your surgery go?  I hope all is well.

TEXAS357 ~~ glad your nerves are steady, what a grand finale for your summer.:-)

Carie

Firni

Hi Ladies,  My revision surgery went great on Monday.  The surgery itself took less than an hour.  I was in recovery for about an hour and then home.  There was a lot more pain this time than with the exchange tho.  He took out a lot of scar tissue, removed the nipple and a lot of breast tissue behind it and opened up the lower pole pocket.  Lots of cutting.  Ouch.  I've been pretty looped up on Percocet until today.  Now just Motrin 800 seems to be doing the trick.  I'm really happy with the difference in the right breast.  Still want more projection, but not enough to do more surgery.  I posted a couple before and after pictures on the picture forum.

Carie, I'm so glad you're feeling better.  Having the drains gone makes a huge difference.  Don't ever feel like a wimp.  None of this is comfortable and much of it is downright painful and physically draining.

Texas, I'm glad you got your prophy date.  Not too far away.  I like your Humpty Dumpty analogy.  

Bold, you are right about DH not being good about anticipating our needs.  We're so good at it we forget than men don't have that gift.  At least not too many of them do.  I learned long before BC to let my DH know in very plain English, what he can do to help me.  Even after all these years, he can't anticipate.  Like now, we have the heaviest cookware in the world.  I cleaned up all the dishes except the pots and pans.  They sat on the stove for two days.  It never occurred to DH to wash those.  I had to ask him to do it and voila, pots and pans were done and put away.   

busqueen

Greetings and Salutations.

FIRNI ~ I'm glad your surgery went well.:-)

I am feeling ok.  I was very uncomfortable Friday night and hardly slept.  Is it like that after every fill?  Today I went and got a haircut.  My hair has been growing in fairly quickly, much to my surprise, and I wanted to go get it evened  up and the get the little fly-away wings on the side cut off.  And even though it seems to be very similar in color and texture, I have been noticing that it seems to have a very different growth pattern going on.....it kind of felt like I had a giant swirlie on the back of my head.  Well, apparently that is what I have, and my hairdresser was pretty amazed by it.:-)  So apparently I have the "perfect storm" on my head now.  Oh, joy.  I have actually thought that it would be easier to just cut it off and wear my colorful, happy scarves again.:-)

I hope you have all had a relaxing a peaceful weekend.

Firni

Hi Carie,  That is so funny about your "perfect storm" hair.  Mine is growing counter clockwise around my head except for the top.  That part is growing from the sides to the center forming a nice peak on top of my head.  Then there is a cow lick kind of thing where my bangs would be above my right eye.  I just keep thinking, no wonder I could never get  my hair to look nice.  Mine sure isn't growing fast at all.  I think it's slowed down even.  I'm almost 5 months post chemo and have less than 1/2 inch of hair on my head complete with the old man bald spot yet.  I still wear ball caps when I leave the house.  One, because I hate the bald spot and two, I don't want to sunburn the bald spot.

Texas357

I need sunscreen on my head too. Strange to have to do that one!

I just wish my eyebrows would come in faster. I have very few hairs there, about half my lashes, and nothing under my arms yet at all. The underarm hair can stay away though. Shhhh...I won't tell!

bobcat

I love the perfect storm and glad to hear that others are noticing new hair growth patterns.  Mine is the same color - salt and pepper - but my head is full of cowlicks and swirlies and nothing goes the way I think it should.  I am going to my Italian barber weekly to keep it short and under control - I may never let it grow out  and I get tons of compliments on it.  I too wish the brows would fill in but alas I am still drawing them on.  Lashes are still coming and going - very strange.

swest

Right now I have ~ 2 inches of very, very, very tight curls.  They are so tight I just throw gel on and go.  It's easy but not very stylish.  Oh well, I'm not complaining!  Really, I'm not!!!! I said after chemo I'd never complain about my hair again.

bobcat

My son finally helped me figure out how to update my photo!!

Firni

Yea, BobCat.  Good thing we have kids who know how to do this stuff.  Your hair looks pretty good.  I think I should buzz mine and even it out, but then I'm almost back to square one.  ie: Bald.

I don't think I'll have any curl in my hair.  The chemo fuzz looks a little wavy when it's wet but other wise it's pretty straight.  Brows are growing in where I don't want them, not where I do.  Lashes.  Once I get about 5-7 on each eye, they fall out again.  No "no make up" days for me either.  Amazing how your whole face seems to disappear without eye hair.  Even tho my surgery instructions said "Don't wear make up to surgery", I wore foundation and eyebrows for my exchange and my revision.  No one said anything about it.   Quite frankly, I would have been happy if no body hair ever grew back, but alas, my leg hair is growing at an alarming rate.  Too bad it isn't my head.

Texas357

I wish I had eyelashes and brows again! But as others have said, they are SO slow coming back. Sadly with my watery eyes, makeup isn't an option. No matter how carefully I dab, the makeup is  gone in minutes.

swest

I love your picture Bobbi!  You are so beautiful!

bobcat

Firni - it's funny how the face looks without eye hair.  Luckily I was able to slather on the brown shadow and draw a brow.  Bright pink lipstick helps too.  I was told I could wear full makeup for surgery so I did and woke up feeling at least presentable.  Swest - you are so sweet about the picture - thank you!

colleen1960

Have not been on in a while, but it seems that everyone is doing pretty well.  I can't believe it is already Aug.  It seems that the kids just got out of school and now we are looking for school supplies and clothes.  I am getting  a little antsy I guess, because in about 6 wks. I will go in for all my testing.  In some ways I can't believe it will be a year since my diagnosis.  It's like some days if feels like it was yesterday and others a life time ago.  I can't explain it.  The Tamoxifen or SE from chemo has really been bothering my feet lately.  I don't know what is causing it, maybe a combination of the weather also (very humid).  But I have been getting some really bad pains in my feet.  Anyone else experiencing that?  Tomorrow is Friday already, I hope you all have a great weekend.

Colleen

Mandy1313

Hi Colleen: I have been having bad pains in my feet and in my shins since my last chemo....they are reduced and I no longer wake up at night in pain from them.  I haven't started tamox so I know it is from the chemo.

 Glad to see that the December gals are getting on with things.  I just got back from my long awaited vacation....I had waited for a year since last year's was postponed so I could have surgery.In fact, I flew over on the date of my surgery.   I went to Paris to see a dear friend and then to England to attend a family party and to see more friends.   I loved Paris and even managed to speak some French there. And the birthday party for my 95 year old cousin in England was fantastic...I discovered that I have many English cousins that I did not know. My hubby flew over and spent a week in England with me. And I then stayed on for another week, at my close friend's home.  We stayed up and had "girl talk...." It was great.   My last night in London, my hostess  and I treated ourselves to dinner at Gordon Ramsay's restaurant on Royal Hospital Road (he has several restaurants in London) It was a fantastic way to celebrate our long friendship---we have been friends for over 40 years!!!!  Of course now that I am home for 2 days, the holiday seems to have vanished somewhere. But I think I'll start planning the next one. 

lovemyfamilysomuch

Hi everyone!  I am so glad to reconnect with my December buddies.  Many of you helped me so much through last winter's chemo--you were angels and a great support during a horrible period in my life.  I am so glad to be feeling better!  My hair came in thin and gray initially, then I got tired of the gray and colored it and now it is a mop of curls on my head!  I send my love and support to all of you!  (formerly Dr. Decker) (changed my sign in name for privacy purposes).  Thank you sisters, praying for all of us.

Ellen

bobcat

Hi Everyone!! Hello Mandy - nice to see you back checking in - I think of you often and your trip sounded fantastic. I think it must be good that this board is so quiet. It means we are all getting back to living and not dealing with BC. My summer has been busy and interspersed with the activity are all these one year milestones - tumor found, biopsy positive, mastectomy....Just weird. As you can see from my pic, the hair is coming in but I'm keeping it short because curls do not look good on me ) I just had another odd experience - my top lashes are falling out again. Still not much brow either. Has anyone had this happen? Arimidex brings it's own set of SE's but I think that now, I can take about anything. Like Colleen said, you don't realize how bad you felt until you start to feel better. Keep in touch ladies - I think of you all and how much we relied on each other this past winter.



Bobbi

Mandy1313

Bobbi: Thanks for your thoughts.  Your hair looks fabulous in your photo......

It is good that the thread is quieting down...it means we are getting back to our lives.  But I do want to add, that I would never have made it through my combo of rads/chemo without the wonderful ladies on this thread who took their time to answer questions and cheer me on.  The December gals are a great group of friends to have!

Mandy

Texas357

Amen to that thought Mandy! We needed to pull together. And although there are days that I feel life is normal, I still need to stop back by and get my motivational "fix".

Firni

Mandy, your trip sounds fantastic.  I haven't been to europe for about 20 years and hope to get back someday.  

Ellen, so glad to see you and hear that you're doing fine.  My hair is still very thin and I don't see a mop of any thing coming.  At least it isn't grey.  It's a nice summer streaked, light brown.  Just like it was.

Bobbi, My lower lashes are becoming visible but my upper lashes and brows are remaining a problem.  The upper lashes keep falling out and my brows are invisible baby hair.  But that is the first step to having something substantial.  Soon enough, I guess, I'll be plucking again.

Texas and the rest of the Dec. Divas, I do hope that everyone checks in once in a while.  I feel close to everyone here and would hate to lose touch after what we've been thru together.   

busqueen

Hi Everybody. I hope you are all having a nice, relaxing weekend.  So i've had one fill on both sides and one fill on just one side now, because the other side was a little bigger to begin with.  It's definitely not fun, but hopefully it will be worth it in the end.  Now I'm worried because some of the skin on one side has become red and hard.  My ps saw it last thursday and tried to see if he get some fluid out to do a culture.  He couldn't get any fluid and I'm not running a fever.  Of course every worst case scenario I can come up with is running through my head.  He said if the redness gets worse then call his office this next week, but he is going to be out of town.  So now when I look at it I'm totally second guessing myself, wondering if its really worse or if I'm just imagining things.  UGH.  I'm supposd to go back to work tomorrow, just part time, driving my afternoon shift.  Yes, I'm wallowing.:-)  I probably just need to eat some chocolate and focus on the fact that I'm still alive.  And stop being such a weinie.  In other news....lol.  We had a very exciting night around here last night.  A couple tornadoes touched now within 10-15 miles of where we live.  My question is, why do these things always happen when there's something on tv I really wanted to watch?

havehope

Hello! I am glad that everybody is doing ok. After 10 days on vacation I am back home and back to work. Soon I start my tests, Aug 21 colonscopy Sept 5 gyno, Sept 11, blood work and Sept 18 the other boob comes out. 

I feel ok, not too many SEs left just tiredness and some bone pain from time to time. I never lost my hair completely but what came back was very curly. Not my hair at all. But is good that at least something is coming back. I am still having shot flashes and my period has not returned. I will find out soon if I entered meno or not.  

Keep your spirits up and enjoy the rest of the summer.