Has anyone started a forum for Chemo in Dec 2008?

Texas357

I know Femara causes anxiety, and I think that may be a big part of my funk because I'm usually not one to succumb to a pity party or whining. Not my style. But lately I can't seem to shake it.

I'm down because I don't feel attractive and I hurt everywhere. When I told my husband that I hated mirrors now, he said he is just thankful to have me alive. He didn't dispute the fact that my appearance has really suffered because of BC. He's never attempted to touch my reconstructed breasts, even though I've told him that that I do have a lot of feeling in them.

I hurt head to toe because of the Femara. And on the Monday after Thanksgiving, I'm going in for surgery #13 in 25 months. It's the 2nd try at nipple reconstruction. I'm so tired of surgeries.

I honestly believe it's the Femara messing with my coping skills.

BonnieK

Texas -- I'm so sorry you are having such a rough time.  BC is such a life changer, and sometimes all the SEs and surgeries just catch up to us.  Husbands and family members hurt right along with us, but sometimes they have no idea what to say or do or they say and do all the wrong things for the right reasons.  Have you talked with your DH about how you feel?     

I'm on Femara too, and think I have some idea of what you are going through with SEs-- can you talk to your onc about changing to one of the other AIs or have you already done that?  Have you tried an anti-depressant?  Effexor is pretty effective in helping with hot flashes and anxiety/panic. 

Take care and feel better....

Texas357

My insurance company denied Effexor, and my oncologist says Femara is my best option. 3-1/2 years to go.

I started a Restoration Pilates class a few weeks ago, and was asked to list all of the side effects I've had with Femara. I had a LONG list including the joint pains, increased cholesterol, anxiety, hot flashes, and (extremely) dry skin.

And yes I've tried talking with hubby. I sometimes think men have a hard time making the distinction between vanity and just wanting to feel good about your appearance.

EleanorJ

Thanks everyone for the nice compliments. Firni, the texts are mostly my blog if you ever feel like reading it all. I was quite emotional working on it as I re-read it all, I had to make a few corrections, chemo wasn't to do to prevent me from making mistakes! So, yeah, it brought me to tears a few time. I had been wanting to do this book since I've been out of treatment. I don't think I could have stomach working on it that soon after. I wouldn't want to have it published, I don't mind sharing my life with people I know, but wouldn't want my personal life out there for strangers. Plus many pictures of friends & family that might not want to be put out there.

Mandy, see, I view Christmas time differently. I can totally understand where you're coming from, but last Christmas I was just so happy and thrilled to be healthy, have hair (losing my hair 4 days before Christmas wasn't ideal! LOL), taste all the wonderful food, traditions, not be scared to get sick from hugging everyone and really just be alive. I really see Christmas time as a big celebration right now. Of course hubby totalled (not his fault at all) our car 2 weeks before Christmas last year, that put a demper on our happiness a bit, but still. Maybe if you shared your anxiety with your family it would help relieve some of it? By trying to protect your family and keeping it all to yourself, you're probably putting more stress on your shoulder than you need. And they might share the same emotions and trying to protect you as well. I say talk to them or maybe you could have a nice family celebration dinner, without feeling like you're whining, tell them all you're sharing this dinner to celebrate the fact that you're cured and that you're not in the same position as you were 2 years ago. Maybe that you could cheer you up to see it with different eyes.

Texas, sorry to hear about you being down. While I could understand all of you, I know feel like I don't. I didn't need extra surgeries and I'm not taking any hormones, maybe it's easier for me to get past BC? I never really looked at myself in the mirror before, so I still don't, and hubby, well, he's a man, and he sees boobs, he doesn't care what they look like! LOL! But I can appreciate some, after my lumpectomy, I was so scared to remove my bandages, it looked horrible, one breast bigger than the other and they weren't leveled at all. I really didn't want hubby to look at me. Have you tried being completely blunt with him and just take his hand and put it on it? It could just be one of those situation where you feel weird about doing something but when you try, you realize that it wasn't a big deal and you'll do it again. So next time there's some action going on, just direct his hand, he won't even notice it's the "bad" breast. Heck, it's worth a try!

Well, ladies, sending you all big hugs.

EleanorJ

Vanity! HA!! I was bald for a week when my parents first visited us. First, I pick them up at the airport and my dad says I look like a pirate with my scarf, then he kept on making jokes about the way I looked bald. I know, he's my dad, it was hard for him to see me like that and that was his way of coping with it, but enough is enough! So I told him to cut it out, had I shaved my hair for fun, yeah sure, I would expect all kinds of jokes, but that wasn't my choice. His answer? He didn't think I was that vane!!! Geez, I am not a vane person, but I was cute bald, but being told by your dad that he'll flip you upside down to sweep the floor is NOT vane! That's just plain mean! You're right, I don't think this is a concept men understand. We women, aren't typically as visually attracted to the other gender as men are, but we women, want our husbands to be visually attracted to us.

BonnieK

Texas -- there is a generic for Effexor (Venlafaxine) and most insurance companies approve it because it is much cheaper.  You can also ask your doc to help you get approval from the insurance company if you think it might help. 

As for husbands -- men are just weird creatures.  Keep talking -- he'll eventually "get it".

Cebula -- My sense of humor was GONE when I was bald, so your dad is one lucky dude that he wasn't dealing with me -- LOL.   

EleanorJ

Yeah, I snapped worse than I would have normally snapped. I didn't want a repeat

Firni

Texas, I took Effexor for a while and then my Onc changed me to Citalopram (Celexa)  It works more like Wellbutrin (which in my opinion, is the best for hot flashes) but it doesn't interfere with Tamoxifen like Wellbutrin does.  I don't know if Wellbutrin will interfere with Femera as well.  Talk to your onc or your PCP or just do some research on your own and find out.  

I know what you mean about feeling unattractive and all.  I look in the mirror now and there is just an overweight, balding, disfigured old woman with crappy skin looking back at me.  Just 1 1/2 years ago I was a fairly attractive, young looking middle aged woman.   It's probably a good thing I take an anti depressant for hot flashes.    I do hope you're feeling better.  It gets hard to pull ourselves out of a funk sometimes.  Hugs and prayers for you Texas.

Texas357

Thanks all. I do feel better when I try not to think about all of this. Sometimes I just need to lower my head and charge forward.

Mandy1313

Texas, I am so glad that you are charging forward. Sometimes that is the best thing to do.  And we are here to support you in any way that we can.

Caroline: Thanks for your adivce and your caring.   I am not  depressed as that post must have sounded.   But many people do have target dates that bring back memories, good and bad and I am afraid I have certain dates that do trigger memories.  I have two daughters who are young adults---and who live far from me.  But we have planned the holidays, more or less. Hubby and I  will go up to Boston for Thanksgiving where my younger daughter is at school and can't get home because of exams right after Thanksgiving.The best part of that (for me) is that a chef will be cooking the dinner, not me!   We will drive on Wednesday and come home on Friday or Saturday (haven't decided that yet).  And it looks as if my older daughter will be able to come home for Christmas (she works in California and we live on the east coast) so we will all be together.  That will be grand!!!

Hugs to everyone.

Mandy

Firni

Mandy, nothing like having everyone together to chase away some of the bad memories.    It sounds like in spite of the memory triggers, you should have a great holiday season.

Texas, glad you're feeling better.  But any time you're not, you know where we are. 

Texas357

Thanks all. I developed a weird lump in my radiated breast yesterday. Probably fluid. I had surgery last spring to scrape the stuff out and looks like I'll need it again. Just praying this doesn't become something I need done every 6 months or so for the rest of my life. I'm also hoping that it can be done at the same time as my nipple reconstruction. I would hate having to postpone that!

Firni

Well that sucks, Texas.  I hope they can do that the same time as your nips.  I hope too that this doesn't become a habit!

Mandy1313

Texas, that is just a pain you know where.....I hope that they take care of it at the same times as your nips.  I am hoping that the holidays will be good to you and that your surgery will soon be a thing of the past.  You certainly deserve it.  (((((hugs))))))))))

Carie, we haven't heard from you for a while. What's going on?

Wondering what different thngs everyone is planning for Thanksgiving.  Hubby and I are driving to Cambridge Massachusetts where younger daughter goes to college---she has an exam the Monday after Thanksgiving and two papers that are due later in the week, so she could not come home.  We have booked a reservation at a restaurant we like for a Thanksgiving buffet---hubby's sister will join us and one of daughter's room mates (she lives in China so couldn't go home for the weekend for sure)--it will be a little different but for me the main thing is to celebrate the holidays together. And it is kind of nice, in a way, that a chef will be doing all of the work!  

Sending (((((((((hugs))))))))))))))) to all for the weekend.

Mandy

Firni

I'm staying home and cooking for my family.  This is the one day of the year I love to cook.  I make everything from scratch for Thanksgiving. The kitchen looks like it's been destroyed.  Family, wine, and 100% home made food.  I love it.

EleanorJ

Mandy, I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving with your family even if it's not the traditonal way you are used to.

Same as you Firni, I'm staying home and cooking for us four, my mother in law and all of hubby's siblings (there 4 of them together) If everybody is here, there should be 14 of us! Last night was my first time hosting Thanksgiving, and just like you EVERYTHING to the dinner rolls from scratch except for the green bean casserole, My MIL insisted on bringing something, so there it was canned beans with cream of something & those faked french onions! LOL! She makes it every year so I figured better her bring it. She'll probably bring it again this year. I got tired of eating 2 dinners at 1PM & 3PM, between his mom & dad. So, now I'm hosting at 5PM and with wine Plus we get to decorate the house and I just had so much fun with the kids getting ready last year, I wouldn't go back the old way.

Mandy1313

Caroline and Firni: It sounds like such fun.  What are the special things that you like?  My older daughter makes a wonderful chestnut stuffing but we will wait for that.  I got a little carried away and just shipped some dessert goodies to California since she won't be with us. I am not a meat eater but I love all of the side dishes and desserts (from all of the holidays, I am afraid).  Send your favorite recipes!!! (after the holiday since everyone will be too busy before).  :-]

Firni

I make an apple and sausage stuffing that we love.  You wouldn't like that Mandy.  But I do make a killer cranberry sauce.  I'll get that recipe on later.  Next weekend.  My pies kind of suck (tough crusts) but I make them with love.  So, it's all good. This year pumpkin, (not from a can).  I have my mom's old cone shaped ricer thingy that I use for the pumpkin.   My SIL brought a big box of peaches from their tree.  So, I guess I'll make a peach pie or some cobbler or something with those.  I'm planning on 12 this year.  I'm so excited.  I love the way the house smells on Thanksgiving.  And then when all is gone but the carcass, turkey soup with dumplings.  OK.  I'm out of control here.  I'm going to go now.

busqueen

Hi everybody.  All this talk about food is making me hungry!!

So I had chemo number 3 of round number 2 yesterday.  I will have next week off and then another round of 3 weeks.  Then its time for scans again.  Oh fun.  I'm not feeling too bad, the taxol is definitely better than the taxotere.  Just really, really tired.  Which makes the steroid insomnia so much more exciting.:-)  Yawn.

We are having Thanksgiving with only 7 or 8 people this year, depending on whether my sister makes up with her boyfriend in time.:-)  It's going to be very low-key and my son and daughter are doing a lot of the cooking.  Thanksgiving is hard for me because it was my mom's favorite holiday and I still miss her so much. She died in March 2006 from lung cancer.  She went to the same cancer center I go to, so I still have weird deju vu feelings when I'm there.

It makes my heart sad to hear my survivor sisters here still struggling so much with feeling bad about themselves and dealing with surgeries and stuff.  And I can't believe that anybody's insurance company would deny effexor. That stuff probably saved my marriage.  I think cancer patients and survivors have a right to any drug we want!:-)

I hope you all are enjoying your weekend and not spending too much time standing in grocery store lines.

Texas357

We're going over to a good friend's home for Thanksgiving and bringing the pies. Our friend hosts a Thanksgiving each year for people who are away from family (as we are because we live in a different state). It's always a lot of fun.

Christmas will be spent alone -- not really by choice, but it always seems to happen. Then we'll be with my side of the family for New Year's.

lovemyfamilysomuch

Thanksgiving will be at my house on Friday with all my children and my grandson.  What a blessing that will be to have my whole family under one roof.  Warms my heart!  This time of year still brings up bad memories for me, the whole diagnosis, the horrible chemo, my head always being cold when bald, and lots of bad stuff.  My it is so much better now, praise God and I am so thankful to be well and happy.  Amen sisters!! xo

EleanorJ

Nothing special here, just the typical traditional Thanksgiving food, although I'm working on "gourmetizing" my dinner one dish at a type so that I don't freak out anyone Currently working on finding a sweet potato casserole, a hard one since I don't like it, but hubby loves it. Firni, I'd love that cranberry sauce recipe, no hurry to get it on time for Thanksgiving, but I usually just do the recipe on the back of the back, cranberries & sugar. Here's an easy pie crust for you, it's the OLD crisco recipe that they use to print on the containers, they've changed it so that it's "healthier" haven't tried the new recipe. This one is tried & true, I grew up on it.
2 cups flour
1 cup crisco
4 tblsp water
pinch of salt
The way I make it, I throw everything in a food processor (I hate mixing dough by hand) and pulse for about 20 seconds? maybe more or less, whenever a big dough ball starts turning around I stop. The problem with doing it with the food processor is that it makes for a VERY soft dough. So I wrap it in plastic wrap and chill it for at least 15-20 minutes, then it rolls perfectly. It makes enough for 2 layers of crust (1 apple pie or 2 pumpkins). At Christmas time when I make my meat pies (about 9-10) I make all my crusts, by the time I'm done with the food processor, the first one is ready to be rolled.

Carie, what a blessing your children are helping out with the meal. So will mine, but at their age, it's not a blessing, more like a chore

Heading out for errands in a bit, hoping to get the rest of my food before Walmart becomes a mad house!

BonnieK

We're having Thanksgiving at home with our grown children, who will help with the cooking and clean-up -- I am really looking forward to it.  I've cooked on the holidays for years, so it's almost down to a science -- LOL.  DH surprised me with a food processor yesterday, so that should cut some time off the preparation of pie dough, etc.  Can hardly wait to try it out.

Snow is in our forecast for later today and, since we rarely have the white stuff, I expect to see lots of people in the grocery store when I go in just a few minutes.  After picking up the last of my groceries, I'm off to get a haircut with a new stylist (shake and shudder) because mine had back surgery and won't be able to work for several weeks. 

-b

Mandy1313

Hi everyone!

Bonnie I am so jealous of the snow in your forecast though since I am driving it is probably better that it not snow.

Caroline: My mother used to make a sweet potato casserole that was quite simple and not too sweet. She would bake her own sweet potatoes the day before the dinner and scoop them out and mash them.  Then she'd mash in  crushed pineapple (the kind in juice, not sweetened) to the mixture and bake it until it was warm. It was delicious and not too sweet.

Carie: How wonderful that your kids are going to help you out this Thanksgiving. A dinner with 7 or 8 sounds pretty big to me.  Enjoy yourself!

As I have said, we are driving to Cambridge, Massachusetts where my younger daughter goes to college. Hubby and I are driving on Wednesday, expect to get there about 7 pm, and will have dinner with daughter somewhere simple. Then on Thanksgiving hubby's sister will join the three of us in a nice restaurant for a buffet Thanksgiving dinner cooked by a chef. The food in the restaurant in question is always very fresh and tasty so I suspect the dinner will be good too.

Every year at this time, I like to think about the things for which I am thankful.  And to all of my dear sisters on this board, I am thankful for the support you offered during chemo and for the support that you still offer. Though I have never met any of you, you are my dearest of friends.   Thank you.   Have a wonderful holiday.

Love and hugs

Mandy

Firni

Hi my chemo sisters!!

It sounds like everyone has great plans for Thanksgiving.  

Carie, I'm glad the Taxol isn't dragging you down too too hard.  It's still crap tho.  It sounds like you should be feeling ok for Thanksgiving and with your kids helping, you can enjoy the day.  Did Taxol change your taste buds?

Caroline, thanks for the pie crust recipe.  I should be able to manage that.  I really think I just over work the dough and make the crust tough.  I'll post the cranberry recipe at the end of this post.  This cranberry sauce was one of the 7 things I enjoyed the flavor of while I was on chemo. And I still like it!!

Texas, Bonnie and Ilovemyfamily, have a most wonderful Thanksgiving with your family and friends.  In spite of all the stuff we're still going thru, we do have a lot to be thankful for!  Bonnie, we have snow forecast for the mountains, but not in town.  And for that I'm thankful.  I'd like to see the dogs and kids outside for a while.  

Mandy, what a beautiful sentiment to all of us.  Thank you!  You know we all feel the same way.  How would any of us gotten thru the past 2 years without each other?   

Here is the cranberry recipe:

1 package fresh cranberries chopped in food processor

2 med. Granny Smith apples peeled and chopped by hand (food processor gets too mushy)

1 cup sugar

1/2 cup Orange Marmalade

10 oz package frozen raspberries thawed and drained

1 tsp lemon juice

Combine all ingredients.

Makes 6 cups.  Stores in the fridge for 1 month

Really good over ice cream too! 

busqueen

Happy Thanksgiving everybody!!  I hope that you are all some place warm and safe with people you love.:-)  And may we enjoy one day of peace that we don't think about what this nasty cancer has taken ~ and is still taking ~ from us, and just remember all that we've been blessed with.  I am thankful for all of my sisters here.  And I am thankful to be here for my 3rd Thanksgiving "post-diagnosis."  {{{{HUGS}}}}

Texas357

Happy Thanksgiving to all! You are such a wonderful support group and I am so grateful to be here! It's my 2nd Thanksgiving post-treatment. I started chemo 3 days before Thanksgiving 2008 and was too sick to get out of bed.

Saw the PS about the lump. She "hopes" it's either a hematoma or lipoma. Either way, because she doesn't want to risk introducing infection or rejection, she will NOT do anything about it even though it's painful and it distorts the shape of the new breast. So I've got the prophy side that's got loose ripples that can't be fixed, and I'm lumpy on the other side.

Not exactly what I'd anticipated but I don't want to risk having a permanent implant failure. At least I have something to fill out my bra, right? For THAT I am thankful!!!

BonnieK

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!!  It is Thanksgiving morning and I am sitting at the computer in my pajamas, sending wishes for a happy day to my wonderful cyber friends before continuing work on our dinner for this afternoon.  DH is downstairs getting the turkey ready to go in the oven (have I mentioned that, aside from being a little bossy, he is a jewel?)  We made our dressing, pies and sweet potatoes last night so today should be pretty easy and fun.

Our son's truck was stolen from in front of our house a couple of nights ago -- he and I had switched vehicles so he could drive to and from work in the snow that never materialized.  What an awful feeling to wake up the next morning and see that the truck was gone.  We live on a quiet street in a nice area and never expected something like this to happen.  We filed a police report and our son has been driving my car this week for work and the music gigs he is playing out of town this weekend.  It's really not that bad being without a car, but our son is planning to look for a replacement in the next few days and I will be glad to have mine back.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving..... 

Texas357

Bonnie, hope your son's car situation isn't too much of a headache! It's a reminder that life always has plenty of twists and turns. Enjoy that turkey and yes you do have a great hubby for getting the turkey in the oven!

EleanorJ

Happy Thanksgiving everyone

Thanks for the recipe Firni, I'll try it next year as I had already made one.

Bonnie, Yikes! Sorry about the car.

Taking a quick break. I actually baked my turkey yesterday. I'm glad I did, but I miss the smell. I might revisit that cooking a day ahead next year. Getting ready to start dinner rolls, then dressing, gravy and start reheating everything and it should be it! Enjoy your meal