I need a mentor

saint

Denise-BRAVO!! I agree that in life we make choices-we have no control over the hand we are dealt; only in how we play it out! BIG hugs & prayers.

Held--do you mean; is it unacceptable to read the Book in certain locations? I can't imagine that if you are in a spot where reading is accepted the book you choose is to be judged! Tell us more about what prompted this question please!

Be well & stay strong 

 

PinkyLee

Thanks Held!

I had come up to my computer this morning after getting fussed at for trying to make a fire because it seems I can't do anything right.  After reading your post, I started to smile, because I have lost all my self confidence since this disease took hold of me.  I have been letting everyone run over me and that is really making me feel worst than this screwed up disease does.  I know I am still limited because my back is not healing as fast as I would like, but I am going to stop letting what people say affect me so badly. 

I have always been a very sensitive person, but since this surgery, I feel like a bucket of tears.  Everything make me question myself. 

I find myself wondering if I am doing it right, no matter what I start doing. 

I was reading from "An Uninvited Guess" this morning and ran across this verse:

"But may the God of all grace, who called u to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strength and settle you".  1 Peter 5:10.

I have read through this book several times, but today, this verse stuck with me.  I hope it make others feel better as if has me. 

EWB

PinkyLee...any one who has gone thru all this stuff is one tough cookie (you included)..shouldn't second guess yourself or question yourself.  We are Tough Cookie Cancer Babes, we have strength (emotional, mental & physical) that most people can't even imagine.  I believe that with a cape and tiara (and a little help from God) there is nothing we can't do.  Thru all this remember to be gentle, kind and good to yourself, my goodness you've earn it.

Feel the gentle hugs of all who care for you and God, know that kickass prayers are said for you everyday and know that you are a Tough Cookie Cancer Babe with a cape and tiara.

Hope today is a good day 

moodyk13

Held,I have spent all afternoon pondering your question about "appropriate" in "inappropriate" places to read the bible......I have many thoughts, don't know if any are "right".

I have had sort of the same struggle myself--not from anyone else, from my on insides.  With all the doctors appointments and chemo treatments, I have thought "well I can just take my bible and read it there", then I would get an "uncomfortable" feeling.  Then I spend the next little while "chastising" myself for feeling like that.  I say to myself "if it were a John Grisham book, I wouldn't even question whether or not I should read it there, why do I hesitate about the bible?"

So, the good news is your not the only one ever thought this!

So now I say to myself, can I absorb what I am reading where ever I am - no matter what it is, bible, or other book.  If the answer is "yes" then I take WHATEVER I want! Including my bible.  Although I have to say I took it with me to one of my chemo treatments and never even opened it, cause I was busy talking to everyone else there (big surprise I know) LOL 

faithandfifty

I'm still formulating a response to spiritual vs. religious...... it's certainly a good thing that you are patient. LOL.

Held. I can't wait for some insight into this last question of yours: appropriate place for Bible reading. My goof-ball brain went to all sorts of bizarre places -- like trapeze swinging in the circus, submarine below deck in the dark. Probably not the issues you were questioning, huh?

In the mean time I'll keep asking for you to be given the gift of sleep, mixed together with wellbeing.

hugs all around the thread..........

i want a cape and tiara! LOL

saint

I'm LOL at the cape & tiara!! We had a group do our Confirmation retreat & they told the girls they were princesses (if God is your father & he is a king that makes you...) so they needed to respect themselves as God's daughters & act in a way that showed it! Maybe offering tiaras & capes will be part of our next retreat....HUGS

EWB

I think it is appropriate to read the bible any where you read a book, newspaper or magazine. After all it is a book, reading material just like Dr Suess, John Grishom, People Magazine etc. May be the question should be "where are you comfortable reading the bible".

  

PinkyLee

A little verse to help us through the holiday:

Psalms 27:13-14

I am still confident of this:  I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.  Wait for the Lord; be strong and I take heart and wait for the Lord.

Granny71

Good evening ladies: here's the word on follow up visit today: "good news and bad news." Good - tumor completely removed with one inch clean margin.  Bad news, clean margins should be wider, re-incision suggested.  That has thrown us for a loop, us meaning my daughter and I. The blood pressure hike in the recovery room scared the bejabbers out of both of us! Re-excision was carerfully explained but has not penetrated. Talk to me sisters: what does this mean and how critical is it? Am in process for scheduling of gladonium MRI, and I have a head full of "ifs."  If I seem confused, this is absolutely so. My feelings are beginning to catch up with my careful intellectualizing of this whole scenario to keep some space between me and the flood of emotion that needs room to breathe -- and explode.  I'll be fine.  Glad I have someplace to put this without scaring and upsetting loved ones.  This scene reminds me of the night before my Mother's funeral. I said to myself, "if I hear one more Bible verse, I'll scream."  I knew them all and had  many times thoughtlessly quoted them to others because of tradition, but that was MY mother in the casket, it didn't feel good to me and the verses, although all true, didn't fit.  I know that God has not given us the spirit of fear, and because at this moment I'm pure, double-d scared out of my wits at the thought of risking blood pressure madness with another surgery does not mean that I have accepted a spirit of fear from anybody.  I'm just SCARED, and I'm entitled ... OK, sisters, please give me some of your special, down to earth, no frills encouragement ... thank you, very large ... love, Granny.

EWB

Dear Granny- I have no advice regarding this since I have never had surgery, but you are in my prayers!  Send me your address in PM... I have a tiara and cape for you--super hero Tough Cookie Cancer Babe that you are! 

Feel the gentle hugs and kick ass prayers I send your way and take it day by day.

 Elaine

Granny71

THANK YOU, Elaine! Just what I need when I need it. Couldn't figure out how to get in PM, but I love the combination of gentle hugs, kick ass prayers, and initiation into the circle of Tough Cookie Cancer Babes. I'm gonna take a "chill pill" until after the MRI results are in and enjoy the good news that the "boo-boo in a capsule," (my cute name for DCIS) is GONE. Please tell me how to get into PM. Have a great day tomorrow. I'm going to think up some special way to celebrate. Hugs and stuff from big, b-a-d, GRANNY

EWB

Click on the name or icon of the person you want to send a private message to

look on the upper left hand side, there is a short list- top one says "send member a private message". Click on that

write your text and hit send/submit.

Hang in there, one day at a time.  Enjoy tomorrow.

Elaine 

Held

So much to talk about!  First of all, Granny - sending some kick-ass prayers of my own your way, but my hugs are BEAR hugs, ok?. Chill pills are a wonderful idea. 

Pinky - have to tell you something very funny about the bible verse you quoted.  I get e-mails on my blackberry, but everything does not always look exactly the same.  What I saw was:

 I will see the goodness of the Lord in the lard of the living.  It could not have been more perfect considering the day I had!  it really gave me a chuckle!  If you only knew.......

As far as the appropriate/inappropriate places to read the bible, it truly a "location" question, not a "circumstances" question. So you guys think it is ok to read the Bible ANY PLACE you read???   I read magazines in the bathtub!  You think that is ok?  Naked in the bathroom?

EWB

I think any place is fine.  If God knows us better than we know ourselves and sees us at all times--why not the bathtub? I'm sure not all would agree but I think bibles should be read, marked up, you name it- it should be USED and worn out and replaced. Otherwise what's the purpuse of having a bible--collect dust?  But thats just my philosophy.

moodyk13

Granny -Im gonna give you my "2 cents" cuz that's about all its worth--LOL

I think you should get a 2nd opinion about the clear margins and here is why. (of course I dont know what kind of bc you have) but when I had my lumpectomy in Feb. my margins were <1mm.  meaning cancer cells were less than a mm away from edge of removed tissue.  I ended up having to have bi-lat mastectomy 20 days later.  BUT my doc told me that they want at least 1 cm clear margin.  yours were 1 inch (again each bc is diff) which SEEMS pretty far- so maybe you should get 2nd opinion since you had the blood pressure thing happen.......

HELD- I think any where you can absorb what you are reading is a fine place to read the bible----including naked in the tub, cuz girl, He done seen us naked!!!  and He knows your in the tub -- LOL

faithandfifty

HA!! So my 'swingin' from a trapeze' wasn't that far off!! Well actually the submarine, may have been 'closer.' I can't think of a single objection to reading in the tub..... with the exception of possibly getting the pages wet, by accident. Read on. Throw bubbles in and have at it!

I completely agree with EWB, I think that our Maker is most pleased when we're wrapped up in the word & the message -- not as concerned about the version or the place it's being read.

Granny. Hugs to you in the midst of the continuing storm of decision making. Obviously getting clear margins is the ticket in this business, but just how wide they must be is obviously up for some discussion & interpretation.

Hope that everyone has a very blessed day tomorrow and a time for reflection.

xx00xx00xx00xx00xx00xx

saint

Granny---big hugs & lots of prayers. Everything is still so raw--give yourself time & let yourself feel what you feel...........it will all fall into place soon, hon.

A second opinion is NEVER inappropriate--in fact a great doc LOVES it when you find another doc that concurs! Tell us your dx please.....Remember you have TIME to decide what to do---a few weeks (even months) makes little difference with MOST cancers.

Meanwhile--blessings & peace to everyone as we enter a season that can be both joyful & difficult-I originally found my lump the Wed after Thanksgiving...I remember that holiday as mostly blurred! That was 8 years ago--still kicking & thankful for that!

HUGS-be well & stay strong 

Granny71

Thanks to all y'all for sharing some good laughs along with sound advice and encouragement. I'm on my way down from off the wall and hope to be able to go to sleep soon. Saint: re dx question: on surgical pathology report: "invasive ductal carcinoma, 3 cm in greatest dimension MBR grade 3+2+1=6/9, moderately differentiated," whatever that all means. Also says, "additional sections are pending and will be reported in addendum."  Shucks, now: why should I worry when I can party?! My daughter tells me she has a special momma-daughter-hang-out day planned for us tomorrow (actually, later today -- it's 12:07 a.m.). We have a wonderful relationship as well as so many other reasons to be thankful ... Granny.

Onehalf

Granny71,- You have a very special and caring daughter...you better keep her!

My advice is take it one day at a time.....but keep on the positive side....cancer thrives and eats up all the negative energy, but of course you need the time to allow yourself to cry. You need to find balance...I have said it here and on other forums...Healing begins in the mind.

About your margins....I think it is ok for you to call your doctor and have him clerify this to you. Doctors usually encourage you to ask questions, and they do understand that you will not get all the information needed as they are explaining. To me if the Doc can not take the call or respond to you, then it's time for a new Doc., but hopefully you will not find this to be true.

Size of margin, I am wondering if the measurments go in the same as the tumor measurement...I was told my 1.5cm tumor is about 1inch. Grades go 1,2,3...three being the highest which is the color (gray) of the tumor...it was explained to me this is the speed of travel, but I can be wrong on this...MBR I do not understand. 6/9 sounds like Lymph nodes...Did they find 6 lymph nodes out of 9 with cancer cells? Did they say what stage you in are in? Maybe if you decide to call you can ask Doc or Nurse to explain those readings to you...Again it is ok to ask. You can even give your daughter permission to call, you just need to tell them this. I did this with my father as he had cancer of the stomach and he aslo was recieving dialysis too. Poor man all the different appointments and treatments would sometimes get confusing to him....and he did not want to pester the Doctors....so I did.

You take care and hang in there.

Denise

EWB

Onehalf, I love your icon!

Some thing to ponder.....I know and truly believe that Cancer can and will survive in negative/acid environment. As I read your post to Granny I started to wonder (which will lead to pondering in a little bit). Is all crying negative or is it the cause or intent of the crying that determines whether the negativness or positiveness of crying? 

Granny--always ask questions until you understand the answer!  I've said it before and I will say it again- the doctors and nurses work for us--ask away my dear, as away.  Enjoy your girlie day!  What a wonderful family you have. 

Thanks be to God for all he has given us. Happy Thanksgiving Day to all.

Granny71

One-half and EWB: You are very much on target: Have been receiving too much information, and trying to absorb it to keep some of the pressure off my daughter, who is moving gracefully and bravely into her new role as matriarch of the family (she is now called Nana, and I am Gigi, short for great-grandmother).  Sometimes I forget that Nana is made of the same tough stuff as her mother -- we may flip and flop, but we don't fall. I am using your posts as a check list for questions WE need to ask the medical team, and some BIG QUESTIONS I need to ask myself and PONDER -- uh-huh! .Following one of my personal spiritual traditions I will be going on an Advent consecration -- I am well-instructed on fasting issues with meds, etc..and will have qualified back up. This morning I performed a little ritual: touching my temples and forehead, I "turned off" the control buttons to several negative tapes, negative messages, and some of my own negative input that has been playing with my head and emotional environment.  Then I "opened" a control button so I can clearly hear the "still small voice of the Lord," (quote from First or Second Kings in the Bible?) during this Advent season. My consecration focus: adjustments in my general decision-making process, beyond the scope of the present crisis. I know I'll have your prayer support or spiritual connection, each according to your own heart-- You may not hear from me as often during this season, but you will continue to be part of my regular conversations with God... over and out (for a little while),... Love, Granny.

EWB

Granny-

May the peace of God be with you always and may you always hear the still small voice of the Lord. During this season on Advent, I pray that you find a place of peace, calm and healing to call your own.

Blessed be...Elaine 

Granny71

Thanks, Elaine. The scripture I was trying to locate is in First Kings 19, verses 11 and 12.  Some translations say, "still small voice," and another says, "quiet or gentle whisper."  When I was trying to locate the reference I found some websites, "Still Small Voice." I'm headed there now to check them out and see what they may add.

EWB

I like "still small voice" and "gentle or quiet whisper"  so peaceful, gentle and reassuring.  I have verse on my list to read later.  Thank you for reference.

saint

Hugs granny & elaine! That small voice is a reminder to LISTEN--something we so often forget to do in the noisiness & busy-ness of life! I will keep you all in my Advent prayer -time of preparation!

Be well & stay strong===hugs & blessings to all..... 

Onehalf

EWB-

You must reconginze the Icon.

This is also my surgeon.....  If you don't not know who I am talking about you can PM me. I would love to share the little I know.

Denise

faithandfifty

Held

Hi ladies - I know this is off topic but I wanted to share it anyway!  Yesterday we had Thanksgiving dinner at my parents house.  My father asked us if anyone wanted to say what they were thankful for.  I looked at my dh, who had tears in his eyes and I said "I am thankful it is not LAST Thanksgiving".  I was so sick last November I have no memory of Thanksgiving at all. 

faithandfifty

Held. I can't think of anything that would possibly be "more on topic" than your post above.

I think that our thankfulness, our journey thru the BC maze and our faith are all woven together.

Your husband's comment brought tears to my eyes.

Hope that you are periodically getting some sound sleep.

what did you decide to do about the meds?? (depression-fighters, that is)

hugs all around the thread

Granny71

Hope each one of you was touched by joy in some form during the holiday. Had a great family day at home and on the phone. Thursday morning, after only three hours of sleep (2:30 ro 5:30 a.m.) I felt rested and refreshed. Last night I was blessed with more refreshing sleep. This cleared my head. Moody: I have reviewed the pathology report line by line, with a medical glossary and a math conversion table from the Internet. Like yours, the clean margin was one millimeter -- not one centimeter. I do remember discussion between the surgeon and our nurse about conversion from centimeters to millimeters, but I did not receive the printed report until I was leaving, and my mind was fixed on centimeters. Now I have been able to diagram the results and clearly explain them to my darling daughter. Bottom line: pathology processed approximately 1.18 inch tumor surrounded by a .04 inch, clean margin, less than one centimeter. At least now I understand why my surgeon is uneasy. Added to my Advent retreat agenda is an all out assault on blood pressure: spirit, mind and body (some radical dietary changes need to be continued after Advent). I have great back up from my new primary care physician. I sincerely believe that her pre-op changes in bp meds helped the recovery room/blood pressure episode come out with a happy ending. Today I had a fantastic, ME-DAY, outdoors, running errands in the neighborhood, assessing strength and fatigue levels, and praising God for the "good stuff and people" in my life...Love, Granny.