I'm bitchy, I moan, I groan.....anyway.

KAK

Hugs to all of you.  Oh, Traci, I think there are so many of us who can relate to what you're going through.

Diane, don't even get me started on the the banks and mortgage companies.  If I did, I'd write an entire page here all by myself.  Hang in there.

Barbe, love that -- personal summer!!  I'm using that in the future!

I can't believe Annie has died.  OMG.  I feel like I was just starting to get to know her.  Sh**t.

LuAnn, can't we find you a nice DIL for a change??

My IOS, was just starting to get over this rotten cold, then had a GI thing for a few days & couldn't eat.  Then yesterday, I was at this senior/handicapped apartment complex & I went out to my car between patients & a lady I've treated before asked me to help her walk to her car so she wouldn't fall on the slush & ice.  So, I did, then went to see my other patient.  Then I came out to get into my car, opened the car door & stepped on a patch of black ice.  My feet went right out from under me & I landed hard on my sacram (which is the flat of the lower back just below the waist).  I laid there & literally howled for a few minutes, it hurt so much.  I landed so hard that I voided my entire bladder -- literally knocked the piss right out of me!! -- then I finally managed to scrape myself up & into the car.  Drove home so I could change my clothes, then had to fill out an accident report at work & go to the emergency department & waste a good 3 hours to get my pelvis & hips X-rayed -- good news is NOTHING BROKEN!--  then finally got home at 8 o'clock so I could eat & lie down.  By then, I just felt sick from the trauma of it all.  Jeesh.

I also go get my first post-dx squishing on Friday the 13th!!

Love you girls.  Wanna just write off this entire week.  Only good thing is that I get my hair done tomorrow.  But then have to write a check to a patient whose garage door I dented a month ago when I was having a bout of cancer brain & thought my car was in Park when it wasn't, and I rolled into his garage door when I went to get out of the car.  Oh. My. God.

dreamwriter

Well I hate to rain on anybody's parade especially mine.  Went to onco... reg visit after ct scan, bone scan, blood work, port insertion, bladder infection requiring hospitalization, head mri, ct scan and xray of wrist.  She had enough to read.  And it all came down to "no longer stable" , changing tamoxifen, have to radiate ovaries out of use, and then we can change hormone treatment.  Will also participate in bone study with my current pamidronate and another drug

I am so upset, all I want to do is cry.  But if I cry around daughter and hubby, they over-react and thats never good.  AND WE RAN OUT OF KLEENEX.  How can I have a crisis no kleenex?  the roll substitute is the last one.  So paper towel is IT.

Well that is my SOI - I think I got that right.

PinkyLee

OMG!

I hate this disease.  My prayers and thought are with all who need it.Glad no broken bones.  I have been afraid to leave the house.

My ISO:

My niece walked in to her 14 yo daughters room to discover a 19 year old naked young man.  things freaked out she started screaming, husband ran down, young man left naked.  The grandmother called police and the young man is now in jail.  We disover that we know his family, he is basially a nice young man, just started college and now is facing criminal charge.  I am related to both boy and girl.  I hate to see him lose college scholarship, but he was totally wrong.  Damn hormones can make young people make stupid decisions.

Anonymous

Diane, it sure has become a cold  cruel world in this economic mess. Boy I wish I could just slap those guys for ya......maddening for sure.

Kathi......owwwwwee, egad! What an awful experience.

Dream......((((HUGS)))), sorry for the crap load of stuff......sometimes you just gotta let it out.

Traci.........awww shiiiiiiiiii#, dam disease and what it does to us, sorry girl

Pinky.......LMAO.......but really, freaking kids and hormones!!!

To all........have a suck free weekend.....!!!!!!!!!!

barbe1958

My thoughts are busily running around sorting everyone into my prayers and thoughts, whichever one needs it more! Holy crap guys, you've had a crappy day! I have 2 SOI's for a change:

One of my suppliers took me out to a glorious $75 lunch! We had a blast.

My daughter and step-mother visited me at work today in the afternoon.

So, I was surrounded by loving, caring people all day!

(Waiting for results of bone scan from yesterday.) 

cmb35

Oh Traci, hugs girl. I can so relate. All I can say is, if you have to push yourself that hard, and you get that upset about, then you're not ready, and that's OK. Sorry to go all Dr Phil on you, but it wouldn't be a good experience for you (cancer or no cancer) if you go into it upset, you know?

Trish - nice to see you

Wish - the whole mortgage co/banking industry thing is just an embarassment. Apparently we got tired of destroying the enviornment, so now we've moved onto our economic structure! Freakin' humans, a large percentage of them really annoy me!

Kathi - Holy Jamoley! I don't even know what to address. I hope today is a better day.

(((((DREAM)))))  I'm so sorry, what can I do? Because I'm a little weird, my immediate suggestion is to rent the entire Fawlty Towers (an English comedy with John Cleese) collection and watch it. It was one of the best "I'm sorry you have cancer" presents I received.

PinkyLee - Holy Crow! Were they together on purpose, or was the young man intruding so to speak? I swear, I know we were "making out" when we were in 14 or so, but I don't know ANYONE that was actually having sex. Perhaps I was just really naive (and I didn't have a boyfriend myself, but my friends did)

Crazy - You and Pinky are side-by-side again! I don't know why that cracks me up!

Barbe - Hope you get good results from the bone scan.

LuAnn - where are you girl? (Probably right there, I don't know how to scroll back without losing the page!) My computer is working again, yeah!

Jane - Heelllooooo! I've recovered from my paranoia  

Everyone else - hang in there and have a great day!

PinkyLee

Believe me when I say, they were on purpose.  She let him in through the side doors and made an attempt to defend her man.  Went as far as to say she will marry him to keep him out of jail!  They swear they are in love.  To make it worst (if that is possible) her aunt knew about this and did nothing to stop it.  That bitch is off the hook!  (She married into the family, not aunt by blood)  Had she acted responsible and shut this down, now of it would be going on now.  I feel sorry for the young man, but in the end, the 14 is a child.  He is in college, what could he see in a child.

On the other side, to all the other bad news, it scares me to death, this diease has no respect for our body.

I got the date for exchange surgery and now I am just as afraid as when I had initial surgery.  Hope things get better for all

EWB

Wish- you should be able to negotiate overdrafts- I believe they do it that way to get more od fees!  We had similar situation recently- and dh got them to drop/refund several of the od fees on the smaller things that should not have been charges.  Good Luck

Dream- I am so so sorry to hear your news. Gentle Hugs and Kickass prayers that this new treatment does its job and stops all the bad stuff!!!

GramE

DAWN ZAROWNY OF BARRHEAD,ALBERTA HAS LOST HER BATTLE TODAY FEB6/09 AT 5:23 AM..

prayrv

DAMN, DAMN, DAMN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sorry but this just sucks!

Trish

Anonymous

Tears in Heaven.........another Angel joins Deb and Annie. So sorry to hear this.

Anonymous

Oh no..... so freakin' young. She was just a baby....

Through tears,

Miss S

KAK

Jesus H. Christ on a raft.  What a week.  How old was Dawn?  What are we under a particularly black cloud this week?

Oh, Dream.  {{{{{ Dream }}}}}  Good suggestion from Colleen.  I got the whole Absolutely Fabulous series on DVD when I started the cancer journey & got to LMAO when I wasn't freaking out.  It helped.

Major THAT SUX to everyone.  Sounds like most of us need it.

barbe1958

Great ideas about the DVDs ladies. Now I know what I would do for someone else in my shoes. I was pretty bored in the middle of the day and I don't watch much TV and never soaps. I think I slept mostly out of boredom, but I'm sure it did me good. 

cmb35

Sad, sad, sad...

Juli50

Kathy - Dawn was only 32 yrs old (33, if she already had a b-day this year). So sad!

Jane_M

What was Kathy's diagnosis - IDC/ILC? Hormone +/-?, etc?  I read that she died on her birthday, so sad.

Gosh - I'm so tired.  I went to bed at 9:30 last night and slept until 11 this morning and I'm still tired.  I finished 16 weeks of dose dense chemo (4 A/C and 4 Taxol) on January 19th and this last round left me exhausted.  I know the oncologist said the effects were cumulative, but this is something else!  Even my bones and tissues feel tired if that makes any sense, and people are telling me that radiation tires you out as well.  I want to do what I can to make sure I never have to go through this again, but I don't know.  I can only pray that God will continue to give me the strength I need to make it the next 7 weeks.

mzmiller99

Jane - I do know what you mean by tired bones.  Yes, rads can be exhausting, but like so many other things, we all react differently to them.  Hopefully, your body will be in fighting mode and you'll make it through with few SEs.

And, I am stunned at all of the sucking disasters since the last time I was here.  With these angel warriors up in Heaven watching us, we're in good hands.  But, where are the miracle cures when you need them?  Why are we still dying? I'm too sad and mad, so, goodbye..

Traci-----TripNeg

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Dream))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))  I'm just sick to my stomach for you girl. I'm so sorry. What else did they say???????? Please post more soon. (((hugs))) (Can you feel the love girl?)

My OAOA left today. He is so awesome. He never gave me a hard time about anything. Never even tried anything at all. I cried so hard after I dropped him off at the airport. Why did I leave him? Why did I come to Texas? A job? I could have gotten a job in FL. Was I running away from all the people that loved me? I hate what I've become. I miss my old life. I miss my mom, my brothers, my friends. What am I doing?????

Dawn died on her 34th birthday didn't she? So fucking sad. Saint started a thread for her called Zaro. We are ordering flowers for her like we did Deb. If you can afford it, she found a florist to do it for $10 too. I feel so sorry for her husband.....she was so young. Remember when she posted on this thread a bunch of pages ago that nobody was listening to her? Was that her??? I think it was. I could be wrong.....I don't know.

All I know right now is that I am so happy that I have you girls to lean on when life is so confusing. I really love you girls. My bc sisters.

Hugs, Traci

ps I'm o.k. I'm going to write a letter to an old school friend who I just found out got 20 years in prison for assault. Wow.....life is wild.

pss Thinkin' 'bout you Dream. Has anyone heard from Lisa????

KAK

Jane, BTW, meant to say that it's nice to see your face in your avatar!

Good golly, Juli.  Dawn was only 32?  That just makes me ill.  I absolutely hate it when I see another young  women on here who's been diagnosed.  How can she be dead?  This is so not right.  I hate this bleeping, freaking, @#$%&*!!  disease.

saint

Hugs all--just a fly-by....

I'm still away, but had a few minutes to stop & catch up here. I read that some ppl have stopped coming since loosing our sisters. Don't ANYONE stop coming here! We have lost Deb, Annie (OMG!-just read that) & now Zaro---3 is too many! Don't anyone else make us do without you! Together it is easier than without you!

If you want to send a pink rose to Dawn's funeral I have an order set up like what was done for Deb--whoever put that together was genious!! Call Charlie or Deb at Flower Lane florist (by tues nite pleez) 780-674 5300. Charlie was so sweet & said she would support us thru this as she has relatives with bc & brain cancer. $10 per rose & all will be arranged together with a card (your user name or real name & where you are from)  I am so sad for those left behind--but I like to think those sisters sure must be celebrating in paradise!  :>}

Hugs all--I will be home in a couple of days & will be back on line then. I have had a wonderful trip, but I missed this addiction! Be well & stay strong

KAK

Thanks, saint.  You are  so thoughtful to set this up.

dreamwriter

I believe I was the whiner that complained that I had been overlooked.  Not Zaro.

I read my CT report last night and it appears there is some progression in the kidney uter and bowel areas.  This is evidenced by thickening of walls.  I dont know what that means in my future... but if I can find a way to humiliate myself....

After chemo I got a flu that put me in the hospital - within minutes i was washed gowned and diapered.  And I had to wear them for days.  I even had a male nurse once.  Thankfully he was very businesslike or I would have just given up then and there.  I was in insolation for a week.  All alone, nothing to do (didnt even bring a book with me).

So I foresee in my future more of the same.  I thought it was going to be my lungs but it looks like this cancer is moving elsewhere.

I have a consultation on Wednesday with the radiologist re shutting down my ovaries.  The doc did say it would only be one or two treatments.

I meet my volunteer on Tuesday (way to take my mind off my worries).  She called me today.  She seems to enjoy all the things I do.  I spent the day cleaning. Doh!

I am down about the progression.  I wasnt expecting it.  She always tells me that I am remarkably stable.  I even went over the visit with my friend that goes with me (Johanna).  And I heard everything and had the same interpretation (in case I was jumping to panic conclusions unnecessarily).

dreamwriter

I forgot to say that Zaro's passing shook me too.  Especially since I got her card back and remailed the same day.  Well the Cancer Sucks button is in there.  And it does suck.

Traci-----TripNeg

Dream, I'm so sorry girl. That just sucks beyond words. (((((((((hugs)))))))))

LuAnnH

Ok I am back again.  Seems I get home and stable and end up 2 and 3 days behind.  How am I supposed to keep up with all this bad news.  Now Miss Traci, I didn't get any and saved that honor for you!  how could you let me down?????

Dream, you can sure write some posts that make me think, laugh and cry!  I hope you are not having major progressions, my question is why did they leave in the ovaries they aren't hard to take out?

Ok I admit I only read this last page.  I know something is up with wish and know I'm here for you, drop me a PM and we can chat!

As for me, I had to put down my dog Koda this week.  We have had him for over 7 years and I don't really know how old he was since I rescued him.  I don't think I've cried that hard in a long time and still feel rotten about it.  Just seems so wrong to walk him happily into an office to be killed.  Just was so tough, I could have stayed with him but I just don't think I could have handled that.

My pain pump I anxiously awaited getting in to stop my pain is being removed as it broke three times.  My surgeon is being a jerk and will not even consider fixing the problem.  Just wants to remove it and me as a patient.  His nurse is a horses ass and I call her on her mistakes and he just hates it.  I'm not sure I want this man operating on me this week and am trying to find another person to help me with this pump.  Who knows what will happen with that.

As for the DIL, she has been a horses ass too!  She hasn't let me see my boys since I got home from texas.  That means I haven't seen the youngest one in almost a month.  I think she wants him to forget me and how nice I am too him.  No way I'm letting that one happen and I  one upped her tonight.  told my son she won't return my calls or messages about getting the boys and I miss them.  He will answer his calls since she wants him back.  Doesn't realize she is making this harder on herself.  She cried telling him she is sorry for moving in with another man before ha came home but she has a problem and can't be alone.  What a load of bull.  Thank goddness he isn't buying it!  Oh these kids now a days.....what has gotten into them?

Anonymous

Dream, I am so sorry that you have had such a rough time and progression, as well. Big hugs!First of all, stop cleaning!! Use your energy for something constructive, like fun! :-) Seriously, I know this is devastating news and I am lifting you in prayer.

Traci, I'm glad you had a good time with your OAOA, even thought you didn't do the dirty. :-) Spending time with someone who loves you is a wonderful thing and you don't have to have sex for the time spent to be worthwhile. So you're rethinking your decision to move? Can you go back? Are you seriously considering it?

LuAnn, I am so sorry about your dog. I still miss mine and she died in August. She was such a comfort to me. Animals are definitely part of the family. I can't believe your pain pump is at it again! WTH is wrong with it? Why does it keep breaking? Sending a big raspberry to your DIL.

saint, thanks for setting up the flowers for Dawn. I'll be sending one for her.

I know all the recent losses here are hitting hard. Try not to get too discouraged. :-(

Love to you all,

Miss S

GramE

A quick Good Morning (((((((( HUGS )))))))))) for everyone.   Dream, wish, lu ann, traci kak, pinky, mz, jane, miss -- hope I didn't miss anyone.   

A bit of a funny - last night at bingo I called out "bingo" and  immediately realized I was playing the wrong game... double postage stamp, and i only had a regular double bingo.   Got a few growls, but when I blurted out "chemo brain"... everyone smilled.   Then the next person (without chemo brain) also didn't have it...    

Love to each of you, Thanks for being here,   Nancy 

EWB

What a day....I am so sorry to hear about Dawn,

Dream- I don't know what to say other than this sux big time. You are in my prayers

LuAnn- sorry to hear about DIL, its sad, the ones that will be truely hurt are the boys. Pump problems are certainly no good and the doc who won't fix it is stoopid, why do we spend so much $ on insurance, out of pocket to pay these guys only to feel like we're interupting their day?! Agh.  Hope it resolves soon.

Traci- any chance you can go back to Florida? Whats keeping you in Texas?

Jane- so sorry to hear you're really feeling treatment and so tired. Take it easy, take it one step at a time, take gentle care of your self.

Nancy- Better luck next time at Bingo

To all else- Hope all is going well, or at least getting better. Hugs and prayers to all in need.

Traci-----TripNeg

Have y'all seen "Sicko"??? I'm just watching it while putting together Deb's book. Holy crap! I'm moving to London!!! Unbelievable.

Hugs everybody.

Traci

ps I'm better now. No more whining today. LuAnn, I want to slap that DIL of yours!!!!