can't seem to 'move on'

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  • jacqueline56551
    jacqueline56551 Member Posts: 48
    edited March 2008

    Saddie:I hear you. I know that when my friends asked me how I was doing I always said fine....even if I felt terrible. I did the same with my family so they wouldn't worry when they phoned. We all need somewhere to speak the truth.

    Jacqueline 

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  • HollyHopes
    HollyHopes Member Posts: 497
    edited March 2008

    ok ladies - here goes...this is MY truth at the moment.  i am sick to death of cancer.  i am also sick of my job and i am really, really sick of my boyfriend.  i find i can't compromise in anything anymore - a much needed skill for gettting along in a relationship.  i feel like saying 'f*** all this and leave me alone.  but - i don't feel depressed!! seriously - i feel ok - at least most of the time.  i just don't feel like playing all the games that get you through life day to day...

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  • arnica
    arnica Member Posts: 33
    edited March 2008

    Yup, Jacqueline, I hope the book helps.  When I come out of a good couple of weeks and find myself back in the emotional roller coaster again, at least I can tell myself that I read in the book that this is normal.  Wow - is that ever important, because I am sure not getting that feedback any where else in my real time life. 

    This week I had to go to Denver 2.5 hours one way to have mammogram/ ultrasound on right breast and under arm to make sure that wasn't recurrance or new bc.  I didn't think it was, so didn't think I was stressed.  It was ok. But it was a looooong day and the next day I had a really long day at work followed by a board meeting.  Under other circumstances, I would have gone home to rest - knowing I was beyond my limits. but I thought i "had to be there (I am the E.D.) so I pushed myself all day and was okay until the meeting ran over its usual time and some man made a stupid sexist remark at which point I SLAMMED my laptop shut, stood up and said OKAY, I'M DONE. and stormed out of the meeting, dropping files and things along the way. 

    I really hate it when this happens.  But I'm not apologizing any more for having cancer and decompensating once in a while. 

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  • arnica
    arnica Member Posts: 33
    edited May 2008

    deleted

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  • jacqueline56551
    jacqueline56551 Member Posts: 48
    edited March 2008

    Holly Hopes: I hear you and I know exactly what you mean. The dynamics of all my "family" relationships have changed particularly those relationships that cause me stress. I often say,"Life is too short and I won't put up with this **** anymore. I don't have this problem with my friends because they don't cause me any stress.

    Thanks for making me feel that my feelings are not unusal. I hope I have done the same for you.

    Take Care, Jacqueline 

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  • jacqueline56551
    jacqueline56551 Member Posts: 48
    edited March 2008

    Arnica: I haven't returned to work yet so I don't know what it is like to have to deal with the stress of work in addition to cancer follow-up. I do know that when you realize just how short as well as how precious life is, as we do, that dealing with people who lack respect for others is a gross waste of our time not to mention frustrating.

    Arnica; I am sure I can learn from your back to work experiences.

    Take Care, Jacqueline 

         

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  • arnica
    arnica Member Posts: 33
    edited May 2008

    deleted

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  • jacqueline56551
    jacqueline56551 Member Posts: 48
    edited March 2008

    Arnica: I am so glad to hear that everything worked out and that your co-workers are supportive. 

    Take Care,

    Jacqueline 

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  • Mimsi
    Mimsi Member Posts: 21
    edited March 2008

    I have a light pink cap that says S.L.U.T.S. across the top. The back says Southern Lady Under Terrific Stress. It makes me smile to wear it and get reaction from others...especially since I have to be such a lady in my professional life!

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  • HollyHopes
    HollyHopes Member Posts: 497
    edited March 2008

    i love you all and hold you in my thoughts and prayers every single goddamned day!  i am keepin' on...sometimes better and sometimes not so... i keep trying to let myself off the hook for not being so perfect in returning friend's calls, keeping promises to 'get together soon' and well...just storing up energy to do the basics - you know - laundry, groceries, bill-paying etc.  two women from my local cancer support gorup have died since i joined last Feb...the second one's memorial service is next week...ugh...

    sending love and hugs and sweet light to all of you saints...

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  • twink
    twink Member Posts: 1,574
    edited March 2008

    Hugs Holly.  You just keep on keeping on... save that energy for the good stuff in life.

    Mimsi, I love that ... S.L.U.T.S.  I can imagine the cheeky pleasure taken in wearing such an acronym.  Good for you!

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