Starting chemo Dec 2007

kimbly

Suz glad to hear the surgery is over and that you are at home and as comfortable as can be expected and resting.  I love House!!!! enjoy those dvds.  What kind of dog do you have?? We don't have a dog but we did dog sit twice, once when I was on chemo and the other after my surgery.  She was great company and it made me want a dog more than ever.  We had a weimarner but had to have her put down due to an illness.  I now what an Australian Shepherd, preferably the mini... my husband is fighting me on this....

Keep up on those pain meds and rest alot!!!! 

beasgirl

oh, good, suz--glad to hear you're out, and "lounging"/recovering comfortably. I love it that your dog is looking out for you--so sweet. Hope you heal quickly and feel and sleep better now that this is behind you. I'm sure the lesions are just old scars, and they'll tell you for sure soon.

School is hectic! Work is hard! Two year olds are little! What the heck was I thinking!?! It's nice to be working again and have something to focus on, but every time I do this, I curse my energetic 18-year-old self for picking up this one marketable skill instead of something quieter, that pays better. I'm half kidding. It's hard, but rewarding, and once I get to know the little guys better (this was only day 2 w/ kids), it will be easier, and fun. WAY more fun than what I was doing a year ago, that's for sure!

Thanks for asking, wiw!

love all y'all--A

suz45

Not to worry Sal,

I was just having a few rough days emotionally trying to get back into BC mode after a summer off from all that crap. For now I'm on the couch with my lamb skin, blanket & puppy (feeling pretty dopey from the pain pills) But at least I got it done.Went for a short walk about 1 - 1 1/2 km today, it took me a long time and some elderly ladies at the corner store (mid 70's or older) were concerned enough to ask me if I needed a ride home, lol didn't think I looked that bad.

Kimbly, As I'm sure I've mentioned a long time ago "House" is one of my absolutely favorite shows. I bought two more seasons, so I have lots to watch. I cant handle dogs that shed as my allergies go insane. If I had a choice of large dogs I love Bernese mountain dogs. But I have a little Havanese sweetheart... no shedding, funny, happy go lucky, bouncy and non barking dog (unless someone is at door that she doesn't know) that comes in a 10 pound package. If I let her hair go she looks like a miniature old English sheep dog.I'll see if i can post a pic of her.

 

Ok finally resized it. Sigh ....... this was a few days after my breast surgery.Hope everyone has a great evening, Lots of love and hugs, suz

10/19/2007, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIb, Grade 2, 1/21 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2-

wishiwere

Sal, nice to hear from you and had to add, I did my 2 miles, but on a bike.  I'm not too much for walking   Oh well....did it anyway, but barely.  I was pooped today for some reason!

{{{Suz}}} take it easy and DO NOT lift anything as they most assuredly told you!  Rest well and heal quick dear lady!  Hope those meds do the trick. They sure help me sleep when I've got pain.  Best tx!

Glad to hear you enjoy them, Amy. I remember well having 12 of those little imps in the house from sunup to sundown most days! UGH!  But I agree, the rewards of hugs and smudges are worth it!

Hi Kimbly!

Suz, she's precious!  Love those little floppy doggies!  I miss my cockers so....it's been 3 years and I still talk to them at their garden.   Get that rest and heal well Suz!  {{hugs}}

kimbly

Adorable dog Suz!  I  didn't mention but I have 3 cats, who through my chemo/surgery would curl up next to me on the couch as well. I personally cannot wait for the new season of House to start... there is one isnt there?? Hope you slept well. 

Yesterday I ran into a neighbour of mine at the bookstore.  She is older and we don't really know each other well but recently had a chat because of a dog my daughter was dogsitting that was barking and disturbing another persnickety neighbour. Anyway she said I think when I met you at our block party a few years back you had sort of a medium hairstyle.  I said then yes and now it's very short and she said. It looks very chic.  I didnt blurt out anything about the reasons and am proud of myself.  

I  walk 3 miles most days, usually in the morning after my kids have gone to school.  Today is my herceptin infusion so I am not going until later.  I like to get it in at least 5 days a week.  During my chemo I did not do this, I could barely walk to the mailbox the first week geez.  I love to walk, in fact besides yoga it's the only exercise i do like.  

Hi wish....

loriann

HELLO!!!  It's been so long since I posted!  I am all caught up with everyone now!  I am doing great!  It's been a great summer and now I'm leaving for my 11 day Disney World trip in 6 days!!  Life is good and to be honest I don't think about the cancer too much....so I guess that's good!

Suz, I hope you are feeling well and are able to get back to the things you love soon!

Laura, DH has arrived!!  YIPEE!  That's gotta feel fantastic!

Sal, I hope you had a blast in Vegas!  It's a fun trip...especially with girlfriends.  My DH has never gone with me!  LOL

I attended at BC event last night where 2 of my Dr.'s were speakers.  It was very nice and made me think I needed to check in with you all!  I'll be having my first mammo in November.  The appointment is made but I don't have the date with me...actually, now that I think about it..I think it's election day!  Expecting all to go fine!

Amy, Hope you are doing great!  Here are my dates:

October 30, 2007 - Felt lump in armpit and made mental note to ask OB/GYN about it at regular annual appointment that was already already scheduled for 3 days later.

November 2, 2007 - Annual OB/GYN visit. He says to proceed with yearly mammo ASAP.

November 8, 2007 - Have mammo.  Get a call 4 HOURS later to come in next day for a biopsy and ultrasound.

November 9, 2007 (a Friday) - Have core biopsy and ultrasound.  Dr. told me then it looked very worrisome and he wanted to schedule a CAT scan & Bone scan for Monday.  His son would read the report immediatly after and then go up to see OB/GYN (same building) for biopsy results.

November 12, 2007 - Have CAT scan, bone scan, Dr. tells me right then that they look fine and sends me upstairs to my OB/GYN who tells me I have Breast Cancer with node involvement, which I had already prepared myself for.  Everything that had been done or said up to that point was preparing me for what I knew they were already thinking but just not saying until "official" test results were in.

December 7, 2007 - First chemo (every 2 weeks)

March 14, 2008 - Last chemo

March 31, 2008 - Surgery (Lumpectomy and AND)

April 11, 2008 - Radiation simulation

April 17, 2008 - First Radiation

May 29, 2008 - Last Radiation

So there is it, edit it however you need to.

Again, I hope everyone is great and enjoying what is left of the summer.  Know that I think of you all often!!!

Love, Lori (excited to be going to see the "Mouse")!

wishiwere

Lori, HI~  So glad to hear from you, that you've been able to move on and not 'think' about the beast too much!  Also, that you've got a mouse trip coming up!  Enjoy the south, and hope it's great weather for you all!

Laurita60091

Hello to all....

Sal, glad to hear you had a great time in Vegas!

Suz, I hope you will recover quickly.  I know you will be just fine and your Sophie will make sure you are in good company at all times!

bibliowarrior

I'm in kind of a funk today. There was a really nice man that I struck up a conversation with during one of my first chemo treatments, and we spoke a few times after that when we'd see each other at the clinic or when he would come into the library where I work. I just found out today that he died last month.

I've been supressing the guilt feelings-- which I know are perfectly normal... everyone said to expect them-- the guilt feelings because I'm still living after my treatments and others aren't. I know it is such a crap shoot whether you catch the disease in time to stop it, and I'm very grateful that I'm one of the lucky few who did, but I do also feel guilty about it. Not so much simply because I survived, but sometimes I feel guilty for being so upbeat and happy about my "success"... like, I should be more "respectful" because not everyone is so lucky.

Am I making any sense? I can't explain this to my husband... he just says "Don't be silly. You have nothing to feel guilty about."

-Sal 

JeannieBell

Hello Girls!

Suz - {{{BIG BEAR}}} Hugs!  How are you feeling?  Hope recovery goes fast!

Just checking in with everyone.... Don't have a lot of time tonight but wanted to see how things were going with everyone and let Suz know I was thinking of her ....

I'll check back in later...

Love and blessings to all!

Jeannie

kimbly

I know what you mean Sal about the guilt feeling.  It occasionally gets me as well.  Today my daughter told me a story about a friend of her's mother.  His mom was diagnosed with BC in Feb.. started chemo etc.. now they find out that she was either a non-responder or it spread ( my daughter did not want to ask too many more questions, she is 13) and was given 8 months to live.  It made me feel sick to my stomach, to realize that not everyone can be as lucky as me and you and the rest of us that are living beyond the cancer.  I wish I could do something to comfort this woman but I don't know her at all. 

beasgirl

Hi all.

Sal, I do know what you mean--a couple of weeks ago I went in for my herceptin treatment, and for some reason, there were lots of clearly very sick folks there--the mood was very low, and I overheard a couple of very serious conversations (I wasn't trying that hard to hear--it's just the way things are set up in there--you hear everybody's business). And I felt very guilty, didn't even ask about my measly joint pain...

I think it's human, and a good thing generally, to sort of unconsciously connect your fate to that of other people's--it means you're living your life with some awareness of your effects on other people. But in this situation, it really does come down to luck, I think.  And Sal, you probably have a different perspective on it too, since you lost your mom to this, and I think that must make your feelings about surviving more complicated. 

I wanted to very belatedly post my "baldy" picture--I just got a few pictures uploaded, finally. here she is:

love to all of you

a

beasgirl

is it there?

wishiwere

Amy, yes it's there and you look fantastic in that pic!  So you have more hair now?  You need to post an update then.  That little one just doesn't do it!  Hate those little ones, it's just a tease!

Can someone remind me of where it is we upload to to post pics here.  Sure wish we could just upload from our puters!   Hate having to figure it out each time....

suz45

First of all thank you everyone for all the well wishes, thoughts and prayers. It means the world to me. You gals are the best and I couldnt ask for more to lift my spirits up. I'm starting to get up and about a little more. Was quite surprised at how hard this one hit me. Almost felt like I had a few broken ribs on my right side whenever I took a breath in. BUT... its getting better daily. Im not even dreading the fresh round of mammo & ultrasound tests. It is what it is and I can deal with it when the time comes! 

Amy, as I said earlier you are absolutely beautiful! I enjoyed the whole album.. Im so amazed that you went through all that treatment with such young kids. Your an amazing woman!! 

WIW, Here's a copy of Laura's instructions on how to post photo's and/or clips from way back in Jan last year. Take care all Love and hugs ,Suz

Laurita wrote:

Here's how to put a photo in your posting: 

First, you have to save the photo out there somewhere in internetland, such as Photobucket, Flickr, etc, then follow the instruction below.  As far as how I do these multi-photo screenshots, that would be another class, as it is something I do all the time for my work (analysis, documentation and training for an IT project) and it uses another application.

wishiwere

Okay, great  Thanks, Suz!  Glad you are up and getting around now.  BUT take it easy to, remember!

AMY? What did I miss!  Just noticed the 2 boxes with red X's?  Waaaaaaaaahhhhh!  What did I miss?

beasgirl

wiw? I don't know...red X's? where?

wishiwere

In your post with your pic. I see one box with a red X, then your pic, then another box with a red X.  Normally the red-X'd box, means it's not showing up.  Or mabye it's X-rated! J/K....I thought perhaps I'd missed 2 pics?  Did you post 3? Amy mentioned an album, I thought perhaps I'd missed this on your post or something....

suz45

WIW, Think its me confusing you. I mentioned an album, but it was on facebook and full of beautiful pics of Amy & the kids. I dont know why this site doubles up or adds the boxes that you mentioned (with the red X's) Sorry for the confusion love, its the drugs, everything becomes a blurr. Love and hugs, suz

wishiwere

  No problem SUZ!  WEll, none as long as you share those meds you're on!   J/K!  I understand what you are saying now...and yes, I was confused.  Doesn't take much when you are sleeping, I suppose

Thanks for the clarification!

suz45

Just wishing everyone a beautiful afternoon! Am venturing out for a few hours this afternoon for the first time since surgery. Will be nice to be out and about. Love and hugs to all, Suz

bibliowarrior

Thx everyone for your thoughts and support regarding my guilt trip. I'm feeling better, especially knowing that you know what I mean.

Suz, congrats on your recovery progress. You are quite the warrior! You'll be back at another rock concert before ya know it!

Amy, your pictures are lovely. Look how far you've come!! I agree with WIW... the little pictures are such a tease... I wish they could be a little bigger. 

Up late (for me).  Time for bed. *yawwwwwnnnn*

Love, Sal 

Laurita60091

Suz, thinking of you today for your RH mammo and ultrasound - all the best!  I hope this will be all about nothing and that you come though with flying colours.  {{{{HUG}}}}

Sal and Amy, interesting your comments about guilt/reaction to others relapsing or not doing so well.  I just learned recently of an acquaintance who had a recurrance about 3 years after her original bout with bc.  It has haunted me.  I think it's just that I simply don't want anyone else to get any more cancer!  Intellectually I know it is just odds and someone will have a recurrance etc....but it bugs the heck out of me because I'm so sick of hearing about people being knocked down by this scurge!  FUBC!!!!!!

Yesterday I had the followup with the rads onc whom I will hopefully never see again.  I have been busy with the everyday stuff - work and home projects with hubby.  It is great to have him here and he is doing amazing things with the list of projects.  We are enjoying warm weather still, which has been a blessing to get outdoor projects done.   

Hugs to all

Laura

wishiwere

It's great it's so quiet here, but wondering about some that haven't checked in... Hoping this finds them well and moving on with their lives!

Suz, it's been beautiful here too!  My kind of weather.  Very cool at night and nice warm, breezy days!  like fall should be! Normal!

Sal, glad to see you post each time!  Hope you got a great nights rest!

Laura, sounds wonderful having your dh to do the needed projects. I wish mine were home more. 34 hrs a week over 2 nights is certainly NOT enough in my book.  Enjoy yours as I read you are!   Glad you are done with your FU with RAds onco!  Another step in the best of directions!

Have a fantabulous weekend ladies!  You all deserve it!

suz45

Hello ladies,

Well Sal I haven't addressed it yet but even though I'm still in the midst of fighting it , I also feel so frigging guilty when I run into someone who's not doing well. How many burden's can one carry. Im not sure if the guilt leaves us, but we have no choice..... we all just have to deal with it because it is what it is. Lets just enjoy every moment we are given...OK!!!   Why waste life feelimg guilty over things we have no control over. Love ya and hope you can move over this one.

Laura, I'm so happy you are doing so well and have hubby home. Maybe if you think you might plan a trip out our way I would love to meet up with you guys. lol  Im not a dancer but I would love to watch you guys, Im so into music regae, salsa, calipso. soca, r&b and everything in between. Including clasical. Sooooo, I know your brother is here???? I'll leave it at that.

WIW, so glad you are in your place of peace. I know what you mean, there are certain times of the year that I just allow the peace of the season to just be...it makes me happy to be able to enjoy these moments, I hope you enjoy yours.

To every one else.... please do a quick check in even if to only say your OK.

So today was rough, I am trying to organize a bbq party for dh 52 bday... present from me was a new bbq....ok we also just hit our 20 year wedding anniversary. Too much too soon. but I went shopping with him this evening and 4 hours later found the gem (Im a real barterer) I was so whipped but happy

On top of all this I was dealing with my callback on the MRI today. New mammo & ultrasound while still under orders not to drive from oopher surgery. Soooooooooo frick it all... I drove myself and mammo sucked, I let them do both sides (not requested) It was ok and off the record she said she saw no reason for recall biopsy on the mammo. On to ultrasound shit they had me on the table for about an hour and i saw every bit of crap they highlighted... I was an emotional mess, but hiding it. I asked on the way out if he thought I might need a biopsy and got the same old wait a few weeks and we will give you a call... I think my face changed that because when I asked again I got an off the record it didnt come from me but all looks fine from this test. Im crying my eyes out right now because I thought I was going for the full pull and having everything removed, What a horrible emotional month this has been.

Surgery wise Im OK I drove myself to the cancer agency and back. It was taxing but ok. I havent said a word around the house because its not worth it, Im going to call it quality of life

Sorry to lay such a heavy, but honestly Im ok and just needing to let it out.

Love you gals and just want to thank you all for the support

ps. looks like our 20th anniversary gift will be some sort of a trip in november, sounds great. Am still crying but I need to let it go. What will be will be.... hugs

wishiwere

Oh {{{{SUZ}}}} You're sounding like you in that 'let down' period?  I hope it passes.  Did you not share with your family what is going on with these current test?  I understand if that's the case, b/c it seems I'm in that boat now. Not telling the whole stories, and hoping it's nothing, but it wears on you more, b/c you can't share those fears.  Please, pm me if you need to rant or rave and just want to get off your shoulders.

So glad you got a preliminary (off the record) okay from both techs.  I know it's hard on them to not say something when they can feel the anxiety when we are in there.  So thankful yours at least mentioned their thoughts, b/c it goes a long way to lessening that.

Many {{hugs}} and a shoulder to lean on and a prayer that it all continues to look bright for you dear friend!

suz45

Thanks WIW,

Im OK.. Really ok, the party was a blast and it felt so good to be entertaining again.

The tests were alright, so Im really ok with that too. I must say Im whipped and tired but have just bummed around all day today. Lazyboy with feet up. Sorry if I sounded down. I can get moody, but honestly I am very happy... It was such a great party and i am so happywith the turnout

Someones gonna bitch,lol  but I just decided that i wanna go for a motor bike ride....wish me luck' Hugs suz

wishiwere

High emotions and low times come with the territory.  It's okay to rant/rave about and that's great you feel comfortable enough to do it with us here! , but still sorry you were down.

So glad the party went well and you were able to recoup today! 

Did you enjoy the ride?  

Hope everyone has a wonderful week ladies!

Laurita60091

Hey Suz,

I am SO happy to hear test results were clear.  You must be very relieved.  Glad to hear the party went well!  It's always nice to get back to doing "normal" stuff.  Don't worry about the emotional roller coaster - we can all understand/identify.

Today it really is fall here - we had our first frost last night and the chill is in the air.  Brrrrr.....

I hope everyone is doing well!

Hugs

Laura

suz45

Hi gals, Thanks for all the support, I cant say it enough... you guys have been my rock. Who knows where I'ld be without you all.

So a bit of good news off topic. They finally settled my accident claim from 4 years ago. Money wasnt the issue, settling it was. I couldnt deal with the stress anymore. Walked away from the whole mess signed and settled so I dont have to worry about any of it... Private investigators following me around and all. I feel so good about letting it all go. My heart is so much lighter and so is my step. And well the moneys not a bad thing either.

Had to laugh as my lawyer whom Ive only seen three times (before cancer) was complimenting me on my new hairstyle. Says he loves short hair and thought it really suited me. I had a chuckle and told him it was my chemo due. He was surprised (and I think he really was) and said I should keep it short. My book keeper (another life saver) said the same thing today.... mind you she went through the worst of it all with me... lil miss baldy with no lashes or brows. She was saying I look so healthy now. It all made me feel good, It feels like Im finally over it. I know it will always be in the back of my mind.... but thats way better than up front. Im ready to finally close two chapters that felt like they would never end.

So Im gonna take the plunge and get my passport photo's this week as I think our november vacation is in the works (Russ wont tell me anything yet except I need a new swimsuit) ah ha, I even have an unlimited budget on it. (Im a major swimsuit junkie) So I must say Im happy, relaxed and well on my way to being me again. Lol and I guess Im gonna go shopping for a bit of a new vacation wardrobe.

I hope everyone is well and fall is in the works here too rain. Love ya all... Major hugs, Suz