Exploring my own definition of looking like a girl

Erica3681

Hi Dawn,

Like Cate, you're inspiring! I'm so glad to hear from women like you who have such a positive attitude. I hope your nerve pain has fully subsided. I had some of that too, at the beginning, and PT helped me tremendously.

I checked out the Coldwater Creek catalog--very tempting! Between the nipples that Cate suggested and the cute tops and jackets I see in this catalog, I might have to totally re-invent myself!

One interesting sidenote. My mother-in-law, who's now 81, had her first mastectomy at 31, and a second one at 46. In those days, reconstruction wasn't offered and there weren't good prostheses. She improvised for many years, then tried various breast forms, but in the past few years she's decided to go flat. She's enjoying the freedom and feels great!

BTW, I'm almost your age--58. I guess we could do worse than to model ourselves after Audrey Hepburn!

Barbara

cmorris58

Barbara
I was kind of short on time last night and remembered that I forgot an important part of the nipple discussion. I originally used the "regular" nipples that were made to go on a prostheses. What that means is, at least for me, is that they are slightly concave in the back to accomodate the proth and I found them to be at least for me hard to keep in place. The ones I found at the Lucy's site tend to be more flat and as such are far better to attachment to a flat chest, they just stay in place, at least in my situation better. All of us are different and as you have learned with the prostheses we need to experiment.

I can only encourage you to reinvent yourself. I was encouraged in your last post to hear that you ahd your dh had achieved the prostheses free time together, that was a happy milestone for me and as with you it was me.

You can be encouraged to reinvent yourself. One thing I believe is that it is far easier for us "smaller ones" i.e. already flat ones to deal with the loss of our breasts. Most of us no matter how confident we many have been still always had to deal with the flat problem and so not with the bilats is just an extension of those old feelings. Hopefully we got over them or at least mitigated them once and if so we can do it again. I am actually back to the point where I am not afraid to wear some slightly v-neck tops something I rarely did before but with the support of dh have progressed.

Hope you are encouraged to take the next step.

BoobsinaBox

Hi, Barbara.

Thanks for the kind words. My dh has been great about all this, and I am so very grateful that he is less concerned with how my chest looks, than he is with my heart. That has made it much easier for me to get used to the way I am now. I still am conscious of my flatness (concaveness on the left), but I realized fairly quickly that if I kept a smile on my face and looked into people's eyes, they tended to look back at my eyes and smile - instead of looking at my chest! - even strangers on the street. That was a good thing to learn. I have recently seen a number of people for the first time in about a year, and they all think I look healthy and trim. Frankly, once I lost my boobs, I noticed a serious spare tire around my middle, and it had to go! That got me back to the Y, even though it still hurt to move. Now I work out three mornings a week, and the spare tire is seriously deflated. That keeps me smiling!

My aunt, who had a mastectomy in 1988 with no other treatment that I know of, died of bone mets about 8 months later. She was fantastic, and she showed me the boob she made. (All my mother's side of the family was small breasted.) She took the toe of pantihose and filled it with birdseed, sewed a knot in the tip for a nipple, and was absolutely tickled with herself. I always thought that's what I would do... but now I'm happier without anything.

I'm glad you liked the Coldwater Creek things. They have a great outlet section online too, and stores all over the country, including some outlets. With your Audrey Hepburn good looks, you can wear anything!

Dawn

biondi

hi boobsinabox, i just love that name!! got my bilateral one year ago yesterday. no recon. go out flat, i'm twiggy! tight shirts and t's, sexy jeans, big earrings, bright lipstick, and fancy shades.. and belly button jewel. if someone looks, i dont care, if they ask, i'll tell them, if someone says something stupid, i ignore them, or try to educate them if possible, because this b/c disease, is so much more than what sticks out front!!
lots of different shapes of bodies in this world, mine is just another one. hey, and nobody has called me sir yet!
huggs to you all. biondi

Erica3681

Biondi,

I wish people could post pictures here. I'd love to see you in those tight tees and sexy jeans.

Cate,

One more nipple question. Do you wear them outside the house or only at home, for fun?

cmorris58

Hi Barbara

I wear them quite a bit and yes I do wear them out. When I first got them I only used them with the dh during our "fun" times. Like your Pals they were kind of my "security blanket" so to speak. Then I started wearing them around the house with one of my "no cup" bras and finally one of those days I just forgot and ran to the store to "pick up some milk" and realize they were just plain fun made me feel whole and "attractive" again. So I wear them a lot, in the warm weather I tend to wear them less because like prostheses they can make you sweat.

I hope you don't mind me sharing with you guys I am 5 years out so the actual "details" of the cancer and treatment have kind of blurred into a past time and now I am dealing with the consequences.

I was thinking after I wrote you yesterday about this journey you descriped in the change of you and your husbands acceptance and was thinking that dealing with being "flat chested" is much like growing up. For me it was actually a change in my life, having always been flat chested the look was not particularly new but I had never really not felt at times like I was not missing something and there was sometihing wrong with me even though my dh had always always adored me and particularly that part. What happened in the acceptance of the new "flat chest" was that now there was an acceptable reason for being flat. As a result of that I have become very comfortable and accepting of it. We ofter joke that the transition to letting the dh touch me "up there" was kind of like the first time in happened in hs when I was so afraid when my steady, not my dh, finally got through all of the methods of hiding what I was missing that both of us were excited and accepting. So the situation you describe when it finally happened with us was kind of like reliving that experience, frightening but in the end very satisfying.

Cate

Sorry if I am rambling but this is the first time I can really relate to others who are like me. I have a couple of friends who have had bc and although we can relate on the disease level they both had reconstruction so we cannot relate there.

BoobsinaBox

Thanks, biondi! My step daughter came up with the name right after I got them, and I loved it. We were visiting them, and carrying all our stuff into the house, and I had a bag with the two boxes in it, so I could store them overnight. I held it up and showed her what I had to carry around, and she said, "Oh! Boobs is a box! That's great!" So I adopted the name. Now they just sit in the box all the time, so it is even more appropriate!

I love your attitude!
Dawn

MzzHope

~~~~Bump~~~~

Hogwarts

Hi AlaskaDeb,

Love your hat!!! Hey, I'm a slim 71 yr old and I'm self-conscious about the tummy I have. You might get inspired by checking out Cathy (Kathy?) Bates. She's a BMX and goes without foobs, except in movies. She looks great and has a great attitude.

It is a puzzle, isn't it, wondering why we worry about such things. I'm glad it's still cool enough here in GA so I can dress in some layers and not feel so self-conscious out in public. There needs to be more of us, maybe touring cities and showing what healthy, and flat, recovery/self-mage looks like, no matter our size or age.

Hugs to all you great ladies!

Hogwarts

amygil81

Hogwarts, I'm so sorry to have to say that AlaskaDeb passed in January of 2009. She was always the nicest, nicest lady, reaching out to help others even as she grew sicker. I remember it well, because that was the year I had my chest wall recurrence, and had to go back into treatment. I am enjoying re-reading her wisdom now. Thank you for bumping.

Momine

Funny thing is that I feel more feminine after BMX, not less so. Losing the breasts made me focus on and recognize my femininity in a different way. My problem is more about how others see it. I still haven't figured out how one would pick up men, for example

Aussie-Cat

Momine, I feel more feminine in some ways after bilateral mastectomy without reconstruction too. It seems like I have more dressing options now than I did before, since my chest was large before. I still have nerve pain though, so I can't do as much experimenting as I'd like.

I have very much enjoyed reading this mostly old thread, there are many interesting posts. I'm very sorry to hear that AlaskaDeb passed in January of 2009.