2005 ROCK-TOBER CHEMO GIRLS

maryannecb

Well, off day for many of us today!

Like I said I tested my worries away so am havig a pretty upbeat week. So it is my turn to cajole and encourage.

Amy, your onc should not have been spouting statistics unless you asked. A doctors job is to heal the body and mind. His job is to ease your fears by telling you what he can do for you not what the disease might or might not do to you. Every single woman with BC no matter what their stage fears recurrence. Probably most of us already know the stats for our satge and types of BC. Why some people want to continue to remind us is beyond me. I know for a fact that stage 1-3 BC is considered curable. Not one doctor can tell us which people will recur. As my onc said on his first visit-"this is not a hopeless case". Put the stats out of your head-what will be will be. You have done all you can do. Unless someone confirms recurrence try to remind yourself that you are the person that will survive. Be hopeful, it makes life more enjoyable. I would not go back to that doc either. Your husband is like mine, he wants to go forward and think we are the same as before. I am doing my best to do that but I feel like I am dragging this huge weight of worry with me. With time we will worry less, I am sure of that.

Mary glad your cold is improving. It is OK to worry some time. Find a way to relax your mind and go back to your optimistic self. Bringing yopur fears to our attention has let others open up,thanks.

Laura, your vision of walking with each of us is a nice idea. I would be happy to have you and your cosurvivor visit my neck of the woods.

Graycie I can picture you searching high and low for the nailpolish, hope you find it before you fin Amy's oncologist.LOL.

Ravdeb-eek half-naked tourists, what a sight. You are right , the negative doctors have to go

Debbie, what is trhe name of the chemical you are inhaling, matbe we all need some...

Cindy keep up your positive thougts, we need them.

Victoria, my DH is the opposite. He absolutely thinks I will live to grow old with him. If I suggest that might not happen he thinks I am foolish. I love that he feels this way. It helps me think about the future in a morwe positive way. I pass some of this positive thinking to you!

Today had a meeting at Patricks school. He has special needs and functions academically at the grade 1-2 level. He is currently streamed in to a grade seven class room with a full time aid by his side. The principal called last week saying his teachers had concerns...So it was me and seven teachers,the guidance counsellor, the principal, the resource teacher and the aid. Three teachers spoke about there concerns of him not meeting the Grade seven standard...As if I don't already know this. They worry they are not meeting his needs. He is not socialising with the other kidsetc. I felt very outnumbered. It is his first year in this school. I did my best to assure them that he is happy going to and coming home from school. So it is working for him. Hope this settles them all down.

Fists up!

ravdeb

Debbie...congrats on passing the milestone of chemo!

Ladies... I wrote a nice long post but of course it disappeared...poof!

However..I'd like to share this with you. It was written by a woman who suffered from advanced cancer. She wrote her own psalms. This one is for "one year later"...

Psalm 132 by Debbie Perlman

In that instant, Holy One,
Goading me to choose life,
Hovering, guiding skilled hands
As I hovered, questioning my choice.

In these instances, day by day,
Goading me from terror and doom,
You hover by my right hand,
You steady my left hand.

This is a day for remembrance.
This is the day, where slowly facing
The changes and hurts, I reach out
To replace brokenness with Your touch.

These are the years for remembrance,
Holding memories as guideposts
To future uncertainties,
Held firm with love and faithfulness.

Gather the choices and days;
Gather new routines and restlessness
To transform this enormity
With courage of Your care.

Graycie

Very nice Ravdeb.......Well, I did search high and low for the nailpolish with no luck. I couldn't find you Amy. I couldn't find anybodies picture. But I am not giving up I will keep on looking. I will check Target today and I will try and remember my peppermint patties. My luck they won't have those either.......lol

Graycie

Graycie

Tracy, Forgot to congratulate you on your divorce......Do you feel alot thinner now........ha

marymelodi

Just opened my computer and saw this headline on MSN about chemo brain being real . . . duh, as if that was news to us.

http://health.msn.com/centers/cancer/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100146503&GT1=8618

Have a good day!
Mary

ravdeb

Didn't I mention that at some point? It is somewhere else on bc.org. Of course, I can't remember if I told you all that or where the heck I read it! LOL

ravdeb

I'm in the middle of cooking and with my aches and pains, I need to sit for a bit..

Linda...meant to wish you a Happy Sukkot. Actually, I DID but the dang message disappeared on me!!!

A happy holiday to you, too, Amy!!!

For those who are wondering maybe what this Sukkot holiday is...Sukkot means "booths" or "huts". One of these is called "sukkah".

This is a happy holiday. It's the holiday of the harvest and the sukkah, simply speaking, represents the temporary shelter that the Israelites built as they wandered in the desert. It's a festive holiday. We build the sukkah and are commanded to eat and live in this wobbly home for a week. Some do this, others use it symbolically, still others don't build one. But, we do invite people over, which is another major part of this holiday. The sukkah gives us more of an opportunity because we are outside and can see others around and invite them in. It's based on the biblical story of Abraham who invited three angels into his tent. Supposedly this was the first "sukkah".

The happiest part of it is that the kids in Israel get a week off for the holiday.

Next week will be your last lesson on our holidays as next week is the last holiday of this group of holidays for this month.

Back to my cooking so I can feed my guests!

Paula15089

Gosh Amy, so sorry you had to cope that.. I would have told that shmuck - 'Well, YOU have a real high risk of a patient hitting you over the head with a hammer, but i am not bringing THAT up, am i??'... well my tolerance level is real low these days.
Frankly, i dont understand how a person without any compassion whatsowever can be a doctor, especially an oncology one.

Thanks for good wishes for my walk tomorrow, i will be thinking about all of you, and will wear my rocktober t-shirt proudly. The amount of support you all have given me over the last year is enormous.

Today I had my first mammogramm since my diagnosis last september. Lots of bad memories were brought back by that. When i was told they want to do an ultrasound as well, my heart sunk... that is what i heard last year - 'the doctor will now do some more tests and a biopsy'.
Thankfully, this time it was done as a routine procedure.. and the results were fine. Well, the appointment with my surgeon is not till monday, but the guy that did U/S said everything looks fine. Oh, what would i have given to hear those words LAST year...

sorry for rambling on ladies. We all seem to be getting restless lately, could be a one-year survivor thing maybe?
I do prefer the denial state, and try to keep myself there as much as i can.

thanks to the time difference b/w US and Australia i seem to miss all the posts, and by the time i see any questions directed to me, the topic has moved on to something else already!! so apologies to anyone who has asked me anything and never got an answer, or if my posts seem to be out of tune... by the way i am still trying to catch up with all the posts i missed when i was away.

ok, better go to bed now.. horray for saturday!!

love you all,
Paula

Anonymous

I think that it's neat that you still celebrate the holidays of old. As christians many do not know any of the major Festivals. I remember studying about the festival of booths and how it was to remind them also of the protectiveness of G*d even tho in the wilderness?? Is that right?

Are you going to sleep in it???

ravdeb

Hey Kelly..that IS right! I just didn't want to get into it all..post could have gone on forever!

We are from the group who did NOT build a sukkah this year. Long story why but we usually do build one and we usually eat our meals in it. We've never slept in ours, though.

Love your new avatar! You look beautiful and very pink

PAULA!!!!!..so good to see you posting. WONDERFUL that your mammo and US were CLEAR!!!! Yahooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Don't we all wish they had told us this LAST year???

debbie444

Congrats Paula! I know what you mean about the difference, i get that too!
I dont do a mammo until Jan 07, that will be 20 months since my op and nearly 21 from diagnosis, its seems surreal!
Today was good, came away feeling i had made a difference. I didnt drown and i didnt drown anyone else. Jamil has said he is looking forward to swimming next week, maybe he will let go of my hand !
Debbie

TracySeattle

Hi Everyone!

Did any of you see Olivia Newton John on the Today show today? It has been 14 years since she was diagnosed with bc. She has a new CD out dedicated to bc, she sang the title song - "With Grace & Gratitude". I cried like a baby. The proceeds of the CD go to the Why Me Breast Cancer Foundation. I didn't catch where you can buy it at though. I am wondering if maybe it is at Hallmark like last year.

I am finding myself so full of emotions lately--I didn't expect that. I am really glad that all of my friends are coming over tomorrow--they were my strength through the past year.

Hope you all have a good day today and some fun plans for the weekend!

Graycie

Tracy, I saw the Today show with Olivia Newton-John.....I had tears too. Do you know if she had to go through chemo, etc? I missed the beginning. I was getting ready for work so I didn't catch where you can buy the CD either.

Well, Sorry Amy, I couldn't find you at Target either. They had nothing for BC whatsoever........What kind of store is that?....lol....Not even the peppermint patties.

Graycie

Graycie

Victoria, I just realized that you received 3 PM's from me all saying the same thing........I wonder what that is all about....Honest, I only sent it once....HAAAAAA

marymelodi

I looked up the Olivia Newton-John information at the Y-Me Breast Cancer Coalition site. You can buy the CD at Walgreen's exclusively. Here is a link to the info:
http://www.y-me.org/corporatepartners/ourpartners/walgreens.php

If you do not have a Walgreen's Drug near by let me know. I'll get one for you and send it along. I'm going to get my copy tonight after work. The ONJ CD that I got last year was one of my "feel good" CDs while in treatment.

Debbie, Paula, and Ravdeb: I'll send you the CD if you want. Debbie, I have your address (thanks for the treats which arrived this week).
Ravdeb & Paula: send me your address in a PM.
Oh, Paula - ONJ being Australian - maybe there is a way for you to get the CD down under?

love,
Mary

marymelodi

You can order the first ONJ breast cancer CD, "Stronger Than Before" from the Hallmark.com website.

Mary

cathy987

Mary

Was your interview on today? I got an email telling me Fickle was broadcasting live at Strong today from 10 to 2 and I forgot to check until it was too late.

TracySeattle

Mary! Thanks for the ONJ info! We have a Walgreens and I will try to get there to get one!

I went today for my yearly physical - Pap, etc. It was the first time that I have seen my GP since BC. She was very happy at my progress. She insisted on Scheduling me for a Colonoscopy (she explained that it is her birtday present to each patient that turns 50). UGH - I go have that done on the 23rd. She also did blood work - just because I asked and she also scheduled me for a baseline bone density test.

One very interesting thing she said is that she is concerned about my emotional health. The reason being is that when you are actually going thru the diagnosis, surgery and treatment you are strong and do what needs to be done. She said it is afterwards that many patients struggle with depression. I told her that I was doing well and she said that if I feel that changing I should call her and she will help me get through if I need it....

Well, my house is pretty much clean (thanks to my Mom) and decorated for my Open House tomorrow. I am going to run to the store--decided that Champagne was in order, so I have to get some!

Wish you all could come!

Paula15089

Mary,
I'll check out the CD here. Yeah ONJ is a famous aussie, but she doesnt live here... pretty much none of the famous aussies do!! they all move to US for some reason ha ha!!

Anonymous

I have to catch up on the posts but I just stopped by to tell you all that I did something so wonderful!!!! I contacted a friend who I hadn't spoken to in 18 years! Her name is Teryn and she is who I named my daughter after.

We had lost touch, we don't even remember what happened. But the call was so special and I had called her mom's house to find her and she happened to be there. I don't believe in coincidence. I had been calling her mom and hanging up when the answer machine got it. I finally decided that maybe she was screening calls and decided to leave a message. Her mom picked up and said, "She is standing right here."

I told her I had named my daughter after her. We caught up a bit and then I called her this morning as well. We talked and talked and it was wonderful.

We are making arrangements to see each other before the end of the year. She is writing a book, she has kids and her laugh is the same. I asked if she remembered the "slipper dance" and she said, "Yes, and I am the Slipper Queen." ..... Oh I am so excited. I have been planning to call her for a few years and couldn't think of what to say.

I am so happy I did it. And she thanked me. And we told each other that we loved each other.

ravdeb

Yikes, Kelly...I got goosebumps reading that. That is soooooooooooooooooooooooo cool!

I know this feeling because my very, close friend was somebody I knew in high school and then we lost touch. Then I saw him and his wife and their new baby way back in 1982. We chatted and lost touch again. I searched for him and one of my girlfriends found him on the internet so I e-mailed him. The weird thing was that he had just returned to the States after a visit in Israel. He had no idea I was living in Israel. We have been the best of friends ever since.

So, that is very special that you reconnected with Teryn. Enjoy!

Mary..I think my girlfriend will be sending me a cd. Thanks for the offer! It looks like a beautiful cd and something I'm going to enjoy.

Tracy...have fun today at your open house and girls night!!!

Your doctor sounds like a really good doctor. I'm glad she cares so much and offers so much, but that gift of a colonoscopy. I had just told my dh that he and I need to do that. He gave me a dirty look and said that when I do it, he'll do it!!!!

How insightful of her, though, to recognize the emotional aspect of what we go through after treatments. I wish more people and other professionals understood that. I think my oncologists do, though. Maybe even my family doctor since he did say I looked tired and questioned me.

Graycie

Yes girls, Go and get your colonoscopy's. I have had two already because I had a couple pre-cancerous polyp's. I had them removed and had the test repeated 3 yrs later to make sure they didn't grow back and all is well....

Kelly, That is wonderful that you were able to connect again with your old friend. The fact that you named your daughter after her she must have meant alot to you... So touching, it brought tears to my eyes.

Off to my grandson's football game....
Everyone enjoy their day. Tracy have fun at your girls night out.

Graycie

ravdeb

Graycie..you're too young to have a grandson who plays football already!!!!

wow..didn't know you had polyps. My friend's father died of colon cancer and he went last year for his first colonoscopy and was sooooooooooo scared!

Please calm me down so that I'll ask my doctor for a referral for one. I know I need to do it. Once I've done it once, I won't be so nervous the next time...

TracySeattle

You know, I have heard from many that the actual Colonoscopy is a piece of cake, but the hard part is the prep the day before. You have to eat only clear liquids all day and then you start taking laxitive at noon, so basically you get to know your bathroom very well for the rest of the day. The cool thing is that Beer and Wine are on the approved list of what you can eat!!!! LOL.... LOL... They don't let you have solid food, but you can drink all the beer & wine that you want!!! Can you picutre me now? Sitting on the toilet with my bottle(s) of Wine?

They sedate you for the actual test, now that part could be a challenge for me--it involves an IV and I have no veins in my good arm (should have left my port in for another couple of months). They were able to get blood out of me yesterday, so that is a positve sign.

Off to a Road Clean up with Kiwanis this morning, then home to get the food on for the Open house. I sure wish you all were coming. I do have my list of bc sisters names on my Friends picture wall & the pic of Lara, Deb and Rosemarie--guess that is better than nothing. Maybe at Christmas time we should all send each other our picture.... That would be so cool, I would make a collage of that too.

Love you all!

Graycie

No Red wine......HA

Anonymous

Kelly -
That is so wonderful that you are back in contact with your friend!
Laura

TracySeattle

Well, ya know, Graycie that is a good point. The instructions caution against red dyes but it does not specify about the wine..... hmmmm..... I doubt I will be drinking any at all. :-(

Kelly I meant to tell you that I think it is so cool that you have gotten in touch with your friend. I kinda lost touch with my college room mates for several years. We got back together for the first time two years ago (30 years later) and it was as if we had not been apart for 10 minutes. We are still the best of friends and I am SO GLAD to have them back in my life!

Anonymous

Tracy, hope you are having a fun time at your Open House.

Where is Amy, TaDah and Rosemarie this weekend??

Rosemarie, how did the 'girls' turn out??
TaDah, are you happy with the love buds?

ake

Hi ladies. I`m in Montreal with my husband and his family. It`s his grandmother`s 80th birthday this weekend and we`re going to a huge party tonight for her...including a bellydancer. Gotta love those Arabs The weather here is beautiful...perfectly sunny. I miss my new house though

I`ve been feeling a bit down about this whole cancer thing. I hate when all my old feelings come spiraling back because when they do,I don`t really kno what to do with them. My husband`s aunt`s mother is dying of liver cancer...she`s been talking about it a lot to everyone and all of a sudden, I started thinking...is this what will get me in the end? I started crying last night to my husband and told him I`m really scared that cancer will get me in the end. It`s that part of me that can`t believe I had it and when I realize I had it, I can`t believe it could really be over. In Canada, I`m wearing all my sweaters and turtlenecks like I did last year and then I remember that last time I wore these clothes, I was as bald as a bowling ball. And then I get sad all over again.

I just have the nervous feeling in my stomach...things are so great in my life right now and i`m worried that the floor is going to be yanked out from underneath me again. As I always say...grrrr!

I really didn`t expect October and breast cancer awareness to make me this aware!!! Denial is such a better place sometimes. But, I`ll take a deep breath and just let go of the worrying like I always do and move on. But, shit...this cancer thing really sucks sometimes!

Have a good weekend ladies

Love,
Amy

ravdeb

Amy...You are right. The cancer thing sucks. I guess we each have to find a way to live with it. I'm trying to recognize that my whole experience last year taught me to look at life from a new perspective and in this way, I am a better person for it all.

It doesn't relieve the fears that we each have, but it does kind of put it all into perspective.

I had my melt-down last night so I guess we are on the same wave-length. I started crying and realized that I needed to do that. I guess that's the other thing. We need to realize that there are going to be more difficult moments and we need to accept them, live through them and then move on. If we push them aside, they will creep up again and it will be more difficult.

That's how I see it. It doesn't make any of it go away. It's just kind of a way to live with it.

Enjoy your weekend! A belly dancer! Sounds fun