Starting Chemo in June 2005

shorfi

thank goodness someone else feels the same way i do. being positive is good, but what about the ones who were positive and lost their battle?

rmmom

Normally yes but I took the year off since the energy required isn't there. Every Tuesday I want to call to say I can do it but then Thursday rolls around I know better. And yes when those kids walked through the door it was the best. I waited until a week before surgery to tell my class' parents because once at school I never thought of cancer at all and I laughed a lot. It really does keep me upbeat, even the tough ones 'cause I know they will never come close to my MOODY 15 year old. I really hope he ends up with a kid like himself and calls me!

RebeccaH

I'm one of those perky people with cancer. *I* almost think I'm obnoxious!
I had to tell my 78 yo mother....I can approach this with a positive attitude or a doom and gloom attitude. Regardless of the attitude, tomorrow, I'll still be fighting cancer. I just think it takes too much effort to have an bad attitude towards it. Plus, I feel like I have more control over cancer.

It's ok for people to laugh with me, but you better be careful when starting your own joke. My husband said something (aka chemobrain) and it wasn't really funny because I didn't start it. But, it did give me ammo for my next laugh.

I'm ready for #3 tomorrow....feeling a little like Towanda!
I even have a smile on my face--because on Wednesday, I only have to deal with the red devil one more time!

I REALLY want a pedicure AND a manicure....PLEASE????
Yes, I'll take so cheese with that whine!

Rebecca

MichelleB39

"Cess Pools of Infection" - I love that term. Good one!!!

kimBe

Hi everyone! Like you read my mind. I kept doing the "Mental math" today on my commute-if I had received traditional treatment of 4 I would be done and ready to start Taxotere on Thursday, but I'm in a study and I have 2 more treatments---and I actually remember thinking before I was placed---I hope for the weekly x12 cuz more is better, no way could I have done that. Fortunately your posts made me feel better and happy to admit that I am sick and tired of being sick and tired (was that Bill Cosby's line?--showing my age here I think). And the other thing I am not looking forward to is the burnt marshmallow taste, will really appreciate things tasting different from each other. I guess I had better go---Savanna is hovering which means she hasn't chatted with her friends for awhile.
KimB

LizFL

As long as you have no open sores and your salon follows standard hygiene procedures, why would a manicure/pedicure be a problem as long as you don't get your cuticles cut and don't let them use anything harsh to clear off dry skin? I do realize that you can get a fungus infection, but it has never happened in the years I've been getting them done. I know they only seem to rinse out the foot spa and wipe it with a clean towel, but I don't think they would object if you bought some lysol or other wipes with you and wiped it again to be safe.

Liz

Jenster

I miss a couple of days and look what happens!

Brenda - Don't you hate that life isn't put on hold while we go through OUR crisis? I find myself getting frustrated with whiney relatives, aging parents, bratty kids, etc. and wish everyone would just be healthy and mind themselves while I get through this.

Liz - do you start Taxotere on August 25? I think you and I may be on the same schedule. I have #4 A/C on Aug. 4th

Bev - I'm envious - but happy for you - that you got to go to church. I very rarely get to go because of low WBC. My oncologist told me church is one of the worst places you can go (sounds rather odd, don't you think) because people go to church even when they don't feel good and then there's all that hugging and hand shaking, etc. But I sure do miss it!

minerva - Welcome! I've had my port since June 1 and I hate it except for when I'm plugged in. Then it's the best thing since sliced bread.

Nosurrender - Thanks for permission to be upset. My husband is working out of state and is home most weekends. Which means I'm a single parent M-F to a 10 and 13 year old. If I let myself think about it too much I could be in a constant state of depression. So I stay upbeat. Most of the time. But there are times when I absolutely hate my situation. Not just the cancer, but being so far away from hubby and having this crappy family situation right now that will last until at least the first of the year. And when I let it out - WATCH OUT! But I'm not the only one in the house who has her moments. The kids do, also. And I know my husband has his moments while he's all alone in his hotel room 1200 miles away. I have no doubt that we're going to be a stronger family when this is all over, but it sure does stink now!

Scout - please let us know what the gyn says.

Bancroft - I'm a writer and it is such a wonderful release for me. In fact, I'm writing a book about my experiences - kind of an Erma Bombeck look at dealing with cancer. I don't know that it will ever be published, but it doesn't really matter. It's a great thing for me emotionally right now AND it will be a great thing for my family when I'm finished (after treatment and reconstruction).

Reeny - Do you think all of us flat-chested, bald ladies should get together and have a cry fest? What a picture that paints! lol.

Watson - how was the coffee??

JoMac - hope the gardening went well. It's much too hot to do anything outside here, so I'll live vicariously through all you other ladies gardening. (I can't WAIT for fall!)

Michelle - Yes, I find myself comforting my friends and family. But you know, my best friend went through this whole ordeal nearly 3 years ago. I had a much harder time with her diagnosis than I've had with mine. And I was so amazed at her strength and attitude. And now I find I'm the same way.

Saleboat - I had a chicken salad sandwich from Arby's tonight with grapes and apples WITH the skin on. I almost felt giddy at the thought of living so brazenly!

Bev - Can you pass on your husband's shake recipe?

Rebecca - I'm very positive, too. There are very few times when I get upset over this ordeal. I think part of that is because I've had no real problems to speak of with A/C. When I do get upset it's usually more along the lines of if I hadn't had this stupid, hateful cancer, my kids and I would be living in a new house in Pennsylvania with my husband, instead of only seeing him weekend to weekend, if we're lucky. Now we have to wait another 5 months - at the very least - before we can move on with our lives.

Whew!! I think that covers it. That'll learn me to stay away for so long (two days, I think).

Jenster

Silly me. I forgot to ask my question.

What about leg waxing? I obviously don't shave my legs and I've been using Veet on them, but I would much rather wax them and not mess with the Veet. But I'm afraid that may not be acceptable, either.

Thoughts? Comments?

kimBe

Oh my goodness ladies! I really haven't worried about the hair or lack of on my legs--maybe I should but figure that is one thing I can ignore that most people won't notice. I have never had a pedicure in my life and had never even thought about til about 2 weeks ago when my new d-i-l's mom called to see if I could have manicure and pedicure as that was her treat to the girls-I declined saying that I was not sure how I would do so was going to only commit to the rehersal dinner and wedding. Picked Savanna up from her pedicure and she is explaining about the big cumfy recliners---and I thought "it's all percerption" because when I think of recliners I think of chemo and that smell! I did have one OMG moment-Jim really would much rather visit than dance but my brother and I danced a jitterbug and I had a fleeting moment of "there goes my wig", but don't think it probably even shifted...needless to say I kept too busy to dance the rest of the night. I am looking so forward to the days that I don't even think about infection as it relates to my feet, going to church, eating fresh veggies and fruit etc....
KimB

Fi_in_oz

~sneaks in and leaves a basket of smiles and a couple of pounds of soul soothing laughter~

~instructions : administer as required~

ohh I couldn't resist, I really don't mean to offend anyone by being happy, but its just my nature, I choose to see the good in all.

Best wishes to you all, if any are truly offended by my happy and positive posts, just let me know and I will adjust accordingly.

Fi

PS, I forgot today that I no longer have long black hair whilst showering and automatically reached for the shampoo and conditioner rack, that made me giggle, yes I even laugh in the shower, and its not hysterical laughter for the record.

Scout

I talked to the GYN about my "glowing" overies and he wants to do an ultrasound and have bloodwork doen...a crv125 (?)...can't remember the name..but it's a test for ovarian cancer. He said he would call over at the cancer place to fax over an order (so they can go through my port) but when I got there a few hours later they didn't have any info. The ladies at the deck, were nice about it and called the dr's office and the front desk wrote out the order for me. When I sat down at the chair to have the blood drawn, the nurse came over and explained to me that I just can't came over and have blood drawn anytime. I needed to have an order and that I needed to call before I came to make sure the order was sent..they were busy and I needed to make an appt if they were busy at the time. Tears just welled up in my eyes and I tried to tell her that the dr said he would fax over an order and her response was, "well, just for next time". At this time the phycologist was standing there and we went staight to his office to chat. I calmed down and everything was ok after that. Don't know why I got so upset, but he said he was gong to talk to her because she wasn't being very nice. He thought she was upset that the port was not working right...but that was fine.
Anywho...I had taken myself off of the Paxil (I only was taking it for 2 weeks) because it was making me so tired. Now, I don't know if it was because we increased the does right before my second chemo, but I didn't want to take a chance and I wanted my life back. Soooooo....he has put me on Effexor XR, 37.5mg to start today. He thinks this will help with my extreme anxiety I'm having...I just hope it doesnt' make me tired.
Anyone else on Effexor?? My SIL said she takes it and it doesn't make her tired....she couldn't take Paxil either.\
I have to have the ultrsound today. I have to drink 40oz of water one hour before I go and I can't go to the bathroom until after the test...never heard of this.
I'm scared to death that I have cancer in my ovaries! I told my DH, what now? They'll take my toes off next? How much more of this can one person take????????????????
OK, enough bitching this morning...I'll let you know how the tests go.

LizFL

Jen...Have my 4th AC on 8/4 too...they haven't given my my schedule for the Taxotere yet. I see the onc on 8/12 and will probably get my schedule then.

I had my eyebrows waxed just before first chemo and no new growth. Longest it has ever lasted for me. So far my eyebrows are hanging in there. I used an electric shaver for my legs...but don't think there is any growth there either as they have been staying smooth. At least there are a few bonuses to this

I am feeling human again today and that is a great feeling This was the first treatment that I felt so rotten afterwards, so I really can't complain.

I find myself trying to cheer others up too...I guess it's hard for people who care about us to think about what we go through. There are no guarantees, but that is true for everyone...even a perfectly healthy 18 year old has no guarantee for longevity. Being positive takes less work than being negative and produces better results. I kind of look at it as a battery charger. Positive=gaining energy. Negative=losing energy. My fate is in God's hands so I just go about my life the best I can. I have my down moments...but that's why God made Xanax

Hugs,
Liz

saleboat

Scout-- very sorry that you have to do this now on top of all else. I just went through something similar-- my ovaries looked suspicious on my CT scan, so then an MRI, then another test-- it was like being in the eye of a storm waiting to get sucked up into the tornado. Supposedly we're now all at higher risk for ovarian because of our bc diagnosis. My Drs were being extra cautious, and it proved, so far, to be nothing. Hopefully your Drs are also being extra cautious on your behalf, and you too will get good news.

And sorry to hear that not everyone is being cooperative-- next time the RN gives you a hard time about paperwork (of all things-- I hate bureaucraic mentalities) get out your inner Towanda. T would have kicked that RNs A**!!! Of course, make sure she isn't the one that then needs to draw your blood...and geesh...if your port isn't working, why is that 1) worth her frustration and 2) even remotely your fault. PEOPLE!!!

Hang in there. We're all doing our lucky rain dances for you.

AND-- the water before the us is so that the tech can get a good look at your ovaries and not get confused by your bladder-- I guess if it is full, they're more sure of what it is.

Scout

Thanks, Saleboat...it just helps to get things off my chest sometimes! No, she was upset because I didn't have an appt and that the Dr didn't fax over anything, and that I should have checked up on it! All this because I didn't want to get stuck 100 times at the dr's office (GYN) for the test. (I have NO VEINS left!)
Do you know if I have to drink water? I can't remember what she said..I'll have to call again. Tea would be easier than water, at this point!
Thanks for listening to me!

MichelleB39

Scout- I am sorry that you are going through this. We are all afraid/anxious with every test that we go through after having bad news. I guess that is normal.

With the ultrasounds, they want you to drink water so the ultasound waves have something to bounce off of. Tea is fine too. They want you to drink clear liquids, aka not milk.

Good luck! Keep us posted.

Analemma

Oh, Fi, everybody loves an upbeat person! I just was having a real "down" day and needed to vent, and I think everybody joined in the pity party, for a change. Sometimes, nothing else will do.

Yesterday was #4 AC (yay!) and I was feeling pretty bad yesterday evening, but then, I hadn't slept much the night before, so I think that was a big part of it. I'm going to work in the pottery studio a bit today, and tomorrow will be the bad day, so won't get much accomplished. If all goes well, Thursday I will glaze and fire pots to get ready for a show on Sunday....

I confess I'm feeling a lot of anxiety about the Taxol, especially the chance of neuropathy. I can see me trying to wrap an order of pottery at a show and dropping it all - crash - and refunding the money! I have to take Decadron for three days of Taxol, the day before, of, and the day after the infusion, plus in the infusion itself. I'll be moving mountains! Also Pepsid by mouth the morning of. And Benadryl also, can't remember if it's all three days or not, but it's also in the pre-meds part of the infusion. Is this the same protocol as the rest of you ladies?

By the way, I'm still keeping up with us on an Excel ss, but I've lost track of Randi, Watson, Laurajoy, Zeamer3, Rene23, Cindy, MarilynB, and mtngrl. If any of you are following the thread, let me know where you are in treatment, ok? Watson, I know you are around and posting, but I've lost track of your treatment dates- weren't you and Liz on the same schedule? And if anyone wants the ss, just pm me and I will send it.

Jo, in Ohio my peonies are all bloomed out. Should I cut the plants way back, or just remove the spent blossoms?

Finally, the tomatoes are coming in. You can bet I'm eating them raw, with fresh (raw) basil and garlic and olive oil! No Surrender, I'll wash them very well! At least I can be sure they haven't been handled by a lot of workers with questionable sanitary habits!

Jo, first Taxol tomorrow! Good luck, I believe KimB also is doing hers tomorrow. Keep us posted.

Jenster - I feel for you in your situation. Not only are you a "single" mom with BC, but the kids are out of school for the summer! At least you will get a little bit of a reprieve when they are back in school. Do you have a job outside of your home as well?

I'm excited that the Space Shuttle is going to launch this morning. DH works on space experiments for NASA, and he had spent many, many hours with the crew of Columbia, and was in Mission Control while they were flying their fated mission in January '03. They were running his experiment during the flight. He came home on Friday night before they were due to land on Sat. morning. It was devastating. But everyone at NASA here is optimistic about getting the Shuttle back in flight. Greg's latest experiment in on Space Station. They aren't doing science on the shuttle anymore, just using it for transport, basically.

Have a good day, everyone!!

Brenda

Watson

Hey all,
I hope everyone is doing okay today.

Scout,
I am so sorry for your anxiety over this. Like someone else said, we've all gotten bad news once, so the anxiety level is on overdrive for more tests now. I'm still having pain in my bones, (lower leg, back) from after surgery but before chemo. I had a bone scan and all seemed fine. But I still can't dust those 'doubt' cobwebs out of my mind. And trust me, I have a dusty mind! I will be thinking of you and praying all is well.

Jenster, my coffee was excellent that day! Today, not so good . But I'll probably drink it anyway out of habit and just make faces at the funky taste.

Michelle, happy to hear you like my poetic descriptioin of the pedicure tub! But can I tell you how much I MISS that cesspool?

Fi, I've had my downer moments on here, but for the most part I'm also a positive person. I have a neighbor that checks on me a couple of times a week and I swear she wants bad news from me. I think it really bothers her that I'm doing okay on chemo. It's like she wants to tell her friends about her poor neighbor, blah blah blah.
And I too did the shower thing with the shampoo. Poured out a 'normal' amount into my hand and then realized there was no use for it! Not that I would ever want to be bald after this, but it does have it's ease in getting ready in the morning.

Brenda, you are so good to keep up with everyone. Hopefully, (with the WBC god's blessing) I will have my 3rd a/c on August 11. Then three weeks later, my fourth, then I start Taxotere on an every three week schedule.

I have a question some of you might be able to help me with since you are ALL ahead of me:

I shaved my head after 1st a/c as it was shedding (and hurting) terribly. I have a 1/4 inch stubble evenly distributed all over my head that hasn't fallen out.
My question is this: Will the rest fall out now that I've had another round of a/c? My chemo nurse said it will most likely stay. Not that it matters, it isn't thick enough that I would have had coverage, but I was just wondering if any of you had this.

PS. I still have to shave my legs! Waahhhh.

MichelleB39

Watson, I am the same way. I still have to shave my legs and have shaved my head twice since it hurt so bad. I have a 5:00 shadow on my head now. It doesn't seem to want to grow more than that. It is not full by any means. I thought it was because I was on the every three week cycle and then missed a week due to low white count. So, it was 4 weeks between my first and second treatment. I had my 2nd last week and 3rd next week. Now I wonder if I will loose this 5 o'clock shadow. I would be happy to loose it or shave it.

Watson

Michelle,
You'll think I'm crazy (okay maybe I am), but I get duct tape, put a strip on my head and slowly pull. It 'weeds' out the loose dead hair that hurts. Those suckers feel like pins stuck in your head!
I'm left now with hair that seems firmly planted and pain free. And I use the word hair loosely.
It's funny, I went to lunch with a woman I 'met' on the chat room on this site. She lives less than 2 miles from me. She finished her chemo the week after I started. She's got a fine sandpaper grit stubble coming in. And I know this because she whipped off her bandana in a nice restaurant and made me feel it! She's very proud of it. It was nice talking with someone freshly finished with chemo. She wants to be my cheerleader and I'm going to let her.
Oh, and I made an appt for a semi pedicure today during lunch. I"m just getting the massage and a polish change. I hope I don't have a moment of weakness and take a dive into the cesspool.

Analemma

Watson, I still have some hair over all my head. It came out in handfuls for about 4 days, then just stopped. I was very short, about two inches all over, and I probably only kept about 10-15% of it, so it looks like I have a cloud of very fine, very thin, baby hair. I go coverless at home and in the yard, but cover up in public. My three year old grandson hasn't noticed a thing (just like a man!) but I'm glad I didn't go ahead and shave it when it was shedding, cause there's enough left to show sideburns beneath the bandanna.

Watson

Brenda,
There's no way I could have not shaved my head. It hurt so bad! It was instant relief when hubby shaved it. And it's probably just me, but I felt better having a bald head than a thinned head.
It would have sooooo disappointed my six year old son if I didn't lose my hair! He is loving it. He still thinks I'm walking him to school the first day bald. He is so wrong.
I bet you look fabulous in your bandanas! I look like a butch biker chick in them.
Do you have pictures of your pottery? I'd love to see them.
Take care! Watson

MichelleB39

My head hurt so bad too! Isn't it weird how it immediately stopped hurting the minute it was shaved? The thing I worried about most was loosing my hair and not I seem to go around topless (aka bald) all of the time. Driving in the car...I forget that I am bald and people can see me. Oh well. Who cares? It's still me and they don't even know me. I feel sorry for THEM!

Jenster

Brenda - no, I don't work outside the home. I'm finding myself becoming emotionally irrational at times concerning my kids. They drive me crazy and I can't wait for them to go to their friends' house, and then I'm lonely and sad when they're gone. lol. Although, they're not home right now and I'm thoroughly enjoying myself. Crazy hormones, I guess.

That's so cool about your husband's job!! So you're really married to a rocket scientist! lol
Jen

Jenster

Watson -

I have a very thinned buzz. I buzzed it (1/4") about three days before it decided to fall out. What hair I have is actually growing. DH had to buzz me again this weekend. So most likely your hair has fallen out as much as it's going to, unless it does so with the next round.

As for shaving your legs, doesn't that stink? My friend says that's God's sense of humor -- making the hair on our head fall out and keeping our legs hairy. I guess it's one way of keeping us humble.

Jen

Watson

I was going to post an open prayer to God asking that he realize my humility and please let up on me! But then I realized I might tempt Him and then grow a beard or something!
I told my son I would get some thick black glasses and learn to do the Six Flags dance. You know what I"m talking about? He hums that song at me all the time now. Look what I've started!

Jenster

That Six Flags guy creeps me out!! LOL!!

JoMac

Bredna F. I would like to see pictures of your pottery too.
As far as the peonies go. Don't cut them back. You can dead head them and then leave the rest of the plant alone.
I saw a psychologist today who suggested that for my first Taxol tretment tomorrow to concentrate on all the things that are the same . In an observational non-judgmental way. For ex....."oh this is how they access the port each time, this is how they begin the drip etc. Then if and or when I feel something different to comment on it For ex. "this is what Taxol feels like".
I think it might be worth a try since I am tied up up in knots today with worry.
that plus a couple of ativan.
I am grasping at straws here...

Analemma

OK, well, I tried to drag and drop photos into my reply, and can't seem to get it. Can anyone help? I have seen others do it!

danahollis

Hi Junies... I'm beginning to get that "normalish" feeling this evening. I spent the last 4 days in bed... I'm so sick of being SICKLY! I laid in bed this morning for about 2 hours specifically thinking about what to wear if only I actually had enough energy to get up and get dressed. I didn't get up until this afternoon. I didn't get dressed either. But I can feel that ickiness starting to fade... and oh it feels so GOOD!

I try to console myself with the idea that since I feel awful... those cancer cells have no chance. Also... it does amaze me how resilient our bodies really are. That AC rally does a number on me and I do seem to come right back to normal after about a week or so. It's all very interesting... (I guess!)

Oh... JoMac... I'm thinking of you!!! I know you must be scared. You're a week ahead of me and I'm already nervous. I must say that I have a feeling all our worry will be for nothing. I bet it will be very anticlimactic... just as NoSurrender has said. I liked the advice you shared from the Psychologist. I'll be using that technique for sure. You will get through this! We will all get through this! Please know we'll all be thinking of you tomorrow and sending you good vibes and special prayers.

Who else starts Taxol (or Taxotere)this week?

I am so thankful for our group. You all are the greatest for taking the time to share your experiences. Also welcome to our new members! Sorry you had to find us, but we're here for you, too!

HUGS!

danahollis

Oh yeah... Scout... good luck at the Gynocologist. I have Stage 0 Cervical Cancer too so I get to have a complete hysterectomy after I finish radiation. (Or as soon as they'll let me!) I'm looking at it as a positive... I want to get rid of all my girly parts before they do me in! I don't need them anymore... I have a beautiful 13 year old son so they've completed their purpose in my life. Now they gotta go!

Hugs to you and special hopes that there is nothing wrong!