Starting Chemo in June 2005

Fi_in_oz

Hello ladies,

I'm breaking all my rules this week, and it feels so good.

Had a dinner guest last night, and broke my rule #1 which was no alcohol, I joined them in a glass of wine, and oh my it was like the best wine I'd had in years, guess my taste buds are working afterall.

Then today, I broke rule #2, which as no gardening, well, now there's a new garden dug under one of the clothes lines ready for some camomile to scent the washing and another herb bed. Oh, didn't that feel good too, shoulder on op side is a bit tender, but the smile on my face is bigger.

Back to someone's medicine question: Am only prescribed one Navoban for the day after Chemo, and Dexamethasone for the day after morning and evening, then day three morning only, day four 1/2 in morning only. Maxalon has been prescribed for nausea but I only need to take that the evening of chemo and then the next morning so far.

My oncologist has approved Bach rescue remedy for anxiety (herbal for those not familiar), I don't have a problem sleeping, for the first week after chemo its quite the opposite, I can't stay awake. Oncologist has also approved pure fruit juices as I can't stand the taste of metamusil and she has approved my using bi-carb soda mouth wash for the first signs of both mouth sores AND oral thrush.

She has also very nicely allowed me to rearrange my treatment plan, after the four A/C I will have a 4 week break, then do 6 weeks radiotherapy (I have to travel 5 hours each way for the nearest centre that provides this, then after that, its 4 rounds of one of the "T"'s (can't remember which one right now). Why am I doing this? because otherwise I would be away from home over Christmas, which wouldn't do either myself or the "baldy loving" child of mine any good. I'll be back at work in February, its amazing 12 months for one lump.

Good news on the world globe head look, its now all oceans, the rest of the clumps fell out 14 days after the chemo #2, so I can, and do go out and about with a gorgeous shining bald head and a huge grin for all that do doubletakes.

Lastly, the medical jury is still out about my hormone implant (had a total hysterectomy when I was 31-32 for benign tumours on my ovaries) even though I'm receptor negative for oestrogen, they aren't decided that leaving the implant in is an altogether good thing. I want it to stay in cause I know what I'm like when its not, "it ain't a pretty moody thing". Anyone else in a similar position?

Best wishes to all, (sorry its a longish one)

Fi

RebeccaH

OK, can anyone beat this one? I've read two other threads thinking it was this one. Almost replied to one of them, then realized I don't have a clue who the person is. Plus, I'm reading and thinking, why hasn't nosurrender replied?

I did learn where to find biotene in the grocery stores, though....so, not all is lost. Got wrapped up in a storyline because someone's kid was sick. Also, someone posted that her onc doesn't give nuelasta because only 1 in 4 benefit from it. I'm thinking they're all nuts on the other threads.....or could it POSSIBLY be ME?

I've had a dear friend the last few days visiting. She's been wonderful! She's just been cooking away. I've got enchilda's, a chicken/white bean chile, and cookies in the freezer. And, she's not even done, yet.....today's she's going to be cooking up a strom again. I am so blessed....sorry, I'm not sharing her with anyone, either.

I've had the ucky tongue problem, and called the onc this past Monday. She prescribed a solution that tastes like s*$t, so I don't want to take it. No, make that I don't take it. So, I'm overcoming it with mind of matter. It is better, to....if I start to feel a little pain, then I take the meds.

Dreams.....I've been dreaming more than usual. Nothing real memorable, but they are still very vivid and colorful.

Dexamethasone....I get it as a push before treatment. They call it "ants in your pants." Feels like your sitting in a fireant hill. The first treatment was bad...it even went to my head. They slowed the push, and it went away. I think I'd rather have a pill. Just feels like you want to scratch your bottom!

I went to 'look good, feel better.' Loved the free products, but was overall disappointed. I was expecting a hands on demo on how to tie scarves (because I'm a complete idiot when it comes to reading/following those kind of instructions) and the best way to wear a hat (ok, I'm a doofus, here too...don't you just put it on your head?). Since I had already shaved my head, I was very anxious to show it off.

My friend leaves the day before #3...she's been a great diversion! I'm actually starting to feel like I can see the light at the end of the tunnel when it comes to A/C.

I watched a great documentary on public tv called The Cancer Story. It was interesting watching the 'hows and whys' of cancer. It really made me feel better knowing that there really wasn't anything I did to get cancer...Although the lady on the program had colon cancer, her doc told her it wasn't her fault...and she was a smoker. I also thought that it also validated what I'd heard about cancer....pretty much everyone has cancer....some is dormant and others are active.

Just found out my husband's coworker's wife has been dx with BC. Plus, they are 2 weeks out from having the final divorce papers. I'm ready to give a Towanda opinion if asked.
I'm ready to call her....if she's ready to talk about it.

Man, I've really been rambling.
Hope everyone haves a great weekend!!!!

nosurrender

You crack me up!

bmck

Hello all! Finally starting to feel a little bit better but that is only because my onc put me on a great antibiotic and it has really helped with the cough and just my crappy feeling! Will have taxol #1 next friday and am a little anxious but that is about it! On a good note though, my husband and I are buying some land and goint to build a new house on it and will hopefully be in it by Christmas! I have something else to look forward to in the next several months besides the end of chemo and hopefully of this cancer thing!!!! Hope everyone is feeling well and enjoying the weather (ha,ha)! It is so hot here that I don't leave the house unless I have to! The heat index has been in the 100's the past few days! YUCK!!! I can relate to the hemmoriod thing too! Had to see my surgeon last week about them per my onc because I was having blood on my toilet paper! And sometimes it was like razor blades coming out! I am so glad that I am not the only one that is battling these dreadful things! Leave it to the chemo to have something else flare up! Go figure! It will be great to be done and have some parts of my body go back to normal and for my hair to grow back! Take care everyone!

Cathi

Reeny47

Hello everyone,
I have not posted in a few days. I feel alot better and started cleaning and have been at it for three days. I just can't stand a dirty house. It sure does smell better. The miracle mouthwash and the nexium the doc sent has really helped my mouth and throat and the heartburn. I am sure glad of that. I go this up-coming Thursday for my first treatment of taxotere. Everybody (meaning nosurrender) says after the a/c this will be easy. I hope and pray it will be for the ole a/c sure did its damage evertime.I am so glad I am finished with that stuff.
I read about all you ladies having dreams. That is so weird because I just do not have dreams. Or maybe I am one of those that dream and just do not remember them. Who knows?
It has really been hot here. Too hot to do anything outside so I pretty much have been staying in.Has not been so bad though because there is plenty of work to keep me in.
I hope all of you have a wonderful Sunday. I have spent most of early morning just trying to catch up on all the post I have missed. You can sure get behind fast if you don't read them everyday. I think all of you ladies are great and so much enjoy reading the post. Will talk to you all later.
Maureen

Analemma

I'm feeling really down and weepy just anticipating chemo tomorrow. Son just left to go back to college ( here for the weekend). We got a call that FIL is not doing well at all, in nursing home, and we went to see him. He was unconscious, but you could tell his lungs are filling with fluid. He's had several strokes, and his quality of life has been just about zero, so in a way it will be a blessing when he goes. But DH doesn't have a good relationship with his siblings ( he's oldest of 7) and we've got this other thing to deal with now. Not a one of them have called or sent a card since hearing of my dx - that's how they are. Anyway, I'm blue, and it's raining. I've been feeling so good, and so upbeat, it just seems to have come in and bonked me on the head!

LizFL

Brenda...I know that feeling. We work so hard to stay positive and upbeat and then the blues come and slam into you. Sorry to hear your FIL is doing so poorly...it's hard when the family isn't supportive. It's tough enough dealing with BC without all the other things that go on in our lives. Just want to send you a big hug and hope the rain and your mood clear up

I am pretty tired of all this right now...can't wait for the last A/C in two weeks..want so much to be done with this. Does anyone know if they still give you the Neulasta with the Taxol/Taxotere? I hate that stuff...makes me ache all over. Had a bad night and slept away a good part of the day. I'm either on the couch or in bed. Had some energy yesterday morning and got a few things done, but was totally worn out after that.

I am feeling a bit better now and hope that it stays that way until next time.

Liz

rmmom

Hi
I am back after my butt hit the bottom of the sea yesterday. I just laid there thinking take me away. But I made it to church today-even if I had a nap later.
Rebecca before I forget-I am not sure about infusion versus pill but having to take cytxin by mouth I would trade it for infusion. I can't get enough water to dilute them and if roids are bad I won't tell anyone about toxic other stuff that happens after over 15 glasss of water.OUCH
How did you all convince your onc dr you had trush? Mine said she'd never heard of that happening and she never heard of throat problems which I am now sure is a sore from the stupid pills, again I must have done something as a kid to get these drs. probably the time I bit one at four who tried to give me a shot.
Dreams: I had a Towanda dream-I was a hero having to save people from a building about to blow up. I even had to kiss one to get them to leave-wasn't a good kiss-my husband's are better
last thing I am going to visit my husband's human resource lady and Towanda her-Friday he was in a meeting concerning some people that are refusing their relocation package and she said"we don't need him anywhere,...he'd be a cancer, poisoning our company." and looked at my husband to backup her statement. I told him he should have said"well my wife has the pills to cure that."
Isn't it wonderful to feel good after a bad day?

minerva

This is my first time on this site. I was diagnosed in April and had my port inserted in May and started my chemo in May. I like having the port but the last two weeks it has been extremely tender. I am having 12 weeks, once a week, of Taxol. My last one is tomorrow and then next week I start another round of chemo that has a mixture of three kinds. The Taxol has not been to bad and I am kind of nervous about the new mixture. I lost almost all of my hair in week 3 but still have enough to wear a baseball hat. I bought a wig for dinners and important events. I have been looking online today because I wanted to find a place to talk to other people besides my family because they don't understand. I am thankful that there is a place to talk to others.
Thank you all.

LizFL

Welcome Minerva...glad you found us. It is easier when you have people who are going through the same stuff to talk with. Our families and friends love us and care, but really can't understand what it's like. Good to hear that you are almost finished with the Taxol. What is the next combination? I am getting used to being bald and wearing wig...not as bad as I thought it would be.

Hugs,
Liz

kimBe

Hi everyone-can't believe all the reading to do since I've been gone, so just a quick post....trip to the coast and the wedding went great, am glad to be home and so happy to see so many "done or nearly done"---I have #5 this Thursday and then finally #6 two weeks later, then start 12 weeks of weekly Taxotere---so looks like I will be getting done a little later than most. But now the wedding is behind me so I can stop stressing about that. Have to get to bed so I can work tomorrow.
KimB

nosurrender

Greetings Junesterettes,
I see some of us are feeling down. THANK GOD. Your cheerfulness was starting to freak me out. I have never seen a more positive and upbeat group in all my born days. And one of you, who shall remain nameless, (but she lives in Florida and her initial is L) even said " once I got to the oncology office for A/C number 3 I felt better" HUH?!

Feel the sadness. Feel sick and tired of being sick and tired. Feel like enough already with the Jacques Cousteau routine- You want dry land and you want it now!

For everything your bodies are enduring so too is that sweet little girl inside you who has been bearing the brunt of all this while you try to put on a happy face. Acknowledge the hurt, the anger, and the sadness of what you have been through and what you have lost. It is so vital you respect these feelings now so that you don't let them linger and hide and turn into a full blown depression.
There are many parts to this journey and you are at the home stretch. It is hard, you have hit a few speed bumps but you are almost there. It WILL end and you WILL feel good again.

For those of you about to start Taxol or Taxotere- it IS easier than A/C- but it does have its own side effects. These are of the body ache variety. And of course there is that nail thing
Kidding!
No chemo comes with out its own surprises. But trust me- a little old Yew tree is a lot easier to stomach than a drug they actually call the Red Devil!

Another note- Oral Cytoxan causes MORE heartburn, kidney damage, etc than IV. If you drink at least 1 to 2 litres of water DURING your infusion you will flush out those kidneys right away. Not so with a pill that is coated and only dissolves in a lower part of your GI tract.

Every day brings you closer to the begining of your new life.

Look at me- I was a sour puss cranky Pain in the butt before chemo. Now I am a pussy cat right? (just beware my claws! Towanda is my groomer!)

Scout

There goes that Towanda again...god...how I wish I could figure out what the hell you are talking about!
Got my PET scans back and the dr called me the other day...never a good sign when the dr calls herself! Anywho...she said the spots on my lungs did not glow (but she said she thought they would...ugh....why didn't she tell me this before the test??) BUT, the spot on my overies glowed so she is sending me to the GYN. I have a call into him today to see what he wants to do. Do you think this means I need to take these out?? Boy, does this every stop???? The not knowing is killing me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bancroft

Thank you no surender. Your post on feeling the full range of feelings should be mandatory reading for all! I am a trained social worker and some of the cheerfulness was starting to concern me because I agree the dark feelings and sadness must be honored to move on...We all do it in our own ways some in the middle of the night thru dreaming or waking up in a panic...some through art, writing etc and some thru talking, but you are so right the full range of feelings has to be there! Great post!!! (I started in May/but I read the June posts since much of my chemo was in June!)

Reeny47

Hello Ladies,
Boy,nosurrender, sometimes I think you are somehow in my life and know what is going on. I try to stay upbeat especially when I am feeling better. I am the one that holds my household together and when I am not upbeat seems it drags the rest of my family down. So most of the time I just put on a good show and cry in private. I am so weary of chemo, looking at my self flat-chested and bald headed and wondering what's around the bend. I will be happy to become that new woman you talk about emerging from us when this is all over. Once again thanks for bringing out the real me. It's there, all inside.

Watson

Hello JuneBugs,
Well, I'll admit it. I had a rough weekend. Just blah and listless. I never did take any Zofran other than the first night, though. Lots of aches and pains that I think I'll contribute to the Neulasta shot. Was it on this board where people were discussing the cost of that shot? Mine would have been $3,258. Yeesh. My copay was $20.
I'm back at work today happy for a change of scenery. I've got that taste thing going on again. I'll make coffee, but something tells me it won't taste right. ((sigh))
Take care ladies, and don't act perky unless you want to!

JoMac

I seem to do O.K. in terms of mood until bedtime. I take an ativan and the tears just come.
I don't know what it is about that time that makes me so vulnerable. So I do some visualization and usually get through it and fall off to sleep.
My first Taxol is Weds. I am nervous about all the unknowns.
I will be seeing a psychologist tomorrow . I am hoping she can help me with some "faulty thinking" I have been engaged in.
I do feel pretty good today and plan to move some plants in the garden.
There are so few of these days, boy, are the precious.

MichelleB39

When you tell someone about your breast cancer, do you find that you end up cheering them up? It seems to happen to me all of the time.

Before chemo, my favorite was a good diet coke/pepsi. Since chemo has fried my taste buds, it tastes like pepper. Ketchup tastes like vinegar. My taste buds are whacked out.

Has anyone been to the salon for a spa pedicure since chemo? I am thinking I'll get a no from you. I am sure that is a breeding ground for infections and that we don't need. I just wish I would have a little pampering.

Feeling better today. No side effects from the first Neulasta shot. I'll take that any day!

Everyone stay cool- it's going to be over 105 with the heat index here in Orlando today.

saleboat

Hi Michelle-- Absolutely-- telling people becomes a reverse counseling session-- I have to find all sorts of ways to make it easier for them. Plus, I'm young for bc, so my friends aren't used to this type of news. I know everyone means well, but to make it easier on myself--I haven't told that many people.



As for pedicures-- I have risked the wrath of Towanda-- yes, I've had two since chemo started. I go to the cleanest place I know, which means I pay more than the run of the mill nail salon here in NYC. I also tell them not to cut, just to push back the cuticles. My Onc said that facials and pedicures are okay, on the day before, of or after chemo-- when my counts are supposed to be their highest.



I also eat fresh fruits and veggies-- unpeeled!!! Carefully washed, yes, but some would consider that a walk on chemo's wild side.

rmmom

Nosurrender, i am a preschool teacher-they pay me to be upbeat But somedays it just isn't enough
I am back after #8 which I really wanted to be nine-trying to trick myself?
Those nurses are so wonderful. they knew about the throat thing-I love them
For whatever reason I feel good today so I am going to do what I can for now. Must have been the shakes my husband is making me-maybe he is adding happy drugs
Hope all is well out there
Bev

rmmom

You all type fast
Michelle coke and pepsi taste bitter to me-I get one sip then bitter bitter-I keep asking is this bad

nosurrender

I'm Sorry Saleboat but that one is going into your PERMANENT RECORD.
Yes- the Permanent one.

nosurrender

Bev- that would mean you also have to be upbeat first thing in the morning? With a bunch of screaming kids? On CHEMO?
You deserve a medal!

MichelleB39

Whew! I am glad I have escaped Towanda's wrath today

nosurrender

Bancroft and Reeny thank you so much.

Now Scout- I will 'splain again:

In the book/movie Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe, by Fannie Flagg, the two leading female characters Idgie and Ruth would turn to a warrior princess who would make them stronger and fight better than any man who was pushing them around. They invoked her spirit when Idgie saved Ruth from her abusive husband and the legend lived on even years later when Idgie's cousin was in a Nursing home and met Evelyn Couch who was weak, submissive and afraid of her own shadow. By the time she had learned the story about Ruth and Idgie and how Towanda gave them power she was able to lose all her excess weight, she got a job and became a top seller for Mary Kay Cosmetics and instead of being submissive to her uncaring husband she turned the tables on him and whipped him into shape.
All of us have a Towanda deep inside us. She is fearless, takes no prisoners and has more stregnth and courage than any mere mortal. Going through the BC Journey brings her out. She helps you fight.

OTAY PANKY?

nosurrender

What makes you so sure? I was busy posting!
I would opt for a massage and a facial before sticking my feet in a unsanitized bowl of water where someone would then be cutting and trimming my cuticles and callouses...but I am nuts remember? I was Felix Unger BEFORE cancer!
As far as treatments go - REAL treatments NOT CHEMO- as my mentor Julia Child used to say:
Everything in Moderation---Including Moderation!

shorfi

yes, i have a pedicure every 3 weeks. i used to be cheap about it, but no more. i deserve it!!

Watson

My chemo school said absolutely no pedi's. I'm not even supposed to push my own cuticles!
That being said, I was an every two weeker pedicure patron for the last 15 years. It's been six weeks now! I am thinking of going, but just getting polished and massage. I really can't imagine putting my feet in those cess pools of infection while on chemo.

Regarding massage, is it okay to have massages in your lymph node affected arm? I don't wanna mess up anything!

shorfi

did i forget to mention that i am out of chemo since december? i just started getting pedicures in may.

Analemma

Thanks, NS, yesterday it really hit me how much energy I expend just so my family can believe that I am superwoman and barely effected by chemo! Of course, they don't see me on Wed. and Thurs. (days 3 & 4). But I was so weepy and depressed yesterday, anxious about todays chemo (#4 AC which I just got back from). I barely slept last night, so now I'm exhausted, too. DH is great, but he doesn't really "get" the depths of my despair. His Dad is in a nursing home from multiple strokes and isn't much aware of who comes by. DH doesn't go much, because FIL doesn't know he's there. I'm afraid of being abandoned like that if cancer goes to brain and I lose awareness. He just keeps telling me I'm going to be OK, but I WANT GUARANTEES, DAMNIT! Even the closest person to you can't empathize with the dark feelings about the future (or lack of one). I'm tired of playing this game! Of course, quitting is not an option, but still I'm tired, can't I sit out on the bench for a while?