Sadness after treatment?

What you are experiencing is completely normal and very common.  When we go through treatment, we are so focused on the treatment that many of us don't allow ourselves the time to actually think "I have breast cancer".  And when we are going through treatment, we are kept busy with the treatment and juggling all the balls in our lives. Then suddenly the treatment is over.  We finally have time to think and to feel.  And that's when the realization hits:  I had breast cancer.  Often the other thought is:  What do I do now?  There is a strange, worrysome feeling that you are no longer doing anything to fight the cancer. 

So yes, what you are feeling is something that many of us have gone through.  Just know that it's normal and you are not alone.  And it's okay to have those feelings and to feel confused.  While it's different for everyone, I know that many women don't feel normal again for years.  And even then, it's a "new normal".   I'm at 3 years now and I'm finally comfortably at the point where I've put BC into the past.   Not that I don't still think about it most days (but maybe that's because I'm on this site...).

ColleenS,

Hi,  As everyone says...it's normal.  I had rt. mast in Nov. -- by Jan 08, my path report was good...only dcis, no need for rads, chemo.  Saw oncologist and he did not recommend tamox.  So bascially it was the best I could get.  Up to that point I was fine.  Then....I started to cry for no reason, at work, at home, for absolutely no reason.  Went to my doctor who said it's kinda like post partum syndrome, plus your hormones are kinda screwed up.  He put me on Effexor...and it really helped.  I'm still on it, but will probably go off by the end of the year.  At first I didn't want any meds, but am so glad I tried them.  Still am dealing with reconstruction, but no more bursting into tears for "no reason".  I just wish I knew this was normal when it happened to me.  Take  Care. Phyllis 

Colleen, I felt immense sadness and depression after my diagnosis.  I broke down and cried after I got in my car that afternoon and cried every day (sometimes terrible heart wrenching sobs) until I finally got on anti-depressants 5 months later.  To make it worse I was told I just had dcis and shouldn't feel this way.  aarrrgggghhhh.  But I did feel this way!!!!!  My first and second oncologists were both jerks and made me feel terrible and did nothing at all to help. I thank God I had a good kind surgeon and finally found a third oncologist that I like.

BC affects the emotions and that part should also be part of the treatment but unfortunately it often isn't.  If you really feel so sad and down that it is affecting your day to day activities please consider seeing a therapist to talk things through.  You've been concentrating so much on the physical part of yourself; now that that part of the treatment is over it's time to take care of the other part.

Hi Dear,

I was diagnosed with DCIS in September of 2007, had a mastectomy in October of 2007 and my only follow up care was the reconstruction.  I too was fine once I was diagnosed and going through treatment, as a matter of fact, I felt stronger ( emotionally) than I had in a long time.  I had a focus and a disease to conquer, and conquer I did ( or at least I thought I had).  Once I was recovered from surgery and back to work is when the wheels came off for me.  In an odd way, getting back to "normal" was a let down?  does that make sense?  Now I have no focus, nothing to fight or battle.  I am slowly trying to rebuild my life and create a "new normal" because the normal life I had before my diagnosis is gone.  My whole life has shifted, not complaining at all, just trying to get a handle on all of this. Thankfully I am surrounded by a wonderful supportive family, my husband being my biggest cheerleader.  I think what you and I are going through is totally normal, but not really discussed when you are going through the throes of cancer, diagnosis, treatment, recovery. 

I agree - it's normal.

It's also one of the things that makes this all so hard.  You're done and now you feel bad.  Everybody was ready for you to be a wreck while it was all going on.  So now that you're done family/friends/co-workers think you're back to normal.

Except that this is when you feel bad.

It will pass. It's a good time to work on any life/health changes you might have been thinking about.  Kind of a "new leaf" time.  

I admit to myself that I acted weird, and still do.  During surgery I didn't want any coddling and got sort of snappy at people when they fussed over me (I think I was in a bit of denial at the time, just trying to go day to day), and now that I'm recovering I feel the need to be cuddled and cared for.   I can't explain it!   I think the best thing is just to reach out and call people, ask them to come over, tell them the truth.   Say you're lonely and a little scared to be on your own yet.   I'm so glad I stopped trying to do things on my own and accept help, and it's funny how a game of cards or a good movie can really cheer you up if you're spending it with someone else and regaining a sense of normalcy.

I finished rads over a month now, will be on tamoxifen for 5 years, I don't know if that 'normal' feeling will ever come back. I know that it is not reasonable but, somehow, in the back of my mind, I am pretty sure that this thing will come back... I hate myself for thinking that but I can't help it.

Thank you all for this discussion board, I have been trying to explain to my husband how I feel, even though I am still in the expander stage so I still have doctor visits for expander fills.

My family, friends and co-workers are all like well lets get back to normal. They are like the cancer has been removed and I did get very lucky that there was no call for chemo and I am thankful for that and I feel guilty about that to, it is really weird. Well frankly normal is not normal anymore. I wish it was but it is forever altered jsut like my breasts and my armpit etc.

The only place I can say I really feel comfortable is here on the boards, the doctors offices etc. out there feels strange. Does anyone else feel that way? 

Thank you PhyllisCC that sums it up in a nut shell. Between the lumpectomy in April then the non clear DCIS margins at the nipple left from that to a full mastectomy, I kept it all together, made jokes took care of everyone. Now that I am in the reconstruction phase I am so wimpy. Post partum, post traumatic stress whatever it is on top of peri menopause it needs to quit....It is just wearing me out and people do not understand they are like the cancer is gone you should be happy and back to normal.

I appreciate the advice. 

 Hi!   I just wanted to add the following paragraph, which I copied from one of those "treatment" booklets that they give you.   I thought it was very straight and to the point, and it really helped me through this difficult months after treatment when I was feeling this way as well.  Hope it helps someone else too!  It doesn't say how to handle it, but it does validate that we're not alone in our feelings.

"One of the most difficult things to do after a diagnosis and successful treatment of breast cancer is to "move on".  For quite some time, your thoughts have been focused on cancer, and suddenly, your treatment is over, you are told that you are okay, and you are free to move on with your life.  Many of us feel lost when that happens.  And despite what the doctors said, we remain concerned.  Just because tests say that we are fine, after worrying for so long, it's difficult to suddenly stop worrying.  So the post-treatment period can be really difficult and really confusing.   The other thing that happens is that for many of us, we are so focused on treating our breast cancer that we don't really deal emotionally with the fact that we have breast cancer.  Sometimes the reality of this hits only after the treatments are over."

Even though I was pretty lucky; I had DCIS.....lumpectomy...rads and actually had an easy time with the rads, I feel the same way.  I have only been on tamoxifen for  5 months but it is sad to know that this worry is going to be ongoing for the rest of my life.  In the back of my mind, I too think the cancer is going to come back.  I have three sister who were pretty supportive but now since I am "fine", they are back to their own lives, children, etc.  Since I have no kids & my husband passed away five years ago, it is a little overwhelming if you start thinking too hard about it.  How is that for feeling sorry for yourself.  On the up side, I am back to working out regularly, just had my six month check up after radiation; everything came back fine so i know I have alot to be thankful for.  Since I am a pretty private person, It just feels good to vent once in a while in a forum like this where people understand.

I too went through a stage of mourning after I finished rads.  Was told it was completely normal.  While in treatment I felt that I was doing something about the cancer after that, I felt like what can I do now?  At fist I felt like a time bomb and still do at times but remind myself that this is the "new normal" and need to move on.  I have done and still am doing everything everything within my power I can about my diagnosis.  A big aspect of dealing with breast cancer is acceptance,  I still can't believe I had breast cancer and that will be in the back of my mind the rest of my life.  Ofcourse, I wish it never happened but it did and I have to accept that because it's not in my power to change it. I remind myself of that constantly. I also remind myself that I am doing everything I can to prevent recurrence.  What does make it more difficult is once treatment ended everyone including my husband just wants to forget about it and move on...well..cancer changes a person forever and there are alot of emotions that have to be delt with but only those who experienced it understand. These boards are a Godsend and have helped me deal with alot of emotions.  I've heard that time does heal and it is getting easier with each passing day. 

Oh, yeah, April rads girls all hit the same wall at the same time. I totally thought I was insane, I wasn't kidding when I said that I was curled up in a corner weeping. I saw a counselor a couple of times, it helped, although I suspect that I will continue to need help and support.

Larousse - I have that same sick feeling in the pit of my stomach - Have I learned all this about bc to never have to use it again, or will there come a time when I need it again? The only positive thing I could say is I would be able to walk through the process and talk to the doctors much better, now that I know what's going on. For me, I suspect that this is part of the problem - I felt like such an awful patient - I did this bc thing so badly!  I expected better of myself.

But, having gotten the funsucker part out of my system, I do want to say that I am returning to my productive self. I have been able to participate in meetings without getting all emotional, mostlyf, and I have completed some projects in the time line I set out. I'm not perfect but I'm returning to me.

Hi! Anyone out there triple positive DCIS? Was diagnosed this past March 08, had a core biopsy followed by a lumpectomy in the same month, no rads, on Arimidex, lesion removed on core biopsy still doc decided to do a lumpectomy, all margins clear very small lesion, less than 1cm, still my nerves are on edge, my type of DCIS is cribriform, solid with some necrosis. Any imput on this disease? Worried about not having had rads? Having somewhat of a hard time with all of this ordeal. Thanks to all!