Starting Chemo May 2008

Treatment #2 is also on Wed. June 18th.

Had follow up blood work done today and WBC were back up to 8.8--what a relief.  I really didn't like it when it was 1.8 last week.

Scalp feelilng tight and achy--guess it won't be long before it starts coming out--have the lint roller ready and Hubby is ready to shave it closer to scalp.  Think that I'm going to leave it alone and let nature take it's course-it is already cut to 1/4 inch all over!

Hope that everyone having treatments this week are doing okay with very minimal SE's. 

Ok Girls,  it's #3 for me tomorrow at 9:30. 

In my mind I see this pie chart divided in fourths, half is now colored in, tomorrow I can begin to color part 3.  Cycle #2 wasn't too bad for me and I am praying #3 will be the same.

Talk to you on the other side.... 

Hi All

Sorry I haven't been around lately, but its been a depressing week. My friends had been amazed at my positive outlook since dx March. I still have positive outlook about my prognosis. But I think all the stress of the hair along with the job hunt are taking away my shortterm positiveness.

I have temp agency interview Fri. A friend (with working car a/c) is driving me. She plans to apply with agent herself too.

I may wear wig to agent meeting. But once I say my Mar-Jun gap is from surgery, and that I have weekly followup visits Jun/Jul, I'm sure they will know something major is going on.

If agent is ok with weekly time-off (I already have skills for job), I may not need to interview with company. They may just ask me to start asap. Counts were low last week, but I hope they are able to do #3 on Mon and shot Tues. If so, I could start new job Wedn.  

Even if I do Fri interview in wig, I'm sure I will be wearing scarf to job sometime soon. 80-90's are expected rest of summer and my car a/c is broken. I can't rock the bald, but I do feel better in scarf or hat.

Would it be stupid of me to just wear scarf to agent interview Friday and see what reaction is?? Scarf should not interfere with job duties. Company is in medical field. And they should see that my past skills qualify me well for the position. Dh says to wear scarf--Between time off I need, Mar-Jun surgery, and possibility of wearing scarf thru summer he feels there's no real way I can hide my dx. Just go to interview, tell them about weekly time off I need and see what happens. If they give me job, take it. If not, go to next interview.

I really need the job asap and this would be easy duties for me in between remaining Txs. By time I need week off for exchange (late Sept) I would have had 2mos to show them that I can do job. I would also be at end of my 3mo agency trial period. If they can't give me week off then (small office-no coverage available) , I would have to look elsewhere. 

I may also wear wig to Fri agent interview. Then if they don't give me job, I could feel it was because of my weekly time off (small office) and not a discriminitive reaction to my being a cancer patient.

Which do you all feel is my best choice. I'd like to be honest day 1, but also need job. I've been up since 3:30am trying to figure this all out. I also have PS visit today to make final choices re exchange (good-side-booster and saline vs silicone) No wonder I can't sleep.

Let me know your opinions re scarf vs wig for agent interview asap. Meeting is 10am Friday.

Thanks to all and may you all have a smooth day.

Janice

Hey all

I leave in 1 hour for tx#2, which means I am 25% done.....yippee...or I am 50% done with 50% of my treatment...that sounds even better.  I am off to shower and pack my bag.  We are watching bucket list today....good choice right?  lol...blood work went so smooth yesterday....lets hope the needle slides right in today and I don;t have to deal with the "WHAT?  You don;t have a pwrt???What's up with that?"

Adrienne - hope today is better

Angels - I find out today how good my counts are, but my jaw is hurting and I know that I have a problem with a molar because the *T% cap cracked and fell off.  Being practical, I rinsed it with Listerine, rinsed my mouth and put it back in, so it loos good and works...lol

Christine - Will be joing the hair for women club very soon.  This is probably TMI, but took a shower and ended up having half the pubic hair disappear...this a.m. yanked at my head and hair is now coming out.....I didn't have bone ache, but whenever BOb used the right arm, it would hurt, but I did have a presciprion strength Alleve an hour before and he would pinch the fatty area and inject while it was pinched.

Crafty - I would  vote for the wig just because then you wouldn't be second guessing if it was the bc and the scarf can sometimes be a dead giveaway.  Even tho it shouldn't matter, I think you would always think about it if you didn;t get the job. but I would wear the scarf to the job.

Eddie - I have 4 kids and it seems as if they are all fighting something off in the summer....ps...I hate the throw up flu.....

rock:  my parents are still in NY and they said that the heat finally broke for them yesterday...a swim sounds so great, bald or not bald??

go getting my swim suit on and thinking about my drink order...randie

Cristine, my treatment #3 is scheduled for Thursday, June 19 a day after my Bremerton pal. After that, only five more plus forty weeks of heceptin. Woo hoo! Hey, I am over the religious Jewish scarf thing. I would make all of those lgfb women proud. I am wearing a chartreuse scarf twisted in a lovely way on my still scraggly head. It is complemented with chartreuse (gosh, I hope I am spelling that color correctly) earrings, lipstick, undereye make up and very expensive shoes I bought once in Norway because I didn't really realize how much they cost. They were a good buy as it is years later and I still wear them. They are the coolest shoes I have ever owned. Lipstick is so NOT Eddie. I don't know if I look good, but I do look different. Hope everyone at the bar today has a smooth infusion. Got my first mouthsore last night. Salt water swishing. Cheers.

Rock, I can't take credit for the April '08 list.  It became so long and confusing, with all the different chemo protocols, that I finally gave up and stuck strictly to the Taxotere/Cytoxan group.  I still keep that list, and I plan to post an update on that thread some time today--maybe after I finish baking dh's birthday cake.  I'm finally feeling well enough to tackle the cake.  (Truthfully, I'm finally feeling hungry enough to want to eat it!)

I know what you mean about swimming in hot water.  Here in Alabama, I used to swim laps in our outdoor "community" pool...until it got so hot that I found I was sweating in the water!  Nothing like a 50-meter hot tub, eh?

otter

Way to go, Robin--a play-by-play of the action at poolside.  Is this water polo?

otter 

Mominaz --

I just noticed that you apologized for whining -- Please! Whining is like voting, you should do it early and often.  I, of all people, owe a great debt to the people of this thread for helping me through my difficult follicle journey.  So I'm there for you, sister. As you will be for someone down the road. The hair thing is hard for a lot of us.

You, everyone, say whatever you want whenever you want as much or as little as you want.  (How is everyone doing with the hair thing? I've been out of the loop.) 

PS RanD -- I swam bald. One of the people I was with teaches at West Point. He was bald too, and quite supportive.

Janice: I'm not very useful. I def prefer the physical feeling of bald bald but sometimes -- like the last 3 days at the business thing -- I knew I had to be wig bald. I just didn't want the attention for 3 days from a bunch of strangers. But I snuck out to be bald bald among friends every chance I got. I don't think you can go wrong going with what you  feel the most comfortable with.  I know that sounds like a cop out, but I really mean that. 

Cris: Bone aches? Oh drat. Sucko.  It's right there with bronchitis and dental issues.  Things we need like a blow to the head about now.  (Sounds like a Family Feud question:  "Things that women with breast cancer need about as much as a blow to the head".  Bing!  "Richard, how about 'bronchitis'?"  [Clapping, "good answer, good answer"]

Rock - I will be more than happy to it over to you to "spread" out.  I think this week covers a lot because it's us every 21 days group and the D/D group, too.  But there should be a whole 'nother group next week.  Do you want them to?  I don't mind collecting the data, if you want to do the stats.  (hehe)  Oh, how I missed your humor!!  I think you ought to be the "head" of the family to represent us!! 

Janice - I'm with Rock - I think you should go in however you feel most comfortable and confident.  The pros of going in a scarf and letting them know about things on day 1, is that you have already been through 2 txs and have a good idea of how you'll react.  So you can advocate for yourself that way.  The pros of going in a wig have already been said.  Good luck and I hope they see you and not your medical issue.

mominaz - Got you down and I hear you about the pins and needles hair thing.  I was that way for about 10 days after the first tx, too.  I have just made myself relax about it as mine will probably not go until sometime after this next tx.  Although, I'll probably be all tense about it again after next Thursday.  And we can whine together!

Eddie - Got it.  Swish away!  I also like the "half of the half" counting as I will be having 2 cocktails also.  So next Thursday will be 50% done for me!  That sounds good.

otter - So glad you are feeling well enough to want to bake a cake and eat it!  That's pretty good because it would suck to have to bake one and then not be able/want to taste. 

Robin - I hope you are done by now and feeling o.k. still.  Love the poolside chat!  Did the cabana boy come by with your towel?!

Randie - I hope you're done as well and that all went well.  Let us know.

By the way, when do the two of you go again?  If the everyone who went/is going this week, will let me know their next schedule, I can get all that info to Rock.

My achiness became downright painful early this morning.  I'm going to try Alleve tonight and see if that's better.  The ibuprofen is o.k. during the day (if I take 3 of them every 5 hours) but I'm not waking up in the middle of the night for that!  I'm starting to think that 5 months off from work wouldn't be such a bad idea, but nobody knows my job.  It's not because I'm that special, but because our management has never put someone in a position for me to train as a backup.  Phooey.

OMG, ranD, you had a burger and fries on the way home from chemo?  The evening after my first chemo, my dh and I stopped at a Chick-fil-A and I had half a chicken sandwich.  HALF a sandwich.

That night began a 10-day adventure with the worst heartburn/indigestion/acid reflux I have ever had in my life.

Since then, I've learned to avoid all fatty foods during any stage of chemo.  Anything with the slightest amount of fat in it (which I am normally eager to eat) triggers the heartburn, even in the face of a double dose of Prilosec each morning.  You are so lucky...

I know there is a whole separate thread started by Traci that is designed for bitching, but I just can't help it.  Is it OK if I lodge a teeny complaint here amongst friends?  It's about my mom, bless her heart.

We live a thousand miles apart, for reasons that will not be discussed here in case she figures out how to get to these boards. (It's ancient history, but we all know how important history is in shaping modern culture...or whatever.)  We see each other maybe 3 times a year, and it's always me traveling there because she's elderly and can't travel much anymore.  We talk to each other on the phone maybe once a week...at least, that's what we did before BC.

Since my BC dx, we've talked maybe once every 15 or 20 days or so.  Sometimes I call her, sometimes she calls me.  When my chemo started, she began calling me the night before my infusions (which were every 3 wks), to "wish [me] well tomorrow."  Once she even said she was praying for me on the night before chemo, which was really weird because she hasn't gone to church in about 35 years and is as non-religious as I am.  She would rarely call in between my tx's.

OK, so I finally said, hey mom, you know, the day of chemo is really no big deal.  It's a non-event.  I like that you're calling, but you really don't need to call the night before chemo to wish me well, because nothing is going to happen.  Maybe call me in-between sometimes, because I do like to talk to you, OK?

So she called today (day 9 of tx #4 if anybody's counting).  She sounded glum, and after a few minutes she let loose about two awful things that had happened to other members of our family.  OK, those were really bad things (disease, drugs, divorce, death ... you choose).  Oh, and she reminded me about the family get-together that's coming up this weekend in my home town.  She said she wished I could make it, but she knew I had "other things to do."

WTF?  "Other things to do???"  Hey, mom, we've talked about this before--I would love to be there, but I'm right in the middle of my susceptible period of my last chemo cycle, and I just can't travel a thousand miles on an airplane and be around dozens of people for a 2-hour event.  OK, she says, "...so I used the wrong words. You don't have other things to do."

Then she asks if my dh had a good birthday yesterday, and I said he would have had a better one if I had felt up to baking him a cake.  So she says, "Well, why didn't you bake him a cake?"

Sheesh.  I feel like I'm 56 going on 17.  Thanks for listening.  The birthday cake is too warm to frost tonight.  If y'all drop by tomorrow for lunch, you can have some.

otter 

Gee, otter, I didn't realize that we were sisters.  That sounds exactly like the things my mother says.  One of her biggies was that I was breastfeeding so that she couldn't feed my kids.  I want to blame it on her age, but she's always been like this.

Cris, send me the data and i will try to work some spreadsheet magic. (why i think i will be able to do this when excel has puzzled me for years, i am not sure...! but hope springs eternal!)

otter:  That would almost be funny except that . . . well, it isn't. I don't know if this is similar, but I kind of think it is. And I feel like a horrible human being for mentioning it because I do love my mom, etc.

Okay, my mom had breast cancer at 40.  As I've mentioned before, I feel like I have an advantage by virtue of having my mom as a living testament to the benefits of being strong and maintaining a sense of humor and perspective. But . . . (I feel really disloyal admitting this) Mom also has this odd way of (dare I say it?) downplaying my experience.

I mention that I have a lump and the mamm and us report are making it look like it is probably breast cancer, and later, that I've been told to prepare for positive biopsy.  "Well, it very well might not be malignant.  You just won't know until you get the biopsy results." 

I mention some of the anticipated side effects.  "Maybe it won't be that bad. I never really had much of a problem with side effects."

After I start chemo, I mention the inevitability of hair loss:  "Well, maybe you won't even lose your hair. I never did."  (She said this every single time I mentioned it.)

Then there was a period during the surgeries where I think she was really open with me.  But since I started chemo, she hasn't called very often (maybe twice in the last month?). I will admit, when I called her two nights ago, it was one of the more nurturing conversations we've had. 

I'm chalking it up to her (understandably) feeling kind of conflicted because she is not in a position to come out here, even if she wanted to and even if I needed her to.   Or maybe she is embarrassed by the existence and content of my blog (Mom's a private person and never complains). Or maybe she's worn out by my obsession with cancer.

I love my mom.  I'm glad she's not hovering or having a meltdown.  At the same time (and as embarrassing as it is to admit) I wouldn't mind a teensy-weensy bit of mothering...or better yet, maybe some praise. 

When I read what your Mom said, it made me realize that having a mom who understands means so much.  (It's got to be breaking their hearts on some level that their daughters have breast cancer, right? Right?)

I get my BRCA results on Monday. I hope they're negative for obvious reasons. But also because if they're positive, I'm not sure who I'll confide in right after I get the news. (My little sister would normally be the obvious choice, but because of the nature of the results... I just don't want to lay my emotions at her feet along with the results.  The results are plenty for her.)

The birthday cake is too warm to frost . . . ." Oh my gosh. I would love a slice of warm cake, even unfrosted. (What kind is it?! Gosh, I wish I could lick the cake bowl.)

Rock--thank you. I should know better to get on the computer so early. I should have been more careful with my words about my hair. Tonight while we were watching a movie, some started coming out on my hand. At least maybe my boss will stop bringing it up....tomorrow I can just hand her a hand full! I hope your trip was good.

Moms....oh nevermind !!!! that's to deep a subject for tonight.

Cristine...thanks for adding me. I hurt first in my spine then my neck and then it went to my hips which really sucked trying to sit at my desk all day. At one point I stood up and rocked my hips back and forth trying to help and when I turned around there was one of the big bosses down the hall giving me the weirdest look. I can only imagine how it looked me leaning over my desk rocking my not so little butt back and forth. Oh well...I am sure it won't be the last goofy thing I get caught doing before this is done with.

I did come here to vent tonight....About an hour ago my husband was out in the garage shaving his head and when he was done he put the clippers on the work bench and they fell off the bench edge first onto the top of his foot. I know I made that face too!!!! So we got him taped up and off to the ER we went. Well you all know how safe a place that is right now! So even though I know I did the right thing, I feel like the worst wife for leaving him there. I tried to stay but could not stop thinking about all the germs. We only live about 2 1/2 miles from the hospital(to bad it's not my chemo hospital) so hubby made me come home because we don't want to take any chances. It made me feel so bad when he said "Don't be upset, this is about you right now". It shouldn't be though. Poor klutz(not our first ER visit) can't even have his wife at the ER to make fun of him while he gets stitches!!! My counts are good, I just freaked out thinking about all the sickies that could have been there today. YUCK. The nurse just said "Stay by the well ventilated door". Umm was that supposed to help? I did sit in the parking lot and cry for a few minutes. It has been a while since I let myself do that. I think tonight just pushed my limit. I can put up with a lot of this crap when it comes to me, but to not be able to help him just seemed mean. Like I said, I know it was right, I just feel guilty for doing it. "By honey, see ya later. Call me when your done" 

I do feel better now though. Between a good cry and letting it out here, I really do feel better. I am going to go watch some tv and wait for my call.

Good night friends. Thank you for everything.  

Boy have I missed all of you!  I have been having major issues with my Dell computer and just worked a replacement, so I am back on line and have caught up again. 

Christine:  A/C tx #3 for me is June 18th.

I also started to lose the hair right after tx #2 and had my head shaved last Friday - what a huge relief from the brittle hair and the sore scalp.  The rest is falling out fast - approaching "bald bald". 

I went with a friend to purchase a wig or two and had a couple of laughs . . . after trying on roughly 10 wigs, she broke down laughing and stated that I looked like Mike Myers from Wayne's World.  I was thinking the same thing!  Thankfully I found a couple that I liked, but I find myself reaching for caps.  I am going for a run today with only sunglasses - no cap!

Linda:  Due to my excessive fatigue, my onc placed restrictions around my running.  Do you have restrictions?  Are there days that you generally avoid running?

Also, great tip on the lint roller. 

I am now off and running!  All have a fantastic day! 

Jean

Cake sounds awfully good . . . but the strawberry shortcake I made for my daughter and me was pretty tasty, too.  (And guess what?  I made extra for all of you!  With my daughter gone over to a friend's house for the night, you even have a chance of finding some.)

I had a weird visit with the oncologist(s) yesterday.  First I met with the resident who's been handling my care.  (The drill is, I meet first and at length with her, then she goes out to fetch her supervisor, who kind of wraps things up.)  The resident congratulated me on finishing up AC with flying colors, and we reviewed my upcoming Taxol treatments - what additional meds I'd be taking, what side effects to expect, etc.   Nothing out of the ordinary.  When she comes back in with the main guy, he's looking a bit sheepish.  He wants to propose a change in plans for me: Taxotere rather than Taxol.  Turns out, he hadn't been focused on the fact that I'm ER+, and his preference is to use Taxotere with ER+ patients.  And, since Taxotere can't be given on a dose-dense schedule (too rough on the bone marrow, even more so than AC), I'll be switching to every 3 weeks.

Now, the last thing I want to do is to badmouth this guy, because I really do like him.  He has a great manner, and I do think he knows his stuff.  I guess I attribute the mixup to the whole teaching-hospital setup, with care delivered primarily by multiple residents all reporting to one supervising doc.  Let's just say that it's not the best arrangement for close personal attention.  (Ironically, I declared at the outset that I really wanted my case to be so routine that it could be safely handed off to the most junior resident.  Can I take that back??)

So, anyhow, Taxotere: here I come! 

Jean, to answer your question on running - I haven't been given any restrictions, but then, I haven't had excessive fatigue.  I've just been letting my body guide me.  At this point I'm running less than half the miles I normally would, and I'm mixing it up with some walking, too.  I'm also being very careful about heat and sun.  I do think that the running has actually increased my overall energy level, and may have helped with the Neupogen bone pain as well.  (If the Taxotere hits me with the kind of foot pain that Otter had, that would be really rough.)  Good luck to you - I really hope the fatigue lifts.

Have a good weekend, everyone.

Linda