I found out by accident, I cant help but feel angry

TruTexasGirl · May 2008

TruTexasGirl · May 2008

Hello, my name is Sarah.

My mother has stage two breast cancer. My boyfriend and I had just gotten to her house to have lunch. Unfortunately, I found out she had breast cancer by telling her that the new pink bag was cute. When I went to pick it up, I saw the pink ribbon on the front. I just turned to look at her and I knew. I had found out by accident. She let us know that she had breast cancer. I couldnt understand, my own mother had breast cancer. My rock, my hero, my inspiration, my best friend...and she had cancer. Never had it crossed my mind that she was really just a fragile human. She was my mom and my best friend. I had never seen her as weak. I only saw her as a strong, fierce, passionate, brilliant, beautiful woman. I couldnt imagine her having a life takien by sickness. I still have a hard time dealing with it.

My brother found out about two weeks before me. It hurts that she could tell Ford, but not me.

After I found out, I hardly slept ten hours total that week.

My mother starts chemo in a a few days....I have been trying to put on a hard face. But just the other day, I went with her to try different wigs on. I broke down and cried. Not in front of her, I dont think she needs some wet tear faced daughter looking after her. SO I am trying to be strong for the both of us.

If any of you out there have any tips or knowledge

please help me not be angry with her for not telling me

It helps more than you know

Sarah

nowheregirl · May 2008

Sarah, I am sorry about your mom. But believe me, just because she's got stage II breast cancer doesn't mean in any way she's been given the death sentence. I got stage II breast cancer myself in July of 2005 and I am still here, alive and kicking. Actually no one could tell I had cancer because I look pretty much the same as before cancer. So rest assured, she's not going anywhere anytime soon. She will be fine and you two will have many many many more years to spend together.

Just understand that telling people especially someone in our own family is really hard. We know how they would react and wouldn't want them to be worried to death. We woudn't want to be a huge burden to them. Especially since she and you're so close, it must have been tough for her to tell you what happened. Not that she didn't trust you or anything like that. You are such a sweet daughter but remember that you don't have to be strong 24/7. You can cry and vent away anytime you want. We are here to listen.

Sending good thoughts your way.

xo

Fumi

gracejon · May 2008

I bet a bunch of stage 2 people will show up to support you. Stage 2 in 2004 and still rockin and rollin. Cancer didn't change the basic me. I do think telling loved ones is difficult and my son who was 12yr old at the time was angry that my husband and I waited to tell him. He had a lot of school learning disability issues at the time and we wanted to have all his school testing done first. Of course you fear your mother illness but breast cancer particularly early breast cancer which stage 2 is, is not a death sentence.Try to let go of the fact she wanted to tell you. I am guessing she really didn't exactly know how and was afraid you would take it very hard. It is clear you are a loving daughter and that will help her. gentle hugs being sent

smithlme · May 2008

Sarah,

Sending a big hug your way. I am so sorry for you mom's diagnosis and your finding out by accident. For me, the hardest thing about all this was telling my kids. The looks in their eyes took me back to a time when they were small children. I saw the fear, doubt and love. I have cried with my kids and we have used humor to get us through this journey. I can honestly say that they have been, and continue to be, my inspiration to fight this. My 21 year old daughter even went to chemo with me, which was a huge thing for her. She isn't a needle person!

I was a single mom for over 13 years, so to my kids I was Super Mom. My world revolved around them. Now I had to learn to concentrate on myself in order to get healthy. Now it's time for you to be your moms rock, her hero, her inspiration, her best friend. Be sure to take care of yourself, too. Stress takes its toll and you need to be kind to yourself. It's OK to cry in front of your mom. My kids and I have had shared many tears. This is a scary journey for all...

Linda

ICanDoThis · May 2008

Sarah -

Talk to your mom and tell her how you feel. Don't be afraid to cry in front of her, you'd be surprised how good it can feel to cry together. Offer to be there for her and be willing to listen.

I lost my mom when I was just over 20, and I can tell you that the only thing that I regret today is that I was too young for us to be really honest with each other. Today, I'm working really hard at being honest with my 18-yr-old.

Sue (Krissy's mom)

Shirlann · May 2008

Sarah, honey, I understand you are hurt. But your mom was torn. It is a horrible decision to tell your grown children. I had to make this decision. It is hard to lay this on your precious children when their lives generally are hectic, busy and often in some sort of trouble.

So, as a mom myself, I ask that you just love her. Don't feel hurt. I didn't know what to do. I have 3 grown sons and the hardest thing I ever did was tell them. I had hoped to get through it all and then say, "I am fine". But BC is so long and drawn out, this just doesn't work, but don't be hurt because she tried to spare you this grief. And for heaven's sake cry like a baby in her arms. I wish one of mine had. I am 9 years post treatment, 73, and just fine.

I don't know how I would handle this again, but just be sure you let her know how much you love her, cry away, I wish someone had cared enough to cry for me.

Gentle hugs, Shirlann

I found out by accident, I cant help but feel angry

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