Jan 2008--Ain't it Great?

Determined1 · April 2008

Hey Jewels. Sorry I missed you all yesterday. I had an interesting day. Luckily, I started out at the gym at 8a, or I would've never made it. Here's the tale.

I went in to the hospital at 10:15 for my 10:30 appointment and didn't come out till after 4p! Seems the machines in the rads department were down (apparently this happens at G'town). I was supposed to get my boost sim at 10:30, regular rad tx at 11:10, and see babydoc at 11:45--out by noon. But no-o-o! Had to be worked in to the CT schedule for the CT machine for the whole hospital for my sim--that took over 2 hours. During this time, I realized that I was not going to make it back in to Arlington for my 1p appt with my legu, so I called to cancel that. Then it appeared that the rad machine was working again, so I got into my gown and waited an hour and a half only to learn it broke down again on the person right before me. So rads were out. Then I went upstairs to be worked in to babydoc's schedule (I fell off of it waiting for my CT scan). That took another 45 mins! And the bad news is, since I skipped a rad tx I won't be done till May 12 now! And I so badly wanted to be done on May 9 which meant Mother's Day would be a huge celebration. (Babydoc suggested moving Mother's Day--at least he has a sense of humor.) Waaaah.

So, I arrive home at about 4:30 to find dd moping. She'd been so excited for the past month because she had tickets to go see Atmosphere (rapper out of Minneapolis-not bad as he manages to actually tell stories with his songs, rather than spitting out bs about screwing his shorty or shooting someone). Seems the girl with whom she was attending the concert called her 2 hours before they were to leave to say that her parents wouldn't let her go in to DC on a school night because her last report card was bad. (Leads me to believe this girl didn't ask her parents for permission until the last moment.) Anyway, dd couldn't find any other friends who could get permission at the last minute so she was forlorn. She off-handedly said something about going with me, since I like his raps. Well, sometimes you just gotta do the right thing by your kid. So even tho I'd had a long, frustrating day at the hospital, I was off to a rap concert in the District! General admission, no less (I KNEW there was a reason I only buy reserved seating at concerts anymore).

Well, the rap Gods were kind to us. Just as we pulled up to the venue (a dump in a shabby part of town), a car pulled away from the curb. Score! We parked right outside the place for free (parking was going to run us $20-which is why my kids always use Metro when they go to this place for concerts). Then we went inside and were able to find a spot to stand (yikes!) to enjoy the bands that was only 4 people away from the stage. So I stood there for 4 hours. I listened to the warm-up bands, which sucked, and was jostled and bumped by kids on all sides. Oddly, a young lady right behind me kept rubbing my back with her hand in a comforting way. Either she was shit-faced or I reminded her of someone she knew that had gone through the cancer thing.

Anyway, I was by far the oldest person there. That was weird for me. So, Atmosphere hits the stage. Now, I know his stuff, cause my dd listens all the time. I can't sing along, (I can't get my mouth around the words fast enough), but I'm into the beat. So my new dilemma is, how much physical demonstration can I do to enjoy the music without embarrassing dd? At the Pink Floyd concert 18 months ago, I totally rocked out. But the crowd was all my age, so it was okay. Here I was the bald mom. So I did a slight head bob and didn't participate in the hand gestures. I guess I did okay because dd told me when we got into the car that she was more comfortable going to that concert with me than she would have been her original friend. I did good!!!

BUT-my le arm was KILLING me (I tried resting it on my head a couple of times to drain it and was totally cussing myself out for forgetting my sleeve) and my ankles swelled up so badly that I literally hobbled out of the venue, but luckily the crowd was moving in that "herd" way, so no one really noticed but me. When I got into my bed at 1am (!) I was the happiest soul ever! Now I can cross "attend a rap concert" off my bucket list!

Sheshe-sounds like you're starting off on the right foot with the rads thang-shopping afterwards! I was surprised that you're snapped to your table. I'm just laying there with all of these form things to hold my head/arm and have to be very still. I think I like it better as being restrained would rub my claustrophobia tendencies the wrong way. Hang in there.

Paula-WOW on the nomination! I know you're hesitant about the photo (it sucks to have pictures taken when we're not feeling so confident about our looks), but smile away. You've proven to be quite the covergirl in the pix you've been posting here.

Man, Carol, I can't believe the number of folks you're running in to with cancer. Maybe it's because we have cancer that we notice so many others with the dx, but I agree with you-this cancer family is getting WAY too big.

LWDana-my boob stings all the time. To be honest, I haven't asked anyone about it. I just figure I've traumatized the poor thing and it deserves to sting. Should we be asking about that? So sorry about your dog. I know mine is like another child and I would be such a worry-wort if she got sick or needed surgery.

You're just now figuring out that Jason is a hottie, Julie??? Bet you're wondering where you've been...

Sorry about your bout with Motha Nature, Tinalee. I've been watching your weather and feeling a little guilty when it's almost 80 here. Today is only 60, though, and it feels colder. Does that help? (Have you heard of local boy, Atmosphere?)

Therese-thanks for the info on future scans. I'm sure I'll be a real PITA when I'm done with all my tx, what with demanding MRIs and whatnot. I'll try to keep my cool. And what a great report on your 5K! It sounds like it was a great experience and so exciting for you to participate when you know you're truly a survivor! I'll toss my pink cap into the sky for you!

Oh, Carol, you remind me-tornado update: it was way south of us, so no ill-effects here. Thanks for the concern everyone.

Hope your fog is mild, WVgirl.

SIS Kimberly-yeah, I totally understand how you feel about not wanting to call and make appointments. I actually waited 24 hours to make my calls for the same reason you want to give it a rest. We all know you'll make the calls eventually, because the longer you wait, the longer it will be till completion day.

KathyL-Congrats on all your med issues heading in the right direction!! You must be so relieved! (Half-deaf, too? You probably would've been a better choice for the concert-my ears are still ringing today!)

Okay, just LOL at the image of SIS Kimberly being "poked in the port." Thanks, Carol.

Oh, and excuuuuuuse me, Miss Carol. I was totally in a thinking about myself moment when I called you this a.m. Totally slipped my mind that you had tx today and this was the day ds was going along. Mea culpas all around. Hope its going well for you (and ds).

Man, Julie, I can't believe your misfortune with the whole migraine scene. Hope you're feeling better and were able to get to the track meet.

Good luck with your port removal tomorrow, Tinalee. I hope they can help you with that scar, too. I hate all the things that are different about my body (oh, got another tattoo yesty during my sim-I'm just lovin' all the spots on my boob!).

Carol-You tell Steph I howled when I spotted the olives!!!!!!

SIS Kimberly-I still tuck my "hair" behind my ears before Qtipping. I can totally relate to pushing your "bangs" out of the way.

Deb-glad you're lurking. Yeah, that taxotere is a bitch. I'm sorry you're having so many se's, particularly after your rough go with the first chemotini. That's just not fair. Even though it takes time-you WILL bounce back. And that 10 years you've put on? It will be erased (and more, I think). Your mental load will lighten and everything about you will bounce back. It will take a while, so don't be impatient. I didn't realize how much time it would take and have suffered some disappointments because of that. But keep smiling. Really. As for crying? My first cry was the weekend before my last chemo tx. And it was a wimpy one, as far as cathartic cries go. Some of us need tears and some do not. Crying, not crying, it's all okay. This is YOUR journey, so do what you need for your own emotional well-being. We're here to hold you, console you, and help you up (as best we can in cyber-space), so you can always come here to ease your pain. You're our sister. (Just read SIS Kimberly's shout to you-if only I were so eloquent! I second her comments.)

Oh my, that was a long one. Are you guys still reading????

D1

SISKimberly · April 2008

Hey D1, just checking in and saw your post. Wow, what a day and night you had. Mother of the Year Award, right here!!!!! That so erases the time you didn't take your dd in right away for an xray (that was you right?).

I did make my appt. with the radiologist, a woman. It's on May 15th at 8:45 am. I certainly will listen to what she has to say as I promised my onc I would do that for him. My assigned nurse, a perk of my insurance company, is looking into second opinion options for me for the ooph vs HT thing.

I had a pretty wimpy cry right before my last infusion as well. I think I write as my way of dealing with my stuff. You're right, there is no one right way to deal with this journey.

Take care of that arm.

SIS KImberly

golfer779 · April 2008

Back from Chemoti-ville, I saw Steph and his wife in the lobby on their way home, his infusion ended up not taking too long, but he goes back for more tomorrow and Friday, (that doesn't sound like too much fun). I had my ds click a picture of us, his wife declined to participate. This morning I drop off some of the shout outs from you all and cut and pasted them into a word document for him. It truly means alot to him to read the words of encouragment. Thanks!!!

tinalee123 · April 2008

Hi gang,

Got my last expander fill. Was quite uneventful. Unfortunately, the ps said there’s not a lot to be done with the port scar, he said the upper chest doesn’t heal real well, as compared to other part of the body. Hmm…don’t know if Mr. Harvard is blowing me off, or speaking truthfully. His nurse, Jane, is so great. I should have asked her. I’m going to miss seeing her every two weeks.

D1 – You ROCK! Yes, we’ve heard of Atmosphere, ds #2 is into them (he loves rap, but, is sick of the constant drugs-sex-violence themed songs too). I think he saw them not too long ago at a local venue, First Avenue (this is the one made famous by Prince). You’re such a cool mom. I’m so glad dd had a great time with you. Sorry to hear about your nightmarish day at the hospital. But, do love babydoc’s suggestion that we just move Mother’s Day.

Dana – Glad your fur-baby is doing well. Your response to the vet was priceless. You’re right about pit bulls, it’s all in how they’re raised. My dad had a pit bull for years, he was the sweetest thing! What a lovely meeting you had in the store. She’s right, you know!

Carol – What a sweetheart Steph looks to be! Love the olives!! He’s on my “list” for continued wishes of strength, tx success and health. I hope your tx went well today. Wondering how ds did with you. I’m glad he was able to go. Just saw your picture with Steph. That’s so great! Hope his next tx’s are uneventful

Kimberly – You’re right, life is looking good here. I am feeling a lot like you, such happiness about being done, I’m almost giddy. I broke out the “good” wine that dh brought me home from Colorado. And, can’t wait to have sushi again – that’ll be Friday. I just find celebration in every little thing.

Deb – It’s good to hear from you. No worries about how you handle your journey. It’s YOURS. You are supportive – you’ve sent us all good wishes and your thoughts. No one can ask for more than that. I hope you’re able to take something for the bone pain and aches. Take care of you.

We’ve got a fresh pot of chili cooking, it’s dh’s last hurrah of winter cooking. So, will check in later.

Tina

KathyL · April 2008

Hi Jewels! Wasn't home all day. Spent most of my time at the new job chit-chatting and getting a feel for some of the things I'll be doing. Tomorrow will be busy again-seeing my PS to get the sutures out (no more spider-nip for me!), and meeting with my "old" office to discuss the boss's proposal there. Should be an interesting day. I'm kinda glad to be out and about again, but it's tiring. I have to admit the TM has been visited only once this week. But I guess all my extra movement counts for something, right??

P.S. Still "half deaf" today. Maybe tomorrow...

Carol, Wendy, and Maz: Hope today went smoothly for all of you! Congrats Maz on finishing.

Carol: thanks for sharing Steph's pictures and words. And thanks for letting us know D1 is OK.

Julie: Hope you had a migraine-free day and last night's HA stayed away. What did you think of DWTS last night? I don't know how Christian will dance with that injury. Wonder what Derek and Shannon will do now that they aren't all over each other dancing? Heeheehee. Still think Jason has great buns.

Good luck tomorrow with your meeting at school.

Tina: I'm sure your PS will tidy things up after the port comes out. Mine said she'd do it when she takes my port out (next January). My scar above the port is pretty ugly, too.

When do you get spring-like weather-or is today the day??

Dana: Glad your dog did well with her surgery. It must be nice to have her company back. When will you hear more about your chemo plan?

Kimberly: Glad the boobie is mending from the infection. Keep us posted on when your exchange will be. I felt sooo much better once those darn expanders were out!

Oh, and about hair... 6 weeks after and I have a definite 5 o'clock shadow to my scalp now. Interestingly, it's coming in real dark now. I'm thinking maybe in another 4-6 weeks I can have it trimmed to be all one length as it's kinda all over the place right now-short in most spots, but some longer hairs here and there on top.

Paula: Is Avastin for triple negs? Just wondering what type of BC it's used for, and since you said there no target drugs for triple negs... I was wondering if it's used for your type.

Hope you had a better day today BTW.

Deb: Hope you are feeling better after a visit to the Jewels! Taxotere is such a nasty drug-I hated it-body aches were the worst for me of all it's troubles. And I also found the next to last treatment was pretty rough mentally and physically. Just hang in there. Almost done!

D1: Bravo Mama! Job well done with dd. Loved your description of the whole night-ROTFL. I'm sure it is a night you both won't forget (you, for many and various reasons). Sorry the day started off so crappy and that rads won't end when you expected though.

Gotta run girls. No dh here tonight and have to get the kids to bed.

golfer779 · April 2008

Okay, so I couldn't get the cursor to drop down for more verbage, so here we go again.

D1, hey no problemo on the msg, just another day in paradise! I was glad for the update, got thinking that you may have had family or friends in the wrong neck of the woods.

You are the SHERO of the night it sounds like, I'll have to ask my son if he has heard of the group. I just recently starting listening to some "up to date" music, I spend alot of time in a skate rink, I don't think they have music from the 70's early 80's, in the mix. Figured I might as well get on board and enjoy some of the new stuff. It's actually catching on with me, helps that I like these two women dj's on the morning program.

Kimberly, I had told Steph about your cape and "tini" glass. I mentioned that you relinquished the cape to a nurse in need, he thought that was a pretty cool gesture.

I'm pleased to hear that your getting a consult with the rad people. I know you have made up your mind to forego them but what does it hurt to atleast educate yourself just a little more on the subject. Thanks for doing it for your doc, yourself (and some of us as well).

Paula, you can be totally down and out, and you seem to just rise to the occasion each and everytime. Your going to be ready for some serious down time in the near future.

Julie, hoping that the track meet is a winner, didn't catch your weather forecast, hopefully your not sweltering or freezing.

I chatted with the onc today about wanting to get moving with consult/simulation for rads. I now have an appt for the 9 May. Looks like a busy week for me, txt on Wed, consult with surgeon for ooph on Thurs and the Rad consult friday, then off to Portland for my ds regional skatemeet. Whew, I pooped just thinking about it.

I really don't want to wait any length of time between the end of chemo on 4 June and the start of radiation. Hey I've got a friggin' 60 walk to do in September, I don't have time to be lolly-gagging along!!! Anyway, I told my onc about my appts (seconds) with the doc at SCCA and my gyn on ooph/ht stuff. I figure they probably send him a transcript of what was discussed. He once again really didn't jump on the band wagon one way or another on the topic. I'm very pleased that I took it upon myself to seek out some other opinions.

Well the ds did great, he was laughing at me getting my finger poked as I look as far away in the other direction as my neck will turn. I almost didn't feel a thing ... then she had a hard time getting the enough blood for the sample, thought she did and left. About 10 min later, she comes back in the room with that darn little tray of "poking" stuff. She didn't get enough the first time and had to poke again. I felt this one ... its actually no biggee as you all know, but a poke is a poke!!! The wbc's we're low again 2500, and my rbc as well. I have no idea why I feel like I have so much energy this past week. I'm sure it will hit after the steriods subside by tomorrow.

The ds got a little sweaty in the palms when she was accessing my port. She told him to look away if he felt "funny", she didn't want to have to pick him up off the floor. As my head was turned once again looking at him, he intently watched the procedure and had a handful of questions for the nurse. All went well, during my methotraxate push I was getting a nasty taste in my mouth while chomping my ice. The ds came to the rescue with some apple juice and a graham cracker (god I havn't had a graham cracker in years and it was darn good!!!). Anyway, I was happy that he got to see just a bit of what the process has been all about. We had a nice lunch out afterwards, and will be off to his skate practice in a few minutes.

The ds hat is pretty cool, although I guess you can only wear that style backwards (what do I know), it says "I wear pink for my Mom" with a pink ribbon on it.

His 16th birthday is next Friday, and I assumed he wanted something skater related for a gift when I asked. He was as serious as a heart attack and said he really wanted to get a "small" tatoo on his calf with a pink ribbon and Mom added to it. My jaw dropped, I think this one will be having to wait a few years, havn't even mentioned it to his dad. I think I'll be pushing for some new skate gear!!! Mom's what would be your take of this one???

We're off, probably will sneak a peak tonight,

Carol

JulieK_11_30_07 · April 2008

Happy hump day, girls!

It ended up being a beautiful day here - mid 70's and sunny! Perfect day for a track meet. The ds did okay in his events - not great. He's in 6^th grade and on the "pee wee" team and it was the Regional meet so he was running against 7^th and 8^th graders. It's amazing how fast some of those older kids can run!! Wore me out just watching them!

D1 - loved the story about the concert - definite "Mom of the Year" award headed your way!!! I'm sure that made your daughter's night! Sorry about the long day at the hospital - that sucks! I agree with babydoc - just move Mother's Day! So glad you guys weren't affected by the storms.

Kimberly - glad you're following up with your rads appt and other possible options. I agree with you about the no appts thing. I have my consultation with my plastic surgeon for reconstruction on Friday - I'm actually looking forward to that one!

Carol - what a great picture of you and Steph! Hope your tx went okay today. Tell Steph he's definitely been in my thoughts and prayers - hoping the chemo works for him. That seems like a lot to have to go back tomorrow and Friday - yikes! Just saw your second post - glad all went well for you today. What an adorable ds you have - and a big "awwww" with the hat and his tattoo idea! I'm not a big fan of the tattoos and my son swears he will NEVER get one (we'll see about that when he's a teen!), but the thought is certainly sweet!!

Tina - hope your weather was nicer today! Yay for the last expander fill!! When do you have your exchange surgery?

Kathy - sounds like you had a busy, busy day!! Hope your hearing comes back soon. DWTS went about how I thought it would last night - although they sure drag the results night out a long freakin time! Okay - so I'm guessing Shannon and Derek are having a little "thing" - they sure seemed like it! I wonder how Christian will still dance too - that's a pretty serious injury, isn't it?

Anybody catch AI last night?? WTH was Paula on??!!!!! Too hilarious!!

Okay - so I have my appt tomorrow at school to fight for my sections and I'm not looking forward to it. We have a new supt this year and she's apparently cutting all over the place, which is one thing our school has always prided itself on NOT doing! One of my teachers called today and said the principal told my student teacher today that the vacancy that was posted "had been cut." Hello??!!! I'm not done with this fight yet!!! I'm thinking it's not going to be a fun day tomorrow - wish me luck!

Hope you all have a great night, girls!

Julie

Determined1 · May 2008

Okay you guys, when SIS Kimberly claims chemo brain on us, don't believe her! How on earth did you remember that I was the slacker mom in the x-ray department, Kimberly? I BARELY remember! It was even the same kid. I'm going to mention it to her when I remember (I actually DO have chemo brain, so it could be a while!).

I'm glad you're going to be open-minded about radiation oncology. I'm going to be equally as open-minded when I see my onc near the end of May as I plan to ask about the pros and cons of an ooph, thanks to you.

So you made it through another trip to the bar, eh Carol? Did you slip Steph your bar bill? (The two of you look fabo, BTW.)

Tinalee-ah, yes, Prince, another Minnesota product. Be sure to tell your ds that your 50 year old Jewel Sister went to an Atmosphere concert. I still can't believe I did it. And enjoyed it. Imagine that. Didn't get a port, so I'm not familiar with the nasty scars you and KathyL talk about. But if you're not happy with it, keep asking questions. (Or, I can send you my tattoos-which I don't much like-and maybe you could work up some sort of bodyart.) Ummmm. Chili sounds good...

KathyL-way to go on getting to the new job today!! It must make you happy to get back to a professional life. I couldn't believe that Tom, Derek and Shannon were having a conversation about their "partnership" on live TV. You KNOW they're tangoing off camera! My take? It'll continue till she gets a new movie and he gets a new dancing partner.

And you have a 5 o'clock shadow already???!! Good for you!! I'm jealous. I think hair regrowth for a gray-haired being is less fun. I just moved my hair appointment back another two weeks today. Hopefully it'll start growing one of these days...

Carol-they're not totally new, but if you like rock/pop, try Dashboard Confessional, Jack's Mannequin, Something Corporate, Death Cab for Cutie, or The Shins. If you're more emo, I really like Brand New (their song, "Jesus Christ" was on my chemo playlist). One of my favorite Atmosphere songs is "Trying to Find a Balance." What about Counting Crows-"A Long December" is another of my favs. More recent rock that's fun is Kings of Leon or Modest Mouse. Into folk? Try The Weepies. That should get you started.

Ds really is a "darling son." You're really lucky. Okay, I have to admit, college girl got her first tattoo at 16. A star not far from her pelvic bone. When she wears those low cut jeans, you can see it. She liked it so much that she had two smaller stars added later. These were black ink and did not mention her parents. I don't have a problem with a tattoo that won't show when they're dressed for work (till they're old enough to sign for their own damn tattoos). But he may want to talk to some men about having the breast cancer ribbon permanently etched into his skin. It's a big part of his life now, but hopefully, with time, it won't be. Perhaps he could come up with some design that would signify your family struggle with bc, but isn't quickly identifiable with bc and could portray overcoming any hardship down the road. Not sure what that would be for him, and I'd hate to start making suggestions as I don't want to lead him somewhere he doesn't want to go. But maybe there is some symbol that would represent his feelings about bc that would be more generic. I just don't want him to regret a pink tattoo with "mom" on it in 5-10 years. Maybe he wouldn't, but he really needs to explore that more. Otherwise, I'm good with discreet, appropriate tattooing for a 16-year-old. (Although I can't figure out why they do it...) (Oh, and take my thoughts with a grain of salt-I was at a rap concert last night!)

Ima go watch some TV tonight. Lata.

D1

golfer779 · May 2008

Julie, oh Paula (not our Jewel) really had a brain fart last night on AI, the dh looked at me and said "what the heck is she on?" She's obviously not the sharpest tool in the shed. Right on with the weather at the track meet. Having to compete "up" at times can be a good thing. I wouldn't like it to happen all the time, it would be a little demoralizing at some point.

Go get um tomorrow and keep up the good fight for what is right at work.

Kathy, you've been on a roll gal, I'd say the heck with the TM on days like you have. Good luck with the suture removal to the nip, man time flies it seemed like just a day ago you were talking about having your nip surgery.

Hope your meeting talking about the job possibilities is favorable to you. You'll know what the right move will be ... all my best.

Tina, glad your filler up went well. I actually had to go back to my Susan Love book to see what alot of you are up to on the recon thing. Kimberly gave me a pretty good synopsis, but I had skipped over those chapters back when, so its news to me.

At this point my port scar looks pretty uneventful compared to the rest of me!!!

D1, okay, I'm going to check out I-tunes for some of your recommendations. I'll report back!!!

Time to hit some thank you notes for the 3 Day, have this feeling that the steriod high is moving in, and the Lorazepam I took is wearing off ... sure hoping to get a nights rests so I can function at work tomorrow, we'll see.

PAlady · May 2008

Hello Jewels,

Only 5 days of rads left! If all goes as planned I will be done on Wednesday. My skin is actually holding up pretty well. I have a small area that has a bit of a rash that is itching like crazy. No burning or blistering though. I am so happy when the weekends come and I get a break. By the end of the week, my arm and shoulder are achy and I feel like I will start to burn. The techs have told me it will not start to get better until 7 to 10 days after my last treatment. I feel like I am just starting to get a bit fatigued this week - just feel like I need to go to bed a bit earlier at night.

Carol - I haven't heard about the test you can do to see if you can metabolize the tamox. Does it tell if it is actually blocking the estrogen? I checked out your site the other day. It looks great! I like your profile that you wrote. I would think they wouldn't want to do your sim till right before you are ready to start. Everything is measured down to the cm and so much could change with you. I lost 3 pounds in the first week after I started and the rad onc was freaking out. It would change the lining up of the tattoos and in turn where the rays go. So I was told to maintain my weight till after I am done.

Kathy - Boo on the ear infections. They are so painful. Hopefully it is better by now. I would not say I obsess about recurrence, but every ache and pain has it passing my thoughts. I think as we get further out it has got to get better. We are just too close to it now.

Paula - Congrats on being done! Your picture looks great. I never saw anyone taking pictures at our chemo lounge. Even though the nurses were nice, I had a different one for each round and never got a warm and fuzzy feeling. For my skin (which is fair) I have just been using pure aloe that I got from GNC. I just started putting aquafor on my itchy parts and that seems to help. I don't like using that though, cause it is an ointment. I have used udder cream off and on but usually just at night.

Sheshe - How are the rads going? I get the ponytail sensation, too. I pretty much wear my scarves all the time and they have a scrunchie holding them, so it really feels like it at times!

Maz - Hope your last round went well. Hugs to you.

Kimberly - Just read your entry from Monday. Loved it!

Well, I am up to page 85 and really need to get to bed. I gotta go catch my rays in the morning! Will finish catching up tomorrow. Take care, all.

KathyL · May 2008

Carol: Loved the pic of you and ds! What a great looking boy you've raised. Bravo to you for taking the initiative to get all the second opinions on your tx/care despite your onc's lackluster response. Guess it just goes to show that you have to be your own advocate.

OK, about ds's tattoo... first of all, I think it's great that he told you (my step sister at age 16, went to a tattoo shop, lied about her age, and got one by herself. She then proceeded to try and tell her mom and my dad that it wasn't a real tattoo, which they believed until the day they saw it again looking just as good as it did before! BTW, she now has 3-4 tattoos now and wants more. She's 25 now.). Secondly, there are worse things he could do (pierce some obvious body part); tattoos on the calf are covered by pants, so when he's a working adult someday it won't be sticking out somewhere "unacceptable". Thirdly, you can do this together-meaning find a reputable tattoo shop that's clean and does nice work and go with him when he has it done. Lastly, a "mom" tattoo is sooo much better than the name of some girl. "Mom" will truly be a woman he loves forever and wouldn't need to have removed. You could even have him sketch out what he wants it to look like, so you have a better idea of what he's looking for. Also, have him do some "research" about tattoos if he doesn't know a lot about them as a condition or precursor to getting one-what to look for in a good shop, how long they take to heal/care for them, infection rates, cost, etc. If he's really serious, he'll probably do the "extra work". I think you should sit on the idea for a bit, but if it were my son I'd seriously consider it if it's really what he wanted and actually had the cajones to tell you.

(And maybe it's hard for me to say, my ds is only 2. But this is what I think I'd do).

Just read D1's post, and she has some good insight, too. Having him sketch out his idea might be good to do.

Julie: Yeah, I think a bicep tearing off it's insertion point is pretty serious. I don't know that I'd weigh function of my arm vs winning a dance contest. But I don't know enough about it to say for sure. We'll have to stay tuned until next week's show...

Good luck with your meeting. Remember there are always 2 sides to every story, so don't panic about the "cut" until you hear what it's all about. Let us know how everything goes.

Oh yeah, Paula did look like an idiot (again). I wonder if she's for real....

D1: LOL on your take on DWTS Shannon and Derek. OOO la-la! And guess I should be happy to have some hair, huh. Not thrilled with the dark color (It's even darker than what we buzzed off-I looked at some "saved" hair that my dd put in a baggie from that day.). Guess I can color it when it's long enough, or maybe I'll like the "au naturel" ‘do when it's longer. Who knows!

PALady: WOW! You're almost done with rads-that's great! Glad you're doing so well with it and your skin is holding up, too. Anything after that, or are you Done (capital D!) then??

Have a great day Jewels. Gonna go walk and then get ready for my appointments. For those that watched AI results... no shocker to me on last night's "bootie". She had to go! Still a little riled that she made it farther than Carly. I honestly am not enthused about anyone left. I hope David Cook wins it though. Something about David A. annoys me, Jason looks and sounds like he should be stoking a doobie, and Syesha is good but I don't think has enough "uniqueness" compared to the David C.

golfer779 · May 2008

PA Lady, hey a website that might answer some of the tamo/metabolizing questions is ....

http://www.cancer.org/docroot/NWS/content/NWS_1_1x_Tamoxifen_Some_Women_Dont_Get_Full_Benefit.asp

I guess it wouldn't do much good to be on the med for upteen years and find out its not doing its job. The AI's sound as if they have shown some good results, I may end up going that route, after the ovaries are history. If I do start with Tamoxifen both the oncs I talked with we're in agreement to get the gene test completed.

At work but wanted to pop in, back at it, I'm still zooming along with my steriod high, the downer will probably be just around the corner.

D1, I'm enjoying my new tunes today in the truck, I got my Ipod rigged up with an FM adapter, its working pretty good.

Later gals, Carol

SISKimberly · May 2008

Good Morning Jewels,

LWDana- Don’t know how I missed the post about bringing your babydog home, but I’m so glad she’s OK. Great reply to the vet about only one cancer victor in the house at one time, and I love that he felt so comfortable just giving you a hug. Aren’t hugs great!!!!!

Love that picture of you and Steph, Carol. Glad you had an uneventful trip to the lounge. And, BRAVO, on printing out our shout-outs. I know that when my twinsis forwards my updates to her colleagues, they respond with such support,and she sends those comments to me, which really brightens my day.

Thanks for your detailed description of how the ds did with the whole infusion center thing. Wow, what a great kid you’ve raised, Carol. I love that he wears a hat that says, I wear pink for my mom. Gooshy feelings all around.

About the tattoo. D1 hit that nail right on the head! So ditto what she said! My son is tattoed down his back and on his chest (it’s all very symbolic he says about family and friends), but he made sure that it could not be seen when he dressed for work. He paid for it and was not living at home when he did, however. I always told Jon, when he lived at home, that if you can convince me you’ve really looked at all sides of a choice and the consequences, both short and long term, I’ll support you. When he was in 8th or 9th grade, he wanted his ear pierced, so he had to write me a proposal outlining the pros and cons. He did a great job, and I let him do it.

Here’s to light se’s this next few days, and what are you thinking with that schedule next week? Tx on Wed, and then busy all week and the weekend with potential se’s to manage on top of it all. Man, you are preparing for a 60 mile walk, aren’t you? Glad you’re getting your ducks in a row, however, as like me, you need a plan.

Tina- Yeah, on the last expander fill. The increased tightness is no fun, but once it relaxes it isn’t so bad. Are you hyper aware of the expanders? I mean, do they feel ‘heavy’ against your chest? I know the back is double thick and the material is very different from the permanent implants which I’ve been assured will not feel this way.

OH, I can’t wait to be able to taste wine again and sushi.
Right now, my taste buds are just shot. I am literally down to a very short list of things that even have taste right now. I had to buy some vegan protein powder to mix in my fruit smoothie (no dairy, no soy milk) so I can get enough or at least some protein in my diet. Eggs used to be my mainstay, but even eggs aren’t right anymore. Tuna isn’t horrible, so I try to have tuna daily as well.

Oh, chili (sigh) …I hope it was fabulous and truly the send off winter wants to finally exit stage left.

Kathy- Wow, you have been busy, but how exciting to get back to the world of ‘normal’ and with a new job you’re so right for.

Good luck with your meeting with the old boss today, and at the ps to get those spider legs removed.

Poor Christian. I don’t think he’s going to be able to do as well as he might have with his injury. And Shannon needed to go. It was her time. I agree with D1 that this ‘relationship’ will only last until the next big thing.

Julie- The reconstruction appt is a whole other enchilada…it’s the ‘I’m done and am rebuilding’ appt. How exciting for you. Glad it’s on Friday, cause it sounds like today and the fight for sections might be intense, and you’ll need a pick me up.

D1- I swear it was pulled out of a dusty file cabinet filled with Jewel kid stories, and I just hoped I got it right.

Glad you are going to have an open mind about the ooph thing. I’m all for doing what I can without chemicals, and if an ooph is just as effective as taking some drug for the next five years, I’m all over that.

I’m also all for listening to what docs have to say, but like I’ve said in the past, many of them haven’t read all of the research cause who has time to do that, and those relative numbers given vs absolute numbers is what is always given to patients, and where do those numbers come from? The companies that sponsor the studies also just happen to be the companies who make the most profit from the treatments being offered. Sounds like a conflict of interest to me. I know, I sound cynical, don’t I? But really, I will listen with an open mind. If she can prove to me with absolute numbers that rads will have a significant benefit for me compared to the risks, I’ll do it.

PALady- I can’t believe you’ll be done by Wed. of next week all ready. It seems like you just started, and D1 is counting down as well. It must feel good to know that you’re almost done with going every day…that’s got to wear on you. I know just going to the infusion center every day for my antibiotic for 22 days was a lot. Also glad to hear that your skin is holding up well.

Well, all caught up for now. I’ll check back in later.
Have a great day, gals.
SIS Kimberly

Anonymous · May 2008

Well, Taxol/Herceptin #11 (of 12) is history. Uneventful. DP couldn't get out of work (coworker called in sick and the dept. had a big event that she had to cover), so I had my first solo session. It was fine, the nurses paid extra attention to me. They rock. I need to think of something special to do for them next week for my last chemo.

Meet Monday a.m. with the Rad. Onc. and after lunch with my Med. Onc. Oh boy. Another whole day at the hospital. I'll get the scoop on radiation so I can make my decision about which surgery to have.

My feet are like sausages with toes. The swelling doesn't fully retreat at night any more. Just another week, just one more. My legs are tired and I can barely do 25 minutes on the treadmill. Blood counts were up again ... hematocrit was just .1 shy of normal. I think I may hit "normal" for my last Tx.

I'll have a PET scan after I finish, and the nurse today said she thought they'd do another MUGA too. That one worries me a little ... I can't shake the nagging feeling that the Herceptin is messing with my heart function.

Kindest regards to all ... so few left doing chemo these days. I was one of the first to go (12/27) and shall be one of the last to finish. It's been a long haul.

Deb, I haven't "cried" about it all either. I'm not much of a crier. I did get very frustrated one morning a couple of months ago while getting ready for work ... dropped an apple I had just washed to pack in my lunch ... then I snapped ... picked up the apple and threw it to the floor with all my strength. Really dumb move. You have no idea how many nooks and crannies there are in your kitchen until you have smashed an apple into the floor. Anyway, it was a pretty decent release, but I can't recommend it wholeheartedly, as the cleanup phase kind of takes the joy out of the release. Wink

Determined1 · May 2008

Afternoon, Jewels!

Today has been blessedly uneventful. Although at rads today the techs were tsk-tsking over the condition of my skin. My skin is getting that sandpapery feel like its going to peel, big time, and my nipple is covered with a bunch of blisters. But I'm still wearing my compression garment till I can't stand it anymore (usually about 5p). I still think I'm holding up pretty well and the techs did say they've seen worse... (Hang in there, Frankenboob!)

I agree with Carol, Julie, competing "up" is a double-edged sword. My dd has always competed up in bball and I think it has robbed her of the chance to develop leadership on the court because she was always deferring to the older girls. It's nice to see her be the older one for the first time this Spring on her AAU team and she's really trying to add leadership to her toolkit. Sometimes it's working for her, sometimes not. The interesting thing about it is watching her struggle with how to bring the team together (she's not really the cheerleader type). She'll get it. But too bad it had to wait so long. Hope ds is able to cream all the good parts of playing up off the top.

PALady-WOW! Only 5 left?! How many did you do? I get a total of 30 zaps (last 5 are boosts). I'm so glad your skin is holding up. I feel like mine is really limping toward the finish line. Just typing this makes me want to run upstairs and put on my cream.

Carol-I really liked KathyL's suggestion about the tattoo research. Wish I'd thought of that for my girl. At least that way he'd know what he's getting in to. You may want to add "what if I get tired of my tattoo and want it removed" to the research questions.

KathyL-Right on! I totally agree with your take on AI. My only minor correction is about Jason. Sure, he looks like he'd rather roll up a j sometimes, but I like his goofy, aw-shucks manner. Besides, isn't there something kinda verboten about guys with dreds? I think that (plus his eyes and guitar) are part of the appeal. Frankly, I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't make it to the final-I'll bet there are hoards of young women fantasizing about him! (But if David C doesn't win the whole thing-I'll be shocked and disappointed. I know I'd download him.)

Glad you like the music, Carol. In all honesty, I like pretty much everything except opera and heavy metal. If you chose any Shins or Brand New music, be sure to tell the ds. He'll think you're over the top cool.

SIS Kimberly-I happen to think a bit of cynicism is good for all of us. It makes us ask questions and probe for straight answers (or at least answers that appear straight to us in the moment). Stay cynical.

LOL at you cleaning up your apple release on sausage feet, LJ (although I know the sausages are a relatively new development, it just adds to the image). I do think we need to get "it" out, and I'm glad to see you found a way to manage that. Perhaps try something less messy next time...

How ya doin' Maz?

Okay, caught up. Maybe I'll kick back to a little Atmosphere on the iTunes!

D1

camazur · May 2008

A quick thank you to Dana about the A&D ointment for your cracked lip corners. I had tried just about everything else, including Abreve, which is $18 for a tiny tube and didn't even work. At least it came with a guarantee and I'll be getting a refund. I had cold sores at both corners for like 3 weeks now, but they're almost gone thanks to good old A&D. So thanks again, and hope your dog is on the mend. And good luck with your treatment. And keep up the Warrior Spirit.

My tx went smoothly yesterday, tho very emotional. There was a big let-down afterwards. I felt safe while doing chemo. Now that its over I'm afraid, even tho I'll be doing rads and hormone-blockers. So its not like I'm DONE done.

Plus, I kept thinking of Val, trying to picture her there with me. Maybe I'm having survivors' guilt. But each day without her has been very difficult so far. There's no rushing grief, I guess. I hope and suppose her memory will bring a smile someday, but so far its just tears. And I think of her all the time.

Our friends have been real supportive, calling and emailing me and I am so grateful. Plus I have you Jewels. Thank you all.

I had to go for my last Neulasta shot. THAT I'm glad to be done with. The extra ride to the hospital, the pain.

Waiting for the fog to roll in... for the last time!!! Whoo-Hoo!!

Maz

vettegal · May 2008

Hello Jewels,

Hope everyone is doing FINE!!!! Smile

Been having hard time lately ..did first rad on monday and my right arm went numb...been having neck pains since last week. Finally called dr and he told me to got to ER. which i did last nite..they did ct scan on head and neck. The found nothing and relate all of this to chemo and possible neurapothy(sp) they gave me some percacets and sent me home....can't take the perc at work..makes me sleepy and can't drive. Had meltdown today, I have been really tired and afterwork went to wallmart to get some flowers and stuff for our anniversay dinner tomorrow..and i have the "hat" thing going on but it has been making my head hot so i am doing teh bal thing in walmart and i felt like people where staring at me. the old people are the worst...a little girl looked at me and i said,,,yes i am bald..its ok and she smiled. some of the people smiled at me which is fine. I went back to my truck and called dh and started to cry. I guess from the ER abd the pain and the people staring at me, i couildn't deal with it anymore. Thinking about my sister..her surgery is monday and we have been spending alot of time together which is good. i think we both need it! Sorry i haven't been around. It actually hurts my neck whe i use the computer..can't take pain meds yet..hockey starts in 5 minute and i have to stay awake for that!!! Cool

i really hope everyone is well...

oh yeah. i am making my dh put the cream on my breast every night!!! Surprised

take you wonderful ladies!!!

xxxoo

patty

D1-i hope the storms haven't hurt you

Determined1 · May 2008

Patty--You've got a lot on your plate right now. It sucks, but I hope you're not surprised that this is hard. Remember my mantra next time at Walmart--f*ck 'em if they can't take a joke. Seriously, do what you gotta do to be comfortable. We all see the smiles, pity, whatever is being thrown our way when we march around in our scarves or balditude, but it's all good (remember Hank Moody--when is HE coming back?).

Those rad contortions are hard on the body. I try to keep separating and connecting my fingers together to keep them awake. You can't really move that arm, but move your fingers about a little. It has helped me with the tingling/sleeping arm. Hopefully, as you get farther along, they won't take as long and your arm won't have the problems.

Good thoughts to Denise on Monday. I'm glad you two are spending more time together. Sisters are such a gift. (Remind me of that after I spend 60 hours with mine later this month.)

Wish I could get my dh to put cream on my boob...

Maz--you go, girl! Give yourself time to mourn Val. You need to do that for yourself. As for that let-down feeling after chemo--you're normal. Several of us here have had that experience, and you're having it on top of Val's death. Your feelings are all okay. Give yourself some time. Roll with your fog and come out all the stronger (but please don't stay too long).

Dh just got home, so I'm off for some quality time.

D1

sheshe48 · May 2008

Hi Jewels,

I have been busy trying to stay warm. I'm having an some kind of reaction to rads. I keep getting the chills, the rad doc said all he can think of is. Rads makes me hot ( excuse the pun) and then I go outside and it's cooler and I get the chills. I don't get any relief until night time and I cover up with a blanket. I have been wearing warm clothes and I can't get warm. Today was the first day I went for a walk since Sat. I thought maybe it might warm me up. It's been very cold in Mi. 30's at night and 50's during the day. Today was 65 today and I was not as cold. Rads is making my face red hot and my breast are pink hot. Is anyone else having these symtoms? I'm ready for spring when it feels like getting here.

D1 You are a gem of a mom good job. You and your daughter will always have that memory. You got to redeam yourself. he he. Yeah I have to make sure my head is in the right place and they stick my right arm in that holder too. The first time they put that plastic bra thingly on me and snap me to the table I jumped. It's ok now, I'm getting used to it. They do want you to hold still.

Tinalee123 Sorry about your plans being spoiled, mother nature does not know if she wants spring to come or not.

Patty Glad you are ok, sorry about all the pain. I have been having trouble with my right arm going numb, but it's not as bad as yours. I hope you get feeling better soon. I will be thinking about you and your sister on Mon. Sounds like dh is taking good care of you. After 4 treatments, i'm just starting to turn pink, my nipple has turned some darker. That was brave of you to go to walmart bald, don't feel sad we are all in this together. I have been wearing hats for my walks and it does make your head hot. I was at walmart to with my sis on Mon and I took off my scarf to try on a hat and i also got the stares. I just block it out. Get well soon.

PAlady way to go almost done with rads! i'm so glad i'm not the only one that gets that ponytail sensation. It started a couple of weeks ago or so and i get it everyday. Before my hair fell out i used to put it in a pony tail before I went to work everyday. What drives me nuts is I keep wanting to grab a brush and brush my hair and I remember no hair lol. My left arm is ackly after my treatment, I'm going to have the rads doc look at it next week. All this cancer treatment is hard on our bodies. Hang in there, you are almost done.

LJ13 Sorry dp couldn't be there with you, at least you had your nurses. I hope your swelling goes down. loved your release story, we have to find humor in everything we do, just to survive this journey.

sheshe48 · May 2008

Hi Gems,

I wanted to give out a few more shouts, my internet has been cutting me out today and I wanted to send that out, before I lost it all and then I have a red hot meltdown. Yell

LWDana I'm so glad your dog is ok, she is a little warrior too. Take care of yourself and that little sweetie.

Carol I just don't know what's wrong with these oncologist, I had a hysterectomy 14 yrs ago and I expected to go on one of the AI's too. And he wants me on Tamoxifen. He said it has a better track record. I looked up the drug and you can take it after a hysterectomy. ( I just don't know) thanks for that link. I loved the pix of you and ds, he looks just like you. Nice pix of you and steph, I'm pulling for him too, what a sence of humor he has putting olives in his chemotini drink. Good one. Your son is such a sweetie and so sensitive, that would of made me cry. I remember I had to take my daughter at age 15 to get her belly button pireced. I fought and fought with her until I gave in. I pretty much interviewed the guy, and decided he was professional enough. I put my foot down on tattoo's, next month she will be 23 years old, so far no tattoo's. Happy birthday to your son, hope it was a good one. You are such a good mom. As for belly ring, she kept losing it and I had to keep buying new ones, after about 2 years she lost the ring again, and the hole closed up over night. I couldn't believe it, just when I got used to belly ring. She is still belly ringless.

Julie Sorry you are losing your help at work, that's not fair to you or her. Sorry about the migranes, they won't give you a break, I hope you get feeling better. I watched AI too, Paula was so funny, she must be drinking Captains Rum with her coke. I feel for her. I know she is in a lot of pain sometimes with her bad back.

KathyL I hope your ears are feeling better, Happy you are liking the new job. I know you are happy about getting the sutures out (spidars) I'm so tired I can't think straight tonight. I agree America got it wrong. Last week Brook should of went home and Carly should of made it to the final 3.

I'm thinking about all you jewels, I'll have to try and finish tomorrow I'm so tired i don't know what i'm saying. Have a good night.

Sherry

Sis Kimberly I'm glad you are going to your rads appt, it couldn't hurt to hear what she has to say. Glad you are feeling better too. I know what you mean about taste buds, I still can't drink coffee. I was such a coffee junkie.

Tina I hope your expander appt goes well Good luck. I will be thinking about you.

Maz I'm glad you are doing much better. Take care

SISKimberly · May 2008

Good evening Jewels,

Didn’t do much at all today. It was great. I did meet a friend at Starbucks, nothing I got had any taste-sigh, but it was good to see her. Then, I went to the grocery store.
It is amazing that just showering, getting dressed, and then doing a couple of errands can wipe you out.

Whoohoo, LJ13. Only one more to go!!!!
Sorry about the whole swelling issue, but like you said, only one more to get through, and then your poor body can start healing itself from all of the toxins.

Loved your apple smashing story.

D1- Oh, poor Frankenboob. Blisters on the nipple under your compression garment - ouch!!! I don't know that I'd even want my dh let alone myself to rub anything on it if I were you. Sounds painful.

I got your cards in the mail today, so I’ll get the Secret Pals out in the mail tomorrow to those participating in this round of Secret Pals. Anyone who hasn’t joined in and wants to, can send their info and be included in the next round in Sept.

Maz- Isn’t it great to be able to say, the last fog? WhooHoo!!!

I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time with missing Val. Grief certainly does have its own time schedule, and it’s usually long winded and drawn out as time puts space between the rawness of the feelings you’re having now and those loving memories that await to comfort you when you’re ready. It’s only been a week since the funeral. It is so normal that you’re still crying. Be patient with yourself. And feeling lost after your last chemo...normal, too. ((((HUGS))))

Patty- Wow, you’ve got a lot going on right now. No wonder you had a melt down. One can only take so much before it has to release. Too bad you weren't in the apple aisle. You wouldn't have had to clean up the mess. Pay for the apples maybe, but no clean up. "Bald lady having a melt down on aisle 12. Clean up crew to aisle 12" Tongue out

I’m so glad you have such a good support system, a sense of humor when it counts, and that you’ve been able to be with your vettasis for some bonding time.

Take care of your neck. Maybe your dh could rub lotion on your neck, too, and give it a little massage to help loosen things up.

No worries about not being on the boards. You just take care of you and your sis. Let her know we are all thinking of her and sending out all our positive vibes for a quick and easy recovery.

SheShe- Chills, red face, and pink boob, eh? There's a song in there somewhere. Laughing Did the rads onc tell you that could be a side effect? Weird. Hope that doesn’t last the entire time you have to do rads.

See ya all in the morning.
SIS Kimberly

texrn · May 2008

I know all about the looks & stares from people, as I rarely wear any hats or scarves anymore. I'm keeping my hair clipped pretty short until it all fills in, so I look like I've just joined the military. I've actually had 2 patients at work tell me that they"love" how I wear my hair "..but what made you decide to cut it so short?" I think they probably knew what the answer was, & that was just their way of satisfying their curiousity in a roundabout way. I really don't mind the questions or the personal stories that follow. Once you get used to going 'without', it feels kind of liberating.

I'm counting down the days until my implant surgery - next Tuesday! The last big hurdle...

It seems that one by one we are all making it through the tunnel; from one hurdle to the next - from chemo, to rads, to recon..My thoughts and prayers are with all of those who are having a tougher time than others, those who have suffered losses of people dear to them, those with debilitating se's, infections, charred boob's, etc.

But we're surviving!...definitely a reason to celebrate!

Therese

JulieK_11_30_07 · May 2008

Hi Jewels --- well, I'm pooped tonight after a loooong day at school. I left home about 8:30 and didn't get home until almost 6:00 tonight. Still not sure if I "won" any of my fight today -- waiting for the final word from the supt. It definitely didn't go my way - very frustrating. I ended up running to Kohls after school - I had a gift card from my department from Christmas that I still hadn't used! Love those discoveries!

PALady - can't believe you're almost done with rads! Awesome!!

Vettegal - sorry you're having a hard time with rads. I'll be thinking of Denise on Monday. Hope all goes well.

Carol -- I like the suggestions you got from D1, Kathy, and Kimberly on the tattoo! Make him work for it and completely understand his decision. Tongue out Hope your fog stays light!

Maz - sorry you're having a hard time - you take what time you need to mourn your dear friend. Big WOOOOHOOOO on the last tx though!!

LJ - sorry you had to do your tx by yourself. LOL on the apple story -- I can only imagine what a mess that caused! You're probably still finding pieces of apple! Hope your se's are light, dear.

SheShe - hope you get warm soon!! Have you tried a heated blanket?? I used to be cold alllll the time (till my forced menopause 2 years ago!!) and I had one of those heated wrap blankets that really helped get the chills out when I was cold. Hang in there!

Well, my dear ds (12) made me break down and cry yesterday after telling me after the track meet that all of his friends think I look 20 years older. I had my wig on --- he has real issues with me NOT wearing it -- then he starts ripping on the "style" of it and that he hopes I don't grow my hair like that, blah, blah, blah -- I got SOOO angry with him, then all of a sudden I feel these huge tears coming out of my eyes and I'm so upset, I can barely talk to him. I've always been an "overly" emotional person, but I usually take what my pre-teen says with a grain of salt and just ignore him. He quickly realized that I was upset and began apologizing profusely - telling me he was just kidding, etc.... I just hope he learned a lesson to keep his mouth shut if he doesn't have anything nice to say!!

Well, girls, I'm gonna sign off -- I'm pretty tired tonight. I'm very anxious about my ps appt tomorrow -- kind of excited, anxious. OH -- those of you who have or have had the expanders, what can I expect?? Are they painful? I'm hoping by tomorrow I know when my surgery will be.

Okay - really signing off now! Take care, Jewels!!

{{{{{HUGS}}}}} to all!

Julie

texrn · May 2008

Julie,

I had my expander surgery at the same time as my bilat. mastectomy - some people have more tightness & pain than others. My ps gave me Valium, as a muscle relaxer - I took it every night & it really helped. My ps put 120cc's in each one to start - they looked weird because they are wide-shaped - up until the 3rd fill or so, they looked to me like body-builder-man-boobs. After the last 2 fills they

started projecting more, & then about 6-8 weeks after my last fill

they really relaxed & filled out more. The pain & tightness lasted about 2-3 weeks for me. They definitely feel & look different than I imagine the 'real' implants do, but once I accepted that it was just temporary I was able to ignore them. It kind of feels like I have coconuts as boobs. I've always worn the camisoles w/ the built-in shelf - although I don't need any support, the built-in shelf gave me some 'shape' up there. I have been very fortunate b/c I have not had any trouble w/ them - I hope you're experience is the same.

Therese

golfer779 · May 2008

Wow, so much for waiting until tonight to read through the posts, I don't think I'll get thru shout outs tonight, pooping out as I type.

Kathy, thanks for taking the time to help me think through the whole tat thing for my ds. Between yourself D1, and Kimberly, I think I have a game plan. He needs to get through his regional skate meet next weekend before we move on to more discussion.

Kimberly, yep next week is going to be a doozy. Starting on Sunday, I'm going to the Seattle side of the water to walk a training walk with Ginny and the Kindred Spirit team. Believe it or not this will be the first time we have seen each other since 1989. It has been such a strange bond that we have engaged in just since our first phone call back in January. I can't wait to give her a great big hug and thank her for the unbelievable support she has shared with me.

The dh leaves for a business trip to Oakland on Sun and returns Tues night. I think he is going to stay home on Weds and accompany me to my txt. He hasn't gone since #1, I've been so lucky to have great friends and family that have helped out. He'll be taking off Fri morning as well to meet with the Rad doc with me. I think I'll go it alone to the gyn surgeon consult on Thurs. Just gave my boss alot of sick leave slips, I'm getting a bit nervous about my sick leave balance, I sure hope I don't end up dipping into my vacation time by the end of the year. I've got places to go and things to do!!!

Sheshe, your kind words to Steph I have passed on to him. He is getting a 3 day dose of chemo (I couldn't imagine). They will do another scan to see if there is any results from the txt. He is really being a real trooper, atleast on the outside.

Sorry to hear about your rads being uncomortable, thats not what we soon to be newbies want to hear. Hoping that it gets a little more tolerable as your visits progress.

Vettegal, sounds like your having a heck of a time as well with your rad positioning. As I recall you didn't have an easy time with your node dissection surgery and your mobility afterwards. Maybe D1's hint of trying to keep the fingers moving will help a bit.

Your meltdown seems more than warranted. We have all had our ups and downs, but you have definitely had a little more put on your plate with Vettesis's diagnosis. Please let her know that she too will get through this fight and the Jewels are standing by to help if we can.

Leave it to the Vetteguy to apply the lotion to your breast. Gotta love this guy!!!

D1, blistered boob huh? I think your dh could get some lessons from the Vetteguy!!!!

Maz, sounds like your feelings after your completion of txts is pretty normal. The added grief of losing a great friend has got to magnify your emotions right now. Hoping that time will help in your healing.

LJ, nice to hear that the nurses helped you through your solo flight. The picture in my mind of you cleaning up apple out of the nooks and crannys in your kitchen did have me lol, sorry at your expense.

Julie, your story of your ds comment tugged at my heart strings. I'm sure that he had no idea that he would upset mom the way he did intentionally. Although it was very tough on you, I believe he probably did learn a little something about hurting one's feelings.

Therese, ditto on your comment "we're surviving, definitely time to celebrate". I think alot of us are ready for the big party!!!

CathyC, I've been hitting the pavement walking, tonight I had to talk myself into getting out there, once I got started I went for an hour. We'll see what tomorrow brings, usually that 48 hour timeframe after infusion is not to great for me.

Well looks like tomorrow we can say TGIF, I don't see anyone hitting the lounge, so enjoy your day ladies, whether it be at a doc appt, work, shopping, or just kicking back, atleast it won't be at the "bar".

Night all,

Carol

RN2teach · May 2008

I had my rads simulation yesterday. I'm all marked up but no tattoos yet. My plan should be ready by Monday and the rads onco said I might be able to start by Tuesday or Wednesday. I have 6 areas marked for treatment.

Two of the nurses at the center were BC survivors (One for 8 years, the other for 5 years) One is a NP who I worked with when I first got out of nursing school 24 years ago. I'll see her once a week through my rads.

Deb1023- hey, girl! I'm sorry Taxotere is so rough on you. I've had my bad days with Taxol, but nothing compared to yours. I'm not sure why, but Taxol #3 was my worst. Taxol #4 was the same on symptoms (pain and fatigue, mainly), just not as intense.

Bad timing on the co-worker's departure. Don't pick up the slack at the expense of your health!

You know, I've never cried either... I'm glad you shared that. (((HUGS)))

D1- what a special experience w/ your dd! I'm so happy for both of you that you went for it! LOL at the bucket list comment-loved that movie.

Bummer that your rads was postponed by a day... wonder if they'd consider "doubling up" for a treatment to get you finished on time. My rads said I could potentially have 2 treatments in one day (at least 12 hours apart).

Carol- love the picture of you and Steph. AND the pic of you with ds-what a neat hat he has!

As for the tattoo... well, I know they're all the rage with teenagers, and the one your ds described was SOOOO sweet! (Gotta love a boy who wants to honor his mom in such a permanent way.) Neither of my kids have asked for one yet, so I'm not sure how I'll feel. Right now I'm leaning toward making them wait until adulthood for tattoos and piercings... The only arguments against them that I have are the risk of infection and that many teens regret their impulses to express their creativity through body art. So, ask yourself if ds will be responsible in caring for the tattoos while it heals, and is he mature enough that you think he won't later regret his decision? (It does sound like he's given it some thought and picked a discreet spot for the tattoo). I'd definitely be against one in a highly visible location. AND finding a reputable tattoo artist is cricital.

Tinalee- so, is your port out already, or soon to come out? I see my surgeon next Tuesday-guess I'll find out what to expect on mine then.

Kathy- I believe Avastin is only approved for clinical trials and late stage cancer. I'm glad to be early stage and I don't meet the requirements for the clinical trials that I've found online. Still researching my options for treatment and follow-up...

LJ- only one more to go! Glad everything went well today. LOL at the apple smashing-sounds like something I'd do.

Maz- I'm so glad you're finished. May your last fog be light and easy.

Patty- been thinking of you and Denise. I'm sorry you had a bad bald day. I've seen your balditude-you look great. Screw ‘em all-just keep that smile on your face.

Very good idea to have Vetteguy take care of the boob massage!! LOL

Sherry- hope Friday is a nice warm spring day in MI.

Kimberly- I think you're onto something with the apple smashing in the grocery store.

Julie- good luck on your appt. tomorrow with the ps. ((Hugs)) Sorry ds' comments hit you hard. It was a good life lesson for him to learn how much you can injure someone with your words. However, I'd like to sucker-punch whoever said you look 10 years older... I've seen your pics and I'm not seeing that!

Therese- are you working this weekend? Have a good one!

Whew! Took a while to catch up on 2 days' posts.

It is after midnight here, so technically Friday-TGIF!!!

Paula

sheshe48 · May 2008

Hi Jewels,

I think it was Tina that wanted to know what to do with the port scar and the surgeon said there was nothing you could do. My clients used to swear by this. You buy 400 LE of vitamin E gel tabs, any high dose will do. Poke a hole in the gel tab with a pin and put the gel on your scar. It is supposed to make the scars less and less. I hope this helps anyone wanting to get rid of their scars. Apply gel 2 times a day. I will have to catch up later today. I have to go and get ready for my 5th rads treatment.

D1 Sorry you had an unventful day at the cancer center. Hopefully Mon goes better. Sorry your Mothers Day plans might be messed up some. I hope not.

Sherry

deb102307 · May 2008

Hey Jewels,

Thanks to all of those with kind words and making me feel more "normal". I guess I was just freaking out. T#3 has been worse than #1 except my feet aren't so sore that I can't walk on them. I can say, I have never been so fatigued in my life and it is a whole different word than "tired". Thanks also for not making me feel weird for not crying. I also have never been a crier, but felt that maybe there was something wrong with not crying at one of the worst things in my life. And the nagging bone pain doesn't help. It just keeps eating away at me and then when I get some relief, I feel like I should be getting things done (laundry, dishes, etc).

I did take the rest of the week off so hopefully will be ok by Monday so can go to work and at least get a game plan going with my supervisor on what we can do to make the transition go easier. It looks like there is a hiring freeze on so no real hope for a replacement until July. Oh well, I keep telling myself, one more to go.

LJ13 - a special thanks for the story about the apple. It did make me laugh and not feel nearly so bad about the "eggs". Did you know that they are one slimy mess to clean up? I had the carton out to hard boil some and didn't realize that the carton was so close to the edge of the counter and as I was pulling eggs out of one side, it got unbalanced and, you guessed it, it crashed to the floor with about 4 eggs in it. Well, I had 2 in my hand, my mouth forming the words, Oh S**t! so I figured what was half a dozen and threw the other 2 on the floor too. Blessings for a very loving and patient dp as she was right there helping with the clean up. My hands don't work right, no strength (try opening 3 splenda packets vs 2) and I have determined I am a WEENIE! But I will get stronger and it is such a comfort knowing that everyone here is so supportive. The darkness is lifting some though from the weather today, you wouldn't know it. I am kinda enjoying the little bit of storming and thunder. I always liked sleeping when it was raining.

Thank-you....Thank-you....Thank-you!

SISKimberly · May 2008

Good Morning Jewels,
I’ve had a productive morning so far. I finally put all my clean clothes from weeks of sitting on the dryer away.

I’ve gone through the cupboards and tossed outdated medicines, foods, and spices. My new motto is, we are only two people. We don’t need to stockpile. I’m also very aware of what I buy now. No processed or prepackaged foods-except organic whole grain cereal and bread. My hubby used to own a restaurant, so he’s still into making BIG food…it will be an adjustment for him that is for sure.

I made salmon and broccolini last night for dinner. One salmon fillet and half the small bunch of broccolini was plenty of food for both of us. He really liked it. I wish I could have tasted it. It smelled good, but the flavor thing just isn’t working right. Oh well. Tonight is organic chicken and the rest of the broccolini. I’m liking that I am able to cook again and give my poor dh a break.

I got the Secret Pals in the mail, so be expecting those next week.

Therese- Whoohoo on the expander exchange. I can’t wait to do mine. Remind me how far out from chemo you are? I’m liking that you’re able to not wear a hat or anything, just a really short in the army now hair cut. I’m looking forward to that.

Julie- Oh, those pre-adolescents can be so all about me and what others think can’t they? I’m so sorry that his words hurt you so much. Not exactly the kind of uplifting thing you needed to hear after all you’ve been through. “I was just kidding,” doesn’t take the sting out of what is already out there.

Expanders are not comfortable, but they are doable. Your muscles will spasm like contractions as they stretch, but after each fill, that tightness doesn’t last more than a few days. They do not feel like the eventual implants, so be aware of that. The implants will feel much better. After all you’ve been through, this will be a piece of cake.

I love Therese’s image of coconuts on your chest. Yep, that’s exactly it.

I’ll keep my fingers crossed for your supt to see things your way.

Carol- I’m so proud of you for getting out there and walking even when you weren’t so gung ho. I need to get my butt moving now that I’m feeling a bit more energetic.

Man, even more going on next week than originally posted. How exciting to get to see your team and Ginny. Hope your tummy cooperates this weekend.

I’ll be going to my twinsis’ Cinco de Mayo party tomorrow night. Hope I can taste something like the guacamole. I know I won’t be drinking any alcohol at this point with my poor taste buds. Then on Sunday night, we have tickets to see Michael Buble. Should be fun.

Paula- You amaze me with your energy. It was after midnight when you posted, and I know you were up bright and early to get to work. I might actually be a bit jealous.

6 areas of focus. Is that a lot? How many will you have total? Good luck on this next phase.

Sherry- Good tip on the Vit. E for scars. Yeah, 5 down already.

Deb- You’re welcome. That is what sisters do!!!! We all have our own way to deal with this crappy stuff, and no one way is better than another.

Loved the eggs story. Heck, yeah, what’s another two after four have already splattered all over the floor.

Me too, on the no strength in my hands. My hand shakes when I squeeze toothpaste out onto my toothbrush. Open a bottle with a childproof cap, forget it. I’ll join you in the WEENIE club.

Enjoy the pitter-pat of rain drops as you nap today.

I’ll check in later Jewels,
SIS Kimberly

texrn · May 2008

Kimberly-

I am 9 weeks out from my last chemo. Try & be patient w/ the hair -

watching your hair grow is kind of like waiting for water to boil, or waiting for the phone to ring - it seems to never happen quick enough.

Thanks again for taking charge of the secret pal exchange!

Therese

Jan 2008--Ain't it Great?

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