lingerie, salespeople and honesty

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softshoe
softshoe Member Posts: 3
edited June 2014 in Life After Breast Cancer
lingerie, salespeople and honesty
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  • softshoe
    softshoe Member Posts: 3
    edited March 2008

    Hi,

    I need your guidance.

    I work in a luxury lingerie shop. One part of my job I love is connecting with women of all shapes and sizes, helping them find something that looks good and makes them feel attractive. Some are super-model thin and convinced of their imperfections while others are curvy and proud of it.

    Here's the dilemma, I have been stumped more than once by women who have had mastectomies or partial breast removal.

    I'm amazed by the honesty and openness. I get caught  up in awe from the courage and fortitude it takes to go from being diagnosed to standing in front of me saying one sentence that reveals seasons of stregnth.

    So here's my question: How do I respond?

    I can't ignore someone pulling down her top and showing me a stuffed bra. I can't just skip to introducing the lovely spring collection. But I can't make a big deal about it either. I'm not a friend, a spouse, a lover. I'm just a salesgirl.

    I feel so blessed to be included. I think, wow, this woman is comfortable enough with herself and her experience to share it...with me! That's pretty damn cool...for me and for her.  How did she get to be so amazing? How did I get to be so lucky?

    But then, there we are, me stumped and her thinking that all the bras in the world have room for two boobs and she only has one. So how can I help? If help is the idea?? Just not sure at all.

    Thank you in advance...

    softshoe (Sarah)

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  • florencedonna
    florencedonna Member Posts: 131
    edited March 2008

    Dear Sarah,

    Your heart is in the right place, you just need some knowledge and to get more comfortable.  There is a luxury lingerie store in Northampton, Massachusetts that also caters to helping women with post mastectomy needs.  www.the-gazebo.com, 413 584 6673.  Maybe they could give you some advice.  The owner, Judith Fine is very outgoing and into breast cancer issues.

    Are your customers looking for a sexy bra or for negligee?  For negligee, I would guess a style that is less dependent on cleavage.  You might also want to learn more about prostheses. 

    Many of your customers have gone through extensive treatment where lots of different people have touched their breasts and they may be happy to be alive and determined to live life fully.  So some will be rather confident about taking off their shirts but some will be very self conscious.

    Thank you for wanting to provide good customer service to us.

    Donna

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  • softshoe
    softshoe Member Posts: 3
    edited April 2008

    Thank you so much. It has taken me a while to make it back to see your reply, and I greatly appreciate it. I really do think women (we!) are beautiful in all our shapes and sizes. What a world we'd live in if we were all okay with how we look, eh?

    I hadn't considered the experience of having lots and lots of people examine, poke, touch, etc the breasts. I typically follow the cues of my clients and allow them to dictate the level of intimacy.

    I will explore your suggestions. I get the feeling that the women who I have helped thus far were also at the beginning of exploring what their options are...then again, as I type that, it doesn't seem right. But I'm so happy to even have a suggestion to offer, and I will absolutely pass along The Gazebo's information while I, in the mean time, further educate myself.

    Much appreciated and many thanks!

    Sarah

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  • roseg
    roseg Member Posts: 3,133
    edited April 2008

    I've had some successful experiences with lingere salesladies and what I appreciate most about them was their focus on helping me find something that made me look normal.

    If they thought I was gross or had an incompetent Plastic Surgeon they kept that to themselves.  Me looking good was their mission.  

    I say, familiarize yourself with what your store offers to help women. Know your brands and how they'll fit.  I for one like a bra that comes up higher on the sides as I have a dent there. I also discovered that those old fashioned bras with seaming can be good as the seaming gives shape to a prosthesis that might need some help. 

    If you act like you've seen it all before and focus on fitting your client I predict you're sales will soar! 

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  • Binney4
    Binney4 Member Posts: 8,609
    edited April 2008

    I agree that you could learn a lot by familiarizing yourself with breast prostheses. It will also help if you can tell your customers where they can go to get a prosthesis pocket sewn into their bra. Nordstroms will do that for a reasonable fee, and a call to any local mastectomy bountiques will also get you that information about other local resources. You might browse the two boards here called "Breast Reconstruction" and "Breast Prostheses and Alternatives to Reconstruction" and see what women's concerns are in this area.

    One of the women here has started a web site for those who have had mastectomy with no reconstruction, or whose reconstruction has failed. You'll find a load of resources there: www.breastfree.org

    Okay, I personally have a side-effect of cancer treatment called lymphedema, and it has really had a negative impact on the quality of my life. So I can't leave this out: all of us who have been treated for breast cancer are at risk for developing lymphedema, a swelling of the arm, breast, chest or side from damage to our lymph systems. The risk is for the rest of our lives. To reduce our risk, there are ways we can be gentle to our lymph system, one of which is to avoid squishing the remaining lymph vessels in our chest area, which are very near the skin. So what you need to know is that after breast cancer treatment, underwires and narrow straps that cut into the skin at the shoulders are a risk for lymphedema, so they're best avoided. Many women will not know that, or they won't want to deal with those restrictions, but now you know, at least, and can help guide your customers to safer alternatives.

    Hope that helps. I too appreciate your sensitivity and concern. That alone is one of the neatest resources you can bring to the situation. Thanks!

    Binney 

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  • snowyday
    snowyday Member Posts: 1,478
    edited April 2008

    Binney thank you for the advice above about the bra, I will go and get one that doesn't have narrow straps or underwire, it's one of my greatest fears is Lymphedema this advice is primo.

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  • Diana_B
    Diana_B Member Posts: 287
    edited April 2008

    Hi Sarah,



    It's really lovely reading your comments and seeing your sensitivity.



    I remember right after my mastectomy I had to go bra shopping because my custom prosthesis was being made to fit into an underwire bra. One really pushy saleswoman kept insisting on trying to come into my change room in order to make sure I was wearing the right bra size, and I got really upset. She wasn't interested at all in taking my cues.



    I agree with everything that's been said, and would add that I imagine you're already doing a wonderful job and that each situation is different. I think you just need to take a deep breath and be there as the thoughtful person you clearly are, going moment by moment.



    It might be helpful to read a bunch of entries and threads on here, just to acclimatize yourself to the whole breast cancer thing. I think the more you are exposed to breast cancer stuff the more you're able to relax around women who have/had it. (For example, you could read the "no reconstruction" section where we talk about fittings and bathing suits and stuff like that so you can get a sense of the issues, and "breastfree.org" as Binney suggested.)



    I remember crying in shops a few times in the months after my mastectomy. Just having to tell someone that I only had one breast was hard and made me feel so vulnerable. One salesgirl started crying too and told me her mother had had bc, and so there we were sobbing and hugging each other in the store! I'll never forget that.



    So there's no one right way to be. We have our roles but then we're all just human beings living in the world. Kindness, gentleness and sensitivity mean so much and it's clear you got them all.



    Oh - on a practical note I just remembered that I like it when the salesperson tells me that a lot of women with mastectomies etc. come in. Let them know they're not the first, that it's not that big a deal too you, and they'll be instantly more relaxed!



    Sincerely and best of luck,

    Darya



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  • otter
    otter Member Posts: 6,099
    edited April 2008

    Sarah, I think it's important for a salesperson in your situation to know what works, and what doesn't work, for women who have had a mastectomy (with or without reconstruction). Unfortunately, and to confuse matters further, what works for one woman might be totally inappropriate or unacceptable to another; and that's where your expertise and listening ability will come in.

    I am small-breasted, and because of the shape of my breast(s), I have always had trouble finding a bra that fits well and is comfortable.  That problem has become worse since my left mastectomy/sentinel node removal this past February. I don't know if a salesperson has anything to say about this, but I get infuriated every time I walk through the lingerie section of a clothing store these days.  About 90% (maybe more) of the bras I see are underwire bras, and I cannot wear those.  (See Binney's post for the reasons.)  I also cannot wear anything with narrow, tight straps or a narrow band.

    I've had saleswomen suggest that I just "pull the straps up tighter" or "wear a smaller bra size" or "tighten the band", to make my remaining breast squeeze into an inappropriately shaped bra cup.  Those solutions might have worked before (probably not), but they won't work now for those of us with residual tissue under our arms, or with a lifetime risk of lymphedema.

    So the best advice is to educate yourself about breast cancer, mastectomies, axillary lymph node removal, lymphedema, and the self-consciousness some women face when having to be "fitted" for a bra when they only have one breast.

    Actually, there is a very good thread going on right now in the "Prostheses and alternatives to reconstruction" topic on these boards.  (I think that's what it's called). The thread is about what a good post-mastectomy fitting is like. There are posts there about good and bad fittings, for prostheses and for bras.  Even if you don't ordinarily handle lingerie specifically for mastectomy patients, you might find something useful in that thread.

    Thanks for asking!

    otter 

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