I'm having a hard time with this

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited February 2008

    Shirlann .....  what a wonderful thing you did for Carmela.  I would hope when my time comes (later, much much, I hope) that my daughter or friends would just sit by me, hold me, talk, whisper, read to me.

    I did that with my grandmother and it was so hard but we knew we would miss each other and it really felt natural to hold each other and for me to stroke her hair. She was only 73 when she died and not "old" at all ... just tired from the cancer.  

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  • Gitane
    Gitane Member Posts: 1,885
    edited April 2008

    Patty,

    I have needed this thread. Reading it has been very good for me. During my rounds of chemo Dad died after a very long battle with alzheimer's. Then Mom was diagnosed with alzheimer's, too. It has been so hard. I have had the same feelings, not wanting to face what I know awaits her, not wanting to be with my mom because the pain of witnessing is difficult. I love Mom so much, and I know I will regret it if I don't spend every minute I can with her and help her as much as possible. Yet, I have been on the roller coaster for 10 years with dad, 3 years with bc so far, and now Mom. Everybody faces losses, I know this. I have a lot of guilt and shame over not doing more. Reading the feelings others have and how they are able to do, want to do, what needs to be done, and live with the emotions, it helps me. It also helps me to be more aware of the impact my own diagnosis is having on my husband and daughter. Patty, I hope you are able to find the strength you need to help your Mom and yourself. My thoughts are with you and the others on this thread.

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited April 2008
    Please try this
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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited April 2008
    take a look at this!
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  • fransavin
    fransavin Member Posts: 25
    edited May 2008

    I am sorry that you are having a rough time- my father died of bladder cancer 3 years ago- it was tough- he was diagnose in May and died in August- He died the week after he turned 89 years old. Up till the week before he died- he was able to out- visiting his family, eating out and entertaining in his apartment. My brother and I had 24 hour nurses to help out-then called hospice 4 days before he died to visit him at home- we are Jewish and we don't believe in autopsies unless it is necessary. THe hospice team alerted the police to let them know my father is dying soon from bladder cancer and the family requested that we did not want any life saving measures taken- we had to sign a consent form. He died peacefully on a Saturday morning alone because that is what he requested-the family said their goodbyes on Thursday and Friday-My granddaughter who was 7 at the time requested that she would like to talk to grandpa Manny before he died- she didn't want her mom or dad with her when she had her talk with grandpa-she was his last visitor- she spent over a half hour talking about U of M football team, what she did the last several days and how excited she was about soccer- the nurse checked on him after she left and he had a big smile on his face so we knew that he was aware of her presence

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  • pdaly
    pdaly Member Posts: 28
    edited October 2008

    Gitane,

    My dear Mom passed away in August 2007.  I had a difficult time coming back to these boards for the first year.  My sister was diagnosed just a few weeks after our Mom passed away.  The first year was difficult.  The first anniversary, even more difficult.  However, it seems to have been some kind of turning point.  My sisters and I still cry sometimes when we recall a memory, but it's mostly okay.  I'm surprised to write it's actually a little better.  Life is just different somehow now.  There's "life before" and "life after" Mom passed. 

     My sister is now cancer free.  I hope all is okay with you and everyone else on this board.  If I ever had doubts that we're here to learn some kind of lessons, I don't now.  I have found the old saying is true, what doesn't kill you definitely makes you stronger.

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