what do you think?

I do understand what the writer was trying to convey in her message.  I found it hard to have my sister believe this disease can kill me, and she sure didn't want to hear about it.  But it made me do up a living will and a regular will.  That way I didn't feel like I've put to much onto one or two people.  I felt her answer was trite and she sure says the same word over and over. And I wondered why she didn't recommend a will. This is the first time I've read this womens' coloum so I will now have to read some more. As for latching on to one person who will listen, thats alot for one person to deal with. What did you think?

I didn't see her answer as helpful at all.  Who's really going to browbeat someone with the "I'm going to die, you will too" thing just to get them to deal with your needs?

A support group is a good idea - find people who understand.  Also good to take care of some things yourself - wills, living wills, funeral arangements (actually did that with DH and my sister - still haven't conquered the will.)  If there comes a time when her prognosis turns for the worse, people will be more realistic.

I saw that today and feel the column missed a point the writer was making: no one was listening to her.

Yes, she should have been directed to wills, etc, but my feeling was that she needed to express herself to someone who would care and validate her concerns.

The writer wanted it to be a caring family/friend, but that's not always possible, sometimes you do better with a professional who can offer guidance and less in the way of emotions.  I agree it's too much to ask of close family to be unemotional.  Others might be turned off if a family member was NOT emotional.

Because when my mom died years ago and the docs wouldn't listen to requests to quit doing treatments and tests to her, my living will is very specific.  I list  what nourishment will be allowed, or not, fluids, pain meds, etc.  And NO artifical feeding of any kind: nasogastric tubes, gastric tubes, IV feedings, hyperalimintation, you name it.  My family has been made very aware of my wishes and has agreed to follow them.

My dh and I got all that stuff done.  It was a relief to know my kids don't have to make decisions.  I  made a list of my valuables and such, and wrote it all down as to whom I want it to go.  and a list of things I wanted each child to have. (the family grand father clock: they have to flip a coin and the best 2 out of 3 gets that one.  the other kid gets the wall clock.   LOL)

My mil had NO plans to even die, let alone make a list of who got what till she was up for a liver transplant and my dh, an only child, talked her in to stating her wishes.  She then did a great job of disposing her valuables in writing, to friends and family----but she listed nothing special AT ALL to her only child.  I have always felt that was terrible! 

My daughter will discuss this sometimes,but my son will have nothing to do with these discussions.  That's all fine, we have it taken care of for them.

My greatest loss with my diagnosis was my innocence of dying.  I have had to look my mortality in the eye and have determined that I will die someday.  Even at my advanced age of 59 when diagnosed, I'd never really thought of my mortality.

It's a huge loss, that innocence.  I don't think anyone who has not been given a diagnosis that can kill you understands that loss.