Jan 2008--Ain't it Great?

Happy Sunday night Jewels!  The day of sun in DE has perked me up some.  God, I can't wait for spring here!  Had a nice day... my dad and stepmom visited from PA.  Dad looks really good after his surgery last month.  They will be heading to Chicago next month to see my new niece (their third grandchild).  My stepmom joined me and one of dd's friend's moms at the purse party.  dd and her friend had a playdate while we were gone.  Designed a really cool spring-y purse.  Can't wait 'til it comes in.  Was nice to get out and do some girl bonding for the afternoon. 

Sending sunshine to those of you who need it.  I think the dull, gray winter weather does not help much with the chemo-blahs we've all been experiencing.  We need spring and some warm sun!

PALady: I think after reading your post (and the ones before us) about the improvement with Claritin, I may try it this time.  I haven't had it too bad, but am so worried about #3 that I don't think Claritin will hurt.  It's on my list for the onc's Tuesday pre-chemo day.

Maz:  Glad you've been doing well.  I see we're scheduled for the same day again this week.  Will be thinking of you while infusing!

D1:  Thanks for the pep talk.  I needed it.  Now back atcha... you're on the homestretch, girlfriend.  You can do this!  Get that game face on and focus on the light at the end of the tunnel.

Did you have cording in your arm?  My pt had told me that soemtimes when the cording improves after stretching it can suddenly snap (audibly!), when it starts to let up.  Maybe that's what you heard. My numbness and pain improved after some massage once my cording let up.  I'm trying to think positively for you... but agree that it needs to be checked out.

TexRN:  I, too, thought I'd be spending a lot of this time off for chemo reading.  I love to read, and have a huge stack of books I'd hoped to fly through.  But I've found I have zero concentration.  I've been mostly doing crosswords, Sudoku, and reading magazines b/c they all are things that are brief, or can be put down then returned to later without needing recall.  {sigh!}

Deb102307:  God, the chemo-brain is horrible.  I actually think I wrote to you about the Taxol now that you mentioned it.  So sorry for my flub!  At least it's still a milestone-- done with AC, halfway there to the end.    Pass your new dates on to me when you have them.

LJ:  Puffy eyes could be a taxane SE.  I'm on taxotere and had puffy eyes with both infusions so far (though #1's were worse than #2).  Fluid retention is a SE of taxanes and it can show up in the eyes, or extremities (ankles, hands, feet).  I am super-sensitive to benadryl also.  I asked them to only give me 25 mg of it instead of the 50mg for my reaction I had (I told them 50mg knocks me out for hours); they did, and it worked fine to stop the reaction.  Ask for a lower dose next time! 

Vettegal:  Can totally relate to your tub story.  There are definitely times you just wish you could go down the drain during this, huh?  Hang in there!  I know it seems like 3/27 is so far away, but it will be here soon.  My dd said to me... "focus on spring; it's almost here and then your hair can grow back like the grass and flowers, mommy."  We WILL get through this, even if we have to hang onto each other to do it.

Night, night Jewels...and sweet dreams to each of you!

golfer779-

No rads or ht for me - had a double mastectomy w/ reconstruction, plus I am  triple negative, so no more tx's for me in the near future.

I am so thrilled to be almost done but also a little nervous to be "out on my own".

Congratulations! on your son's skating medal - you must be so proud & you definitely are entitled to the bragging rights.

time to get my little one's ready for bed...

 Take care & a happy Monday to all.

Therese

Not much for shout outs today but wanted to check in.

Hope those recovering are coming out of the fog and for some, actually seeing the sun!

D1 - I did like you said and the pain went away (or at least was much more tolerable this time). 

Sorry to hear about the depression. Maybe it was the week for it cuz I told my onc that I was ready to quit and was kinda down too.  Course some of that is my partner's mom.  She is in the hospital and hospice comes.  It works out good cuz it is easier to get to the hospital since dp works there.

Add me to the avid reader group that can't seem to get my head around books anymore.  I keep trying.  I have developed a new love for magazines though.

LJ - Thanks for the hope that the Taxol txs will go better.  Sounds like less se's.  My last AC is this Friday and I will be so glad to see that go.  One question, is the infusion time shorter for the Taxol?

KathyL -  Last I knew, my Taxol dates would still be every 2 weeks so that would make Mar 14, Mar 28, Apr 11 and Apr 25.  I will let you know if ends up changing.

Well, better get to work.  Still trying to do half days.  Then I am going to get up to visit dp's mom since was unable to over the weekend.

Love you all and thanks for all the info that makes life a little easier.

Kimberly:  Welcome back girl!  Even just reading your post (so eloquent!), I can tell the fog is lifting for you.  Some of those chemo-brain cells are still working !  On another thread I read someone else mentioned how it seems like everyone else is in the world seems oblivious to what we go through... and it IS like our life is on hold- at a standstill- while everyone else's goes flying by.  I think that feeling like you described of coming out of the fog and realizing we've missed stuff is the same in a way.  And it's so hard to accept.  I feel at times I'm in my own little world, where honestly, no one but you girls here gets it or is even on the same page.  And you're also right that the tears gotta come out!

D1: OK, remember I am NOT an onc nurse at all.  The concept of cording I don't completely get.  I've tried googling it and haven't found much to help me.  But I had it at the beginning, right after my mastectomy for sure (confirmed by docs and PT).  My PT said it happens from the tendons "shortening" from surgery and "matting down", which happens from underuse of the arm.  It was painful and numb-feeling all at the same time-- hard to describe.  But my PT said after stretching and use of the arm, the cording would resolve, and it did.  I do remember her saying it also had to do with when lymph nodes are removed and the flow of lymph is hindered... the lymph channels do not flow like they should and that contributes to cording.  So, with your LE, I'd say it's really possible you have it.  And I absolutely remember being able to feel the "cord" starting at my armpit (VERY painful to touch) and ending somewhere in the bicep area; I think that's the actual tendon if I remember correctly.  And I also definitely remember her saying that as the cording "unmats" and resolves (for lack of a better way to describe it) you can sometimes hear an audible snap-- sounds like you did! I remember her telling me this b/c I thanked her for telling me, otherwise I'd be sure I screwed something up while stretching at home.  Don't know for sure if that's good news for you or not (it sounds like it could be), but I know my cording did resolve with PT over about 4 weeks, and got less painful along the way.  I can't even tell where the cord is/was now.

And yes, ds has continued on his peeing streak I am happy to say!

Just checking in for those of you who have not had treatment #4 yet,  I had mine on Thurs. and it was the easiest one by far. Normally  at this time I feel like crap but this time I feel almost normal, keep your heads up I see light at the end of the tunnel.

 Light of a clear blue morning

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=99-Uo5MO_xs&feature=related

Eagle when she flies

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7uWynkMaVno

did anyone have a panic attack before your first treatment?  I'm excited about starting treatment thursday, but I'm finding myself having a mild freak-out right now.  I just need to hear that's normal.

what did you do to get through the panic?  I'm having trouble breathing and I'm very weepy - totally not normal for me.  I usually get angry when I feel out of control. 

thanks...

vz mom 

I take ativan. I had some anyway because i need it to fly. I took some in the car on the way to the tx.  When I got there they offered me some.  i said I'd already had some but took another when the treatment actually began flowing. Tears came with the treatment but I was able to sit calmly. I had my dh with me. If you can have someone with you who understands and loves you.   Ask the Dr. about getting some  ativan when you go for the pre-treatment appointment.Tell them how you feel. It goes better for them too if you are relaxed.   It might be standard practice to offer it during treatment where I live but I'd check ahead of time just to be sure.  good luck

Judy 

Just a quickie ... I'm fading really fast...

Kris, loved your to the point last post, pretty much sums up this whole experience for all of us.  Go kick some bc butt tomorrow!

Kalen, I got a scrip for Lorazepam, it works well for me, I take .5mg before my txts.  As well, if I can't turn my mind off at bedtime it works great.  Come to think of it, didn't your onc give you a scrip to use it for nausea?  I don't know why you could not start taking a small dose to calm the nerves a bit.  Did you get your EMLA cream?  Call me if you need/would like to get together before txt, I'm available to yak it up!

Kimberly, so glad that your fog is lifting ... was getting a little worried that your body forgot who was wearing the S-cape!  Hang in there gal, sounds as if your going to be energized here real soon!

Night for now, Carol

Good Morning Jewels,

Well this week will be quite the test for my dh as after he goes with me for chemo on Wed. he will be taking both my ds's (17 & 19) to have their wisdom teeth removed on Thurs. while I go have my nasty shot then have to play nurse for all 3 of us for the weekend I think I may have to share some of my best meds with him to keep him calm. (lol)

Best wishes to all having chemotini's today.  Sounds like I will be going to the bar with a big crew tommorrow best wishes to one and all in attendance and hopefully the will be no chemotini hangovers for anyone!

D1, Congrats on your last tx thats great news hopefully you still be around in June when I celebrate my last tx.

Julie, Great pic glad to see you could enjoy your bday cake,  good thing you wern't holding it when you "slipped".

Therese, I understand about being nervous I am triple negative also after treatments you are one your own its strange to think all of a sudden there is nothing preventative you can take you just gotta pray you are cured.

Kimberly, Welcome back from the fog we all get lost in it from time to time, the important thing is you are out of it.

Dana, Best of luck on with your biopsy I'm praying its not cancerous.

Deb, Hope you dp's mom isn't suffering and she is comfortable.

Carol, Congats to ds on his medal sounds like you need a big old nap after this weekend!

Sorry if I missed any shout outs my eyes need a break.

Have a nice day all!

Good Morning Jewels-
Today, a little better than yesty. Still low energy, but not so ‘blah'. I have to rest up for the Billy Joel concert tonight...a Christmas gift prior to knowing chemo dates.

Kathy- I agree that unless you've been here, you can't truly understand. My friends and family say that my writing has given them just a glimpse of what it is we go through, and that they had no idea...all they know is you lose your hair, and you may be nauseous and vomiting. No wonder CathyCa's boss,it is CathyCa's boss right?, sounds so cavalier...her ‘friends' that went through chemo no problem didn't get into the nitty gritty with her...they put on their game faces. I'm so glad to have found all of you...and so are my friends and family. They often tell me how wonderful it is to have a group like ours.

I was so pleased to hear your dad is doing so well. He's already got travel plans...that's so great!!!!

Vettegal- Glad to hear you are feeling up to working, but with that kind of ‘supportive' boss, geeze!!!! Does he not understand you would have rather been at work feeling good than taking time off without pay and feel the way you did? Maybe he needs a little dose of chemotherapy to give him a little empathy.

Diana- I am so happy for you that infusion #4 was so easy on you. Let's hope that the se's don't kick in at all!!!!

Dana- I'm glad that you got that biopsy done this morning. The faster you get those results, the sooner your treatment can begin. Fingers and toes are crossed, positive vibes sent out to the universe, and I've even done the Hokey-Pokey for good measure.

Kris- I'll join you in that FUBC...and I assume that means you're having a moment or joining in the moment of others...either way...it's a great way to just let off some steam!!!!

Joan- Welcome back out of the fog. Only four more days until March...and then spring is right around the corner.

Glad you had a chance to visit your mom. Is she doing OK in her new environment? I know she was in a temporary place until the family could find something closer...did I miss that move?

Kalen- Oh sweetie, it is so totally normal to be excited to finally get on board the treatment train, but also anxiety-ridden about the unknowns...just go with your feelings, girl...let it out and talk about it. You are as ‘normal' as any one of us...and I'm sure we'd all agree there is nothing ‘normal' about us...we're special. We're slightly abnormal in fact because unlike too many in our world, we actually have connected with one another...no judgments, no strings, just come as you are...how rare is that? You're going to be fine...we're here for you.

Judy- I'm so glad my words were comforting to you. I didn't realize you were dealing with mets...or maybe you did say so in an earlier post and my chemo-brain just doesn't recall.
I certainly understand the concern it must cause you. The good news is what you're doing now with the chemo, and what ever else you and your oncologist will do afterwards,is killing breast cancer cells...even those that have taken up residence in places other than your breasts/or where they were. Tomorrow will be here before we know it...and we all will have made it through treatment. The journal is a great idea. It reminds you that it is only 8 days of feeling crappy before the fog lifts. Seems we have the same crappy weekends...next time, lets share a blankie and hibernate together!

About the hair. I understand wanting to hang onto any semblance of normal, and you've just finished tx #2. That's when I shaved even the buzz stubble...it literally started to hurt. Your hair isn't going to all fall out at the same time, which is why I believe most of us just shave it off...took control of when we would be totally bald. Your painful/itchy scalp is from chemo...think of your follicles as dancing as fast as they can trying to avoid the ‘hot coals' that burn their feet if they stay in once place. Some are just dancing faster than others, but eventually they'll succumb. I use Elta lotion...made for diabetic skin found in the pharmacy section of your grocery store or at a pharmacy. Very soothing and doesn't clog pours. Personally, I think you'll feel a lot better if your whole head looks the same instead of patchy...and your dh will feel like he's helping you out if you let him shave it all off. Besides, with the hats, scarves, and wigs out there...you can try the hair styles and colors you've always wanted to try.  Hang in there sweetie...((((HUGS))))

Paula- I am so glad my post inspired you to think about printing it. I did actually take that post and use it's content to write a poem yesterday. So...still coughing and/or not sleeping? Man, that cold is just hanging on...or is it a strain of the flu that the flu shot didn't cover? Personally, I don't do flu shots and haven't been sick with a cold or flu in years. Even now, I am so knocking on wood right now, I have not been sick with anything more than chemo se's.

Carol- Maybe that's the problem...I took off the cape after flying home from the chemotini lounge...can't drink and drive you know. You ‘sound' beat...an up early long weekend at the rink and then up for work at 5am. No wonder you're worn out. Hope you got a good night's sleep.

I'm so glad you're close enough to Kalen to just call and hang out.

Wendy- LOL about sharing the meds with the dh. He's going to have one heck of a weekend caring for all three of his girls. I could loan him my SuperGirl cape.

Therese- Well said!!!! Did I know you were a nurse? ICU...wow!

The Jewels certainly do have its fair share of teachers and nurses don't we?

I told you I'd keep up now that I'm out of the fog. Have a great day ladies.

SIS Kimberly

HI Jewels!  Lots of posts to read today.  I had my appointment this AM for labs and check-up pre-chemo.  Labs are all good, so Neu-nasty did it's thing.  I'm "slightly anemic" per my onc, but not bad enough to do anything about other than watch.  Yay!  Round 3, here I come!  And, yes, I'll be holding your hands D1 and Maz!  D1: can you just pull my through, so I'm done tomorrow?  hahaha! Also good news that he said I'm doing really well despite my exciting adventures so far.  The eye twitching is not really a n-pathy... he called it "excitable muscles" and said it will stop eventually.  I'll take it... And he said the pain from neu-nasty should be about the same, but gave me the go-ahead to try Claritin (he'd not heard about that, but said he saw no reason not to try it.  I'll report back on how it helped or not for me).  He also said the fatigue is "somewhat cumulative" with each round, but not a major jump each time.  So, I'm reassured by all of you, and by him-- got MY gameface on now!

Judy: sorry you're "blue Jewel" and hope you turn around like you did last time.  I do think now that you said it, I remember you saying you had mets.  I think someone else here has them too, but that I can't remember.  I do not know your er/pr, her2 status-- what is your onc's plan after your AC is done?  There's so much positive stuff out there for stage 4 girls these days.  Stay strong!

Vettgeal: Exactly!  You could've been gone the whole time (like me!), but you are trying to work.  Your boss should suck it up, quit b*itching, and apologize to you!  I like Paula's diarrhea curse...

Diana63: congrats on finishing round #4.  Is that your last one?  And do you have anything else to do now (rads?).  Nice to hear #4 may give some of us a break.  Listened to your songs and made me think... I wonder what I'd look like with Dolly-sized boobs?!?  Hahaha!

Dana:  Good luck tomorrow.  Thinking of you and sending good vibes to you with everyone else's.  Who's going with you tomorrow?

Joteach:  glad to hear you're coming around.

Kalen:  I was sooo nervous before my first round.  I had some tears just walking into the cancer center's chemo room that first time.  It's so normal, like everyone has already said to you.  I agree... maybe some Ativan, or Xanax would help?  Better living through chemistry, honey!

TexRN:  Thanks for another good perspective on the "blues".  What type of ICU nurse are you?  I was NICU (neonatal, surgical; so all the "train wreck" cases) for 6 years before I was an NP.  Talk about sad stuff and resilience!  It taught me a lot about life and death, too.  And how wrong it is to see a baby die.  But it was my favorite job so far and I do miss it. 

D1:  Sooo happy for you that tomorrow's the end of chemo!  Do a little dance on the way out afterwards.  And I'm glad to hear my little chemo-brain did remember some facts accurately for you.  I know you are "determined" to get that LE and cording under control (hee hee), and I know you'll do your best.

Hello Jewels -

Well, I guess I spoke too soon when I said my se's had improved. I had a pretty good day Sunday, but was down again yesterday and don't feel too great today. I'm on day 13 after #3 and am starting to get really down. I have three more tx left and just can't stand the thought of another one already next week! I've also been fighting another migraine since yesterday and it doesn't help any that I can't quit crying. Uuuuuuggggghhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!

Since losing about a week and a half with my last tx, it has taken me about 10 freakin' hours to catch up on all of the posts!!!! I love, though, that we are such an active group. There's no way I can comment on everything, but I'll do what I can!

D1 - I hope your pt can help with your le problem. That had to be so scary when you heard a snap! I'd go with Kathy's take on it and think positive!! Stay strong, girl - you can take this on and make it through it. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow as you go for your LAST chemo!!!!! Yipppppeeeee!!!!! Oh - and an idea for your license plate - can you do something like FUBC08 for the year you kicked its' butt?

Carol - YAY for your son!!! That is so awesome that he got a medal! I'm sure it was a very proud moment for you and dh. Those sports can be soooo expensive and time-consuming - it's nice when you get to see some rewards from it.

Paula - I am so sorry you've had to deal with your coughing for so stinkin' long! I feel so bad for you. I hope you get a good night's rest soon and that coughing finally goes away for good.

Kimberly - sorry your last tx had you in the fog - you're obviously coming out of it and it's great to read your eloquent posts again! Your words are so encouraging and you can always nail it right on the head! I SO think you and Kathy need to collaborate on a book!!!

Vettegal - the big D on top of everything else?? That is SO not fair!! I

actually had it with round #1 and my onc prescribed 2 mg Imodium. The directions are a little different than the usual - you take 2 capsules when it starts, then 1 every 2 hours while awake and 2 every 4 hours at night until no D for 12 hours. It worked VERY fast for me and I didn't have to deal with that se for too long. I would definitely ask your onc about it before your next round. You don't need to have to deal with that too. And, by the way, your boss is an A*S!!! He needs to be bitch-slapped!

Dana - You have been in my prayers every day. I am praying for good results from your biopsy.

Kalen - WELCOME!! I was in my fog when you joined us. You have found a GREAT bunch of women to help you through this journey. That is SO cool that you and Carol are close enough you can meet! It is definitely "normal" to be feeling what you're feeling before tx #1. Keep yourself busy this week so you can keep your mind off of it!

Wendy - Welcome to you too! Ditto what I said to Kalen - the Jewels are the best! Wow - I feel for your dh this weekend!!! He definitely may need some meds to take care of three sick women - or at least some good whiskey! Good luck to him and to you tomorrow - belly up to the bar with that head held high, girl!

Maz - You're up tomorrow too -- go kick some BC a*s!!

Okay - I need to get myself some chicken noodle soup - and I think my post is long enough for now. For those of you fighting cold, flu, se's, etc..... take care of yourselves!! You're all in my thoughts and prayers.

Thank you, Jewels, for being here - you have no idea how much it helps me get through each day just knowing that I have you there for me. Love and hugs to all!!!!

Julie

Julie:  You just can't get a SE break, can you?  So unfair.  Is it the migraines and crying, or are you barfing again?

Deb:  My condolences to you and dp on your loss.  I hope she went peacefully.  I LOVE the bracelet idea.  Definitely not too mushy.  I have a firend who's mother helps design jewelry (kinda like the purse party idea, but jewelry).  Now, I doubt it's diamonds and saphirres, girls.  But I can ask about bracelets (or get some more info) if enough are interested in something nice... or we can all just hold out for the "real deal".  She also does earrings and necklaces, maybe pins too.