Anyone starting Chemo in August 07?

nash · February 2008

Hi, girls. Just checking in for a second. Thank you as always for the kind words.

I am exhausted mentally and physically, so I will just keep this short. I just wanted to saw to Kimmie that when I read your update about the stem cell transplant, my heart leapt with joy for you in the midst of all my grief. I am so elated to hear the words "possible cure" for you.

Hugs to all.

kimmie39 · February 2008

Kay I have missed you girl. You keep me laughing. Thank You any info you get will be read, reread, over read, under read, read thru, read around , well you get the point. Sorry to make yall worry, its just taking a bit of time to adjust.

Nash where ever you are on your journey, warm hugs.

Everyone else HI! Yea Im feeling pretty darn good. I wish I could spread it around share it with you all!

Talk again later

Kim

Va

lilith · February 2008

Hello Nash. I am so, so sorry. It must be a terrible blow, for you and your whole family... I am at loss with words. I truly hope for you some serenity back in your life, and some rest and relax so you can better cope with pain. I don't think that the hurt of loosing a parent ever goes away, but at this moment it must be terrible. Sending you hugs...

Kim - terrific about the possible cure. It is a good way to look at it! some tough times, but maybe being healthy again!!!!

Hugs to all. Lil.

kimmie39 · February 2008

Thanks LIL!

Im keeping my fingers crossed Smile .

KIm

yellowtownhouse · February 2008

I'm sorry I haven't posted for a while ladies. We have been out of town since Friday and I came home exhausted. Hell, I was exhausted before I left. Will post more later on that.

Nash....I couldn't possibly say anything that all of the others haven't already expressed. I just want you to know that I care and have you and yours in my heart and prayers. The memory and love of your sweet mother will comfort your heart all through your life.

June

wackyjackie · February 2008

Hi to all.

I miss you ladies. I realize everyone is busy and going through a lot, but I just wanted to say hello and send good thoughts to all of you. I get a little lonely when no one posts. LOL. Have a great week.

Love and hugs, Jackie

kimmie39 · February 2008

Hey Jackie,

I know how you feel, its like everyone feel in a black hole.

HHHEEEEELLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! LOL Laughing

nash · February 2008

OK, you guys made me laugh, which is a good thing. Smile

I am in some sort of a stupor--I'm numb, and don't know up from down. I spent the day calling up strangers to tell them my mother was dead, and therefore they should discontinue phone service, take the social security payment back, etc., etc. All business, all very matter of fact. It's emotionally exhausting keeping it together while talking to the people I have to talk to.

I told you guys about our family friend from the cancer center with the little kids who was on hospice, too? Well, he died nine hours after my mom. How weird is that? His funeral is Friday, and right now I'm more freaked out for that family than for mine. It's worse to lose a spouse than a parent, and it's worse to lose a parent while you are little.

OK, so I chimed in for a downer post. Sorry! But I know you guys understand.

I'm so glad you're feeling better on the new chemo, Kimmie!

How are you feeling, Jackie?

Hope you're doing OK, June. Am eager to hear an update.

I finished rads today--so that was good!

DGHoff · February 2008

Hi Everybody,

I'm still here too! Just haven't had anything interesting to post. Just doing the rads every day and watching my eyebrows slowly come back. I'm on #18 of 28, so only 10 rads to go. So far so good on the skin.

Nash, Congratulations on finishing rads. Another hurdle crossed! I'm guessing you probably don't feel much like celebrating though. I've been thinking about you so much over the last few days. I just can't imagine how hard it is to lose both your mom and your friend so close together. I hope that the completion of rads marks brighter days ahead for you and your family.

June, how is rads going for you?

DeAnn

Harley44 · February 2008

Nash,

So very sorry to hear of your Mom's passing! {HUGS}

I am glad that she went peacefully.

Harley

nash · February 2008

Thanks, Harley. <<<<<<<<hugs>>>>>>>>>

I was thinking about you and your cruise--have you been on it yet or is it still coming up?

Harley44 · February 2008

Nash,

Yes, I returned from my cruise Monday evening, around dinner time. But, today is the first that I have really had a chance to read and catch up on the boards. I was so sad to read about your Mom.

It was great fun! We really needed to get away, after this past year that we have had. It would be nice if all of us could go on a cruise, and meet each other. I think it would be a lot of fun!

Harley

wackyjackie · February 2008

Hello Ladies,

Nice to see some action!!!

Nash, you have been in my thoughts every day. Congrats on finishing rads, even though I'm sure your mind is in a million other places. Doing all that "dirty" work is surreal, isn't it? I'm sorry about your friend passing also. This is just a rough time for you no matter what. I pray all the time for your strength.

Kimmie...hellooo. I've missed you. Hope you're feeling okay. How is it going?

DeAnn... I'm glad your skin is holding up to rads okay. Mine did really well also. Hang in there. Before you know it you will be plucking your eyebrows again. LOL

Harley...I'm glad you enjoyed your cruise. I'm leaving for one on March 2nd. Just me and my hubby. My daughter turned 21 and I'm leaving her in charge of my 13 1/2 son. Oh boy. I'm nervous but my hubby is psyched. He finally got a permanent job starting March 10 and wants a little vacation. I see you on the bottle of tamox thread. I haven't posted much there but I read all the time.

Kaye??? I miss you. xoxoxoxo (LOL) June, Lilith...hope you all are well.

Hugs, Jackie

katoMato · February 2008

Hiya Goils, (This is Kaye from her corner of the dark hole)

Jackie, I'm so glad you posted.... Thanks for the wake up. I get busy, and think ok -later. And later never comes. Then DH says - you better check your board, there is a flurry going on.

There's nothing much happening over here worth reporting either. Work. Cook. Sleep. Repeat.

Nash, I remember the day I had to do that stuff - I just got mechanical and got it done, but at the end of the day I looked up at dh and said how sick I was of telling people ALL DAY LONG that my mother was dead. It's brutal. In retrospect, maybe it was kinda good for me in a closure kinda way. I just really hated it. As a side note, the only thing I just CAN NOT DO anymore is shop for mother's day cards. I used to shop for cards for all the mothers - Dh's, my step-mom and my mom. I just can't do it now. I forget, and tell him I'll pick some up, and start to and get two cards into it, and NOPE. NOT DOING THIS. Not NOW, not EVER. It's pretty bad. Birthday cards aren't a problem, but Mother's Day is out. Period. I don't even like THINKING about it.

Hey DeAnn - 10 to go - that's great. And the skin is holding up - even better. Are you using anything?

June - Who told you you could just leave town without running it through the Vacation Committee? And just where the heck did you go, anyway? Don't tell me it was a cruise. I don't want to hear it. I want to go on one. (Waaaah!)

They wouldn't let me on a cruise. Because now I look like a hedgehog.

(My son informed me of that yesterday, and I had to agree with him.)

Yep. No hedgehogs allowed. Them's the rules. So get off the gang plank, lady, and make way for the REAL passengers.

Ok, Jackie. Where is YOUR cruise to?

(grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.)

lilith · February 2008

If that is any consolation, I am quite in the hedgehog look myself... half-an-inch of growth, and plenty of loveliness to come. Please note that this is NOT a complaint, rather I am boasting... I even enjoyed having to shave legs and the rest. I am only wearing a wig at work - otherwise I am with my short haircut... last week, a guy told my boyfriend "how would he let me cut my hair shorter than his own, he would have never let his own wife" )))

Harley, cruises can be lots of fun. Not quite my cup of tea, but lots of rest and relaxation and entertainement and good food to be had! just what one need when tired after a tough year.

On my side I am still coming to term with being back at work. many things have changed in my area, and I feel that some of the decisions taken are not quite right, I am really having trouble in fitting back in it. At the very least, I am feeling left out... pfff. I am debating if it is a subjective or an objective feeling: is it really like that, or does it feel like that because of my absence? my guess is a mixture of both. To be honest, it feels a bit too much to deal with in a year, cancer, job issues, deciding on moving, etc etc. It isn't really the active part that weight on me, but rather the fact of having to wait for a decision until all factors are in, until I have all information I need, and it will take still until the fall for that...

Sorry to unload a bit. Well, you are welcome to skip the post...

wackyjackie · February 2008

Kaye,

It's great to hear from you. You ALWAYS bring a smile to my face. And it's just not true....I hope hedgehogs are allowed on the ship because I definitely am one(is that even in the english language?). Another Mom at my son's basketball game last night told me she loved my haircut. Can you imagine????? I just said thanks. I just don't care anymore. It is what it is.

Just a funny story to make you girls laugh. After seeing Robin Roberts on GMA go bald on the runway I decided I was done with my wig. I told my husband I was going to the mall "commando". Stupid me, I did not know that meant no underwear!!!! He could not stop laughing. So, anyway...I'm a free woman now. LOL.

On a more serious note, Kaye, I feel the same exact way about Mother's Day. I just look at one card and can cry instantly. I try to do things on that day that aren't even related to being a mother. Last year I went to an air show at an army base. My kids were so annoyed!!

I'm flying to Miami, Fla. and cruising to Cozumel and the Grand Cayman Islands. I couldn't care if I was cruising in a little pond, I'm just happy to get away and be alone with my husband. I wish all you guys could tag along.

Lilith, I hope things get better at work for you. That's more stress than you need right now. My thoughts are with you.

Ladies, have a great day and please keep on posting.

Love and hugs, Jackie

nash · February 2008

Harley, I'm glad the cruise was nice. It would be fun for us all to go on a cruise together. I agree with Jackie--a pond would do (although your cruise sounds fabulous!!). Actually, I don't even need to get on a boat--anywhere we could just hang about and eat would do just fine!

Kaye, I think hedgehogs are darling. And I'm pretty sure they're allowed to travel.

Speaking of get-togethers, do you east coast girls know about Pinkstock? One of the bc.org girls in NY hosts a big campout on her property in August for bc gals. I'd go if it wasn't so far and if I didn't have an aversion to sleeping in tents. It does sound fun, though.

Lilith--I'm sorry work is weird right now. You're right--things will settle out, but in the meantime it's a lot of heavy stuff to have to deal with.

And DeAnn--glad things are status quo, including the eyebrow growth.

Hugs to all.

nash · February 2008

And, yes, Mother's Day is going to be a tough one. Father's Day isn't that great, either. Both my DH and I are "orphans" now. Ugh.

chemomom · February 2008

Hi everyone. I have been MIA for a while. Nash-- I am sorry to have heard your news so late. I feel like I let you down by not being here sooner. I am glad your mom's suffering is over. I hope you can take some comfort in knowing that when it counted most, you were really there for her. i don't think a mother could have asked for a daughter to take better care of her than you did for your mom. She was clearly very loved. I wish there was something wonderful to say that would help you feel better. But I can't even imagine losing my mother and I can't think of anything that can help take your pain away except time and warm memories. I am sending hugs your way. Wish there was more I could do. Angie

chemomom · February 2008

I was going to go over and post on the Rads thread. But I just don't have the gumption. (that's an old-time word, isn't it!). I have been going to rads in the am and then going to work. ANd trying to work extra late at night to make up for the hour I miss everyday. That hasn't been leaving muich time with the dh or my kids. I am mad at myself for putting work so high on the priority list. And I am really feeling tired a lot. On top of everything, my skin has taken a beating with the rads. i started burning after 7 tx's. I finished my 28 regulars and now I have just started 9 boosts. Of course, since my burn is so terribly bad-- bleeding, oozing, soaking (nice, eh?), etc-- that I have to have 2 days off and go back on Mon. I am mad because I feel so let down by the rad onc's office. I kept telling the tech that I thought the burn was getting worse, and I kept being told to either put the Aquaphor cream on or just let it dry out. Impossible. The ooze from the burn was soaking thru my clothes in minutes and my skin was just coming off in yucky clumps. I was in tears again last night. No one was listening to me! There is always something. Today I asked to see the rad onc and get some serious answers. Since he is only there certain days, I saw some odd-ball internist that covers in the office. She said to use silvadine cream and come back on Monday. Luckily, I had my herceptin infusion today and saw my regular Onc. She and everyone there was pretty aghast at how bad my burn was. While I got my infusion, they actually sent in a nurse that was familiar with dressing burns and she hooked me up with some special dressings.

I feel so let down by the rad office. I really think if they had listened to me, it wouldn't have gotten so bad. And I was making myself heard, but at some point, i felt like I just had to accept their "expertise." So much for that. Thank goodness for the angels at my regular onc's and infusion center.

So, that's my story. That's where I've been. I cause so much trouble in this whole cancer-world. Oh... and I have this pain in my lower right ribs. First it just felt weird after my mast. Then it kinda started aching. Now it really hurts and gets really sore. of course, in my mind I have already given myself bone mets. Please lord, no!! But my onc said we'd "keep an eye on it." Do you ever wonder if they get just as spooked as we do? Like do you think they were immediately thinking, "please don't let this girl have bone mets?" I wonder. So anyway, I am hoping once rads is finally over (like 6 or 7 more boosts. I think), hopefully then my body won't be under assault and I can really assess if something really is still not right.

Wow!! Long post. If you read this whole thing... thanks for doing it. I have missed you all. I need to get a better balance of my priorities-- and you girls need to move up the list (the list should go: kids, dh, the rest of the fam, and my bc.org fam here on this thread!!). Much love and good wishes... Ang

nash · February 2008

Thank you for the condolences, Angie. <<<<<<<<<hugs>>>>>>>>>>> And oh my gosh, you totally have not let me down in any way!!!!

I am SO SORRY to hear of your rad burns. That is outrageous that the rad staff didn't address your burns sooner. They should have had you see the rad onc immediately when you were telling them things were getting worse.

Were you being seen by a rad onc on a weekly basis? I had to see mine every week, and I don't know if that's standard everywhere or if I was just fortunate to have a good office.

And you're right, once your body settles down, you can assess your rib pain better. I'd bet it's related to your surgery--perhaps some nerves are regenerating from the mast, and that's why the pain is increasing?

You need to hop on a cruise with us! Or at least we need to go out drinking. Laughing

kimmie39 · February 2008

WOW

Hi everyone! I've TOTALLY enjoyed catching up on you all.

ANGIE- You poor gal! Im along way from rads.but I remember what it was like in 1995 and you have every right to feel the way you do. Id be interested in knowing what a patient has to do to be heard. I also remember feeling like a piece of meat, not a human patient. And in the 11 yrs since I NEVER went to any followups in the rads office. I followed up with all the other areas of my treatment but just couldnt bring myself to go back once I was finished. As for work goes I dont know how you do it all. I know I dont have it in me to work thru this.

Keep stomping and causing trouble to get what you need!

As for all of you cruisers - (Im with Kay!Waaaah!!!) The closest Im going to get to a cruise is watching the cruise ships sail out from the Galveston port. Which BTW I really enjoy. So Im living vicariously thru you all.haha:)

Nash - Its really great to hear from you gal. You are in my thoughts daily and sorry to hear about your friend. Seems like sooooooo much I hope your O.K.

So for all you Hedgehogs I wish we had a Pic!!! How cute could that be!!! Personally Id take hedgehog over Uncle Fester anyday.

Jackie - Free-bird it girl! I go bald often. I hate wigs and Its sooooomuch more comfortable. But sometimes a bit cold.

DeAnn - Im so glad to hear your doing good with the rads.

Hope I havent missed anyone.

Im going back to Texas on Monday for treatment and To see Doc. C.

And my DH is putting together my treadmill so can try to get some walking in, I'm so envious of those who work and exercise and go thru treatment how do they do it all? It makes me feel like a wimp sometimes.

Anyway Im doing great and Its great hearing from you all!

Kim

Harley44 · February 2008

Nash,

I know what you mean about "now I am an orphan". My dad died when I was 16, I think. I was 28 when my Mom died, but that didn't make it any easier. Hugs to you! I am keeping you in my thoughts & prayers!

Everyone, cruises are wonderful! I am very good at doing nothing! Just lying by the pool, and having someone bring me drinks... yeah, I could do that every day! and Kay, if YOU look like a hedgehog, then so do I! I have VERY SHORT hair, and did I mention that it is TOTALLY GRAY?!!!

Harley

nash · February 2008

Harley, I'm so sorry about your parents. Frown <<<<<hugs>>>>>>

Kim--I'm so happy that you sound so good! How long will you be at MDA this time? I'm impressed with the treadmill thing!

As far as the hair goes, I'm thinking about dying mine some sort of funky color to go with the funky shortness. I've never dyed my hair in my life, but now might actually be a good time to try something completely new.

Harley44 · February 2008

Nash,

Funny, how we go through bc tx, and then we try new things. I had to laugh today, as I went to see my "tattooist", for a patch test, to see if my skin will accept the pigment and the woman who did the test was very nice. She will be tattooing the aureola... I know... TMI!

Anyway, I was laughing, because I told her that I had been worried that I would wind up in a tattoo parlor, in Myrtle Beach, having these things tattoo'd on!! Funny, because I would NEVER have considered getting a tattoo before bc... they just aren't me!

Harley

katoMato · February 2008

oooooh! Ok, Nashie. You pick the color and I'll join you. (Please Lord, don't let her pick Green. Hedgehogs look TERRIBLE in Green.)

I'm still trying to figure out what to do with the kinks. (cut them off?) I really did think I looked like an elderly black woman (until the hedgehog moved in.)

Angie - Clarification from the west coast. YOU are not causing trouble in this cancer-world. You are IN this cancer-world that BY DEFINITION is trouble. You are riding the wave (doing a great job, by the way) and trouble is swirling around your feet. (a little southern California surfing imagery) GOT THAT? So you keep doing what you're doing. It's OUTRAGEOUS that they didn't take care of you at your rad place. Like Nash, I saw my rad onc weekly, and always felt like the techs were coming to work just for me - they were THAT good - considerate, respectful, knowledgeable. The good news is that it's almost over... I was fortunate in that I had 3 days off in a row around the holidays and everyone commented how perfect the timing was for me. My skin was just starting to need the break.

I'm sorry to hear about your pain in the rib...it's such a drag, everytime something happens our first thought is METS - EEEK! I know, I do it myself. I've found that after rads (or maybe it's because of surgery) I'm really "stiff" under my arm and breast. I don't know if it will ever loosen up. I think it's just collateral damage from one of the two, and I hope that's what yours will turn out to be also.

Jackie - I didn't know that meant no underwear - what a RIOT. You BE FREE, GIRL. Just don't get arrested.

Gotta go - LOST is on tv and, well, i'm addicted.

More later.

DGHoff · February 2008

Wow! Action aplenty here tonight! So good to hear from all of you!

Kaye - don't tell me what happened on Lost! I am totally addicted, but haven't had a chance to watch it yet. I recorded it since we had friends over tonight, and I thought it would probably be kind of rude for me to excuse myself to go watch TV!

Angie - Whoa, sounds like you really got a raw deal on the rads. I would bet that the rib pain comes from surgery and from everything that you've had to endure over the past few months. You jumped right into chemo right after surgery and right into rads after chemo. You really didn't get much break, and it is no surprise that your body might be protesting a little bit.

I notice a lot of you got boosts.What is the purpose of that? I'm not getting them, but just curious what the boost is for.

Lillith, I know how the work thing can seem a bit weird. Even though I've been there almost every day during treatment, I've had to be in and out so many times for various appointments, surgeries, infusions, etc, that I miss out on a lot of conversations and feel a little out of the loop. And I'm the manager of a department! It's weird when your staff knows more about stuff than you do!

Harley! Welcome back from your cruise! and Jackie, have fun on yours! I could go for lounging by a pool with a fruity rum drink in my hand! Seeing as how I live in the icebox of the nation, I'm afraid I've got many months to go before such an event could transpire around here!

Kaye, I look like a hedgehog too! Especially if I've been wearing a stocking cap all day (which I sort of have to because of the whole "icebox of the nation" thing). Mostly I'm kind of an albino hedgehog due to the white hair, which I can't quite get used to. If it doesn't start to turn back to my old hair color, I think I've going to have to start coloring it. I'm not ready to look my age, gol darn it! Green is not my color either. That would just make me look like a leprechaun.

Hugs all around,

DeAnn

wackyjackie · February 2008

I just got home from a girls night out with my friends. It was fun. I'm wide awake so I thought I would check in with my bc friends. I am laughing so hard. Kaye, my daughter always tells me I look like an old black woman. My hair is totally gray. My daughter is begging me to color it. I hope we all don't decide on green. I would like pink better.

Angie, I'm sorry to hear about your radiation experience. Like Kaye and Nash, I saw my rad onc every week. I hope your burns get better very quickly.

Good night girls....I'm sleepy. (Plus I drank a decent amount of wine)

Hugs, Jackie

nash · February 2008

Hey, chickies.

DeAnn--re: rad boosts--I had a boost to the tumor bed (since I had a lumpectomy) and a chest wall boost b/c the tumor was in the muscle. Just extra insurance, basically. Some girls get axillary boosts, too, I think.

Hey, Jackie--sounds like you had fun! Glad you got a fun night out!

I went w/o my hat for the first time today (first to a client, then to my friend's funeral, of all places). The overwhelming consenses was that I have a hard core punk look going on right now, which if you know me in person, is pretty hilarious. But people said they like it. Now if I could learn to like it... Undecided

So, Kaye and Jackie, since green is out, I'm thinking of going some sort of funky red or a streaked blonde color (seriously). Wouldn't that be kind of fun? Except that I'm a "winter", so maybe it would create some sort of weird pallor in my face. Decisions, decisions. Will let you know when I find a suitable palette for us. Pink would be kind of cool!

nash · February 2008

Harley--had to laugh about the tat thing! I'd be the same way--"what's a nice girl like me doing in a tatoo parlor, having my boobs done, no less?!" Sealed

Anyone starting Chemo in August 07?

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