please help

Hi gals, I had to jump in, I miss you all so much.  Walt had the doppler of his carotid arteries, and they were clear, we go in on Thursday to see what has happened to his CT scan of the head.  Looking for strokes or tumor.  He is a diabetic, so that makes sense.

Ohhhh Sue, they have a vaccine for shingles, dang it, but usually don't give it until you are 60 years old.  But I think they need to give it to all chemo people.  Idiots.  You didn't need that. 

I miss all of you, Ulla, Sue, Lisa, Melody, Poppy, all my girls.

Hugs, and kisses, I will let you all know when we find out why Walt is falling over.

Love, Shirlann

Thanks for your sweet, supportive words, Jane.  You are such a blessing to us all.  I always feel better after you've given me a pep talk! 

Love you!

Karen

Shirlann - so good to hear from you. I am keeping you and Walt in my prayers and hoping that the CT scan shows nothing serious.

Hugs,

Jane. xxx 

Melody, I hope your palpitations go soon. It must be very unpleasant. Sometimes stress is there and we are too busy to acknowledge it. Are you having much stress at work? ((((()))))

Hi to all my other beautiful sisters. I hope you are all ok. I am off to have a lymph massage. Not sure if I need it this time because my scar and arm pit really seem to have settled down the last couple of weeks. Still, it's wonderfully relaxing and I want to ask my physio if she thinks I am ready for a little scar-tidy-up surgery.

Love,

Jane xxx 

Oh Sue, I hate it that we live so far apart.  I wish I could just come over and sit with you, hold your hand, and let you vent your anger and frustration over bootface.  You can't give in to it though, Sue!  Think of your boys.  They'd be devastated!  That's what gets me through.  I've been feeling pretty gloomy this past week too--but I keep reminding myself how much my kids need me.  They both have good dads who love them very much, but no one can replace me.  Not that I'm supermom or anything.  I've made plenty of mistakes.  But no one loves them the way I do and no one could care for them the way I do.  I have to FIGHT this damn stupid disease with everything in me (which isn't much these days--I'm pretty depleted). 

You are a strong, courageous woman Sue!  One of the strongest I've ever met.  You've come this far--don't you dare give up now!!!!  I know it's hard.  I feel like I've aged 20 years in the past six months.  It WILL get better though.  Just keep reminding yourself that you're one of the lucky ones.  You found it early.  Your lymph nodes were clear.  And you're fighting it very aggressively.  You're going to be just FINE!!!

Can your dad come over to be with you??  Is your s/o there?  I don't want you to be alone if you're feeling suicidal.  Do you have Lucy's number?  Maybe it would help to call her and talk.  I hate this feeling of helplessness. 

Hang in there Sue.  Remember how much we all love you. 

Love and hugs,

Karen

Hi Ladies!!  I am back from the doctors!  I just got my computer service back up! I have pages to read and catch up, but I wanted to post and say hello.  I missed all of you so very much!! I thought about all of you everyday!  You ladies are the best. Karen, I got the books. Thanks so much!! I look forward to the reads. I will be on here for as long as I am able to sit upright..haha. I will try to go back and catch up. THE ONE THING I HAVE TO KNOW...IS HOW KAREN IS?? WHAT DID U FIND OUT ABOUT YOUR SCAN??  I COULD NOT STOP WONDERING. XOXO LISA

I HAVE ALLOT TO READ....BUT I ALSO HAVE ALLOT OF TIME! I HAVE TO SAY AGAIN..SISTERS...I LOVE YOU ALL!! I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW MUCH I MISSED BEING ON HERE AND TALKING WITH YOU. GETTING THE BOOKS FROM KAREN, ALONG WITH HER SWEET NOTE...MADE ME FEEL SOO GOOD! I HAVE THE NOTE NEAR MY BED. SUE...I KNOW ALLOT IS HAPPENING WITH YOU, I READ SHINGLES, AND MORE CHEMO.  BUT WHAT I JUST READ, UPSETS ME.  YOU DO NOT WANT TO END ANYTHING.  KAREN IS RIGHT..YOUR BOYS NEED YOU!  YOU CAN DO THIS SUE..SWEETIE..WE ARE HERE..AND WE LOVE YOU!!

LISA!!!!!!  I'm so happy that you're back!  We've missed you sooooo much!  How are you feeling?  Are you very sore?  I'm so glad that you received the books.  I'm sure you'll enjoy them both.  I was worried when we didn't hear from you.  I thought that you were having a rough recovery.  It didn't even occur to me that your computer was down.  My scan came back clear!  My lungs are fine.  My radiology onc told me that my lungs sound a bit "airier" than most, but still well within normal.  I think my other doc is just very cautious.  I appreciate that about her.

Give us all the details when you're able to sit up long enough to write long posts.  How do you like your new "girl"?  Did you have anything done to the other to make it match the new one? 

Love and hugs,

Karen

Thank you, Ulla's husband, for posting.  We've been so worried about her. Give her our love and tell her that we miss her!  I'll let the ladies on our other thread know that she's fine.  They've been concerned about her too.

Take care! 

Karen

Sue, where are you sweetie?  Are you ok?  I worry about you so much when you talk like that.  Your dad is right--just take things one day at a time.  If it wasn't for the shingles, I'm sure the cmf wouldn't be this miserable for you.  Just concentrate on recovering from the shingles for now. 

Stay strong!!  We love you!

Hugs,

Karen

Oh Karen, I am so relieved!!! Yeah!! That is good news. I won't be sitting here much longer, it is a bit uncomfortable.  Two of my girlfriends are bringing a pizza over in about an hour for a visit. Ulla's hubby..how sweet of you to post for her.  Tell her Lisa said hello!!! Well, my new boob is fine.  They did reduce the size of my good one, and lifted it. The only thing is, is that the lifted one sits a little higher and firmer than the new one.  I saw the ps today, and they said, that he can do a little alteration when he does the nipple.  Not sure if that means where he places the nipple or what?? I know the lifted one, will drop a little on it's own.  But overall they look good.  They removed all 4 of my drains!! That was a huge relief!  I will go back next week for him to be sure no fluid buildup has occured.  The insiscion with the reconstructed one...after they took off the tape..was remarkable.  I could not believe how good it looked. Then they taped me back up again. I don't have much of an appetite.  My tummy is so tight..you could bounce a dime off of it..haha.  I have allot of nausea that comes and goes.  So i'ts hard to eat.  I am doing my best to eat all healthy food when I can.  Pizza tonight..not too healthy..but it is veggie! haha. I will get on tomorrow and post and give more details.  My hands even hurt..not sure why. It was so great having my niece in there with me, and through recovery. The operation started at 8:15am...and lasted 3 hrs and 15min.  I was in recovery for about 4 hrs. Talk to all of you tomorrow.  Possibly later tonight, if I am not too tired. Love you all!!!!!! xoxo Lisa

Sue, wrap that afghan around you and pretend we are ALL there giving you one BIG HUG!!!

Love ya,

AE 

Sweet dreams, Sue.  Remember--one day at a time.  You will get through this.  Imagine the big group hug that AE spoke of.  We may not be with you physically, but we're there in spirit every step of the way.

I just heard on the news that beer may have cancer-fighting properties.  Now there's something to celebrate!!  Honestly though, AE is right, you need to ask for a higher dose of antidepressant.  You shouldn't be suffering so much emotionally.  Promise you'll at least ask about it, okay??

Love you,

Karen

Sue,

We love you, we care about you, we don't want you to die.

We believe your pain, we believe how badly you hurt, we believe your sorrow.

We know you are hurting so much more than you can tell us.

Here is a UK number you can call to talk with someone about how you feel. I looked it up for you.

United Kingdom
08457 90 90 90

Here is a link I found too.

 http://www.befrienders.org/ It has a UK link too.

Also, here is something I read on that website.

Suicide is often a permanent solution to a temporary problem When we are depressed, we tend to see things through the very narrow perspective of the present moment. A week or a month later, things may look completely different Most people who once thought about killing themselves are now glad to be alive. They say they didn't want to end their lives - they just wanted to stop the pain.

Dear sweet Sue, I am in tears for you.  You poor girl.  You have so much on your plate, I am sure you are overwhelmed with pain and exhaustion.

Here is my shoulder to lean on, to cry on, to just BE with you.

I am sending you a private message.

Please talk to your doctor, your husband, your children. Let them help you through this.

Here is a big hug (((Sue))) I'm your sister across the ocean and I'm sending you love and prayers for some comfort.

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Dear Ulla's husband.  Thank you so much for the note to let us know how our friend Ulla is.  I can't wait for her to get her new laptop. I just love her lovely personality posting here with us.

Everyone else, hello to you all. I got another fill today and I'm in a lot of pain, but as the pain doctor said to my brother-in-law when treating him for chronic pain, "It's only pain" and you can deal with pain... It's true.  I'm taking meds and dealing with it.  It hurts but it won't kill me.

Hugs to all!