Starting Chemo in JAN 2007

Morning, Ta Ta's,

I'm resurfacing after three difficult days at work - extremely busy, had to work overtime every day, and the worst thing was that since they increased my pain meds temporarily last week, I have to fight to stay awake. I finally gave up yesterday and went back to the previous dose, as that constant ready-to-nod-off feeling is more miserable than the pain. Of course, then I realized that my knee, that I thought was ok, was really sore, and my two big toenails, which fell off during treatment, have grown back as ingrown toenails, and they hurt, too! I am going to see the rheumatologist today, maybe I'll get some helpful info. Overall, though, I'm doing well.

Before I comment on whatever else I need to comment on, I have a really fun story to tell. Last year, the day after my first chemo treatment, I got a lady ready for surgery who was just done with treatment and was in to have her port removed. She had about an inch of hair, if that, and was so cute - a bit younger than me. I talked quite a bit with her and her husband, and we really bonded. They told me that overall, the breast cancer experience had brought as many positives into their life as negatives. I never forgot them, and wondered so many times how she was. I never saw her again, though. Well, yesterday, I called a lady back for a preop interview who was having an expander put in and a breast lift on the other side, and it was her! She said she has been wondering about me all year, too, and we just had a big old reunion! We could hardly stop talking. Anyway, the funny thing is that she has not cut any of her hair off yet. Before surgery, she had slightly wavy hair, down to her waist. Today, she has shoulder length kinky curly hair that looks EXACTLY like mine!! And here I've been hoping every day that mine would straighten out again... I can now see the future, and it is CURLS. Guess I'll just get used to the idea.

Our wonderful gay next-door neighbor had a water leak in his house, so today he is loaning us his housekeeper. I was so thrilled - my dh is really a butt about that issue, and I've never had any cleaning help all through chemo and surgery, and before that through months of not being able to bear weight on my right leg at all, when I still did my own cleaning. He just doesn't want somebody else cleaning our house (of course, he doesn't exactly want to do much of that himself, either. He thinks vacuuming is all there is, and he does that.) Anyway, we had a fight about it last night, but I am taking Floyd up on his offer and I am enjoying it so much! She's a lovely woman, and I deserve this. I'm going to have to get help after my diep, someohow. Maybe the surgeon's office can help me convince him.

Robbin, as far as I know, if you're ER/PR+ and can't take Tamoxifen, your options are limited to Zoladex or Lupron or something to shut down your ovaries altogether, or surgical removal. You can't risk living with all that estrogen. Maybe you could try the Tamoxifen again and be sure that's what you were allergic to? You do need to discuss this with your oncologist - I'm sure he or she will have a plan for you. That's what they're for.

Cindy, hope you're not coming down with the flu. And I'm with you about not wanting to drop the chemobrain excuse yet. I still believe I have an active case of chemobrain. And if I need to play the fatigue card to get out of something gracefully, I am not above using that either.

Viddie, can't wait to hear about your weekend, and glad you're back. We missed you. How was Meri?

Mary, I'm imagining you lurking around spying on weddings, now, too, secret mini-cam concealed on your person somewhere, wearing beige so as to be unobtrusive. Good luck.

Tina, today's the day your DH interviews in DC, or is it tomorrow? I'll be sending positive energy his way, both days - can't hurt. Don't overdo it taking off the wallpaper - that is a brutal job. Our house had some wallpaper when we moved in, and now it needs to be removed, and I can hardly stand to think about it.

Joni, glad the Zoladex is underway, and the shot wasn't too bad. Hope your treatments start sooner rather than later, so you can get some relief. Did you get some pain meds, I hope?

Skye, loved the pic of DS2 and Grendel, both of whom are adorable. I hope you've got that biopsy scheduled by now. It will probably not be as bad as you imagine, and you do need to get on with things. So please call, if you haven't heard from them. Wish I could come hold your hand.

Melia, thinking of you and your dh - how are things going? Sending big hugs your way.

Nancy, how about you guys? Are you doing ok?

Rebecca, I can imagine why everyone was astounded at your recovery - you looked so gorgeous, and not at all like a cancer patient (as people imagine them to be). All eyes were probably on you as you danced and celebrated.

Well, I've got to go to my appointment, and you've all probably had enough of me anyway. But too bad, I'll be back later.

robbin hope you get your allergies worked out , I had an allergic reaction to my chemo last year the FEC and the onc put me on high dose steriods to calm the "hives" I was covered about a week after my treatment itched like heck , it worked , kept me hoppin for a few days as I had to take 5 a day . The price I had to pay I guess but it I made it . Do not know if it would apply to you or not .

Joni thinkin of you in the wild west and cold , trusting you get some relief with rads . We are watchin the weather here too , not so much the cold but the big bruising day storms we get when the snow dumps in and out in a day . Caya hold on to your hat  tomorrow !

Skye : I do not know if we get your show here but will keep tabs on the telly . Grendel is cute man and your ds looks about the same age as mine he is going to be 30 this year YIKES its making me feel old , but its great to see them grow up into nice fine young men !

I am still waiting for my genetic tests to come in sometime in March / April . No rush for me I will make a decision at that time .

Hey Lynne watchin the Superbowl this weekend ? ! Must say I will root for the Pats ! Good thing they are playing in Arizona and not up here eh !

Mel, you've been bizzzzzzzzy!  Go for that house cleaner.  You deserve it.  I have one come every two weeks.  I call that the DH's "turn".  I hate to say it, but he really does NADA around here.  Not exaggerating one bit.  I do it all, down to taking the trash in/out.  He's been better since my heart stuff, but...  This house is too damn big for me to deal with.  It's 3200 s.f. and a finished basement.  Next house is going to be a major downsize.  I am so over it.  All I do is pick toys/clothes/crap up and I can't ever get to the real cleaning.  Mary, my awesome cleaner, was here today and I feel like a million bucks.  I call her my "therapy".  Honestly, I feel so good after she's here. 

Viddie, my onc. didn't tell me about the ovary/heart link but he very much stressed the hip fracture stuff.  His area of research at OSU is side effects and he said he feels dealing w/a hip fracture when you're older is worse than breast cancer.  Found that hard to believe, but what do I know.  I totally respect this guy.  He is a brain.  A Harvard guy.  And Viddie, I hear you on learning so much from everyone here.  I wish to God I knew about DIEP before I got TRAM.  Although, from what I've heard from you all, it seems just as hard.  I know they say it's easier because they aren't cutting your "six pack muscle", but...  sounds eerily similar from all of you who have done it.

Skye, last night I saw Monsterquest on the scrolling TV Guide and got so excited...  until I realized it wasn't your episode.  Looking forward to 2/3.  Thanks for the reminder Amera.

Good girl, Sharon, rooting for the Pats!  Also, good advice to Robbin about asking if steroids will cure the rash.  That tamoxifen is so important for her.  Steroids seem to be a cureall for just about everything, but you're right...they keep you flying for a few days.  This last time I was on them after the heart stuff, I tolerated them much better than I did while on chemo.  Must be getting used to all the poison! 

Started my cardiac rehab today.  Basically, I just treadmilled and they kept upping the incline.  It was hard at the end but I now know my limits are much higher than I would have realized.  I was totally out of breath at the end.  They monitored my heart (EKG) the entire time and I reached my target zone, not a danger zone.  It's nice to know what I can/cannot do.  It was like having a personal trainer...they did the body fat caliper.  Still awaiting those results.  Today I was 132 and I'm 5'4".  Let's see if I shed any lbs. by the end...  we'll see.  Really, if I'm just more toned I'm happy.  I did learn today that exercise increases your ejection fraction.  Here I was thinking it'd kill me.

Re-read my post and realize I sound like a major b*tch about the DH.  In his favor, he's always been an excellent provider, given me anything I've wanted (luckily I'm a Target girl save the occasional pair of designer sunglasses) and I've been very fortunate to be able to stay home with my kids.

Oh Robbin that really stinks!  I also do not think that there are any other  treatments for Premenopausal women.  I have a feeling that your onc will probably want to try the Tamoxifen again, but after that, the alternatives become ovarian shutdown or removal so you can take an AI.  As far as the heavy period goes…when my cycles started up again, that first period was sooooooo heavy I thought I was going to die!  I actually called my GYN, and went in to the office to make sure that I was ok, it was so scary.  He actually gave me a medicine called Megace to slow the bleeding.  Hang in there and keep us posted.

Viddie, I think that it is so scary that today’s medical practitioners have such a narrow view of medicine.  In many cases I think they treat the disease, not the whole patient.  I think care would be much improved if there were a more holistic component.  We are indeed lucky to have this resource so we can provide the holistic component to each other!  Hoping that your MUGA comes up for you…..

Mel second that hallelujah on your new cleaning lady.  CONGRATS!!!!  I guess men are not always as dense as they like us to think they are.  Your DH is a loving man, and he deserves a BIG smooch!

Tina, I think it is so funny that your DH does not do anything…and the worst part is that men “like that” often do not even realize just how much work it really is to stay  home and take care of a house!  Mine has always been pretty sensitive, and he helps a bit (but not as much as he thinks he does), but it took me getting sick for him to really understand just how much I do on a “regular” day…and to call it “just staying home” is ridiculous!  I hear you on the walking around and picking up stuff….that is my LIFE!  Honestly, though I do not think the size of your house matters when it comes to that…my house is only about 1300 sq feet, and I still spend so much time picking stuff up off the floor and doing general tidy work that I very rarely have the time or energy left to truly clean things. We have a terrible infestation of dust bunnies, and I think we have an auxiliary toy box under the couch.  In fact, when Owen is a bit bored during the day I sometimes send him spelunking to see if he can find anything interesting under there.  The exploratory stage is usually good for at least 20 minutes of entertainment, followed by a happy hour or more playing with his booty (depending on what he finds down there)

Picture this:  Owen is changing into his PJs in the middle of the living room.  Clothing is flying through the air, and coating the floor in an even layer of dirty clothes.  He is very distracted during the whole process by Hannah Montana on the TV, so as a result when I finally get it through his fog that he must pick up his clothes, he picks everything up EXCEPT for his dirty underwear. 

EEEEWWWWWWW

So DH points it out to him and suggests that it might be a good idea to pick up his stinky, dirty underwear.  Owen proceeds to both deny owenership of the undergarments in question AND deny that they are dirty or stinky in any fashion whatsoever.  DH smiles sweetly and tells Owen that if they are not dirty, then he should not mind doing some pushups with the offending garment under his nose.  Owen runs SCREAMING from the room, followed by our laughter.  We thought the joke was over, but Owen disagreed, and he came running BACK into the room, laughing maniacally with his face almost totally obscured by the underwear that he had jammed on his head.  He ran right up to DH, dropped, and gave him 20.  LOL

Hey Skye!!! Where are you?

Jan and Joni I hope you guys are feeling well.  Thinking of you Melia…

Hugs to the rest of my beloved sisters!

Oy Rebecca I am ROTFL with your latest Owen story - I hope you are keeping track of all these gems so you can tell them at his Bar Mitzvah or wedding....

Tina glad you did so well at rehab- You will be fine, you will build up your stamina.

And yes Mel, glad the DH is warming up to Rosa - I also have a lady who has been coming to me for every 2 weeks for 10 years- I could not live without Florette.  People think when you work out of the house, you're not really doing much... yeah right tell me that when I have 400 pages worth of shipping documents to decipher and code into my computer system for the warehouse to distribute the shipments.  Even my bachelor brother has a lady come in once a month to clean his condo -

One more thing about the DH's and their lack of helping with the cleaning - my DH Allan does take the trash in and out, and helps with the pots and pans, but whenever he does something, he makes sure I know it - like he'll mention - "Oh I just did the dishes" or "I cleaned out the basement" or "I washed down the deck today" - Okay dear well I did the laundry (every week, not once every 6 months like washing the deck), I went grocery shopping, prepared dinner, cooked the dinner, put away the leftovers, loaded the dishwasher, baked 10 dozen cookies, cleaned our home office, etc.  Don't get me wrong, Allan does help out more than some, and he is a great hubby and father, but why do men not get it?  My house is 3700 sq. ft. also with a finished basement - we need it this big because we have the home office and one room in the basement where we keep the shoe samples and sample cases...

Well we have the blizzard of '08 here today - snow up to 30 cm., then freezing rain and ice pellets this afternoon, more snow later.  Luckily they forecast this to come on Friday all week so I did all my errands yesterday. Only problem is the DH is supposed to fly home from Vancouver tonight, arriving around midnight.  By then it may have passed by and they could clean up the runways, but this morning most flights are cancelled ... I'll keep checking the WestJet website, he may have to come home tomorrow.

Today is a "have a nice cup of tea and read the newspaper" kind of day.

Hi Ladies,

I have another page of posts to read but will write before I do that.

Joni, you are a big inspiration to me. If you can take a long needle in the stomach I can do one in the spine. IF it ever gets scheduled! As of Friday a.m. still no word.



Viddie I take 200 mg of CoQ-10. They sell tablets in that size and I think we need the bigger dose.



Caya, so nice you got your chore done. I spent all day, day before yesterday, computing my state sales tax for books sold. Yuggers! I wish I had time to chill but at least plan to take a few hours and go visit my mom and sis tomorrow.



Tina let us know what you do in cardiac rehab and good luck with that realtor.



I had a book signing in Madison last night and foolishly went,we had a big snow storm and I ended up driving home at 25 mph. It was dreadful! Luckily DS2 had gone with me so I wasn't alone. We made it home at 11 pm and Grendel had escaped the big fence we put on the door to his room. DH got home about 8:30 and found the scamp sitting by the door waiting for him. I never knew of another Lhasa who could do that.



Must go read the rest of the posts....-Skye

Oh good, I needed an "Owen story". You should compile those into a book, kinda like the old Judith Viorst essays about her boys.

I agree with all of you re household help. We are only two very neat people, but we have a cleaning lady every two weeks. We started that when our third child was born and have never given it up. But my husband grew up with his mom having help, so he was on board from the start. My mom never had help, but it was an easy adjustment for me to make!

Skye, please keep us posted re the biopsy.  I hope you don't have to go thru another weekend with uncertainty, though I do think it will be fine.

Crazy week for me ... issues with Social Security re my Dad, meeting with the patient liason about my husband's illness, laying out the options. None of them are good. We meet with his dr next week, will get scan results then. He may want to meet with a radiologist before deciding what he wants to do. So I think this may drag on for a month or so. I am grief stricken though. I would much rather go through it myself than watch my fit, marathon running, sweet guy deal with it. And he is very depressed, not handling it very well at all. The potential side effects are awful, esp since our insurance won't be offering the robotic method til April or May, and even then, he wouldn't want to be the guinea pig for doctors who are just learning the method.

Skye - that really sucks.  I can't see how they could deny the PET scan now.  And how are you feeling?

Tina - how did the haircut and colour turn out?  It sounds like you have way more hair than I do.  Try to post a picure if you can.

Melia - Yes it is really tough to see your man suffer like this. But it sounds like you two are really supportive of each other, along with the rest of your family.  You will all get through this, although I know how difficult it is to just be getting over one hurdle to start dealing with another one... My BC was diagnosed within 9 months of DH's aneurysm... life was just beginning to return to normal...

Rebecca, I needed an Owen story and didn't know it. That one was sooo funny. I wished I had someone to walk around and pick after me. I'm not that good at it and the hubby doesn't leave that much laying around.

Skye, sorry to hear that you are still on the Pet scan/Biopsy merry-go-round. I hope they will get down to actually doing a test on you to figure out what is going on with that bump. Glad you and your son made it home in the snow storm. What a little escape artist the Grendel is turning out to be.

Melia, I hope things get settled for you and your husband when you see the doc.

Tina, I hope the new hair do looks good.

Caya and everyone with snow, I hope you are staying warm inside somewhere.

Take care.

hey Mary - you're a wedding crasher - lol... have fun!

skye I find it disturbing in the extreme that you are kept out of the loop by your oncologist's office like that.  I think it is extremely irresponsible not to mention insensitive.  I am beyond horrified, and I am about ready to go marching in there are show them some Ta-Ta wrath. 

Do not get me started on INSURANCE COMPANIES

ok...now the rage is out....here is what I think you should do.  Call your insurance company yourself and get on the phone with someone in rapid resolution dept.  Explain the situation, and I bet they approve it.  I have had this happen to me, where something was denied again and again, and it was something very illogical that should clearly  have been covered had a rational person looked at the claim.  When the lady I spoke to on the phone looked at it, and listened to my explanation (along with my somewhat exagerated plea that if they did NOT cover it I would very likely go bankrupt from paying it myself) she immediately cleared it and it was paid. 

The long and the short of it is that it is very likely that there is some stupid DRONE sitting in a cubicle who is reading "the rules" and using these commandments to determine whether or not you deserve to have your scan.  You need to get a real person on the line and you need to share with then your physical pain and the fact that this thing can not be biopsied OR treated without some kind of diagnosis (which you can not have without either a biopsy or a PET!) and that you MUST have the PET so that you can figure out what to do next.  I would probably also hint legal action.

Hey there, unfortunately I didn't get to crash any wedding.  There was no one there at the church so apparently the calendar was wrong (most likely knowing our church) or they decided to not get married or get married elsewhere.  So I went there for nothing and the next wedding isn't until 4/26 if the calendar is right.  Luckily I have a lot of time before the wedding to figure out the flowers.  Time for a nap.  Have a great weekend and go Pats.

Hi all. I've had a rough weekend so far. I've been extremly tired. I tried drinking a lot more water today and that seemed to help. But still the fatigue is overwheming.

I have clients that are expecting to hear from me on Monday - I so dread that. 

I just noticed tonight that there's a rather hard area on the top/side of my new breast - I'm going to go look that up b/c I know I read something about it.

Skye - I wish I could scream at your insurance company for you. It makes me so very angry. Rebecca (as usual) put it into words already.

For all that are registered voters in the U.S. I'd strongly encourage you to research the candidate's positions on health care! 

I'm going to go lay on the couch some more.