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  • sueps
    sueps Member Posts: 2,266
    edited January 2008

    Hello Everyone xxx

    I hope you are all ok xx

    I am having a bad night. I am in so much pain all over. I know it is the timing of days and my body is dying ...everywhere hurts and burns and shakes...

    Well I just had a bath and am now lay on my bed with my laptop...I never lay on my bed like this...Zippy is lying next to me and we are both peacefully silently looking at each other....he always used to come to bed with me...until I met my o/h who doesnt like him on the bed...well tonight I have rebelled cos my life might be too short!!! and it brings me great happiness to have my best friend on my bed!!! There....I need to live like I used to ...

    Sorry dont know whats wrong with me ...my body and head are in different directions...but a new feeling came my way tonight..I felt peace with God....I am not angry at being ill ..... sometimes I dream of peace away from this mad mad world...

    I am losing my head tonight...of course I dont want to die....but my body does!!

    My muscles are shaking away ...

    Oh my ... I cant think xxx

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  • sueps
    sueps Member Posts: 2,266
    edited January 2008

    ...and of course I am angry...but not with God...who can I be angry with????  Its nobodys fault???? 

    I am still happy I am still ME ...bootface doesnt have my soul!!!

    YOU DONT HAVE MY SOUL BOOTFACE!!! DO YOU HEAR ME!!

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  • my3girls
    my3girls Member Posts: 3,766
    edited January 2008

    Sue,

    I know you so badly miss so much of "your old life" as you put it.  I can totaly understand and relate to that.  The aches and pains you are feeling are all chemo related.  We have all experienced those pains. Please realize that this is so normal with all of the damn poison they are pumping in us!  I am glad you are feeling at peace with God. I remember feeling so many roller coaster emotions when I was going through my tx's!  There were days, when I would be ok emotionally, and then days when I felt like...why live?? Or I would be angry and not want to talk with anyone, and then other days when I just wanted to lay in my bed and cry.  It is normal!!

    Enjoy your time in your bed...u deserve it..and yes you should have your best friend right there beside you!!

    I love you!!

    xoxo

    Lisa

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  • sueps
    sueps Member Posts: 2,266
    edited January 2008

    I am on the top of the mountain shouting at bootface again...we are having an argie bargie slanging match!!!

     ..... but I am excited at the thought of being better in June...and planning a new life....and meeting up...and doing things that I wouldnt normally do..... I JUST DONT WANT IT TO BE SNATCHED AWAY AGAIN...

    Life is too too too precious xxx

    Lisa.... I am glad you recharged your batteries...you work too hard and you have had such a busy Christmas ..... I love you too xxxx

    I am going to hop downstairs and make a cuppa...do you know I think I might use my bedroom in the evening as a haven....cos me and Zippy are soulmates....and anyway....downstairs is too noisy ...the TV girates on my nerves....I havent watched TV much since September.....I just cant concentrate.....and the clock over the TV....well my eyes drift to it...and whenever I see a clockface I am aware of ticking timebombs....and its the first thing I saw in the house after I was diagnosed....GOD I AM STRANGE...I am even thinking of buying a new car...cos the red one I have reminds me of the biopsy...but it's almost new....tell me I am strange....maybe I will buy a broom and travel on that xxx  Which reminds me I must wash the wig.... lol Yell

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  • honeygirl
    honeygirl Member Posts: 1,718
    edited January 2008

    BOOTFACE , WE ALL HATE YOU AND YOU MUST DIE!!!!!!!!!!!

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  • honeygirl
    honeygirl Member Posts: 1,718
    edited January 2008
    Hi SueSmile!
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  • honeygirl
    honeygirl Member Posts: 1,718
    edited January 2008

    Hi Lisa!

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  • sueps
    sueps Member Posts: 2,266
    edited January 2008

    Laughing  lol Mel ..... hahahaha Kiss

    Yes bootface ...do one !!!!

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  • my3girls
    my3girls Member Posts: 3,766
    edited January 2008

    Hi mel!!Laughing

    Sue, I used my bedroom as my haven!  I still do actually...it is a great place for my peace and quiet.  I had a difficult time concentrating on tv as well.  I just watched the HGTV channel, home and gardening make overs etc...that did not take too much concentration.

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  • sueps
    sueps Member Posts: 2,266
    edited January 2008
      I have had Zippy 11 years now....and I have been blessed .... xxx Well I will go and make my cup of tea....and think..... I will end up sitting in the kitchen holding my head in my hands for thinktime while the kettle boils.....thing is I cant think ...LOL....I also think I am choking up emotionally...I am like a grasshopper on speed...all over the place!!
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  • sueps
    sueps Member Posts: 2,266
    edited January 2008

    Awww Lisa.... peace and quiet is great isnt it....its good for our heads.... you are soooo like me xxx

    I am so happy I have you all xxx

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  • geebung
    geebung Member Posts: 1,851
    edited January 2008

    Hi Sue, Mel, Lisa and everyone else!

    Sorry you are aching all over Sue. Did I hear somewhere that a mustard bath helps soothe aches and pains? Yes, just googled it and it does - it is also good for people with colds so maybe you could have one too Lisa? Just a warning though, I know you have to be very careful with natural remedies when you are on chemo as natural substances can interfere with the effectiveness of the chemo drugs. But seeing as it's an external thing, you wouldn't think it would matter. Does anyone else know about this?

    I love to think of you curled up with dear Zippy, Sue. Pets can be so soothing with their beautiful eyes, fur etc and a cat's purr makes me feel so relaxed - love putting my ear to them and listening to it! Ooooh - I want a pet again! 

    Mel, still thinking of your sister and praying for her. The waiting for both of you really sucks.

    Ulla, you are often in my thoughts and I hope you are feeling not too bad after your treatment. 

    It's like the steaming jungles of Borneo here today and I can hardly move due to the humidity. I am fantasising about snow and ice!

    Well, my SO and I are going out to lunch with friends (they have lots of pets!) and I have much to do before we leave.

    Much love to you all, including those who haven't posted lately!

    gb 

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  • sueps
    sueps Member Posts: 2,266
    edited January 2008

    OH gb...hello xxxx...have a lovely lunch xxx I am so happy to see you before you go out xx

    Yes ...you are exactly right about putting an ear to a purring cat...my heart flutters with love...and Zippy LOVES me doing it....xx

    I am going to google mustard bath now too .... I have decided that if my pain on my rib is still there by Thursday I may go to the doc...I am getting very worried about it...I am hoping it is the chemo and the fact that I use my right side to throw a few hundred sandwiches in the toaster a day at work .... or that I have overdone lifting again...xxx

    Have a beautiful day gb xxx

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  • geebung
    geebung Member Posts: 1,851
    edited January 2008

    Sue, what a beautiful photo! Dear little cat - he looks so healthy and relaxed. My cat was so similar to him! I always seem to get black and white cats - something about their personalities that I can't resist. But I love any colour and breed and dogs too... and goats and horses and everything. They are all wonderful! Now I must control myself and try not to want a pet just yet - I will just have to cuddle other people's.

    Hugs,

    gb 

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  • geebung
    geebung Member Posts: 1,851
    edited January 2008

    Sue, I will pray that your sore rib/side goes away but you are right, it probably is the chemo and/or that fact that you work so hard. You are sensible to have it checked. Love you.

    gb 

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  • Ulla
    Ulla Member Posts: 840
    edited January 2008

    sue..

    i feel nothing now in my heart but pure love for u...

    i can feel ur pains...

    and i loved ur zippy ,,he looks so so friendly..am a cat person,,i used to have cats and dogs since i was 9 years old..

    i left my 3 cats in baghdad with my mother to take care of them for me,,she told me that she put them isolated as couples everytime so she got my (SEMBA $ SHAMSHOON married once ..semba gave us 3 kitties....) then my mom couldnt get enough of that she put (SEMBA AGAIN BUT NOW WITH SEZAR)made her give us another 4 kittens ,,,now the house is filled with kittens with my parents ,,,my mom ,,dad(who hate pets as hell,,,lol) and my 2 younger siters ...all our neighbours children r standing in que to have a kitten ,,,,how nice!!!!!

    my cats r persian ,,i love them so furry ,,long hair ..semba is a red and white ,,she is so so beautifull girl...shamshoon is another type mixed bet.american huge cats and the persian long haired cats,,he is a pure red boy,,and my favorate SEZAR the dark grey original persian man,,i adore him...he never accept to sit in any place ,,he always choose the highest place in the living room to sit on,,making himself as a real SEZAR,,,lol

    dearest sweetheart sue,,it is very good to sit in quitness during our pains ,,it helps to make them better..u can also try a warm shower or bath ,,it used to be so helpfull with me ...and again plz dont thing about the excersizes as something to inforce urself to do ,,wen i was thinking like that i couldnt make them,,i just worked on changing my way to think about them ,,,and tried to make it as a habbit to move my affected arm as much as i can (speciall wen waiting the kettle to boil or the coffee or or or ..i used to do that simple movement -walking both my hands along the wall..till i have it striaght upward...it is very simple and can be done anytime ,,and trust me i felt it more usefull than sitting and thinking again,,,)

    never wait to change anything makes u feel not good ,,if u dont like ur car anymore ,,go girl and have a new one that makes ufeel happier..

    if u want ur cat in ur bed mmhave it there as long as u want to no matter who like that and who doesnt....

    if u want to be in ur bed not doing anything ,,just do it...

    do watever u want to do ...

    dear all girls am sorry that i couldnt read the posts of all of u ..my eyes are tearing and so blurry in a very strange way..there is somesort of hurt burn pain in my stomach and i couldnt manage to get my pills for it as it is the weekend and the pharmacy will be closed till monday...

    love u sue

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  • Ulla
    Ulla Member Posts: 840
    edited January 2008

    dear sue..

    i just saw ur post saying that u have over worked and have some more liftings,,,this is wat happened with me exactly ,,plz be extra carefull in this side as u may develope lymphedema due to that lifting,,,u must take extra care not to press on the affected side ,,this is the pain coz for sure ,,no one here warned me about not to lift any thing more than 5-10 pounds ,,and not to do so much with it,,just gentele massage and excersizing which is very important to keep the lymph moving ,,,

    i cant say am worried about ur pain as i have the same all the time but with some lymphedema in my upper arm...which i am useing a sleeve with it now,,,

    plz be carefull and take extra care ,,,

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  • sueps
    sueps Member Posts: 2,266
    edited January 2008

    Ulla xxx  Your posts are amazing to read...I love persian cats...and the way you describe yours ...awwww makes my heart melt...Sezar ...lol...hes the man ay!! I can just imagine him like royalty....I am so glad your mum is looking after all of them!

    And thankyou so much ..I am going to start to do things that I want to do ...you are right....Even if it is something small...it makes me happy...and not conflicting inside....and I have also made Zippy very happy tonight  xxx

    Ulla do you have any pictures of your cats xxx

    I had eyesight problems for all my treatments so far ..... for a few days each one I couldnt focus reading number plates xxx

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  • Ulla
    Ulla Member Posts: 840
    edited January 2008

    sweety sue have alook at this link ,,it helped me to understand how to make the massage and so many other things ,,

    http://www.cancerbackup.org.uk/Resourcessupport/Symptomssideeffects/Lymphoedema/Manuallymphaticdrainage

    i will be here for u if u have any questions honey ..plz be well..

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  • sueps
    sueps Member Posts: 2,266
    edited January 2008

    Yes Ulla ...I am going to massage etc every night and stop lifting as much...my upper arm and even

    down my back is painful or numb...and over my ribs...I am sure it must be lymph with chemo with scar etc xxxx

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  • Ulla
    Ulla Member Posts: 840
    edited January 2008

    http://www.cancerbackup.org.uk/Resourcessupport/Symptomssideeffects/Lymphoedema/Manuallymphaticdrainage

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  • sueps
    sueps Member Posts: 2,266
    edited January 2008

    Thankyou Ulla xxx I will go and have a read. I really appreciate you xxx

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  • my3girls
    my3girls Member Posts: 3,766
    edited January 2008

    Sue and Ulla,

    I too get soreness in my surgical area from doing too much lifting. I shouldn't here at work, but I have been. I try to be careful.  I do feel the same pain and stiffness as you.  So far I have not gotten lymphodema...nor do I want too.  I hate this flippen restrictions!! Hate it!! I am used to doing everything and anything for myself, not having to ask someone to help etc..and now...I can't lift heavy boxes etc! GRRRRRRRRRRR

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  • honeygirl
    honeygirl Member Posts: 1,718
    edited January 2008

    Zippy in a bowl , awwwwwwww! What a cutie.

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  • my3girls
    my3girls Member Posts: 3,766
    edited January 2008

    Mel...your son's b'day is right around mine and my grandsons! We are all Capricorns! Tongue out

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  • my3girls
    my3girls Member Posts: 3,766
    edited January 2008

    Ladies...I agree about pets!! My little Oliver has been my comfort through much of this journey!! I just love him to death!Laughing

    xoxo

    Lisa

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  • Ulla
    Ulla Member Posts: 840
    edited January 2008

    dear lisa ..plz take extra care ..it is very bad to be so self depending after all wat we r inforced to pass through with that boot face....i am feeling so so bad that no one warnd me about those things be4 i develope this nasty lymphedema..it is so annoying to feel this tingling and fluid accumulation in ur bak of shoulder and upper arm once u just start to do anything,,take extra care of being sticked or having cuts in that hand,,,keep it moisture all the time..wash ur dishes with gloovs ...take every possible precaution u can ,,,it is much much better than have it,,,it can make u not able to sleep..i HATE IT Yell

    PLZ SUE SEND ME UE E-MAIL  IWANTED TO SENT U A PIC OF MY SCAR ,,,BUT I DIDNT KNOW HOW TO INSERT IT HERE

    LOVE U

    HOPE U R FEELING BETTER

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  • honeygirl
    honeygirl Member Posts: 1,718
    edited January 2008

    Hi Lisa! Yes , he is a Capricorn! Sometimes , quite stubborn!Surprised I don't know if that is just "his" trait or the trait of a Capricorn!xxxx

    Hi Ulla!Hope your having a good evening.xxxx

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  • my3girls
    my3girls Member Posts: 3,766
    edited January 2008

    Hmmmm...I am stubborn..very stubborn at times! haha

    I am Italian, and a capricorn..double whammy!  My sister's b'day is just 2 days before mine, and then my grandson's is on January 18, and we are all stubborn!! Maybe it is a carpricorn trait! lol

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  • my3girls
    my3girls Member Posts: 3,766
    edited January 2008

    Thanks Ulla, I will try and take extra care, because I do not want to develop lymphadema!

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