please help

Ulla , you must. I do know , you don't know your not going to survive. LOOK at all you have survived already. You have been through hell and back. I don't know why this has happened to you. But , I do know that you are a survivor and God has brought us all together for a reason. And I know the pain you are feeling right now is unbearable , and you want to give up. But please don't. You don't know what the future holds. None of us do. But there is always hope. Just believe. Honestly , when I felt there was no hope , I only could believe. That even though something so horrific was happening , I had to go on. That there was something better beyond all the devastation.

Ulla , I really wanted to ask , but I didn't know if I should. Did the doctors tell you , you can't have anymore children? Karen is right. You are definately not to old. Even when you are done with all your treatment. I have read posts from other women here , that have gone on after treatment to have babies. And I want to tell you , that four years ago I was pregnant with twins. I didn't know I was pregnant. I was 46 and thought I was going through menopause. Well , I went for my pap and found out , I was pregnant. But , the twins , had died , but would not come out. So I had to have a d/c. AND , I should have had my mammogram then , but my breasts were so sore , I decided to wait. Well , one month lead into the next , and I forgot about the mammogram. Then , three years later bc. If I would have had my mammo then , I probably could of kept my breast and wouldn't have gone through all this.

Anyway , you just don't know why sometimes. But I know I need you to be here and be my friend.xxxx

Sweet dreams to you Sue.xxxx

DEAR MEL  ,,,PLZ FEEL FREE TO ASKWATEVER U WANT TO ,,I DO ASK MY ONK ,EVERY MONTH ABOUT THE PREGNENECY ,,SHE HAVE ALWAYS THE SAME ANSWER,,I WOULD NEVER RISK MY LIFE TO HAVE A BABY....IT WILL BE A STIMULATION AND IT IS RISKY,,,THATS WAT IT IS FROM THE SCINETIFIC POINT OF VEIW BUT IT WILL STILL UR DECISSION ALL THE TIME TO TRY OR EVEN TO CUT THE TAMOXIFIN AND TAKE A CHANCE OR JUST TO WAIT THEN TRY ,,BUT STILL IT IS A RISKKKKKK...

I ASKED MY SURGEON IN THE FIRST TIME OF Dx ,,I ASKED THE WHOLE TEAM OF ONK,,THAT IS COMPOSED OF 3 AMAZING DRS BUT ALL HAVE THE SAME ANSWR...RISKYYYY AS IT STIMULATES THE SLEEPING NASTY CA CELLSSSSSS

DEAR MELODY I KEPT TELLING MYSELF THAT ALL THE DAYS AFTER THE Dx,,,I DID HAD ALL THE HOPES ABOUT BEING A REAL MOM,,,I DONT KNOW BUT THE IDEA OF A BOLOGICAL REAL MOM IS WAT I AM REALLY GREIFE FOR,,,,I DONT MEAN ANYTHING WROUNG WITH ADDOPTION BUT IT IS SO COMPLICATED ,,WITH SO MNAY LONG PROCEDURES ,,AND IT JUST DONT MOVE MY MOMMY FEELINGS ,,,

I KEPT SAY ALLTHE TIME,,SINCE IS MOVING SO FAST AND THAT THERE IS HOPE ,,WHO KNOWS WAT WILL HAPPEN TOMORROW,,

I KEPT TELLING MYSELF IN THE MOIRROR EVERYTIME,,(((THERE IS ALWAYS TOMORROW AT TARA...)))

BUT ,I JUST CANT BELIEVE MYSELF ANYMORE ,,,AM TIREDDDDD

Oh Ulla , you have everyright to be tired! And you know , you have to just think of you right now. Nothing else. Really. None of the other things can be solved right now. But you getting better so you can deal with the other things , is what you need to deal with now.

What time is your treatment tomorrow? Will your husband be going with you tomorrow?

Its 9:14pm here right now. What time is it there right now?

And you don't have to know what it would be like if we were not in your life! OK , you are about 6 hours ahead of me. Sounds like you have a very wonderful , compasionate nurse. Maybe , sometime around 3pm your time , we will hear from you? I am off work tomorrow and will be home all day. If you feel up to it , please come , let us know how you are. And one more thing Ulla ,I know you need to get some sleep. I know of people and have some in the family that have adopted. I know the feeling of wanting your own biogogical child , but I needed to tell you , from experience and friends , when a child is given to you , as your own , he or she really is just like your own. Its even a more special bond. Because it is one that God trully has brought together through need. And love and understanding just naturally follows. Love you Ulla. Melody

Ulla , are you still there?

You go girl! And I mean it. Take away the dying. When you are done with your chemo , you can start anew.xxxx Melody

Ulla , this is from my heart to yours.xxxx

I pray for your new beginning.

I know Ulla , I thought about your last tx when I first posted tonight. We are with you sister. Right beside you. Take care. See you tomorrow.xxxx Melody

Ulla, I am just catching up on reading and I am just overwhelmed at all you have been through!  I wish I could climb through the computer and give you a hug so you would not be alone there. I will pray for you to feel better and that tomorrow your treatment will not make you feel so bad again.

Sue, your children are adorable.  Mine are grown and away at college.  They are a son 23, and a daughter 21.  They were home for the holidays but have left again.  I miss them so much--and I miss having them as little ones that I could stay at home and care for.  Your boys must have loved their day with their mum--and cakes and pies and all that love. I'm so glad you felt well enough to go out with them.

All of you who have posted photos of your children and vacation places --  it is so good to see such lovely pictures.

I sometimes want to post things that happened to me during my treatment (good and bad) and then when I start to post, my complaints seem so trivial... and I just erase things.

You all do such a great job sharing and expressing yourselves and what this Bootface has done in your lives...  I do gain so much from you all.

Hi girls. I am soooooooo sorry I did not post yesterday!!! It was a long and emotional day!!!!!!!  The good news is...my mammo came back A-OK!!!!!!!!!!  Thank God!! Thank you...all of you for your prayers and good wishes!! I truly felt surrounded by love yesterday while waiting for my news! Sue...I did a little smile while being compressed..thinking of you whispering in my ear! 

I am so sorry that I worried everyone.  I should have gotten on last night, but first the computer was down, then when my daughter got it back up, I was so tired and cranky!

I am at work today, and we are so busy, that I was  unable to read all of the posts closely.  I will catch up later when I get home tonight.

One thing...Ulla...stay strong sweetie..and come here when you need us..that is what we are here for...we love you!!

I have to tell you, they almost had to reschedule me for my mammo!! I got that message the night before when I got in from work.  I was crying...I told them the next day..there is no way I am reschueduling!! I am off today, I am geared up mentally for this and I need it done before my surgery!  They needed copies of my previous one, since I had it done at a different place.  GRRRRRRRr I was sooo mad.  I drove to the other place after the mammo...got the films,..drove them back to them and waited while they read it.  I swear it felt like hours.  As I was sitting there...I started to say a little prayer..and then the tech came out, with her thumb up...gave me a hug and said...you are good!  Thank God! What a relief!

I will check in later sisters...again..so sorry to worry everyone!

Love and hugs to you all!!!!!!!!!!!!!

xoxo

Lisa

Don't have much time-

Ulla - thinking of you today and praying everything goes well.

Lisa- YIPPEE!!! NED has returned!!!

Gotta run,

Valerie