please help

Options
1…7374767879…532

Comments

  • Lucy1234
    Lucy1234 Member Posts: 289
    edited January 2008

    Thought this one would make you all laugh. I bought him the hat and he didnt like it! Can you tell!

    Fashion  victim

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Lucy1234
    Lucy1234 Member Posts: 289
    edited January 2008

    Ahhhhhh too big again!!

    Sorry..................

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • portiasproudmom
    portiasproudmom Member Posts: 2,125
    edited January 2008

    Ulla posted on the October Chemo girls thread earlier today.  She's still feeling pretty depressed--poor thing.  I wish her doc could find an anti-depressant that works for her.  She's having such a rough time. 

    We love you, Ulla!  You are beautiful inside and out and you WILL get through this bc nightmare!!

    Hugs,

    Karen

    PS  Lisa!!!!!  Where are you, girl?  Aunty Em and Sue are going to whomp your butt if you don't check in soon!

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • portiasproudmom
    portiasproudmom Member Posts: 2,125
    edited January 2008

    That's TOO funny, Poppy!  Tell him that the hat looks great on him.  Wait, that will probably make him mad again, won't it??  Well, I think he looks very adorable in it.

    I don't know, Valerie.  I could just about pass as his twin sister.  Thanks for not agreeing with me Smile.

    Hugs,

    Karen

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • sueps
    sueps Member Posts: 2,266
    edited January 2008

    OMG Girlies....what fantastic pictures...they are making me smile no end!!! Karen god what a beautiful place...and you and Chase are bloomin beautiful...god I love that scenery!!

    Poppy hahaha...your little man would make a good male model...hes so photogenic!!

    Blimey I am dreaming of us all living together with our boys now ...and having the most amazing extended family....

    This has made my night...thankyou...xxx

    Come on Lisa!!! it is 11 15pm...and I am waiting up for you....I bet youre off galavanting....what time will it be at Lisas now xxx

    Aunt Em...lol....but I do love to know youre at work...it makes me secure knowing where you are Aunty xxx

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • sueps
    sueps Member Posts: 2,266
    edited January 2008

    Poppy if you have youre pics on photobucket...click "edit" above the one you want to post...then click" resize"....resize it to thumbnail or email size....and it will be smaller....but I love that pic lololol xx

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Ulla
    Ulla Member Posts: 840
    edited January 2008

    dear ladies ,,

    i am posting just to calm down ur worries..

    2nd taxotere will be tomorrow..

    i feel so so sad thats why i didnt post in,,,,

    i dont want to be the one who brings the negative feelings to all of u

    so wen u will not find my posts it means that i am in misrable mood..

    love u alll

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • livesstrong
    livesstrong Member Posts: 1,799
    edited January 2008

    Poppy, that picture is a riot.  Yes, I can tell he doesn't like it!!!  LOL.

    Valerie 

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • livesstrong
    livesstrong Member Posts: 1,799
    edited January 2008

    Ulla,

    That is the time when you MUST post.  We are here for you, I will listen no matter what.

    Aunty Em 

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • sueps
    sueps Member Posts: 2,266
    edited January 2008

    ULLA YOU MUST POST LIKE AUNTY EM SAYS...we do not mind miserable ...negative...we care so much about you Ulla and want to shower you with support and love from the bottom of our hearts....you are our sister .... and we are on the yellow brick road together....

    You are so so so so SO lovely and loving and funny and brave and clever ..... thankyou for coming into our lives ...we would be one short without you xxxx

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • sueps
    sueps Member Posts: 2,266
    edited January 2008

    Ulla it is of course OK to have downtime on your own...but please always always know we are thinking of you...and when it gets too much we are ALWAYS HERE XXX

    I hope your tx is ok tomorrow...I know how miserable it is...but remember it is another step closer to our goal...of getting through it together...xxx

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • honeygirl
    honeygirl Member Posts: 1,718
    edited January 2008

    OK , real quick , it is 7:03 Lisa's time. I just got back from food shopping. I need to read the posts...

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • sueps
    sueps Member Posts: 2,266
    edited January 2008

    Melody...I just dont know where she is..I am worried...it is gone midnite here....and I have to be up in 6 hours...I will make a brew..and see if she pops in...now I am thinking she has had an accident! But I am hoping as it is a day off she is with friends...I am sure she said she goes with friends...xxx

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Ulla
    Ulla Member Posts: 840
    edited January 2008

    ty aunty em,,seety sue,,and karen,,poppy,,lisa,,honey,,,ty all,,

    ok i will tell everything

    i was deeply in hell in the lsat 2 days,,i was getting prepared to the 2nd taxotere tomorrow,,so hubby was home since 1st jan late at night ,,i started to clean the flat,,washing the cloths,,ironning shirts for hubby...allthese ordanary stuff.

    but i couldnt stop crying all the time ,,i was crying for no real reason,,oh no ,,i have so many good reasons to cry for,,,,

    i am just a 34 years old was pregnant in my 1st baby..

    diagnosed with very agressive type of cancer grade 2..so wat??

    aborted for the cancer..left matectomy with full axillary clearnce of lymph nodes,,with port in the same operation day ...can u imagine such huge quantity of pain all to geather all withen 2 weeks???????wat so???

    chemo hell withen 4 weeks after the mastectomy,,be stroooong u will do it girl....huh

    well asking myself wat i am crying for?????

    i will give u some good reasons and will wait for ur (honest response...not just supporting ,,i want the reality even wen it may mean a slap on the face ,,,dont be shy girlsmmm)

    1, wat can make me feel happy again??nothing

    2,am crying for my baby who came to tell me about that bootface and left me in no time,,, not an enough reason to cry??

    3,crying for my youth,,,that i will need to live longer time(if i managed to...)with the fears and uncertinity and being so so scraed of recurrence ,,,,

    4,crying for my body that i miss,my breast,,my hair,,my eyelashes and borrows,,my skin,,i know all this talk about that it will be just temporary,,but i am crying NOW...

    5,crying for my knowing that i will never have the chance to be a mom ,,according to my bootface type and age,,,

    6,well chemo hell is not enough to kill that stupid illness ,,i ned to be burned for more five weeks,,,wat a nice way,,,,??

    7,then i need all this TAMOXIFIN,,to mess my hormonal system for the next five years ,,,wat a happiness???????

    8,i am crying becoz i m such a horrable person who can lie ,,cheat and hide the trueth from parents and sisters ,,keep talking with them on phone pretending to be ok ,,even laughing in a vey stupid way to make them believe me and telling them silly jokes so i can keep them laughing as i used to do all my life,,,,while my heart was torn aparts of pain and sorness and sadness ,,,,thier call killing me,,,

    9, am crying becoz am inforced to tell u all these sad things ,,but where else to go???who else to tell???whom i can be sure that wen i will tell all that will DEF.UNDERSTAND????????

    I HAVE NO ONE IN THIS WOURLD BUT U LADIES,,,

    CRYING AS I AM TYOING,,,I JUST CANT STOPPPPPPPPPPP

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Ulla
    Ulla Member Posts: 840
    edited January 2008

    DEAR LISA PLZ POST ANYTHING QUICKLY ,

    TRUST ME U DONT WANT TO BE THE 10 COZ TO MAKE ME CRY MOREEEEEE.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • honeygirl
    honeygirl Member Posts: 1,718
    edited January 2008

    Oh Ulla , I'm so sorry you are feeling bad. Tomorrow's tx I'm sure has got you feeling down. I want you to know we are always here. Tonight we will have a big group hug just for you Ulla. You are in the center of our circle. And I will pray , Dear Father in Heaven please hold Ulla in the palm of your hands , and keep her safe and calm her fears and anxieties. Please hold her up through her tx. Please ease her SEs. May she please feel all the love and positive thoughts we her sisters have for her. Please Father , give Ulla and her Husband all the courage they need to get through this. I asked this in Jesus Name. Thanks be to God. Amen.

    Ulla , God the Father has you in His Hands. We have you in our hearts. Please come here when you feel you can.xxxx Melody

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • honeygirl
    honeygirl Member Posts: 1,718
    edited January 2008

    Ulla , I just read your last post. I need to ask you , is there anyway you can tell your family? I really think this would help you soooo much. I'm sure they would want to know. If it was my sister , niece , mom , I certainly would want to know. Do you think you could tell them?xxxx

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • sueps
    sueps Member Posts: 2,266
    edited January 2008

    Ulla...you have every single reason to cry ..... you have lost so much in such a short space of time.You have been on your own without your hubby for a few days and become a little isolated and thought processing.The crying is a release of grief...sadness ...anger....you are where you should be emotionally...you just might need something a little stronger medical wise short term....

    Ulla I lost my daughter just before her first birthday...she was Daniels twin sister...she had a near miss cot death and I witnessed a horrific year with her brain dying away....I like you grieved and grieved....when time passes we learn to live with things...things like this can be very tiring to live with....eventually all these things will have a place in your heart and you will learn to live again....you are just overloaded with pain....everything you feel is natural...and you will heal....and you will live .....we are here to hold you .....and give you as much love.....

    You are very brave not to upset your mum....take strength from this Ulla..you are a wonderful daughter...and we will support you as a sister in order that your mum will be saved worry...YOU HAVENT LET ANYONE DOWN....maybe you might tell her a little later when chemo is ended xx

    I KNOW AND I UNDERSTAND XXX 

    Ulla we all understand. I have friends a o/h, family ...my dad...they all know...but it is only the understanding on here that keeps me going .....  xxx

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • portiasproudmom
    portiasproudmom Member Posts: 2,125
    edited January 2008

    Ulla, you have every right to be sad.  You've lost SO much.  More than most of us.  I didn't lose my breast or a baby.  I feel badly for having cancer at 43.  I can't imagine how it would have effected me 10 years ago.  This disease is a horrible slap in the face.  It takes your innocence and I, for one, will probably never feel secure and totally carefree again. 

    I admire you for the way you're protecting your loved ones.  It must be so incredibly difficult to talk to them on the phone and put on a "happy" show.  You're not a bad person for doing this.  You're a very selfless and loving person.  You don't want to worry them--and it's making this even harder on you because you really have no one to talk to.  You're living in a strange country, surrounded by strangers, not understanding the language--all this during the most difficult time in your life.  Yes, I think you have a right to be depressed. 

    I still can't believe that you'll never be a mother.  There are so many ladies out there just like you, who have gone on to have children.  I had my son at 38.  Will you be taking Tamoxifen for five years?  That will make you 39.  You can still have a baby at 39!  Have you asked your onc about this specifically?  I just refuse to believe that you won't be able to have a baby when all your tx's are completed.

    Hang in there Ulla!  We love you and we pray for you.  God listens!!  You are going to be fine.  If anything, you'll be a stronger and more sympathetic and empathetic person. 

    {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Ulla}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

    Karen xoxoxoxoxoxo

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Ulla
    Ulla Member Posts: 840
    edited January 2008

    DEAR MEL..

    AM SORRY TO TELL U ,,NO,,NO WAY TO TELL AND LET ME TELL U SOMETHINGS ABOUT ME ,,

    I AM THE ELDEST DAUGHTER FOR MY FAMILY ,(6 GIRLS AND 1 BOY)

    AM AN IRAQI..LEFT MY HOME WITH HUBBY LAST APRILL TO BE SETTELED INSWEDEN AFETR HE WAS KIDNAPPED FOR 10 DAYS ,,WE PAYED A HUGE RANSOME TO GET HIM FREE ALIFVE,,

    I WAS GOING TO BE KIDNAPPED 2 TIMES AND WAS GOING TO BE KILLED WEN THEY BOMBED MY CAR DUE TO MY WORKING IN THE IRAQI MINISTRY OF HEALTH,,,

    MY MOTHER IS MY ANGEL..BUT SHE ALREADY LOST 15KGMS AFTER I LEFT IRAQ-BAGHDAD DUE TO HER MISSING ME SO MUCH,,OUR RELATION IS SO SO SPECIAL..IT SEEMS THAT I USED TO BE HER MOTHER SINCE SO SO LONG TIME RATHER THAN SHE IS MY MOTHER,,AND DUE TO ALL THE COMPLIACTIONS IN MY HOME COUNTRY SHE CANT GRANTED A VISSA TO VISIT ME AND I AM WITH MY HUSBAND HER R RESIDENTS UNDER THE PROTECTION OF SWEDISH GOVERNMENT SO WE CANT GO VISIST HER,,,SAD HUH????

    I CANT TELL HER AS SHE HAS HER MEDICAK PROBLEMS ,,SHE IS HYPERTENSIVE AND HAVING SOME HEART TROUBLES ,,MY ILLNESS WILL KILL HER FOR SURE,,I CANT TAKE THE RISK..

    1 OF MY SISTERS IS SETTELLED IN UK WITH HER HUSBAND AND HER LIL GIRL..I DONT WANT TO TELL HER COZ SHE WILL TELL MOM AS NO ONE OF MY SIS WILLBE ABLE TO KEEP IT FROM HER ..I KNOW THEM ,,,

    2 OF MY OTHER SITERS R IN UAE WORKING AND LIVING AND HAVING THE SAME VISSA PROBLEMS TO COME AND C ME...

    THE LAST 2 OF MY SISTERS ,,R MY YOUNGEST ,,THEY R STILL LIVING IN BAGHDAD WITH MY PARENTS AND STUDYING IN COLLEGE AND HIGH SCHOOL..I THINK THAT THE PRESSURAE THAT THEY R ALLREADY LIVING IN IS ENOUGH FOR THEM NOW..I USED TO BE THIER SECOND MOM ALL MY LIFE,,,

    AM NOT SO CLOSE TO MY DAD ,,ACTUALLY I DONT LIKE HIM SO MUCH ...SO AS MY BROTHER WHO IS LIVING AND WORKING IN CAIRO...

    NO RELATIVES TO FEEL LIKE WANTING SHARING THEM ANYTHING,,

    THIS IS THE WHOLE SAD STORY....

    SORRY TO TELL BUT I JUST WANTED TO MAKE MYSELF CLEAR.....

    ANYTHING FROM LISA????????

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • sueps
    sueps Member Posts: 2,266
    edited January 2008

    ...Ulla one more thing...all these posts when we are down are giving us all greater greater bonds....because we all bear all....and you cant get anymore open than that....we feel really close to you...we feel your pain....and even though there is a distance between us...we are all so close in spirit. I promise you Ulla ..that one day I am going to fly out...when I am better...and come put my arms around you......I ache to reach out to you xxx

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • sueps
    sueps Member Posts: 2,266
    edited January 2008

    Well its nearly 1 am ..I am going to have to go to bed in a min..I will give Lisa 10 mins...maybe she has gone out for a celbration...its very odd .... xxx

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • sueps
    sueps Member Posts: 2,266
    edited January 2008

    Ulla if there is anything I can get you from England to cheer you up...cd ..books or anything I will gladly do it and post it..so you have things in English....please ...I will have a think xxx

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • honeygirl
    honeygirl Member Posts: 1,718
    edited January 2008

    Ulla , I again , am so sorry. I didn't realize your whole situation. You have gone through entirely too much. Well , we are your extended family. I love you , and wish I could be there with you. I want to tell you that I am in Awe of you. I can't know what you are feeling. Only some of it. But you are never , ever alone. Sometimes people can't be together physically , but in spirit and heart , we are all together. I pray that you and your husband are safe. And I will pray for world peace , God we need that so...

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • honeygirl
    honeygirl Member Posts: 1,718
    edited January 2008

    Yes Ulla , if there is anything , any of us can do. The smallest to the biggest , please let us know. It always makes a person feel good to have helped someone in a time of need. And if it makes you feel good , please , anything...

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • honeygirl
    honeygirl Member Posts: 1,718
    edited January 2008

    Goodnight Sweet Sue. You can give Lisa that look tomorrowKiss and let her know how we worried. I will stick around for awhile and wait.xxxx

    Ulla , please , if you need to talk or need someone to just listen , I'm here.xxxx

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Ulla
    Ulla Member Posts: 840
    edited January 2008

    LOVELY KAREN,,DEAREST SUE.

    TY U FOR UNDERSTANDING THE FEELINGS OF LOSS,,

    IT IS TOOOOOO MUCH TO HANDLE..

    I JUST REALLY NEED TO FEEL THAT U FEEL MY SADNESS COZEZ...

    I CANT TELL MYSELF THAT (IT IS GOING TO BE OK AND I CAN DO IT AND JUST ONE MORE CHEMO ,,I CANT TELL MYSELF THAT AM BLE TO DEAL WITH ALL THIS SADNESS AND JUST KEEP IT BURIED DEEP INSIDE MY SOLE,,,,)

    I JUST CANT DENY THIS HUGE SADNESS ANYMORE ,OR BEHAVE THAT I AM OK WITH ALLLLLL WAT I HAVE BEEN PASSING THROUGH DURING THE LAST 18 MONTHS STARTING WITH MY HUBBY KIDNAPPING AND MY LEF WHICH WAS IN REAL DANGER THEN OUR FLEEING FROMOUR HOME THAT I REALLY MISS LEAVING COUNTRY AND FAMILY THERE ,,SETTEL IN A STRANGE COUNTRY,,AND BEING IN MY MAXIMUM HAPPINESS TO BE PREGNANT FOR THE FIRST TIME AND BEING SLAPPED ON THE FACE TO BE DIAGNOSED WITH BC IN MY 10 WEEK...

    NO IT IS NOT OK,,AND IT WILL NOT,,,

    I CANT DO IT ,,I KNOW THAT I AM NOT GOING TO SURVIVE ,,AM KIDDING MYSELF......

    I KNOW THAT I EVEN HAVE NO REASON TO FIGHT..WHY MUST I?

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • sueps
    sueps Member Posts: 2,266
    edited January 2008

    Right...I am going to have to go to bed...its gone 1am ...

    I do hope Lisa is ok xxx

    Ulla....I was drawn to you when I used to read your posts on the chemo....I am so grateful you replied to my PM bacck then...and know that  we are all now in each others hearts...Please know we will be with you in spirit tomorrow...and help you through the struggle as best we can.....things will get better...but for now we understand and we care for you like crazy xxx

    Sweet dreams everyone xxxx

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • sueps
    sueps Member Posts: 2,266
    edited January 2008

    Ulla ...God wanted you to live....he wanted your hubby to live....he saw that you did live...and he is seeing that you will get thru this....you have sacrificed too much to the bootface....DO NOT LET IT WIN....

    It wont happen overnight and there are still more tx...but you will the have the strength and the mindset in months to come...a little more ..to adjust to all that has happened. You have an extraordinary compelling life....we want to see you get through this..so does your hubby..and your mum still needs her daughter....xxxx We need you...and I get much support from you when I am down....Please hold tight xxx

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Ulla
    Ulla Member Posts: 840
    edited January 2008

    DEAR MEL..

    PLZ DONT BE SORRY ..

    I WANTED TO SHARE U ALL MY WHOLE STORY,,,

    AND THATS WAT I DID

    I DONT FEEL LIKE NEEDING ANYTHING REALLY..PLZ DEAR MEL AND SUE ,,I AM REALLY HAPPY THAT U THOUGHT ABOUT ME I THIS WAY ,,BUT REALLY THANK U,,I CAN HAVE ANYTHING HERE IN ENGLISH FOR FREE,,,THE SYSTEM HERE IS AMAZING ...THEY R REALLY TAKING A VERY GOOD CARE OF ME ,,IT IS JUST ME WHO FEELS SO LAZY TO SK FOR THINGS ,,BUT THEY R REALLY TAKING GOOD CARE OF ME,,WEN I TOLD THE SOCIAL ASSISTANT THAT I COULDNT UNDERSTAND THE CD SHE PROMISED TO SEND ME THAT IN ENGLISH AND IT TAKES ONLY 24 HRS TO BE HERE ,,THIS IS THE SYSTEM ,,I WOULD SAVE THE TIME AND EFFORTS FOR HER IF I JUST WAS ABLE TO SAY IT FROM THE BEGINNING BUT I DIDNT TELL HER ,,HOW CAN SHE KNOW?????

    DEAR KAREN THANK U FOR UR UNDERSTANDING WORDS TOO ,,U REALLY FEEL ME WEN I TALK ABOUT THAT AGE ISSUE,,AND YES I ASKED MY ONK ,SHE SAID THAT IT IS NOT GOOD TO STIULATE THE SLEEPING CANCER CELLS AFTER THE 5 YEARS TAMOXIFIN WITH THE PREGNENECY AND THE ALL THIS HIGH ESTROGEN -PROGESTERON LEVELS DURING IT,,SHE SAID IT IS NOT SAFE AS I AM =VE TO THEM....IT WILL BE A STRONG STIMULATION FOR THOSE NASTY CELLS ,,I TRUST HER,,SHE IS NOT SO SYMAPTHIC,,NOT NICE AT ALL,,BUT SHE KNOWS HOW TO GIVE ME THE NAKED TRUETH ,,,NOTHING BUT THE SLAPPING TRUETH

    SADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

Categories