5 NEW ANGELS

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  • SISKimberly
    SISKimberly Member Posts: 762
    edited December 2007

    Norm,

    What a wonderful gesture to make Christmas a joy for your neighbor's children. I can just imagine their faces lighting up...and the appreciation of their aunt and uncle...bless their hearts for taking on these beautiful kids after the loss of their parents. It seems the universe has placed you both in this neighborhood for a reason.



    Giving is a medicine that is often not given much attention...but it certainly does raise our feel-good chemicals.



    I'm glad that you and Eddie have eachother to lean on, to cry with, and to rejoice with over the small miracles like the one you both initiated on Christmas. I know that your Brenda and your four children are so proud of you both!!!!!



    Your SIS (Sister In Survival)

    Kimberly



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  • norm
    norm Member Posts: 247
    edited December 2007

    Well it's 4am. I can't sleep,I close my eyes and think about Brenda and the kid's,I wait for Dean to come  into our room and tell us he's had a bad dream.Starla usaully wakes up before now,saying she's ungry. David and Keennan will sleep through the night.I look across the bed and Brenda not there.Sara and baby Leah are fast to sleep,it's so quiet,it should feel peaceful,but it doesn't,it seem's like something is about to happen,what I don't know.I keep checking on the kid's, forgetting that they aren't there.Am I loseing it or is that the right thing to do.I really don't care,I can't stop checking on the kid's,if I do that mean's thier gone and I won't accept that....I can't, no god would do this to us.What kind of a god would take your family,your wife that loved everybody and was always there when you needed her,4 beutiful kids that never hurted anyone,only wanted to make people happy!!!!!!All I can say is;god go fuck yourself             incase you don't know who I am you prick I'm norman john levick ,bring it on you bitch.

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  • SISKimberly
    SISKimberly Member Posts: 762
    edited January 2008

    Norm,

    It is normal to check on your kids and roll over to look at your beautiful bride....all no longer physically there...it is a loving habit that will take time...lots of time... to receed...but also a message..."We are here with you."



    To wait for Dean to come into your room after a bad dream and to anticipate Starla's, "I'm ungry"...are all normal...and memories you'll never forget because they are pieces of your children's individual selves...little gifts to let you know..."We are here with you".



    Norm, I am not a religious person. I don't personally believe in organized religion...but respect those that do for it seems to bring them comfort and a sense of community. I believe that we all have lessons to learn upon this Earth...that each loving spirit has lessons to teach us. It is absolutely human to want to know why... to blame someone or something for such a tragedy. I don't know what the circumstances were...if this was just an accident or if the semi that hit the car was out of control or what...but the fact remains...you had the privilege of having Brenda and the kids in your life for a number of years...years that could have easily not been there at all. Their lives and the gifts they brought to your life will never be erased.



    I understand your need to rage right now...DO IT...let it out...the universe will take it all in...your "prick/bitch" God as you called him/her will accept your raging and your pain...and provide for you little reminders of your gifts when your mind is quiet and able to accept them. Your loved ones are with you...I truly believe that...that's why you go check on them because you feel their presence.



    One step at a time...moment by moment, Norm.

    Your SIS (Sister In Survival)

    Kimberly

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  • PuppyFive
    PuppyFive Member Posts: 2,808
    edited December 2007

    {{{KIMBERLY}}}

    Beautiful!

    Puppy

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  • norm
    norm Member Posts: 247
    edited December 2007

    I would like  tell everyone that I'm sorry for the last comment I left!I just couln't hold it back(my anger&rage)got the better of me,and for this I am truly sorry!I know things happen for a reason,I'm so mixed up trying to make sense of this........I pray for understanding and it doesn't come.I pray for just one more minute with brenda and the kid's so I can give them one last kiss&hug.I know that's impossible but.........I have deleted my last comment and again,to those of you that read it,I'm sorry.......               T.F.L.       norm

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  • PuppyFive
    PuppyFive Member Posts: 2,808
    edited December 2007

    {{{{{{{NORM}}}}}}}

    Anger and Rage, has given all of us a visit now and then!

    We will NOT Give up on You!

    and nor will GOD!

    Debby(puppyfive)

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  • SISKimberly
    SISKimberly Member Posts: 762
    edited December 2007

    Norm,

    No need to EVER apologize for your feelings...they are what they are...and anger and rage need to be expressed or they'll eat you up. We'd rather you expressed your feelings here in a safe place where you know you are loved and accepted rather than feeling all alone at 4am with no one to talk with about it.



    Personally, I'm glad I was there to read your words and to offer my support.



    I wish we were in the same time zone, but please know I check on you daily, and I WILL NOT stop being here for you.



    Debby(PuppyFive), I've seen you on other posts...you have such a loving way about you...thank you for the hugs.



    One day at a time....moment by moment, Norm.

    Your SIS(Sister In Survival)

    Kimberly

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  • PuppyFive
    PuppyFive Member Posts: 2,808
    edited December 2007

    {{Norm}}

    I was thinking, could You try and go visit some other children!

    I was a orphan fr many years, and would have loved to have

    a Family like You and Your Sweet Brenda shared!

    I bet Ya, Brenda would think this is a great Idea also!

    Just a thought Dear Brother!! keeping You in My prayers!

    and as Sweet {{Kimberly}} has said, I will not give up on You

    (thank you Kimberly, You too have a wonderful heart)

    Puppy

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited December 2007

    Norm, that was quite a wonderful thing you and your son did for your neighbors. You made two kids happier than they've been in a long time, probably...



    I'm so sorry to hear of your losses. I pray that you find comfort during this difficult holiday season and that each day gets a little easier for you. May the spirit of your family continue to surround you always and in all ways!



    God bless,

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  • SISKimberly
    SISKimberly Member Posts: 762
    edited December 2007

    Norm, I don't know if you go beyond your own thread here...and I wanted to share a poem I wrote posted on the Poetry Anyone? thread.



    After much rain,the sun is shining

    on this final day of twenty-07,

    and I think of the many dear ones

    watching over us from heaven.



    Massive pearly gates and golden-winged angels

    isn’t exactly what I imagine this place,

    but rather where souls give dissertations,

    accounting for their time in this Earthbound space.



    I imagine much hearty laughter

    as they recognize their many mistakes,

    and the futile agonizing they’d done

    causing their hearts to physically ache.



    I try to listen for my loved ones messages,

    but sometimes the mundane gets in the way

    screaming over their persistent whispers,

    making it difficult to always hear what they say.



    The message that always comes through though,

    no matter how loud the man-made clatter,

    is the truth we are all of one human race,

    and acting with love is all that matters.



    It matters not what religion we hold dear,

    nor what political party we call our own,

    for we can all agree we bleed the same,

    and will reap what we each have sown.



    So as I go into this newest of years,

    that message kept near to my heart.

    I will aspire to treat all with love,

    knowing of this universe, we are all a part.



    One Day at a Time...Moment by Moment, Norm.

    Your SIS (Sister In Survival)

    Kimberly

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  • norm
    norm Member Posts: 247
    edited January 2008

    We had a tradition every new years eve.around 8pm. we pack up the kids and go to my friends house just out side of town,they have a great hill for the kids to slide down with thier sleds.We'd have a big bon- fire and roast hotdogs & marsmellows and hot coco!At midnight we would light the sky up with fire works,it was a great time for ALL..Each year afew more famlies would join us,last year we put on a better fire works display than the town does on canada day..My friend,John called today to see if I was coming tonight,I declined..At midnight I'm going out on our deck with 5 candles and I'm gonna wish brenda,starla,david,keennan and dean a happy new year and let them know I'm okay! I hope the sky is clear so they will see my candles and I might see the 5 new stars  above.............T.F.L.  norm              ps.Thanks Kimberly,that was a very nice peom..

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  • SISKimberly
    SISKimberly Member Posts: 762
    edited January 2008

    1/1/08

    Norm,

    You are welcome for the poem...and what a beautiful tradition you and your friends created...maybe next year you'll feel more like joining in and celebrating with them...maybe the boys and their aunt and uncle from down the street would enjoy that experience if they aren't all ready included.



    I do certainly understand your need to have a quiet evening with Brenda, Starla, David, Keenan, and Dean. Your candles were most certainly visible to them, Norm. It could have been cloudy as heck, but they would have seen them no matter what, because they were lit for them with so much love.



    Your tone sounds quiet and serene tonight...I'm glad you've found a peace-filled moment while on this roller coaster ride of emotions.



    Happy 2008, Norm.

    One day at a time...moment by moment.

    Your SIS(Sister In Survival)

    Kimberly

    PS Checked in this morning 1/2/08 and didn't hear from you. Hope you're OK.
    Checked again 1/3/08...Thinking about you and Eddie.


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  • kpthfaith2
    kpthfaith2 Member Posts: 73
    edited January 2008

    Norm,

    I don't know the pain you are going through with loosing 5 loved ones at once but I do know the pain of loosing a mother the day before Thanksgiving in a country where I couldnt go and have closure. The saddest thing as a Christian is that in her death I don't know where she is in her eternal state. Heaven or hell. She was a buddhist.

    I just want to encourage you to keep looking up to God who is our counselor. He knows the pain and suffering you are going through.

    God does have a purpose for everything, it is what we do with what He places in our lives that makes the difference. It seems as though your family had a great heart and love for others. Keep that legacy alive in your heart. No one can take what is in your heart.

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  • SISKimberly
    SISKimberly Member Posts: 762
    edited January 2008

    2/4/08

    Hey Norm,

    I've been checking in on you daily...hope all is well, and that you and Eddie are taking care of eachother.



    I finally got my first chemo date scheduled. I start Jan 8th. I'm going to take my martini glass with me and ask for a Chemotini...lighten the mood... My husband thinks I'm such a goof...but that's one reason he loves me. :-)



    It is storming like mad here...the wind is blowing something fierce. I don't mind...we need the rain in California.



    Just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you and Eddie,

    Your SIS(Sister In Survival)

    Kimberly

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  • PuppyFive
    PuppyFive Member Posts: 2,808
    edited January 2008

    {{{NORM}}}

    How are You holding up, Brother!

    You have many prayers for You and Eddie, to be able to take one more Baby Step, toward Life, and Trying to Live a Day by Day, Tomorrow!

    Bless You,

    Puppy

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  • faithandfifty
    faithandfifty Member Posts: 10,007
    edited January 2008

    Norm. I've just found your story............ my tears fall quietly onto my laptop.... Words don't come. Can't think of the first letter to type. Sorrow. Devastation. Anger. Horror. Depression. Rage.... mixed with giggles of children down the street appreciating your kindness and thoughtfulness as you share bicycles.

    You are obviously an incredible person. Supporting your wife thru BC while opening your doors to children in need. Our sorry planet needs more like you. Sob. Scream. Rail. Pound a pillow......

    Our God cries tears with you in a time like this. His loving arms enfolded your family in a blink. Though the day seems pointless without them, know they are whole and with each other, in a celestial party beyond our grasp.

    Just as soon as you are able, continue to reach out to others -- as you have always done. You teach each of us reading your story about perspective. I came on just now because my daughter just drove out of our driveway to return to her world @ grad school. That's the way it is supposed to go..... a few quiet tears as your child drives off for the next chapter. Feeling 'sorry' for myself I came on to check messages and was led to your story.

    Perspective.

    How fortunate that you have those last words exchanged being the ones you would choose to have ringing in Brenda's ears. Hold onto that gift.

    My prayers will continue to include you for as long as I'm praying....

    and every year I put up the Christmas tree I'll add the star remembering your family -- asking God to grant you wisdom and strength.

    Right now: survive. God has a whole new adventure to take you on. I can't wait to read what it includes.

    My life has evolved in chapters. The life I once had ended abruptly. My emotions were across the map. Fast forward 15 years and God has given me answers to my prayers beyond my wildest dreams.

    Know that we care about you.

    faithandfifty-ONE 

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  • norm
    norm Member Posts: 247
    edited January 2008

    Hi Kimberly,I just didn't feel up to writing lately,I'm still here and okay.I'm up and down and all over the emotional map lately.Yes eddie and sara and I are holding each other together,I feel that Leah my 6mth. granddaughter is whats really keeping me sane!!!!!!! Keep your sense of humor Kimberley when you go to Kemmo,Brenda went through it pretty well(if thats possible).The Chemo cocktail wasn't as bad as she thought it would be.I remember when her hair started to thin she was pretty upset,we spent hours talking about it  and decided that we would beat it,we went to the bathroom and I shaved her head,and believe me she felt so much better knowing she could have the power over this.I truly believe that ,state of mind and determination helps alot.You sound like a strong person,and I'm sure you'll do fine.I'll keep you in my prayers..........T.F.L. norm

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  • norm
    norm Member Posts: 247
    edited January 2008

    Thanks for the words of support and prayers,Puppy!

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  • norm
    norm Member Posts: 247
    edited January 2008

    Hi,Faithhandfiffty,thank you for your comments and prayer's!I wish you had known Brenda and the kids(I wish everybody thats comes here knew them)They were so giving of thier love and friendship to whoever needed it!          T.F.L.   norm

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  • SISKimberly
    SISKimberly Member Posts: 762
    edited January 2008

    Norm,

    Glad to hear from you. I totally understand needing a break from writing. Glad to know that Eddie, his wife Sara, and your beautiful granddaughter, Leah are keeping you 'sane'. The emotional roller coaster is terrifying at times making you scream and cover your face, but also exhillerating(sp) at times...like when you're with Leah. Hold on tight as this ride won't be over for awhile...the grieving process takes time.



    Thanks for your advice and support regarding chemo. I am so totally shaving my head...taking control before it falls out. I have no doubt that I can get through it...not that I'm looking forward to it...but I know that I have what it takes to do it. I appreciate you keeping me in your prayers as I travel this road.



    I wish I had known your Brenda and the kids, too. Thank you for taking the time to share with all of us who they were... the beauty of their souls.



    Hey Puppy!

    FaithandFifty, what a wonderful message of support.



    One Step at a Time...moment by moment.

    Your SIS (Sister In Survival)

    Kimberly

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  • norm
    norm Member Posts: 247
    edited January 2008

    Hi Kimberley,just a short note to clarify something.Sara is my daughter,Leah is Sara's daughter and Eddie's wife is Micky who is having a baby in june.        I know if the chemo staff where you are going to are half as nice as the Prince George staff are,they will give you lots of tender care and support.They were a true blessing to us!!!!! T.F.L.  norm

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  • faithandfifty
    faithandfifty Member Posts: 10,007
    edited January 2008

    norm: thank you for generating the energy to communicate with us, your continuing story. we can pray so much more specifically when we are somewhat up-to-date and know of your emotional needs.

    your wife and the children live on thru your sharing stories with us.

    thank you for creating that legacy thru others who care so much for you in your loss.

    know that each day will begin to add a grain of restoration to your sanity. in the mean time, squeeze that grand-child tight and savor the new memories you create for your family here with you on Planet Earth.

    we saw the movie: P.S. I Love You and it made me think of your caring relationship and the goodness you were able to create for your foster family.

    i'm so glad that they were instantly transported to the heavens and allowed to enter there together. while your suffering is without boundaries, it sounds like they were able to fly away together and i know that's what you would have wanted.

    treasure the images you've stored in your heart. celebrate those times in your own way -- continue to light those candles and let the light shine directly into your heart.

    holding you up in prayer..........

    strength and courage for the journey

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  • SISKimberly
    SISKimberly Member Posts: 762
    edited January 2008

    Norm,

    Oh...thanks for the clarification. So Eddie and Sara are your son and daughter, and Sara is Leah's mommy, and Eddie is married to Micky, and they are expecting a child soon...that's wonderful...another little one to help you continue putting one foot in front of the other...the legacy you will pass on to them is priceless.

    SIS

    Kimberly

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  • faithandfifty
    faithandfifty Member Posts: 10,007
    edited January 2008

    Norm thinking of you tonight. Sending you healing energy.

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  • norm
    norm Member Posts: 247
    edited January 2008

    Thanks,faithandfifty,my prayer tonight is for a very kind person that start's her chemo tommorrow.Although I don't her well,I know she's going to be OKAY!!!!This site as been a true God Sent for me...Thank you one and ALL! Thanks. For. Listening.norm

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  • PuppyFive
    PuppyFive Member Posts: 2,808
    edited January 2008

    {{Norm}}

    "Thank You"

    My Prayer is God Bless You, and Your Heart!

    Also, for Your Very Kind Friend!!! {{Kimberly}}

    Puppy

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  • snowyday
    snowyday Member Posts: 1,478
    edited January 2008

    Hi Norm:  I'm so sorry for your loss, I will pray for you and Brenda and the Children.  I hope you can find a bereavement group it might bring you some comfort.  It's so hard to know what to say in case it's the wrong thing. I lost my fiance and two years later my bestfriend of over 20yrs.  The days were hard and the nights even harder. I prayed alot and took comfort from friends and family. Again I'm so sorry this happened to your family.  A big fat hug. Pearl 

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  • SISKimberly
    SISKimberly Member Posts: 762
    edited January 2008

    Hey Norm...thanks for your prayer...and PuppyFive for your hugs.

    Pearl, so sorry to hear of your losses as well. Even though time has passed for you...it still hurts doesn't it? I've been thinking a lot about my mom lately...passed almost 15 years ago...and my grandfather who passed almost 6 years ago. Both of cancer.



    Well, I made everyone smile with my Supergirl Cape and fancy chemotini glass. The nurses filled my glass 6 times (keeping hydrated is good...get that chemical mix out of the system as soon as possible) while I was there, and others commented on my glass and how they wanted a chemotini too. HeeHee. I took about 2 hours and 45 minutes to get through my chemical mixture, so not too bad. Terrie, my older sister, was with me first half until about noon, and Kathleen, my twin, did the second half...they didn't have room for two guests at one time.



    So far...no SEs to report, though I don't think they'll kick in until day 3 if they are going to this round. The Neulasta shot tomorrow has its own SE's to contend with...but, personally I've signed up for the no SE's plan. ;-)



    Thanks for checking in on me today. Hope you're doing as well as you can.



    Day by Day...Moment by Moment.

    Your SIS (Sister In Survival)

    Kimberly

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  • norm
    norm Member Posts: 247
    edited January 2008

    GREAT TO HERE THINGS WENT WELL WITH NO SE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Keep that sense of humor Kimberley,I know it helped Brenda and I when she went through chemmo.Really glad to here your sister's were there for you.         In the morning I'm going to fort saint james,(that's where Dean and Keennan's parent's live).I had some pic's of the kids and Brenda transfered into a spirtial background and enlarged and framed,so I'm going to give them to them. T.F.L. norm

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  • norm
    norm Member Posts: 247
    edited January 2008

    Thanks for the kind words and prayer's Pearl.Sorry for your loss!I know what you mean about not knowing what say,word's are too over rated.I feel comfort knowing that the folk's on this site care and are praying for us.  T.F.L.       norm

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