Starting Chemo in May 07

Virginia,  I hope your Dad gets to go home tomorrow.  This must be really hard for you.  Having my aunt die has made me think about how I'm going to handle my Dad dying.  He is the oldest sibling and he has recently been having a lot of heart and lung issues and had to triple his medication dose.  But he's still so active I can't imagine him getting that bad.

I'm so frustrated with my hair.  The ones that didn't fall out are getting long, but they are crazy too.  They just  stick out and don't even cover up my skull they're so thin.  I just hope my hair comes back! After the a/c is came in nice and thick within a month and this time it's not even close.  I'm scared.

Well I hope everyone's doing good today.  I have to go work and then I have a lunch date.  Talk to ya later. 

Liz - I am so sorry to hear about your aunt.  Big big hugs.

Virginia - It is SO stressful to have a parent hospitalized.  I so hope your dad gets to come home soon.

All - my echo came back normal! Woohoo.

And, scary day, my car died in the middle lane of the freeway, no warning, just kaput.  Very dangerous and very scary, and all's well that end's well, but it was scarier than cancer, which puts things in perspective to me.  Immediate peril vs. eventual I think?  In any case, everything that I was stressed out about this morning before the event, well all those little stressors now seem like a privilege.  So, seeing the gift in it.  Also, thank goodness for brave men with big trucks. 

I personally am going to have a stiff drink.  Anyone want to join me? 

hey girlies,

Well I've been really busy.  Sorry I haven't updated lately.  I'm having Chemo again tomorrow.  Its sorta scarey cause I have to drive 1 1/2 hours and the weather is suppose to be nasty in the pm.  Mom cant go with me so my son will go.  OH boy I hope I feel good enough to drive home.  LOL riding with my children scares me.  Actually he is a pretty good driver.  I just got new tires on my car today and an alignment.  So I dont have to worry about that anymore.

Anyway things are going well.  I will have the scans repeated on December 19th.  That worries me cause I'm wondering if the chemo is working.  I think it is because I had pain in my right side and that pain is gone.  Stopped a day after my first chemo.

Liz, so sorry to hear about your aunt.

Virginia- hope your dad gets to come home tomorrow.

Well I need to get ready for bed have a long day tomorrow.  Chemo should last about 4 hours and I have some training or something that the cancer center does before you have chemo for the first time at the clinic.  Kinda silly since I've already been through chemo and I've also already had chemo once from this new onc.  Guess cause the first time was in the hospital they want me to go through the training.

I'll update later.  Have a great day tomorrow.

CindyKS

Hi Ladies!

I'm so sorry about my last sad post. I'm feeling better. I had an appt with my PS today and he  told me to "stay calm and wait...the new ta ta's will change/get better". I had one of my bf's email me from Texas and ask me to send her pictures so I took pics of myself infront of the mirror. If anybody wants to see them....email me at traci@oceanliferealty.com and I'll send them to you. I do feel better though after having seen my PS.

Mtn.....I hope you had an absessed (sp?) tooth too! Please let us know.

Liz....I too am so sorry about your Aunt. Death sucks. Or, at least it does for those left behind! Who knows what it means to the people who die!  Are you going to have to do rads????

CindyMN .... how is the hair? Mine is short to but at least I don't have any bald spots anymore. Oh yea...today I took my hand held magnifying mirror and some scissors and cut the hair on my face. OMG!!!! I'm afraid to shave it like some of y'all did but ..... up close...I had so much hair! On my upper cheeks, by the end of my eyes, my lower cheeks and sideburns!!! It was/is growing down my neck! Great...I'm gonna end up looking like a monkey!

Cindy.....your comment on your leg hair coming in like a forest cracked me up! So is mine! And....my hair down there....omg...I may have to consider laser removal or wax....that thing is out of control! Has anybody done either of those? Comments/Suggestions? I'm not a "spa" kind of girl so I've never done either.

Virginia! Welcome back girl. I'm sorry about your dad. Don't know if you remember or not but, I lost my 65 yr old dad to cancer on July 27th of this year.  I hope you are o.k. in that regard girl. I can't believe you car! I would tell you a new one would be cheaper but in this day and age.....unless you feel like getting financially raped....a new car is not a good idea!

Mandy just needed to back off for awhile. She'll be back! She loves us I know it! I've had to too. Sometimes...no offense but ain't it great when you don't think about breastcancer.org for a few days!! Woo Hoo!! I really didn't all day this past Tuesday. My niece with the new baby called me crying. She couldn't get Kailey to stop crying and she was at her wits end. I went over there in the early afternoon and stayed until after dinner. It was such a distraction spending all my attention on that 7 week old baby. I loved it. It was hard too though. A couple of times, that poor little baby just wouldn't stop crying.

Amanda! Echo normal! That's awesome! I can't believe your car died in the middle of the freeway! That has never happened to me THANK GOD!!!!!!!!!!! It's so scary these days...you never know who might pull over. One time I was driving across Alligator Alley....a two lane road, one each way, that goes all across the state of Florida just north of the Miami area. There is NOTHING on this road for 2 1/2 hours. No street lights...nothing. Just a long paved road across the state that is framed by a wire fence to keep the alligators off the road. My car started to over heat. I was in my early 20's. I was in a real state of panic. I made it though and I vowed right then and there....I would always suffer with a car payment so I could have a newer, reliable (whatever) car!!! I can remember wishing I had a stiff drink then too!!!

CindyKS, your positive attitude amazes me. It really does. I hope with all my heart that this round is easy on you.

o.k..... I've written a book again. Sorry.

One last thing. Normally....I hate ice cream. My sister came to stay with me for two nights cuz she had job training that was an hour closer to my house. Well....on the first night, she came home with some  "Ben & Jerry's" Cherry Garcia ice cream. She asked me if I wanted some and I said "no thanks, I hate ice cream" (which...I do. I haven't eaten ice cream more than twice since I was 18. Well tonight....I was craving something but couldn't find anything so I decided to try the ice cream. OMG............I can't stop eating it. One serving has 240 calories, 21 grams of sugar, etc., etc......lovely. Thanks sis.

I love you girls.

Be in touch soon!

Traci

ps I got the funniest sign in the world today and it was!!! How do you put a pic on this freaking thing????!!!!!

CindyKS, Good luck with your chemo tomorrow!

Lar, Cheers!

Traci, Glad you're back.  I know it's only been a few days since you posted but it seemed like forever ... and I miss Mandy!  Yes, it seems like I'm going to do rads.  I'm going to have a talk with the rad onc still but I think I've resigned myself to it.  I am very afraid it's going to mess with my implants but I can't make the decision based on that.  Seems like the decision to get a mastectomy was easier than this decision!  I'm going to see a social worker tomorrow who works at the rad onc's office, so maybe she'll help me with all this.

Liz, I was really afraid of rads, too.  Much more than chemo I think.  We have it so ingrained in us all our lives how bad exposure to rads are ... causes cancer no less!  Yet here we are with cancer, and we're actually getting high doses of it directed right at us!  My lump margin was almost non-existent next to my chest muscle, so I was really worried about the high intensity dose they heaped on at the tumor site.  Way too close to lungs and heart for my comfort.  But I got a second opinion, in addition to talking for an hour with a rad onc nurse, and I was convinced the extra rads were worth it. 

Now that it's over and my skin has recovered completely from it, the piece of mind knowing I did what I could is invaluable.

Traci, I saw my gp and my dentist yesterday.  My gp says it is highly unlikely to be anything in my jaw and no place else, and that it's not all that uncommon for a jaw to light up.  My dentist took a panoramic xray and saw nothing dental.  Neither are cancer or radiology specialists, but my fears are calmed enough to stop obsessing over it.  I see my onc in early Jan, so I'll talk more with her about it.

Lar- you are funny...  I just wanted your first name b/c I felt funny calling you Mama!! 

Traci- glad to hear from you....  Like Liz says, even when you are silent for just a couple of days, it feels like forever...

Liz- still thinking of you and the loss of your Aunt...  I do feel for you...

My daddy is good...  He's such a mush...  He and I were talking to one of his nurses last week about ME and he was all blubbery and sad.  Broke my heart...made me cry and I said, "But I'm good now Daddy..."  Must kill our parents to watch us go through this.

Sue!  Welcome!  I cut my hair to shoulder length.  I actually brought a picture of a wig to the hair salon in March---she cut my hair to look like the wig.  Then in May I started chemo...and my sister shaved my head.  In the mean time, right after my very first chemo treatment, I went to the wig man "Mr. William" and he gave me a wig that looked very much like my real hair and like the picture...

uh oh...gotta run to a lunch meeting...  Got to work late today and I'm goofing off!  oh, NO NERVE hitting for my treatment today!  Whoo hoo!  I had my FAVE nurse and she slipped the needle right in with NO incident!  My little niece was there...sat on my lap...  And my friend from the Netherlands gave me a kiddie book about the zoo (this is the friend I went to the Bronx zoo with a while back).  Anyhow, I read the book to Nikki and it made me smile.  I will try and download the picture.

Oh, Traci...there is a "tutorial" on here somewhere on how to post a pic.  I will try and figure it out.

Ok, dang...I am really late now!!

HUGS!!!!

Virginia

Thanks guys.  No I didn't receive my report.  When I was in the office it hadn't been sent over so it was verbal.  I asked for it when they get it and the receptionist said when she gets the second report (surgery of Dec. 17) she will give both to me.  The only things I do know is the tumor was 2cm. One lymph node had cancer cells,one didn't and it's estergin based.  3 months ago I was clueless about breast cancer and here I am living it...It still doesn't seem real

sue

Here's the tutorial to post pictures on the web-site...I haven't looked at it or tried it...  I might this weekend.  We'll see.  Dad will hopefully be coming home tomorrow... It's snowing here in NJ...I'm ready to go home and hybernate!!

http://tamako.milkcafe.to/luv/bco_photobucket/index.htm

hey ladies,

Chemo went well today.  They gave me benadryl and I slept for about an hour during it.  I drove half way home and then had my son drive.  He's a good driver.  It's just the idea of riding  with my child.  LOL

Have a good weekend everyone,

CindyKS

Hi Mandy,

I know what you mean about ambivalence in being here.  When you're thinking cancer, you want to be here for support.  But we strive not to think cancer and being here makes that hard not to do.

On being topless, I never did get a wig.  It being summertime and all, I just couldn't imagine the heat and discomfort.  So I pretty much just went bald, and wore a hat if I was traveling outside my comfort zone.  I fortunately work from home, so it was pretty much just friends and neighbors who saw me.  I'm also in a fairly small town, so everyone knew what was going on.

But it felt soooo good in early September to walk through an airport and get stares, not because I looked sick, but because I looked funky in my 1/2" platinum do.  Here's what I looked before dx, 2 months post chemo, and just post rads (I'm still a redhead now ... just toned down a little):

Hi, everyone!  Sooo good to hear from you, Mandy.  I do understand your need to be away, but we do miss your interesting comments.  By the way, I think you are very attractive!  Don't think less!  Enjoy your time off...being a teacher I'll get 2 weeks off myself...we're flying to southern Mississippi...should be fun! 

Sounds like lots of us are in the same boat with aging parents.  My hubby and I both have our parents alive, but aging.  Sorry about your dad, Traci...I'd forgotten.  Glad your dad is home, Virginia.

Lar - Love your pics...thanks for sharing.  I'm still trying to post pics...thanks for the help, Virginia...now I just need time and energy to do it!  You look great in all the pics!  You're a beautiful lady!  How long ago did you say you finished chemo?  Your hair is getting pretty long. Did you dye it?  That's what I plan to do.  Did you do it yourself or go to a salon?

Thinking of all of you...Liz, Traci, CindyKS (How was the weather this last week?), Cindy,  Sue, Amy, LeeAnne, etc.  Enjoy this Christmas season...God has blessed us all...we are here and most of us are feeling quite well!  Love you all...Lorain

Mtn Mama - your pictures are so pretty!  It's so funny these days, I look at pictures of bald women without alarm, just thinking hey, there's another beautiful bald woman!!  Nice that we all come out of the wood work some times.

Virginia - hope things continue to improve with your dad.   I fear something's wrong with my mom - in a certain light the other day the white's of her eyes looked yellow...I so hope that I'm wrong.

Mandy - so good to "see" you, I got so used to your posts.  But I totally understand not wanting to live in cancerland, but out in the world really living our lives.  That's the biggest tribute to what we've been through I think.  And yes, I would like your email.

Traci - how are the ta-ta's this week?  Shaping up yet??

Funny story - last night, after mom's bday dinner, I asked my mom to put my leftovers in dad's car, and if she had the keys.  She said, yes, I have keys but I don't have the car.  We have to wait for the car to get here.  And I was soooo tired (this trip has been a lot for me) that the last part didn't register at all...(after all, I'd put things in the car earlier, why wouldn't it be where I left it) and when I finally realized what it was that I wasn't understanding (call it chemo brain, rads brain or fibro fog, what have you), we both laughed til we cried, sat there gasping for air and laughing.   It was a good moment. 

And newbie, deep breaths, it'll be ok.  Perserverance is the key.  For me, I found I got better treatment if - and this is going to sound funny - if I pretended that I was a child I loved.  Because for them, I would go to the moon, but for myself, not always.  Kind of an odd trick, but it worked.

Love to you all,

Amanda 

LeeAnne....

See how you are. You get a boyfriend and all of the sudden we get put on the back burner. Didn't you ever see White Christmas????

"Lord help the Mister...that comes between me and my sister...."!! (j/k) I'm so happy you are doing good. So happy.

Liz....have you made a decision about rads? Sorry if I missed something.

((((((Mandy)))))) Stop in when you can girl. We love you.

Amanda....forgive me but...I read your dad car story three times and don't get it. Help! What, did dad drop you and mom off? I wanna laugh! I don't get it......and, my ta ta's ..... well, let's just say the "pain" is going away. They are getting softer but, they are flat and I fear, the scar is going to "indent" the boob. Whatever. I don't care at this point. Maybe I'll look into something else a couple of years from now. I just can't wait until my Dr's appts are at least a few months apart.

Virginia.....boy...my Boys pulled it out of their you know what's yesterday. What a nail biter. They didn't show the Dallas game on here on regular t.v. so after church...I got home about 12:30 (the game starts at 1:00) I decided to hop in my car and go to a sports bar and watch it. Well....as I pulled into the parking lot of the little sports bar by my house I realized I didn't have anything on my head! No scarf, hat, nothing. I thought "crap"!!! Well, it was my Cowboys about to start in like 5 minutes so I got out of my car and walked into that bar, all by myself with my 1/2 inch of hair! It was fine. Nobody said...or stared a thang. Like Mandy said....I guess at this point, it looks deliberate! Woo Hoo! (I still hate it though)

k....I'm going to check out the picture thing.

oh yea.....Mtnmama....glad to hear the jaw thing wasn't anything and Sue....welcome to our crazy little group. It get's crazy in here when I've had too much to drink and Virginia goes to Vegas and everybody else just gets on a role! Stick around...you'll be cracking up.

Hugs, Traci

CindyKS....you are in my constant thoughts girl.

Virginia.....what??? That link didn't help me. """""""""""crying'"""""""""""" I wanna post a picture..........