my son's 6th grade teacher has mets

wallan · December 2007

wallan · December 2007

Hi everyone:

Well, I went to my son's parent-teacher interview last night. The teacher spilled her guts to me about how she has mets to her spine, hips, and liver.

She is obviously scared. She didn't know about my breast cancer, so of course I shared. Do you know how the doctors told her? They called her at work while she was in the classroom and told her. All the kids were there. How horrible is that!

She was dx one year and a half ago with her primary breast cancer. She had chemo, rads, lumpectomy and she came back to work this Sept feeling great, she said. She did not think her cancer would recurr.

She said in Aug at her follow-up everything was fine. And then, towards the end of Sept she developed a sore back and she said it felt like a kidney infection. So she went to her family doctor. Well, they did blood work and she said something was elevated, but she didn't know what. So then they did the CT scan, ultrasound and bone scan and found the mets. She feels fine she says except that her hip has started to bother her. She was limping a bit.

To top it all off, her partner of 8 years, left her because he couldn't deal with it. Even though she nursed him when he was dx with prostate cancer several years ago. Can you believe it?

I feel heartsick for her. I wish I could do something for her. She obviously is in emotional and spiritual pain because she poured this out to me before she knew about my own cancer AND we had only met briefly once before.

What do you suggest I should do for her? \

Wendy A

Anonymous · December 2007

Wendy

The only thing I know for you to do is to reach out to her....try to be there for her and show her this site....we will all circle around her and help however we can....

Hugs

Jule

roseg · December 2007

I would respect whatever her decision about telling her students has been.

If she has told them then discuss it with your son.

If she has not discussed it with her students then respect that and don't bring it up with your son.

I think God brought you into her life for a reason.

BethNY · December 2007

I agree-- definitely tell her about this site. She obviously needs a lot of love and support right now, and who better to give it then us?

The fact that her Doctor told her via the phone, and while she was at work is disgusting. I guess I've just always thought that if I ever had a bad scan or something that pointed to mets, I would expect my onc to call me into her office to give me the news.

Maybe you could research some support groups in the area and pass the info along to her.

TenderIsOurMight · December 2007

Oh what a horrible and too often repeated story: early stage to early mets, cared for partner exits the seen, and life threatening news given in such an unprofessional, uncaring way.

Wendy, one think I thought of is to introduce her to your doctor should you feel comfortable with doing so. She's going to need a lot of caring from her nurses and physicians.

This dear teacher needs treatment, not teaching now. Maybe you might help her find and file the short term leave forms at your son's school, to allow her to get on to chemotherapy or such as well as emotional equilibrium.

Acting as an ombudswoman for her, should you have the sustenance capacity yourself, may be a god send. Just a few well selected helps may mean all the difference to her future path.

So sorry to read this, and hope she comes here.

Tender

Anonymous · December 2007

Oh, Wendy, how horrible for that doctor to be so insensitive!

Okay, now I'm worried. I know this is not about me. I haven't said anything here because...I don't know why. I noticed my left side of my back around my kidney area was hurting...at first just a twinge. Then it really got bad...so bad that I could hardly get out of bed or turn over. It's not bad now, just there. I can't "feel" the spot where it hurts. Also, one day I had some sharp pains on the left side about where my ovaries are. Oh, geez, I try not to worry. And I feel a twinge sorta in my hip, buttocks area.

I see my primary tomorrow. I'm too busy to have "something" happen now...it's CHRISTMAS! Yell I had my biopsy and was given my dx right after Christmas three years ago. I'm sticking my head in the sand! Cry

Shirley

badboob67 · December 2007

Wendy,

What a difficult situation! I am absolutely appalled that the teacher received the diagnosis over the phone AT WORK! And to have to deal with a relationship breaking up, too. How perfectly awful.

I also have a son in 6th grade. We have recently gone through the loss of a family friend from bcmets. She worked at the school and her passing was quite a shock because it happened so quickly. My son's teacher is aware of my dx (the entire staff at my boys' schools are), but I don't think it occurred to her that my son's recent problem with "acting up" in class might be related to his anxiety about the passing of our friend and my current condition.

It is so apparent that the teacher is needing someone to talk to. I do hope you will share the URL to our message board here. I think she can get lots of information and support that way.

Whatever else you do is dependent on what you are comfortable with. It will also be an issue that you need to explain to and discuss with your son. It is important that he understands there are differences among people with the same disease and no two people with breast cancer are going to have the same experience. I imagine there would also be concern for the teacher's privacy.

I don't really know what else you can "do" for her, but please do let her know that I will be praying for her as I do all the wonderful people here on the boards. If she does decide to join the message boards, please let me know. I will be happy to talk with her.

(((HUGS)))
Diane

wallan · December 2007

Thanks everyone for your kind words.

I have decided I will call her. I will tell her about this site of course.

And I am going to go with her (if she is willing of course) to a dear friend of mine who is a music therapist thru' hospice. This greatly helped me when I was first diagnosed. Of course, the word "hospice" might freak her out, but in this case, hospice refers to a place where you can go and get some much needed support and safety to talk about her issues. It is not a residential hospice or anything.

My son told me he has a substitute teacher almost everyday of the week these days. I didn't know that before. And she has told her class. She told me that herself. She said the kids were so understanding and compassionate. And I can believe it too. We underestimate kids capacity, I think.

She has been a teacher for 30 years or something like that and she says she wants her the kids to get excited about learning. This means alot to her. So, being a "scientist", I thought I could go into the classroom sometime and show the kids some really cool stuff and get them excited about science. She would appreciate this I think. I haven't shared this with her yet.

Thanks for caring, gals. I knew you would all know what to do.

Wendy A

Fitztwins · December 2007

Wendy, sounds like she needs a friend. Anything that you can do would be great. There is a reason why she shared. I beleive.

Damn cancer.

Janis

Catherine · December 2007

I am sorry to hear this. A dear friend of ours is having surgery today. She was recently diagnosed with cancer wrapped around her kidney. It spread to her spine (20 tumors) and to her mouth. She had surgery to remove one of her kidneys and today they are removing the tumor in her mouth. She is only 47. Also she just found out that it's spread to her legs and shoulder. She's been going through chemo, but apparently it's not working.

Please keep her in your prayers as I am very worried.

Catherine

my son's 6th grade teacher has mets

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