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  • my3girls
    my3girls Member Posts: 3,766
    edited November 2007

    Hi sue!!

    Glad to hear you made it through your first treatment pretty well.  The sickness will subside...it did with me!

    I just felt tired after days 4-10, then after day 10, I felt so much better!  I could not tolerate coffe, tea or any type of soda's or sweets throughout my treatments.  Really was not a bad thing.

    I cant believe you saw something on the Wizard of Oz at the hospital!! How is that for fate??  It would be so incredible if any or all of us could meet some day!

    I met with my PS today for the first time.  I walked out of the office with a huge smile on my face!! Decisions to make yet, but I think I know which way I will go.  Planning on doing my reconstruction at the beginning of the new year. Bring on 2008....it's got to be a better year for all!!

    Take care dear Sue...Hugs and Kisses!

    Lisa

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  • sueps
    sueps Member Posts: 2,266
    edited November 2007

    Please help ...I cant stop crying...I don't want to die...I love my boys so much , I can't leave them behind, they are so loving and thoughtful..... I can't stop crying....it is too painful...is this a treatment reaction.....I can't do this

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  • geebung
    geebung Member Posts: 1,851
    edited November 2007

    Dear Sue,

    Just checking to see how you are. I so hope the nausea passes soon and you start to feel better. Your courage is humbling. And you are SO courageous! Who wouldn't be impatient to have this treatment over with?!

    Love & hugs,

    gb 

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  • Lucy1234
    Lucy1234 Member Posts: 289
    edited November 2007

    sue

    deep breaths!

    you can do it sue. get out youur pen and wright down ur negative thoughts. THEN THROW THEM AWAY.

    just try and breath through it. Its a panIc attack that WILL pass.

    just think  of me scaring everyone with my new knockers!

    poppy

    x

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  • sueps
    sueps Member Posts: 2,266
    edited November 2007

    Poppy thankyou ...so much ..it was definitelty a panic attack looking back...you taught me something tonight xxxxxxxx

    This disease is sooo bloody rubbish....

    It is so good to see you , you are doing great xxxxxxxxxxx

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  • sueps
    sueps Member Posts: 2,266
    edited November 2007

    gb ...it is so good to see you...I hope you are OK and the weather isn't too hot .Thankyou for your strength.... I miss you xxx

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  • Valsul
    Valsul Member Posts: 160
    edited November 2007

    Sweet sweet Sue, this is all just a reaction to the chemo.  You will get through this, and you will be there for your boys.  Just look at your signature and I will remind you about not complaining about your wrinkles when I meet you when you are 80. WinkLaughing

    But you did the right thing - you came here to let it out and there were loving sisters ready to lift your spirits.

    You're doing FINE - yes, really you are, and all this other guff is all part of this tough chemo journey.  You can have your down moments, and these are soon followed by the lighter ones.

    The beauty of folk from the US and OZ supporting you is that when the UK is asleep, there is someone on either side of the world wide awake to help you through.

    Sleep well, sweetheart, rest assured that this all part of the path.

    Big hug (((((Sue)))))

    Valerie S

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  • portiasproudmom
    portiasproudmom Member Posts: 2,125
    edited November 2007

    Oh Sue, are you feeling any better?  Did having a good cry help?  I definitely felt depressed for a few days after my chemo when I was feeling physically ill.  What you're experiencing is normal.  I can't imagine anyone not feeling down while going through something like this.  You are NOT going to die, Sue!  Not from this.  It was caught early, your nodes were clear, and this chemo will make certain that any stray cancer cells are ZAPPED to bits!!  Please stop dwelling on the triple negative.  Our "Good Witch" Shirlann will have to have another chat with you when she returns from her cruise!

    Love and hugs,

    Karen

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  • sueps
    sueps Member Posts: 2,266
    edited November 2007

    Karen & Valerie...thankyou from the bottom of my soul...I really panicked..it came over me.,...what a depressing illness....

    I love you both....I can't get through things without the closeness I have here.....

    I am going to bed now...and hopefully to work if I feel like it...but I am def cutting my hours to 9 3 the week after the chemo..as it is just not possible to work til 6pm and drag on a rush hour drive til 7pm....it is gruelling....

    Hopefully this will pass by nrxt week....

    Sweet dreams....I want us all to survive this ..... I pray every night for all of us.....I LOVE YOU ALL xxxx

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  • my3girls
    my3girls Member Posts: 3,766
    edited November 2007

    Sue, I just logged on and saw your cry for help! I am sorry I wasnt on to add my hugs and soothing words.  The ladies here gave you comfort and they are right...it is soo normal to feel panicked.  I did allot of crying when I first started chemo.  It is so foreign and you really can't be prepared for how your emotions will react.

    Take care, and don't work too much.  I felt like I had to work as much as possible, then my wise father said...you are going through all of these treatments to heal and beat this illness, don't wear yourself out, working so much...YOU NEED TO TAKE CARE OF YOU!! So, let your body tell you, I am tired..then rest! Please!!

    Our trip to OZ....keep that out in front of your mind!  You and your boys have many,many,many years ahead of you!!

    Love, Hugs & prayers to you!

    Lisa

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  • honeygirl
    honeygirl Member Posts: 1,718
    edited November 2007

    Hi SueSmile! I'm so sorry you had a meltdown. Anxiety runs high after chemo. I thought it was more of a roller coaster ride just after tx. Try to hang in there. You will start feeling better soon. Your system just had a big jolt by the chemo. It will start to settle down soon. I felt like this too. I remember crying and telling my OH that I couldn't do this anymore. Then , I woke up the next day and went to my tx. It was a moment and it passed. Xanax helped too! When I would feel like this , I would really concentrate on the results of chemo and why I was doing it. Results meaning  that it was zapping any left over bad cells. And that was a good thing. And thats a good thing we all have in common. May 26th. will be here before you know it. And it will be spring almost summer and you will be renewed just like the fresh new grass and flowers. Hugs and prayers , Melody

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  • Karyll
    Karyll Member Posts: 235
    edited November 2007

    Hey Sue and everyone - for the most part I have been UP UP UP and "Fakin it till I make it" Today, I did not have the oomph to fake the make so I was very quiet and reserved at work. It just seemed like too much energy to explain. I just said, I am fine but a bit "internal" today. I think this may be the first day I have not been able to shake the blues but I know tomorrow will be bettter. It is the fatigue. I find all the drugs make me different. The steroids give me a buzz where I feel like I can take on the world but don't really want to. The anti nauseants so far have kept me nausea and vomit free (the metoclopromide/maxeran got me through a couple of times in between treatment just FYI Sue - it also helps heartburn. But today was just woe is me - hate that - its not like me, and I am sure it is the emotional part of being on the "downer days" with no steroids. Plus staff is expecting me to be "up" all the time, and they are just going to have to face that sometimes I am wayyyyyyyyy tired.

      I went to get the free face stuff today and they put eyebrows on me to shame me.. LMAO, now THAT did make me smile. I look like Kojak if any of you remember him or one of the Marx brother. I will tone it down when I do it for real. They gave me one knee high stocking to go under wig, or scarf to help keep it in place.... and lots of free creams and potions. ALl made up and nowhere to go.. thank heavens.

      Emotional highs and lows seem to be the norm, and when I feel myself dwelling in that black pit - I just keep crawling up and up until the depths don't have the tendrils on my ankles anymore. It is a visual for me that works usually. I am just very very tired and I guess if that is my worst complaint I am doing well.

    Onwards and forwards - Chemo #4 on the 29th which is a source of anxiety because I do not know what to expect with the Taxotere. I have read the symptoms but I have had differnt things happen. I have to say thank heavens for being able to go to work or I might sit in my cave and wallow..... But I do love that expression Brain Lint!!! It is so appropriate. Thank you for that. Thank you one and all for getting me through even the blue days.

    Karyll

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  • livesstrong
    livesstrong Member Posts: 1,799
    edited November 2007

    Sweet Sue,

    Hope you are sleeping soundly by now.  I'm sooo sorry I wasn't here for you tonight.

    You'll come to realize that your behavior is driven by the drugs.  Tonight was a perfect example of that.  You had a steriod meltdown. Just keep saying to yourself "its not me, its the drugs" and you'll be fine.

    {{Hugs}}} to you and everyone else that's having a tough time of it.

    Valerie

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  • sueps
    sueps Member Posts: 2,266
    edited November 2007

    Hello everyone xxx

    Thankyou for all your kindness....I can't begin to tell you how much all of you mean to me xxxx

    Today I worked 8am - 4pm...but the nausea is really beginning to get me down...the cravings are abismal...since I got in from work I have eaten a melon, chix soup ...brocolli, sprouts ,carrots with pepper and salad cream..... I hated the sickness like this when I was expecting......will it stop !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Also strange thing my skin is tinged with orange Surprised I look like I have been tangoed!!

    Well I am still melting down...running out of steam not to break down...I keep going to the edge and crying that I do not want to die....I don't even know if I can get through 28 weeks of this  ....... it's all too traumatic....I feel like ending it sporadically if I am really honest....I am weak ....

    ....Much Love xxx

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  • Valsul
    Valsul Member Posts: 160
    edited November 2007

    No you are not weak. You are so normal - we all felt like that and Sue, I didn't work when I did chemo - so you are a warrior, not weak at all.

    Keep on in there - so you have cravings - eat when the steroids drive and slow down when they don't.  This won't last forever.  Don't think of it in terms of 28 weeks - that's the mountain, don't forget.  Think in terms of making it through to the next tx.  You will feel better soon, I promise.  Hang on in ((((hugs Sue))))

    We are here for you xxxxx

    Valerie S

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  • Valsul
    Valsul Member Posts: 160
    edited November 2007

    And hey look at what you are eating!!  How healthily is that? All that veg?

    At least you haven't had OH driving 20 miles with you just to get a Burger King Angus Burger with the works and wolfing it down when you got it.  I did.  Now that's what you call craving....Surprised

    You don't feel like it but you are doing fine.

    Much love

    Valerie S

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  • sueps
    sueps Member Posts: 2,266
    edited November 2007

    LOL Valerie...that would be terrible if I had a craving for burger king...we don't have one near us...but I did have a fat steak and cheese subway with chilli sauce on today and a ton of tomato soup...

    Do these cravings and nausea ease between treatments....what nausea meds did anyone find worked....it is really miserable...just had to have a whole beetroot right now...big grrrrr  xxx

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  • livesstrong
    livesstrong Member Posts: 1,799
    edited November 2007

    Dear Sue,

    Hang in there or Auntie Em is going to give you a lickin'.  Like Valsul, I didn't work through chemo either - WE were the wimps!!! LOL.

    The nausea will subside, I promise.  By next week you'll be feeling a whole lot different.  I don't remember craving anything - but I was on different drugs.

    Don't think of it in weeks, think of it in number of treatments, its easier that way.

    Just  keep following the yellow brick road................

    Valerie

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  • Lucy1234
    Lucy1234 Member Posts: 289
    edited November 2007

    Poor you...

    I hate feeling sick.

    I have just got home, really tired and swollen. I feel like im laying on a waterbed (fluid in my back)

    They took the bandages off before I left, I look like the bride of ffrankinstein! The worse thing was when they took out the drains that where put in my back. It felt like somone was pulling my insides out (pretty gross!)

    Sue just take it one day at a time, you are not going to give up because you are younge and fit and are in the best position to beat this!

    Take your moods as they come they are not YOU they are just a passing feeling that will change.

    Sending you lots of love (not hugs they hurt!) LOL

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  • sueps
    sueps Member Posts: 2,266
    edited November 2007

    Gosh Auntie Em ...LOL...Follow the yellow brick road...do you know something my treatment plan is a grid of yellow and red....it is like a bloomin yellow brick road....and for some reason then I just had the seven dwarfs theme in my head.... hi ho hi ho it's off to work we go!...Whats wrong with me!  I was crying a few mins ago....for goodness sake....Sueps...

    I am very frightened by bootface....I am very weak right now...I feel very down in the black hole..... over the edge...no way out xxx

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  • sueps
    sueps Member Posts: 2,266
    edited November 2007

    Poppy ...are you coming out of hospital soon.....I hope you are still feeling OK ...we all think of you xxx

    Lots of Love xxx

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  • Lucy1234
    Lucy1234 Member Posts: 289
    edited November 2007

    Sorry Sue edited my message check it out

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  • lvtwoqlt
    lvtwoqlt Member Posts: 6,162
    edited November 2007

    sue,

    Sometimes it is the unusual thoughts that keep us going. Yesterday my husband called and sang (hummed) the theme to Dudley DooRight when he was rescuing a delivery from a truck (lorry) that had a run in with a deer and the meeting was a draw.

    I like to watch funny movies to keep my spirits up when it seems like I can't go on. Laughter is the best medicine.

    Sheila

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  • NeelyN2
    NeelyN2 Member Posts: 11
    edited November 2007

    Hi Sue. My name is Neely and I was diagnosed with breast cancer when I was 30yrs. I had a mastectomy followed by the horrible chemo. I am now 33yrs old and undergoing my 3rd breast reconstruction attempt.  I also did not work during chemo and I have no children.  You are stronger than you think! Chemo or not, I still have my moments when I have a 'melt down'. The chemo will pass and you will see your children grow up! I hope this helped

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  • sueps
    sueps Member Posts: 2,266
    edited November 2007

    Thankyou every one soooooooo  much...I am so pleased you are home Poppy...you will feel better at home......I cannot thank you enough for your advice on getting thru these moments....they have warmed me no end...you are so very very helpful and I am humbled considering your discomfort right now xxxxxxxxxxx

    Neely ...you have helped me so much with your post...it is so good to hear of survivors ...... I just keep hugging my sons I can't get enough of them.....I need to breathe them xxxx

    Well I just called chemo helpline and my o/h gone down for some different nausea meds as I am traumatised.....hes getting ones that work on the brain as oppose to stomach....

    Last time I had cravings like this was when I was expecting my twins and one of them died at 11 months old...I think its brought a lot of post trauma back....the sickness is exactly like pregnancy for me...

    Thankyou x a zillion....YOU ARE ALL EXTREMELY BRAVE.....I COULD SQUEEZE YOU ALL UP.....SOFTLY FOR YOU POPPY... XX

    Much Love xxxx I have chemo brain..keep doing typos xxx

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  • sueps
    sueps Member Posts: 2,266
    edited November 2007

    Poppy I have come over all warm inside knowing you will be sleeping in your own bed tonight safe at home xxx You are on the road ...the only way is up !   xxxxxxxx

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  • NeelyN2
    NeelyN2 Member Posts: 11
    edited November 2007

    I only hope to still be able to one day experience the joy of motherhood.  I envy every time I hear someone is having a baby. Keep loving your kids, that in itself gives you the strength and ability to keep moving forward.

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  • sueps
    sueps Member Posts: 2,266
    edited November 2007

    Thankyou so much Neely ..from the bottom of my heart....one day you will have a baby and all this turmoil will be behind us xxx

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  • sueps
    sueps Member Posts: 2,266
    edited November 2007

    Neely were you able to do any hormone treatment...my tumour was triple negative  xxx

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  • livesstrong
    livesstrong Member Posts: 1,799
    edited November 2007

    Sue, All those thoughts are the steriods.  I remember when DH was on them for his lymphoma - One minute he was laughing hysterically the next crying hysterically.  He even had moments of very dirty talk!!!  Embarassed  lol.  It was all way too strange and definitely not him.

    My point is, its the bloomin drugs!!!

    YOU WILL GET THRU THIS!!!! 

    Valerie

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