Starting Chemo in JAN 2007

Caya, I am blown away at how well this Effexor is working for me.  Like you, I NEVER in a bazillion years saw myself on an anti-depressant.  EVER.  Did I mention ever?    I began it about the beginning of Oct. and I saw a marked difference at about 4 weeks later.  I began feeling better rather quickly, but really took note of it the last two weeks.  It is amazing.  It's like a serotonin transplant.  Plus, losing 5+ lbs. has been nice.  It's the only antidep. I've heard of where weight loss is a side effect vs. gain.  Can't say enough good about it.  I am going to become a spokesperson for Effexor and Emend, my chemo antinausea drug.  (Funny, I never barfed but I STILL cannot eat at Chipotle after eating there on chemo day #1.)

Caya, thank God you mentioned having a MUGA this week.  I totally forgot I have an echo. today.  Speaking of which, what is the diff. btw. a MUGA and an echocardiogram I wonder...

I also only remembered my Herceptin infusion last Thurs. a day or two before.  I don't think it's chemo brain.  I think it's that I'm starting to get on w/my life a bit and I'm forgetting about the medical stuff more so...  it's so much easier to put this behind you when you have some hair.  I didn't realize how much of an impact that had until now that I have some hair again.  I didn't really mind the whole scarf thing...  not that I liked it, but it was just the cost of doing business.  But, I feel a lot better now that there is no visible sign of cancer.

Nancy, try not to stress about the pap.  I had my first abnormal one in my early 20's, had a colposcopy...  they have been normal now for years.  You can have abnormal ones for a while and then they revert to normal.  I did not hear about tamoxiFUN causing yet that too (abnormal paps).

Cindy, will be waiting to hear from you...and hoping for an easy wake up w/no nausea from anesthesia.  I've become somewhat of an anesthesia phobe.

Melia, sounds like a good deal at your job.  I'd try to relax, accept any/all help and just get through the three years.  You'll be home free after that.  And boy do we know how fast a year can go!  Glad your trip is over and was successful.

Cindy, we are all thinking of you and surrounding you with strength and love.

Melia

Cindy, we're with you today, you will be fine!

Joni, those are great pictures...you have tons of hair!

Melia, I'm glad you stood up for yourself about those business trips.  I can totally relate, they are grueling.  I remember the days when it was really cool to go on a business trip...wow, I get to go to new places and they pay.  Now, I'd just rather be home.

I still haven't downloaded the pics from my vacation yet, but will.  I'm trying to get my XMAS shopping done and am about 1/2 done.  My mom is still living with us, so it's just been a challenge around the house lately.  She/we did put an offer in on a mobile home...just need it to pass inspection and Mom's moving out in a couple weeks. woo hoo!  I love my mom, but it's really hard living with her.  I'm sure she feels the same.  She'll only be 15 minutes away (she used to live 45 minutes away), so she'll be close by and be able to help after my surgery.  We'll also get to see each other more often.

I bought myself an iphone the other day...it's really cool!

gotta get to work, have a great day!

love and hugs,

Lynn

Skye dear - You may say OY!!

xoxo Caya

Skye, that Grendel is just so adorable I can not take it!  What a cute little face!  His mom is absolutely beautiful…she has such a wonderful expression on her face in that photo (love the ears).  8 boobs….NO THANKS!!!!! Sheesh.  Parking tickets caught up with DS, eh?  Owen and I saw a car with a boot on it in a parking lot the other day and he had a very hard time wrapping his brain around what it was for and why anyone would let something like that be put on their car unless they had a key.  Maybe it is a male thing.  We have been having plumbing issues as well…my washer has gone berserk and has flooded the basement 4 times in the last two days.  I have to watch it carefully when it fills to make sure it does not run over because the pressure switch is not working.  I ordered the part last night…hope it gets here soon because a washing machine is NOT optional in a family of 5!

Lynn glad you are home, and great to hear that you had a fun time….I am sure you will post some pics of your trips to paradise…..I hear you on being sick of Drs…I have had a nice break from them, but I just looked at my calendar and I have an appointment each Monday for the next 4 weeks or so….Flu shot, Dentist, mammogram, MRI.  BLECH!!!!  I also found out that since I have implants, I always have to go for diagnostic mammograms….so I guess I get to camp out there (they said to expect to be there about 3 hours or so).  On the plus side, no waiting for results since I will be seeing the radiologist personally I am sure.

Tina I hate it when a restaurant  gets a good review like that and the food is awful.  Makes me sick, and makes me question the objectivity of the papers.

Melia, good for you on seeing the need to delegate!  I agree with what the others have said, you should definitely stick it out the last three years (clearly you have skills, and they want you!) but there is no need to torment yourself.

Happy birthday Mary!  Sounds like you had a nice time as well.

Jan I hope your munchkin is feeling better.  Nothing is more miserable than a sick three year old….except maybe the three year old’s mom!

Joni you look awesome!  That looks like a great trip.

Caya hang in there!

OK, I think I am up to date now with old posts…..

Oh Amera I hear you and I sympathize for sure.  I am in very much the same boat.  I often find myself questioning my teaching skills, and at times I have been afraid to face my English Comp class for fear of analyzing something wrong or explaining something improperly.  My lexicon is hopelessly scrambled and very, very slow  I can not concentrate for as long as I used to be able to, and multitasking is waaaaaay beyond me.  When I am required to do things that the "old me" would have done without a thought I find myself getting anxious and sometimes lashing out.  It is very frustrating. Sigh.  I do not know when the chemobrain will end, or if it will.  In the meantime I carry a notepad now, and leave a trail of reminder notes everywhere I go.

{{{Amera}}} 

I wonder if part of the chemobrain thing is an underlying current of still being distracted/obsessed/worried about the whole BC thing.  Even though it's not at the forefront of our minds as much as it was before, it's still always there and I'm sure that's competing for "brain space" with the stuff we are trying to concentrate on.

I haven't had to take any classes in a long time but I do notice that when I do things that require concentration, i.e. I did the DH's resume yesterday, I try to avoid it like the plague.  I just don't have the level of concentration I used to back when I was working.  Of course, then, I had only myself to worry about too.  If it were now, I'd be working and multi tasking in my brain about the bazillion things I'd have to do after work for the kids, etc.  I def. recall that while on chemo I'd have to re-read paragraphs several times before they'd sink in.  I've always been a rather "quick" person too...(if I do say so myself ...  meaning that I could read/process/respond very fast...sometimes too much so, I'm sure.

Had my echo. yesterday and of course, they give you zero indication of how it went.  Not worried, but I'm sure this is a contributor to the mild undercurrent of anxiety that courses through me each day.

I agree Tina, I think that at least part of it is a result of distraction, worry, and and perhaps a touch of depression (at least in my case).  I do not, however, think that this is enough to explain the changes in my thinking and the decrease in quickness I have experienced.  I truly think that the chemo damages the brain, causing these rather subtle defecits.  There does seem to be some research emerging that supports this notion...this after Drs scoffed at us for YEARS about chemobrain.  Survivals stats are now very high, so the population exists to study such things....I am sure we will be vindicated in the end!  Chemo-fog sisters UNITE!

Hey Ladies,

Caya, thanks for the OY! I ended up having to drive to Illinois, though not downtown Chicago thank goodness, yesterday with a chunk of cash that needs to be repaid to me now. DS had a worse time than that, spending many hours trudging back and forth on train, bus and foot and dealing with the downtown city government. I think he has learned his lesson on parking tickets. I'll say it again, OY!



Rebecca, 8 boobs would be SO over the top, wouldn't it? Poor little Lhasa mommie. And she is a very pretty dog. Grendel's genetics should be good.



Amera, Rebecca, Tina, everyone I hear you on the chemo brain and I agree it is probably damage from those chemicals and will probably take a long time to heal. All those delicate synapses and neurons, still suffering the shock of being bathed in Red Devil every 2 weeks. I have felt it in my writing, grasping for words that should be there, and sometimes on the radio shows when I completely lose my train of thought mid-sentence and have to ask the host to clue me in. In my case, I know a little of it is due to age, too, and I did have the preexisting condition of fibromyalgia which has its own "fibro-fog." So I guess I'm mentally screwed three ways. :-)



Tina congrats on the great echo score. We Herc gals must pay attention to our tickers. I do take COQ10 daily to help with that. My neighbor who has been on Herc for 4 years and is in total remission from Stage 4 was going to have to be taken off the Herc due to imminent heart failure. Someone told her to take the COQ10 and her scores rose enough to stay on it. She's the one that got me taking it, with my oncologist's permission (200 mg daily).



I'm basking in the glow of having finished my editor queries 2 days early, but they are like zombies in grade B flicks, they just keep coming back and get uglier every time. - Skye

Viddie I'm glad I checked back in before hitting the hay so I could see your message. The hair color sounds lovely. My head is only cold when I go outside so I'm back to winter hats. And I do the same thing for Herceptin! I bring special teabags, something munchy and a piece of chocolate, my reward. I do feel comforted by having a snack, and am always there so long I need it.

As for the ibuprofen, I can't say it seems to be working at all, it's just as sore and I actually don't feel real great. However I still have to go through Sunday to do the 10 days so maybe it will improve yet, thanks for asking. - Skye

Hey, ladies....I'm home!

Honest to God, I've had the best experience - surgically speaking of course. The anesthesiologist changed some of the meds they've used on me before, the surgeon held the morphine this time and used Dilaudid for pain control and I took my last Emend pill at bedtime the night before surgery.

It all worked! I didn't have one rumble in my stomach, no vomiting . It was great. I was up walking the halls about 7 hours after surgery was completed yesterday. This morning my daughters and I had played two games of Scrabble before lunch.

I didn't get home until after 5. The doctor didn't make rounds until after 2 and it took the nurse another two hours to prepare the discharge orders and being me a 'going away' pain pill. 

I had decorated my breast with the butterfly tattoos and then had my daughter write on the breast: "uh-huh, it's gotta be this one". I understand the operating room staff took a moment to admire it all.

The initial report from the SNB is 'all clear'! Woohoo. I'll get the pathology report on the breast tissue next week at my follow-up appointment.

I have two drains in and already the area where the tubes emerge seems to be tender. The doctor told me specifically not to do any stretching or exercising on the left side until after she sees me.  I'm just to let myself heal and then I can work on regaining full range of motion.

I'm amazed. I'm just not used to feeling this good after surgery. I'm thankful and so appreciative of the blessings in this experience. 

I'm ready to sit in my recliner for awhile.

Have a good evening, everyone! 

Cindy 

Cindy, so glad to hear your good report and that you had a good experience!  That makes all the difference.  You have been in my thoughts the past couple of days for sure.  Take it easy now and don't overdo it.   I'm sure you'll do well.

I've been reading, but haven't had time to post for a few days.  Life is so much more complicated when work enters into the picture!  It is going well, however  - feels good to be back at work and working with people again, and better for me to be thinking of others instead of myself.  But it is tiring, and I'm glad I'm not obligated to be working full time just yet.

Remember how I was changing oncologists, to the M. D.Anderson lady oncologist?  Well, I had an appointment tomorrow with my old oncologist, that I had never cancelled.  He called me personally the other day, because my disability insurance company had called him (instead of the other one - they just didn't get that right) and he wanted to be sure we were on the same page and that he was telling them what I wanted him to tell them.  He was so nice about it.  So, long story short, I couldn't tell him I wasn't going to use him any more.  So I'm going to keep my appointment, and deal with this later on down the road.  He really is a nice guy.  I think my boss is going to leave me part time through December, so I need his cooperation.

I'll try to post more tomorrow.  I love you all, and am reading and keeping up, just haven't had time to post.  I'll do better, promise. 

Hi All,

Cindy, so glad you are doing well and had a good experience, or as good as that gets, I guess. Viddie, nice to hear from you. Are you back at work too?  Mel, I am sure the readjustment is difficult, but I think what kept me from completely falling apart was being at work where other folks didn't know. Of course, my job is a desk job, completely diff from nursing, which is so much more physical. But I still get really tired, was in bed asleep last night at 8.

I agree with everyone about the brain damage. My memory is weak, I find myself searching for words, and I am not as good at concentrating as I used to be. I still love to read, but it has to be a very compelling book. I lose interest otherwise within a few pages. I used to give a book 100 pp to prove itself, and now I am bored in maybe six or eight if it doesn't grab me. And I can't seem to knit. I mean, I can, but I don't want to. I used to knit a lot while I chatted with my husband or watched tv. And I have something I must finish for my daughter for xmas.  I feel stunned a good deal of the time, have to plow through that to get to any intelligence. Does that make sense?

Nancy, good for you for being your own advocate. That is exactly what you should do. I know you will feel better soon.

Caya, have you started the effexor, or when will you?  I hope it helps you too.

Skye, congrats on meeting your deadline early, and good luck with your son. We never stop parenting, I guess.

Ok, off to work. I hope everyone has a sweet day.

Melia

Hey ladies,

First, Cindy, great relief on the positive surgery experience and the all-clear. I hope that OR staff truly appreciated your fine sense of humor, and it sounds like they did. Many good recuperation wishes!

Nancy, smart girl to take the bottle in. YEAH that you will now get the right stuff!

Tina, COQ10 is a type of vitamin, you can get it at any vitamin shelf. Not cheap but worth it. I also take milk thistle, mainly for the liver (before I started it I had cysts I could feel every time I bent over, now I don't!) but it also is protective for the heart. My first MUGA score was 75 and they didn't tell me the second one, just said it was "good" but I will find out next week.

Jan I'm glad things are going well for you at the conference. Heck, if you can climb rocks you can do anything!

Melia, I know what you mean about getting thru feeling stunned to get to the intelligence. That is a good way of describing it.

Oh and Tina, DS flew to NY but left his car in an O'Hare parking lot, where cops evidently patrol and check license plates for overdue tickets. Grrr, I'm still striving to stay calm.

Mel, I probably would have done the same as you and stayed with the old onc after that.

Today is my one-year anniversary of the nightmare mammo. I celebrated by staying in my pj's and watching Robin Roberts get her head shaved on the morning news show. She looked lovely bald. - Skye

Cindy, so glad to hear you are doing well! Was the emend leftover from your chemo?

Just checking in quick, I've been sick the past couple days.  Came down with a fever Tuesday night and still have it. Also was up half the  night last night in the bathroom.  This is kicking my A**!

I have to drive into Boston tonight because I have my pre-op appt. w/ PS and preop testing at the hospital.  Not looking forward to the 2 hour drive at all.  I might leave later on this evening hoping I'm feeling better.

Joni, you world traveler you, have a great time shopping!