please help

Sue, you are going to be okay.  You will worry about all those things, we all did, and as Shirlann says you will be here in 10 years giving help and advice to other newbies to this awful club.  (Prayers for a breakthrough long before that!)

I found that two or three days after chemo the tough bits set in.  But by the end of a week after chemo I was okay again.  Water is the secret, I can't stress that enough.  Others drank more than I did and the difference was remarkable - flushing out those toxins must have had a good effect.  Get yourself organised with Immodium and some apple juice - it could go either way and best to be prepared.

Your taste buds go a bit haywire too, and I found I had urgent desires for a Burger King Whopper ( haven't eaten burgers in years but this was like when you are pregnant and MUST HAVE - NOW!!) and my local Chinese takeaway did a roaring trade in my need for egg-fried rice and shredded chilli chicken.  Of course some days I couldn't even manage two spoonfuls of soup - the food we wasted because I must have it and couldn't swallow it!  I lost and gained a stone (14 pounds) between treatments for all the cycles.

And the odd thing is, when you are well you can't imagine being so down, and when you are down you don't think you will ever be well again, so it really is a roller coaster.  Like after childbirth when all the pain of it is forgotten.  The body is so resilient.

You will be given a list of DOs and DON'Ts from your team, and follow them to the letter.  By the time I realised that I needed to drink water I was past the time to take it. 

If you need any info on the drugs you can check out cancerbackup.org.uk which explains everything in plain language. 

The main message though Sue is that you are going to be OKAY!  If I can do it so can you.  And I can't see any reason why you can't work in the week or so between treatments - the lady next to me used to go to chemo and then go straight off to work on Morrisons' checkout.  My friend's father-in-law went off to the gym.  I'm not saying that's everyone, but it can be a decent run.  And again, those who did better were those who drank plenty of water.  You take things in your own time, but there will be fatigue.

Check out the chemo threads on this site, that's where long and close relationships are forged as you go through it all giving each other advice and support.  You can still post here for our love and support, but join with our bc sisters who are sharing your path at the same time.  Just a thought.

Much love

Valerie S

Hi Ladies,

Poppy -  the boys are the absolute cutest!!  All the best tomorrow. We'll be here waiting for your return.

Sue- I think Valsul is right.  Try checking out the chemo board, you might find it helpful. What she said about being down and being well was spot on!!  Did I miss reading when you will be starting? As far as work goes, why not try a wait & see.  I didn't work only because in NJ we have state diasbility and it really doesn't give you the option of choosing what days you can/can't work.  It's all or nothing.  There were days when I felt good enough to work so I would go to lunch with friends and do some shopping, etc. They weren't ALL bad days.  I'm thinking maybe your nurse suggested not working because of where you work.  You'll have too much contact with people and when your immune system is low the least amount of contact the better.  Bottom line, wait and see.

Hope everyone is having a lovely evening, its cold here in NJ - they are calling for some snow on Saturday!! Drats.

Take care,

Valerie

Hey Poppy , your boys are so adorable!!!! Good luck to you tomorrow. I will be praying for a sucessful surgery and quick healing. Please take care and let us know as soon as you can , how you're doing. Big hugs and prayers to you. xx Melody

Just a little wave hello to everyone, I have been trying to keep up. I just had my third treatment today - it is FEC which is a combo chemo cocktail, of 5FU (long chemical name), Epirubicin, and Cyclophosphamide (I think). I have had three of these now, three weeks apart. I took part of the first week off work as vacation (yuck) because I wanted to discover how I would feel and how I could work full time around that. It turns out that I can and have just rearranged my two days off to co incide with my two "low" days. I could even work on them really but it is when my blood count is at its lowest and I am very tired and at higher risk of infection. They give me steroids at the start and for a few days.

 Like today, I worked very early till noon. I went for my chemo where they gave me steroids first and an anti nauseant and then the "cocktail". Right now I feel absolutely fine (well okay, maybe a little bit buzzed from the steroid) I will feel fine until Monday afternoon afternoon, when I have taken the last steroid dose and I can work through the weekend. Then I get very tired Monday night and I have to admit a little edgy and nervy.(not good to have a nervy, slightly irritable manager so I take Tuesday and Wednesday off work  because I kind of feel like I have a bad hangover. ( I haven't drank alcohol for 12 years, but I remember that feeling). I have not thrown up once - I have had a little tiny bit of nausea, but more of a gaunt feeling....and easily remedied. I take all my meds whether I think I need them or not. I drink a ton of water two days before, during and after (like 4 liters a day). I started shedding hair on the 14th day after my first chemo. I had a buzz cut on the 16th day. On the 17th day, there was more pubic hair in the toilet than on my whole body. I still have leg hair.... lol...and eyebrows. I have had so far, all my treatments by IV injection - and they don't foresee the need for a port in fact, discouraged it. I can't say I am symptom free - but you know? I feel better even in my "down" week - than I did waiting for test results, and maybe even better than I did last year at this time, because this thing was growing without my knowledge.

So it depends so much - I was more tired before diagnosis than I am even on the low days! Remember that Sue - just like the mastectomy, the anxiety about it is worse than the actual effects... And they will give you something for that anxiety pre-chemo as well. That helped, even if I did feel like a zombie... lol. It's all about knowing what to expect.

Oh yeah, I will lose my taste buds on Sunday but they will be back by Friday. I use biotene mouthwash and paste and have had tender gums but no sores. I think the best thing in the world to help this is drink water, drink water, drink water - even if it tastes funny - get the fluids in. I worked on the cancer unit where people had chemo years ago, and that was the key... they loaded them up with fluids, flush flush flush... and you should be doing that too... pee pee pee... lol...

I was close to chest wall too - and will have to have radiation following the chemo. And then that too is it for me, being triple neg.

Although, who knows by then they might have another tx, or even dare I say it... A CURE.

Blessings everyone - Here is to putting one foot in front of the other, one day at a time, and enjoying every moment for what it is!

Love and Hugs to all

Karyll

Hi, Sue sorry you are so down, but glad you have posted on the chemo thread and hopefully buddy-up with the sisters there.

They won't give you chemo on Christmas Day, as mine was due on that date and they deferred it to the first available day after the holiday.  That was good as it meant I was okay for Christmas and New Year (glug, glug)

Karyll, glad your doing well - I did FEC, too and it's no picnic.

Sue, we love you - and while you are down I wish I could just put my arms around you and give you a big hug to make you smile again.  You are going to come through this - with all the other sisters who are doing this right now.  Chin up, sweetheart.

Much love

Valerie S

Hi Sue.  I'm sorry you're feeling so low.  Chemo is definitely not fun, but knowing you the way I've come to know you from your posts, you're going to be just fine!  I HATE feeling ill.  I hate it with a passion!  There really are so many more good days than bad though.  You honestly won't have to take that many days off from work.  I felt really well yesteray (day after chemo) and today I'm a bit tired, but still feeling ok.  I'm doing my shots to bring the white blood cell counts back up by myself at home now.  injecting myself was a piece of cake.  I thought I'd be nervous, but it wasn't bad at all.  I'm hoping that the small injections will work better than the big one.  The docs are always willing to work with you if you're having major side effects.  They honestly don't want you to suffer. 

Hang in there sweetheart.  You're going to be fine.  I have to do this for my kids.  They need me just as your boys need you.  Just keep that in mind.  It will get you through this unpleasant experience.  Just keep your mind on the ultimate goal--your health, so you can raise those boys, see them get married, and enjoy your grandkids one day!!

Rest well tonight. 

Much love and double the hugs,

Karen

Valerie and Shirlann are absolutely right, Sue.  They will get you in the first available day AFTER Christmas.  Don't worry about spending the holiday having poison injected into your body!  I go in six days before Christmas and day six is usually bad.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed though.  You should be feeling GREAT on Christmas, you lucky girl!

Love and hugs,

Karen

Oh my goodness, Sue.  Of course you're normal!  We've all been (or still are to a degree) exactly where you are.  I'm sorry that I can't relate to the loss of your breast.  Although, the breast I'm left with after the lumpectomy certainly isn't the same breast I had prior to my diagnosis.  The scar is quite long and ugly and the nipple points upward rather than straight ahead.  It looks pretty weird compared to the other.  You know, I don't even think my husband has seen it yet.  I'm pretty self-conscious about it.  So you see, we all have our hang-ups.  None of us will ever be the same again.  This disease changes you forever, but I'm not convinced it's always for the worse.  I appreciate the little things so much more now.  I really wasn't living life to the fullest before.  That's going to change once I'm finished with my treatments. 

As for the menopause caused by chemo, I started my period right on schedule this month.  I was sort of hoping it wouldn't---oh well.

You are one of the bravest and most inspiring women I know, Sue!  Don't you think for a moment that you aren't! 

Enjoy your day off tomorrow.  You need to get rid of that nasty flu bug before Tuesday.  The sooner you start the chemo, the sooner it will be OVER!!

Love and hugs,

Karen

You're very welcome, Sue.  And you do NOT ramble!  I just hate to see you so down.  I was scared before starting the chemo too.  It certainly doesn't help that you're not feeling well. 

I wish you were part of my October group too.  They are a wonderful group.  So funny, encouraging, and informative.  I'm sure you'll love your November group, as well.  Give them a chance, but remember, you had US first!  We LOVE you, Sue!

Double the hugs and love to you!

Karen

PS  Round two of chemo has been so much easier for me!  I'm just a bit tired.  If you have any bad side effects after your first tx, call your doc or chemo nurse immediately.  They will make adjustments to keep you more comfortable.

Hi Sue! Please don't be sorry for sharing your feelings with us. We really don't expect you not to be down or angry or any of the feelings you are having. Bootface definately sucks the big one! And where you are right now , is where we have been feeling just like you. And on top of all this , you are having memories of your mum and all she went through , and I would be feeling pretty angry too. Aw Sue , I wish I could give you a really big hug right now (((((((sue)))))) , and I would make you some chicken soup to help you through your flu. But I can't  , so please know I would if I could!xxxx

I never went into chemopause. I had my period all the way through tx. But when I started the tamoxifen , I have not had a period since. But the nurses thought I would stop my period after my second tx. So I guess thats more the norm. But , as we all know , I am not normal!lol

Try to stay home tomorrow and drink plenty of fluids and get plenty of rest. You can't start chemo if you are sick. And like Karen said , the sooner you start , the sooner its over. Hugs my dear Sue , xx Melly

im mailing  from my hospital bed!

now thats dedication lol

ouch is all i can say.... it looks great but i am apparrently loosing alot of blood?

thought id get in touch as u guys cheer me up loads