What has cancer done for you? Pink ribbon smiles
Anonymous
Member Posts: 1,376
I'll go first......
Some easy ones to describe are the two newspaper interviews (NY Times, and Peoria Journal Star) that were done on how I, along with countless sisters deal with chemo brain.
The blessed chemo diet (lost 25-30 lbs!) .....gained 20 lbs after regaining tastbuds. ....the good in this one is that I have the sense to work it off now for my well-being.
The amazing women I have met. Not only here, but on youngsurvivalcoalition.com, in the supermarket, at the fireworks, at my son's school, at the Women of Faith conference where survivors were asked to stand....I have become a better person by learning from each of you.
A better understanding of why it really can be silly to "sweat the small stuff," an adage I used to brush off and smirk at. Is it a big deal that my hubby can't find the lid to the hamper? Not so much that we need to argue over it....Is my hair absolutely out of control as it grows past the unending "chemo-hair" stage? Yes....but, I finally have enough hair to put into a barette (tiny though it may be...)
An absolute adoration of every moment I share with my family. I love my husband and son. Now I marvel at each and every moment...sitting at the dinner table, going to the park, eating popcorn, reading a book together on my son's bedroom floor. This is what it's all about! I am complete with these two people!
An even greater marriage. Like I said, cancer taught me patience, patience, and more patience. I have learned to direct that into my relationship. I was (sometimes still am) a major micro-manager. Now, I step back and enjoy our relationship for what it is-a union.
I am willing to be more of a risk-taker now. I WILL wear the good underwear and NOT save it for a special day!
A stronger faith in God. I was always a woman of Faith, but now I understand how to BE a woman of faith. I am now capable and not shy when I tell people that you simply HAVE to rely on God to get you through this. You are not in control-HE is. I have learned to finally give Him control and let Him direct me wherever He wishes.
Don't get me wrong-there are still those DAYS when I just can't stand it. However, having cancer taught me that you need both the good and bad to have a full and fufilled life.
Anyone else?
Love and prayers, Deb
Some easy ones to describe are the two newspaper interviews (NY Times, and Peoria Journal Star) that were done on how I, along with countless sisters deal with chemo brain.
The blessed chemo diet (lost 25-30 lbs!) .....gained 20 lbs after regaining tastbuds. ....the good in this one is that I have the sense to work it off now for my well-being.
The amazing women I have met. Not only here, but on youngsurvivalcoalition.com, in the supermarket, at the fireworks, at my son's school, at the Women of Faith conference where survivors were asked to stand....I have become a better person by learning from each of you.
A better understanding of why it really can be silly to "sweat the small stuff," an adage I used to brush off and smirk at. Is it a big deal that my hubby can't find the lid to the hamper? Not so much that we need to argue over it....Is my hair absolutely out of control as it grows past the unending "chemo-hair" stage? Yes....but, I finally have enough hair to put into a barette (tiny though it may be...)
An absolute adoration of every moment I share with my family. I love my husband and son. Now I marvel at each and every moment...sitting at the dinner table, going to the park, eating popcorn, reading a book together on my son's bedroom floor. This is what it's all about! I am complete with these two people!
An even greater marriage. Like I said, cancer taught me patience, patience, and more patience. I have learned to direct that into my relationship. I was (sometimes still am) a major micro-manager. Now, I step back and enjoy our relationship for what it is-a union.
I am willing to be more of a risk-taker now. I WILL wear the good underwear and NOT save it for a special day!
A stronger faith in God. I was always a woman of Faith, but now I understand how to BE a woman of faith. I am now capable and not shy when I tell people that you simply HAVE to rely on God to get you through this. You are not in control-HE is. I have learned to finally give Him control and let Him direct me wherever He wishes.
Don't get me wrong-there are still those DAYS when I just can't stand it. However, having cancer taught me that you need both the good and bad to have a full and fufilled life.
Anyone else?
Love and prayers, Deb
Comments
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It taught me that there are more people than I thought who care about me. And that somethings just don't matter like they used to.
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It takes all sorts to make a Cancer sisterhood, Deb. My cancer eperience has caused my darling daughter to have a Breakdown, has broken my three beloved grand-daughters' hearts because I had to move out of their lives when I changed countries. It has taken away my much valued independence. It has made me detest my own body.
If God had anything to do with any of that, then what a malicious being he is.
However - I do seem to have hung on to my tolerance and I surely do not begrudge you your Faith. Just don't "get it" myself - not since my good-living dad died when I was 18 and the vicar babbled on to me about being like a caterpillar which can't see beyond the top of a cabbage leaf! -
It taught me that my husband has unconditional love for me and will always put me first and always be there for me. Because I have cancer my daughter-in-law stopped smoking, because she said if someone who exercises,is good, and eats right got cancer- then she better stop smoking. She stopped cold turkey.That alone made it worth it to me. Several people told me what I mean to them. I learned that I am strong. I learned that on the hardest days I could say- "look at Jesus" because something always happened that would help me. I learned thru this forum that there are the most amazing women in this world livinng their lives with grace, dignity, and great spirit and love in spite of cancer. I have gained more positive than negative things from breast cancer. So I say -"take that cancer"!!!!. Thank you for starting this discussion.
Love to all,
Linda -
Hi Deb, Cancer is definetly not my favorite subject. It definitely changed me physically. Emotionally, I do have to say it has made me thankful in life. I try not to take things for granted. I am not religious, but, yes I have grown very fond of the man upstairs. God that is. He has been by my side every step of the way. He guided me back to better health. I had him close by me always and still do each day. He has helped me see that light get bigger and brighter at the end of this long tunnel.
God Bless,
Kaloni -
Oh mY goodness! What has cancer done for me? I was talking to Nelliebelle0361 tonight on the phone and we basically had this conversation.
I think I am a better person now than I was before bc. I am much stronger in every area of my mental being. My faith has kept me going. God was always important to me but now I try to put Him in the center of everything I do. I try to tell everyone that I have been blessed this past year and how good God has been to me. I have realized who my true friends are and that I have more that I realized. I don't feel that God gave me breast cancer but He allowed me to get it for whatever reason and if I can help one person in any way at all then it will not have been in vain. I have learned that I have the best husband in the world and I can see how much he truly loves me and that I am the center of his life and he is the center of mine as well as my two boys. My two boys are strong and have been there for me. Cancer has brought many special people into my life that I have grown to love. I would not want to go through another year like this past one and I hope and pray that the cancer never comes back and I would like to never have had cancer, but I can't say I regret this past year and the things I have learned and experienced. Losing a breast and going through chemo and radiation would not be things I would put on my "fun to do" list, but it has made be a better person and for that I am thankful. So cancer has done a lot for me. Thanks for asking. Bonny -
Oh how we humans would like God to be accountable to us. That's just not how it works! We would surely mess things up royally anyway, so that's a good thing. So instead, we are accountable to God!
So what has cancer done for me?
First of all I cannot express how grateful I am to God for choosing me to be sick and not one of my children. I am humbled at how tenderly He cares for me. So cancer has taught me to love God more than ever before.
Cancer has taught me to realize how helplessly dependant I am on God. We humans like to take matters into our own hands and do what WE want and fix things OUR way. We put our trust somewhat in our doctors, but ultimately we know that our health and survival are in God's hands. Who can really help us, but God? Cancer helps keeps our eyes on the Lord.
My cancer has caused my sons to realize there is no promise of tomorrow for any of us and we are closer than ever. We value each day much more than we did before cancer.
Cancer has made me aware of how important our kindnesses are to those that are sick or need help. I will be quicker to help, quicker to show concern, and not so absorbed in myself and my own life.
Yes, I am bald and missing a breast and I have horrible radiation burns at the moment.... but to be perfectly honest; I wasn't all that and a bag of chips before cancer.
Yet my friends tell me I am beautiful and I believe them. I am a survivor and will appreciate each day the Lord gives me. And if I die tomorrow, I have no complaints. God has given me so much more than I could have ever asked or thought. I have been showered with blessings all my life.
Cancer helped me recognize that sometimes when you think you're being punished, you're being blessed and you're just too blind to see. Things are not always as they seem.
Love to all my dear BC sisters here who have made this trip so much more bearable. I love you all!
Miss S -
These are BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Keep 'em coming ladies!
Happy tears are flowing.....
Love and prayers, Deb -
Quote:
It takes all sorts to make a Cancer sisterhood, Deb. My cancer eperience has caused my darling daughter to have a Breakdown, has broken my three beloved grand-daughters' hearts because I had to move out of their lives when I changed countries. It has taken away my much valued independence. It has made me detest my own body.
If God had anything to do with any of that, then what a malicious being he is.
However - I do seem to have hung on to my tolerance and I surely do not begrudge you your Faith. Just don't "get it" myself - not since my good-living dad died when I was 18 and the vicar babbled on to me about being like a caterpillar which can't see beyond the top of a cabbage leaf!
I love your answer!
It really didn't do anything for me other than make me go to Hell and try to find my way back. There is NOTHING in my opinion that is positive about the experience. And four years later I am still recovering from the various ailments that are a by product of "the gold standard treatment". Cancer is not a gift. -
I am a kind, loving person with a good heart, who loves her family and friends. Like most all of the men and women out in this world I did nothing to get cancer of any kind and deserved this disease no more than any other person.
Since having cancer I am unchanged from the person I was before I had cancer except that I have overcome the anger that I had at having to fight the medical profession and ignorant people about my illness and recovery. Not really sure I've fully achieved that. -
Paulette, your short but nitty gritty paragraph is going straght into my Cancer notebook (waiting to be organised into second manuscript on the subject).
... went to bed,
fell on his head
couldn't get up in the morning! -
I've thought about it. Cancer has done nothing positive to me. It has broken my spirt. It has destroyed my DH and and family. I am not, nor will I be the same person I was before my diagnosis. There is nothing good about getting cancer. It has made me a lonely and bitter person.
In my opinion, cancer did nothing for me, but destroy my life.
Nicki -
I FINALLY MADE A WILL...CLEANED OUT MY HOUSE..LOST 15 LBS. (THAT I CAN'T AFFORD) WORRIED THAT I WON'T BE AROUND TO COLLECT SOCIAL SECURITY, AFTER PAYING INTO IT FOR YEARS..
DEVELOPED OSTEOPOROSIS IN MY SPINE..FEMARA SE"S..
STILL HAVE TERRIBLE NIGHTMARES..AND I HAVE GIVEN MORE BLOOD FOR TESTING, THAN I DID FROM HAVING MY PERIOD FOR 4O ODD YEARS..
YET, SO MANY THINGS THAT HAPPEN NOW, WELL, IT'S JUST SMALL STUFF AND I JUST DON'T WORRY ABOUT THEM ANYMORE. AFTER DX' WITH B/C , THE TX,.. IT'S ALL SMALL STUFF.. -
Nikki
So sorry.
How long ago?
A toute a l'heure
Shirley -
Sorry - spelt your name wrong My ex d-in-law is Nikki
-
Great thread! It's nice top see a positive thread talking about what we've gained from the experience.
Cancer taught me
... life is too short to sweat the small stuff
... don't put off telling people that I care
... to be myself, if people don't like me I don't need them in my life.
... carpe diem
... beauty is a state of mind, not body
... being grateful makes me happier
... the glass is half full if I choose to see it that way (and I do) -
I am so glad to finally see that more of us girls are being honest when we truly feel cancer DID NOT make us better people, and DID NOT open our eyes, etc.
Those who feel cancer DID make their lives better are entitled to those feelings, as those feelings are honest to them.
But thank goodness those who don't feel the same, are having the courage to say so, even though most of society wants us embrace the the soft, feminine, sweet, pink side of of this disease.
A year ago, I had a hard time finding girls on this list that were honest, when cancer did not make their lives better.
Thank you for helping me start my day with my feelings validated!
ddd -
I have lots of complaints about my cancer experience. I felt hugely betrayed by both my body and God when I was diagnosed. Much of my belief has survived, however, in spite of my experience. Or, perhaps, because of my experience my belief system survived. Of the things that make me feel grateful as a result of my experience-- this message board and the wonderful people who make it all that it is, and the same goes for my local bc support group. We might belong to a group that no one wants to join, but there's a heck of a lot of amazing women in our midst. And for that, I'm hugely grateful. I found my diep surgeons in new orleans because of this board, and I am forever blessed to have found them. I received the best medical care of my entire life there.
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Some of this will be a repeat from how others feel but it's been my experience as well:
-Sweating the small stuff is no longer worth it...was it ever?
-Greater appreciation of God, family, friends and Mother Earth
-Opened up opportunities for me to meet lots of wonderful people who've become my friends
-Have a sense of humor
Cathy -
Personally I haven't yet to find the silver lining of having cancer. It scares the living hell out of me some days. And to be honest, I really didn't care to be faced with my own mortality in order to gain a new perspective on life. I had a good perspective on life before BC. I loved my life and want it back. But at the same time I'm scared to go back to my normal self. Something there gave me cancer and I don't know what it was, did I do something to cause this? I always hear everyone saying you did nothing to cause your BC, but until they find the cause, can you really say I did nothing with 100% certainty? I'm petrified of everything, and long for the day when I don't have this nagging thought in the back of my mind with everything I do, "did you cause me to get BC"? I've changed everything I eat, drink, etc..
I just finished all treatment end of July and just fresh into the 'wait and see' phase of cancer recovery. Maybe in time I won't be so scared like you ladies and be able to relax a little more. But right now, I'm not happy about it at all . -
Hmmmm....let's see....
...Cancer has triggered my metamorphosis from a jelly fish to a hardass.
...It has taught me to be responsible and to speak out.
...Cancer has helped me emerge from that small box in which I existed and where I wore blinders and embrace being outside the box with eyes wide open.
...It has helped me to realize that it's not death I fear, but, rather, unrelievable pain as well as the prospect of dying alone and unloved.
...Cancer has made me grateful for both the big, obvious things and for the smaller things I used to take for granted.
...It has taught me that being positive and self-directed makes me a happy person and so why not chose that path?
...Finally, cancer has enabled me to speak my truth and for that alone, I'm very grateful.
Thanks, Deb, for asking the question.
~Marin -
I also want to add this quote that kind of capsulizes how I feel about the cancer experience...
"I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet will endure the darkness because it shows me the stars."
~Og Mandino
Marin -
Well where do I start........... After living with this fing cancer for 12 years....
I have thanked God for all the blessings I have seen and had in my life!! I never thought I would live to see my daughters, finish HS, get married, have my grand babies! But by the Grace of God and the will to fight and not give up I am hear. No one knows WHY even the doctor's say I am a Miracle so I know that God is good, and life is hard!
I have learned to "lighten up"
to laugh more and spend money I don't have
That I am scared sh__tless to die.....
That the side effects of 12 years of chemo sucks, but it has kept me alive.
That I am alot stronger then I knew.
People want to help!
Daughters grow up and move away..OUCH
We all have our own journey's to walk and respect the fact they are all different.
To respect my 'sisters' voices and love them all the more!
HUGS! -
Hi, I'm a whitewater paddler. I learned that my whitewater lessons apply to life.
1. Look where you want to go. 2. Paddle, paddle, paddle. 3. Never fall in love with a plan.
I also know that when you paddle into a head wind, you are constantly aware of it. But when the wind is at your back, you often take it for granted. I awakened to the fact that I've had the wind to my back for most of my life and didn't even know it.
Keep paddling, ladies. With peace and gratitude. -
I guess I also fall on the bitter side of cancer and what it has done for me.
Being single it has made me see that although I am stage 4 mets I have to work to provide insurance for myself because I cant afford the waiting period for medicare.
Its made me aware that now if something hurts I cant get past the part of "it could be cancer there and when was my last mri, bone scan"!
It has made me at 39 wonder if I will see my son finish high school and become a man.
It has changed my life forever, before when I wanted to do something I did it but now I have to consider bone mets and breaking something.
I live my life to the fullest and appreciate my life everyday but I did those things before cancer and now cancer thoughts interfere with my life on a daily basis.
Amy -
nic ric I love it!!!
I thought my life was AMAZING before cancer, and couldn't imagine what else could top all of my accomplishments at such a young age. Then, 3 years ago (tomorrow) it came.
I didn't lose anything, that I didn't get back tenfold. Better breasts, thicker hair (with no color damage from bleach, and hair products), friends that stretch from AFRICA to Across the Pond, a membership into 'the sisterhood'...okay okay, no one wants to join, no one asked for this shit to happen.
but it did, and I'm grateful for it.
When else would I have been seen half naked in Allure and Self magazine, done countless interviews and given speeches to audiences of 1000 people that are crying and cheering for MY TRIUMPHS!?
I got the JOB OF A LIFETIME, where I am actively participating to change the face of breast reconstruction.
and last but not least, I got dumped. dumped by a guy that I thought was the one, and I was left feeling hopeless, with the what nows? and the who will love my scars? And won't care if we can't make babies?
and then, matthew came along-- and that was a year and a half ago. And now I sit here in our new house, with my new car on the driveway, when just 3 yrs ago cancer nearly bankrupt me.
I am grateful for the friendships. For being humbled by having to ask for help. For being forced to STOP, and REST, and HEAL, even though everyone around me was moving at the NYC hustle and bustle pace.
I am angry that cancer has cut short the lives of too many great mothers, and sisters, and co workers. But it is in that anger, that I get up every day, and LIVE!!!
Because that is what our sisters who are watching from above would want us to do!
Live fully, laugh often, and hug tight. -
Ok, dear sisters, I am going to start a different thread......titled, "What has cancer done TO you? Pink Ribbon frowns...."
I asked this question to share the warm fuzzies that we need to keep us going each day when things suck. I wanted to know what cancer has done FOR each of us.
Don't get me wrong with my initial post. Cancer did plenty of things to me that make me hate it and curse it's very nature.
But I will get into that in my new thread.
Can we please make this one a happy thread? JMHO......
Love and prayers, Deb -
Also, I LOVED your response, BethNY. Well said, dear sister!
-
Quote:
Hmmmm....let's see....
...Cancer has triggered my metamorphosis from a jelly fish to a hardass.
...It has taught me to be responsible and to speak out.
...Cancer has helped me emerge from that small box in which I existed and where I wore blinders and embrace being outside the box with eyes wide open.
...It has helped me to realize that it's not death I fear, but, rather, unrelievable pain as well as the prospect of dying alone and unloved.
...Cancer has made me grateful for both the big, obvious things and for the smaller things I used to take for granted.
...It has taught me that being positive and self-directed makes me a happy person and so why not chose that path?
...Finally, cancer has enabled me to speak my truth and for that alone, I'm very grateful.
Thanks, Deb, for asking the question.
~Marin
Wow Marin!! Powerful response. Every person is going to have a different reaction to cancer and what it has meant in their life...and however we react is not right or wrong, it's what it means to that person.
I'm grateful that it has given my children positive ways to face adversity and challenge in life from a first hand experience and that they have learned about loving, expressing love and making the most of what they have in life. For however long that is meant to be.
But I have to say I love Marin's response. I couldn't agree more and thank you for saying it so well!!! -
Yes, I came back here to mention that I LOVED Marin's quote she added in the second installment. Excellent stuff!
-
Marin- you, a jellyfish????
I guess I always so you as a tough, hardass (in the girly kind of way).
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