What has cancer done for you? Pink ribbon smiles

scarednancy

I agree 100% with you.

Hoghedge

JMHO?

Anonymous

just my humble opinion

CaliforniaKate

Finding out I had cancer was terrifying for me, and something I just knew I could never handle. Unfortunately it doesn't give you a choice. It changed my life in a way I can never get back. The peace of mind is gone, probably for ever. I now have the knowledge that in a blink of my eye it could rear it's ugly head again. But it did make me a stronger person. You really don't have a choice, I think you just become one to survive. It also made me realize what a great husband I have. And I have made some really special friends. I hope it has also taught me how to be a better friend to others. I've also lost some friends. Seems like some just can't handle the thought of an illness. I would love to give the cancer back, but unfortunately it doesn't work that way. But my life has taken a turn, and it is now my life. I'll make the most of it, and appreciate everything I have.

thomcat

Quote:

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I am angry that cancer has cut short the lives of too many great mothers, and sisters, and co workers. But it is in that anger, that I get up every day, and LIVE!!!
Because that is what our sisters who are watching from above would want us to do!

---

BethNY - well said! I had a friend who was dx at age 33 with stage 4 bc with a one yr old who fought the battle for about 2-1/2 yrs. When the going got tough for her she always used to say, "Life is for the LIVING!"

Cathy

Fitztwins

I love that my friends that are dear and near to me.

I love that I don't sweat the small stuff anymore.

I love that I can prioritized my life better.

I don't wait for tomorrow, I really live for today.

I am happier.

I enjoy life so much more.

Poppy

I think there are too many things to list! Amazing, but true
I've met some amazing women who give me strength, laughter and support.
I've grown closer to my husband and G*d
I now see the glass as half full
I don't worry nearly as much as I used to
I wouldn't want it again, but I'm not scared of another chemo
I'm sure there's more but I will have to think about it!
Hugs
Erica

Anonymous

I love my bc sisters

Anonymous

After today, when another mother asked if I could PLEASE let my daughter be friends with her daughter, did I realize that canSer has shaped my daughter's life in a good way.

CanSer has made my daughter humble without making her weak. It has made her pay more than than the usual attention to others. (I've gotten several experiences from mothers about my daughter). It has made my daughter Strong.

CanSer has made me sick but I am stronger and more aware. My daughter will not back down and she is 6.

Anonymous

Why do we need to make this a happy thread? There is nothing happy about getting cancer. And then it makes me feel like my feelings are invalidated - because I speak up and say what I feel.

For those of you that can say cancer gave them a positive experience - well, you are a better person than I am. I just cant imagine anyone saying "Im glad I got cancer." Im not glad. It didnt make me a better person. It destroyed the people around me. And now that Im 2 years out of treatment - no one understands how I feel. "I should be over it." "Im looking for attention."

It took something away from my heart that will never come back. Since my job involves evaluating people at hospitals, I see people everyday who have been just diagnosed with cancer. Cant imagine me telling them it will make you a better person.

Its a good topic - but why do we need 2 separate threads on it? For those of us who disagreed with the pink ribbon smiles - telling us to stay positive? I have enough of being told to stay positive.

Now thats JMO.

Nicki

JustOne

I’m in awe just reading some of your passionate responses to ‘what cancer has done for you’.

I’m still waiting. I’ve had no great epiphany in my life with cancer. I was strong before, I was caring before, I had a relationship with God before, I had great friends and family before.
I’ve been through a lot of medical crap that sucks and I will my entire life. But I haven’t changed one iota since cancer.
Am I doing something wrong, do I not see some big picture here? Was I supposed to learn some lesson that I never got?

Was it supposed to make me wiser, grateful, more sure of myself? Of course, but not in what I’d call Biblical proportions and honestly I think that comes with age anyway.


This is how I feel today, don’t remember how I felt yesterday or how I’ll feel tomorrow.

~Pam

Anonymous

Nicki,

I must have missed the posts where the people were saying, "I'm glad I got cancer." I can't seem to find them.

Cancer is not fun. I don't think anyone likes being sick, looks forward to chemo, or enjoys being faced with death. No woman thinks, "I can't wait til I lose all my hair. The no eyebrow look is hot!" No one wants their body parts cut off. No one is jealous of people because they have cancer, wishing they could have it, too!

Things happen to everyone. Many of those things we have no control over. My Mom has Alzheimer's. She has ZERO chance of recovery. My friend's baby died. I have another friend whose baby was born with Down's Syndrome and has many physical problems. Bad stuff happens to everyone. The only power we may have is in how we react to it.

The women who have a positive outlook go through all the dark, depressing times, too. They just don't stay there and live there. They have lost just as much as anyone else and perhaps suffered even more. I think some people have a gift (or develop the ability) to FOCUS ON how much they have to be grateful for instead of FOCUSING ON all their sufferings.
It's not that anyone is unaware that a ton of suckie things have happened to them.

For example: A loved one dies. We can spend the rest of our life bitter that they died young when they were such a beautiful person. Or we can be grateful for the time we had to share with that person. I believe it's usually a combination, with varying emotions. That person isn't coming back either way.

We all choose our attitudes and how we prefer to live life. Bad stuff happens that we DON'T choose. But there is power in taking control over the things we can choose.

You say you meet people with cancer every day and can't imagine telling them it's going to make them a better person. I can't imagine saying that to anyone, either.

My chemo nurses and radiation techs work with people with cancer everyday. They are funny and fun, yet full of tender compassion.

I don't understand why you feel invalidated and want your negative thoughts to be posted on the happy thread. Why isn't is fine to post the negative side on that thread? Why doesn't that validate your feelings? What is wrong with having a happy place for people to access when they need encouragement?

I think we all relate to the negative side, too!

God Bless!

Miss S

Anonymous

I've been thinking about this post all morning and felt compelled to add my two bits worth!

First of all, I think bandteacher started this thread with good intentions and made it VERY clear that she didn't think bc was all pink ribbons - she honestly stated that this journey hasn't been positive but with a "let's make lemons from lemonade" kind of thinking chose to look at how her life has changed for the better and wanted to invite others to do the same.

If nothing else, it invites one to look at their journey in possibly a different light.

If your experience has had no positives in it and you're mad as hell then you have every right to feel that way - no one is judging you (especially not on this board) but if others want to have a different perspective, then that is their choice and their right too and (I think) the whole point of this thread is to look at things with a positive slant (by the way - what meaning that word -"positive"- has had in my life since bc...onone hand, I've got the Positive People who lecture me that only my positive attitude will save my life and that by spending any time on the dark side, I am choosing death somehow and on the other side of the coin there are women who have had bc who are angry, bitter and despise anything that puts a positive spin on this disease...funny such extremes!) There is no right way to think - we feel how we feel. I believe that we can choose how we feel though and although I do have my bitch sessions and can't help but go to the "what if's", I don't feel that I was punished because I got bc - I just did...it's just my cells gone nuts - everyone has to deal with something in their life at one time or another - this is just what I have to deal with. I don't necessarily believe that a positive attitude will save your life - a lot of positive and grateful people don't survive this disease but I do believe that a positive attitude will make my life a lot better - for however long that may be.

I am glad you started this thread bandteacher, and I think it was totally fair that you started the other one and for those who feel a need to express what cancer has done TO them - then that's the thread to visit and share...this one is for those who want to think a little differently (and we are often the same people wishing to express both!)
No one judges you if you feel krappy about feeling angry but don't judge others who have found a way to make a big old jug of lemonade!

Mandy

Anonymous

Ok! Heres the thing. when I wrote my first post, the other thread was not started. I thought and I thought and could not think of one positive thing. So I said what I really feel.

Then I wake up the next morning to a new thread and was basically told I shouldnt be posting my unhappy feelings about cancer. Lets keep this thread a happy thread.

One week ago, my DH threw himself on the floor sobbing. Said he just cant take it anymore. That sure was a positive experience. I cry everyday. I see a funeral and think Im gonna be next. I cant walk without getting fatigued and short of breath. Im always in pain both physical and mental. Hmmm lets see. I got a telephone call from a collection agency today. Miscommunication between my insurance and the hospital which has already received $67,000 dollars and they are gonna put a wage assignment on me for $500.00! I have maxed my credit cards and taken out a second mortgage to pay all the medical bills. BC has turned me into a broken down person.

Reality? We shouldnt be told what to post and what not to. Im glad some of you have found a positive experience. Something I will always be jealous of.

I dont need to be lectured. Im just saying how I feel. And if we cant come here of all places and say how we feel, even if it doesnt agree with what someone else is saying? Well then something is very wrong.

It took my life, my spirt, my heart away from me. Im not criticizing anyone. Im just saying, its wrong to tell someone they shouldnt be posting their feelings here. Whether it is what you want to hear or not. This is how I feel. I will never be the same person. Im not better. Im not stronger. Why cant I say these things? Because one or two people decide its not appropriate here? Im really wondering what kind of crazy world do I live in.

Nicki

NoH8

Quote:

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Things happen to everyone. Many of those things we have no control over. My Mom has Alzheimer's. She has ZERO chance of recovery. My friend's baby died. I have another friend whose baby was born with Down's Syndrome and has many physical problems. Bad stuff happens to everyone. The only power we may have is in how we react to it.

The women who have a positive outlook go through all the dark, depressing times, too. They just don't stay there and live there. They have lost just as much as anyone else and perhaps suffered even more. I think some people have a gift (or develop the ability) to FOCUS ON how much they have to be grateful for instead of FOCUSING ON all their sufferings.
It's not that anyone is unaware that a ton of suckie things have happened to them.

For example: A loved one dies. We can spend the rest of our life bitter that they died young when they were such a beautiful person. Or we can be grateful for the time we had to share with that person. I believe it's usually a combination, with varying emotions. That person isn't coming back either way.

We all choose our attitudes and how we prefer to live life. Bad stuff happens that we DON'T choose. But there is power in taking control over the things we can choose.

---

Very well said.

Anonymous

I think there are many places to post how we are feeling when are experiencing negative feelings - I have read many of those and can commiserate with all of them but I also think it's important to have some positive ones too. No, they are not for everyone. They are not meant to offend but to be a different perspective - that's all. I for one, like the pollyanna perspective sometimes and if I am feeling down, maybe this would be a thread to read over if I want a little lift - this thread wasn't posted as a debate topic (I dont' think). I was just trying to give (what I perceive) as the perspective of the original writer but perhaps I shouldn't speak for someone else.

Sorry if anyone took offense to my post but I stand by what I believe and that's that it is nice for me to crawl out of the negative aspect of this diagnosis and think about something good for a change. For the record, I don't know that breast cancer has "given me" anything per se - I too was very grateful for my life before bc and I didn't need a life threatening diagnosis to figure that out...but there have been postiives too. One of them is that I am here today to post my opinion on a discussion board!
Mandy

abbadoodles

Funny, I never drew a line down the middle of a piece of paper and put PROS over one column and CONS over the other. I guess I'm too busy smelling the roses and drinking my champagne to think about things too much.

Really, though, I've been eyeing this thread for a few days now, being somewhat repulsed by the title while being a bit intrigued. So, today, I bit and read this and the TO YOU frownyface thread. So much emotion and raw feelings. It almost hurts to read them.

I've been sitting and thinking about what I can contribute; I don't feel much different about anything now. Enjoy life the same way, react to people the same way, plan the same way. Duh, I must be a dodo.

I finally did come up with one thing that may be considered a positive.

Last year I lost my two oldest, dearest girlfriends to bc. I took their deaths pretty hard, especially one of them. These were friends since 14 years of age (I'm now 59).

Joan was my friend and she was a pip. Wonderful, kind, caring person but always had to imitate me, buy the same stuff, etc. You know how that can irritate. Well, she was a good girl in spite of my irritation. Adopted two difficult children, half-sisters out of a mother who had five or six children by as many different fathers. Joan and Michael did everything for those girls. They also took in Joan's grandmother for the last years of her life. Took in one of two nephews when they had falling outs with their fathers or when they wanted to leave home. Yeah, leave home and go live with Auntie. Yes, Joan was a good girl.

Carolyn was the best friend. We never had issues. I can honestly say that Carolyn was the one person I have known in my life who has never pissed me off.

BTW, Joan was in TX, Carolyn in CA and here I am in New England. So, it was mostly long-distance friendship over the years. Whenever we did get together, it was like we had never been apart. We always kept track of each others' lives.

So, what's that got to do with anything? Well, I try to believe in God. I was raised to believe in God. I have a hard time believing in God, though. A hard time believing there is a hereafter. The loss of my good friends has made me feel more at peace with the God/death/hereafter issue because I figure if THEY have gone there, and my beloved grandparents have gone there, it's okay, whatever it is. Even if it's just blending into the same cosmos, the same chemical soup, then it's okay because I loved them. I'm in no rush, though.........

So, I guess how cancer has changed me is more about what it did to those I loved than about what it's done to me, personally.

OTOH maybe I'm nuts, too. BTW, you guys are great even on frownyface days. Thanks for everything.

Tina

Anonymous

Its not a debate. We come here to talk about our feelings regarding breast cancer. Good to hear positives. But once again, the indication here is I shouldnt be posting here. And I dont understand why I should be told that. The question is what has cancer done for you and although some may have a positive, some may not.

Pink Ribbon Smiles? October is coming. Im sick of Pink and I dont have any Pink Ribbon smiles. I should be able to say what I feel without someone telling me I shouldnt.

Nicki

Paulette531

You are joking right? Is that a lecture? From here on in, I would appreciate it if you would post the "rules" for your discussions, better yet I think I'll ignore your posts.

BethNY

nicki, i understand your anger. The thing is, that holding on to all these negative feelings is a terrible burden to carry.
Let us take some of the burden off your shoulders. Give yourself permission to let some of it go. Hunnie, you didn't beat cancer to let it hold such a dark cloud over you.
lots of love

EachDay

What a caring, compassionate thought Beth. And that's what this site is all about ~ helping one another in whatever way we can.
I believe we have the freedom to make choices ...we can be happy or we can be sad, we can forgive or hold a grudge, we have the power to decide how we feel. Sometimes we are going to be sad and hopefully we don't stay there. We can get mad which is good to let anger out of our system, but if we stay on that button we hurt ourselves.
What we choose is our's. It isn't right or wrong.
I hate cancer and what it does. But I can't dwell on that. From day one I needed to find what would help me, what would work and with 2 children I needed to be positive for them.
I could do without the aches and pains from taxol, the broken nails from chemo (among other things that I don't even want to list)..but if having those things and these lingering side effects meant I gained more time...then it's a trade I was prepared to make.
I don't know how much time I have left here, but whatever time I do have I want to be good ~ as good as it can be. I don't ask for anything else.
I'm still "me", only I'm a better me. I learned a lot about myself that I didn't know before and for that, I'm grateful. I'm seriously not sure I would have discovered this any other way.

biondi

I THINK THE THREAD SHOULD HAVE BEEN NAMED "HOW HAS CANCER AFFECTED YOUR LIFE" THAT WAY, WE COULD POST POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE THOGHTS.THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY.AND NOT PUT PEOPLE IN A CORNER TO ANSWER ONE WAY..IMHO
WITH THAT SAID, I DON'T THINK IT'S A GOOD IDEA TO DENY PEOPLE THEIR EMOTIONS OR THOUGHTS, BY TELLING THEM HOW THEY SHOULD FEEL.THAT IS THE PURPOSE OF THESE BOARDS, THAT WE CAN LET IT ALL OUT, AND NOT BE JUDGED FOR IT. A PLACE TO TRUST. I LOVE YOU ALL

nosurrender

I don't know if any of you have ever noticed this about me but I am sometimes opinionated.

I once wrote a piece for a publication that was entitled
"If someone offers you a pink ribbon strangle them with it."

The editor thought it was a tad negative. Perhaps I had best not offend the hundreds of thousands of women who run, walk, race and live and die every day with a pink ribbon proudly pinned to their chests. She was right. I was in a bad place and saw nothing pretty or pink about cancer at the time. There I was, NED, three years out with more s/e's from my tx than I care to think about. I was trying to get people's attention to raise money towards research in the piece, but the title hinted at my untapped anger I had at BC in general.

Three years later here I am back in chemo again. I have no hair or eyelashes. My body is screaming from the Abraxane. I have a newly inserted tissue expander that replaced my ruptured one that has to be squeezed, smashed and smooshed and drained with an alarmingly large needle every single day because there is so much fluid around it my "breast" gets to be the size of a football. I missed chemo this week because of it and that means that I will be done in November now instead of October. I have LE in both arms and I am, in a word, a chocolate mess.
CANCER CHANGED MY LIFE.
For the better.

Yes. You read that right.

I got a new primary the second time around. I could have been dx'd with mets. With my node involvement I may face that dx someday. We are all an MRI or PET/CT away from hearing that news. Am I going to wait for it?

No way.

I AM ALIVE.

I have met the best friends I ever had in my life since I have had cancer. I have seen the best in people and the worst in people. And what's more, I have seen the best in me.

Because of cancer I found that inner warrior inside - that we ALL have - who only reveals herself when we really, truly need her and when we least expect it.

Because of cancer I am smarter. I can speak Doctor fluently now.

Because of cancer I know better.

Because of cancer I can spot BS in under 45 seconds.

Because of cancer the air smells sweeter, the sun shines brighter, and I have become a part of all the beauty that surrounds me.

Because of cancer I know I can handle just about anything.

Because of cancer I have been touched by women all over the world and I know them and they know me and we are sisters.

Because of cancer I have been given the gift of being able to actually make a difference in someone else's life.

My life may be shortened, but it will be lived better than a lot of people I know who have never had cancer.

It also made me mad as hell.

But am I going to let the beast win?
And make the Beast’s day? Are you kidding??

I refuse to let cancer take over.
I HATE that song "Live Like You Are Dying"
This is what the Beast hopes for. It is what it likes to do even more than kill us- it likes to rob us of our hope and spirit.

I have lost friends to this Beast-I have seen them die.
It is horrible and scary and sad and infuriating.

I didn't survive cancer surgeries and tx to live like I was dying! I am going to LIVE LIKE I AM LIVING!

If I get down about side effects or long term disabilities from cancer, or life changes that happened because of cancer, I will be damned if I am going to give the Beast credit.
I am going to give it hell instead!

The Beast did not take away my life.
The Beast did not take away my spirit.
The Beast did not take away my heart.
The Beast got some tissue, a few cells and some DNA. I reciprocated. I removed the rest of the tissue. I killed the cells the Beast was living in. I stopped the DNA from duplicating so it would die. I gave the Beast radiation, adriamycin, cytoxan, methotrexate, 5-fu, and abraxane. Someone should have told the Beast not to bring a knife to a gun fight. I don't play fair because either does the Beast.

I don't permit myself to circle the negativity drain. Life is too short to waste one precious moment dwelling on all that could have been and would have been if I never had cancer... I have the here and now. I know what I have to do to be NED again and I am doing it. It is practically killing me- but I refuse to give the Beast an inch. And I will let my PS squeeze the ever livin hell out of my breast until heals and looks right again, because when I dance with NED I want to look hot.

You won't find me ringing the dinner bell for the Beast.

Get up, look up and never give up.

BethNY

bravo!!!

biondi

NICKI, I HATE PINK STUFF..I HAVE A BUMPER STICKER THAT SAYS
"CANCER SUCKS" & "DON'T MESS WITH ME, I'M BULLET PROOF"
BUT I STILL LAUGH A LOT, LAUGHTER SAVES ME, IT'S MY SECURITY BLANKET, AND I LOOK FOR IT WHEREVER I CAN. IT KEEPS ME SANE AND GIVES BALANCE TO MY LIFE THAT WAS TURNED UPSIDE DOWN WITH THIS B/C CRAPPOLA.

Anonymous

Quote:

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You are joking right? Is that a lecture? From here on in, I would appreciate it if you would post the "rules" for your discussions, better yet I think I'll ignore your posts.

---

I assume this was directed at my post? Obviously I hit a nerve with my "lecture" which was misnterpreted.

I agree with what someone else said about the title of the post - perhaps for me, it's the fact that it implies that this would be a thread to read if you're feeling down about your situation and that you might feel better after reading it - I don't know everyone is different - that's just my opinion - which apparently I am not entitled to - so, in an effort NOT to turn this into a thread that's less than positive - I will stay out of it - no need to "ignore my posts" any longer.

I put in my two bits worth in a respectful manner and now feel like krap for doing so.
Mandy

cheryl58

I want to thank bandteacher for starting these threads! I have read them both and pretty much agree with everything that has been said. There really is something comforting about having your feelings validated. I, too, am very grateful for this site. I came here 1 year and 3 months ago and still haven't left.

What having HAD cancer has done for me:

1. It has made me open my eyes to NOW. I was so busy working and planning for the future that I never really stopped to look around. I now have more patience than my whole family put together. I enjoy people. I enjoy experiences. I stop to look at the blue of the sky, the green grass and feel the sun on my face. I did not do this before because I thought that was for "retirement". I used to hurry through everything I did.

2. I do feel so much stronger now. I beat the beast, I endured. I had to reach down to a place so deep that I did not even know existed just to get through everything. Life is always going to throw curve balls, and I know in my heart of hearts now that I am a strong person. Like someone else had said, I am glad it was me and not my kids or my husband. I had the strength to pull myself through. I cannot begin to imagine the heartbreak involved in being the caregiver to someone I love so deeply.

3. I do not take anything for granted. I stop whatever I am doing now to really listen to my kids and my hubby. They mean the world to me, and I want them to know that and feel that. I always thought I had "later". I was always working towards "later".

4. Having had cancer has truly opened my eyes. I am grateful for the gift of life. I always thought my life was something to get through to get to someplace else or some other time where I could slow down and enjoy all the blessings that I have given. But, I have learned (the hard way) that the time is now. I am grateful that even though I faced a deadly disease, I have the time now to let everybody that is dear to me know how much they have meant in my life. I have been given a second chance. I did not walk out the door and get hit by a bus and for that I am grateful because I now know how much the little things in life mean...the tender touches, the words too often left unspoken (but not anymore), and the smiles that are given for no particular reason.

I am not glad that I got cancer. What I had was an experience that opened my eyes and made me truly grateful for everybody and everything that has made me who I am. I do not take anything for granted anymore. I did need something to show me that life is not a race to the finish line. If that something had to be cancer then so be it. Do I feel like I was dealt a bad hand? Sometimes. But then I can always come up with somebody who has it worse than I do. Everybody has demons they must fight in their life and cancer has made me more compassionate.

Thank you bandteacher!

Hugs to all of you!
Cheryl

Anonymous

I absolutely LOVE what everyone has said here and in the 'frowns' thread too. EVERYONE is welcome here, as far as I'm concerned, and EVERYONE has a right to have their say, regardless of whether it is deemed negative or positive by others. Isn't that the whole point of this forum...to provide a venue for ALL of us to release and process our thoughts and feelings about this horrific disease that we share? So please, my awesome sisters, each and every one of you, continue to speak your own individual truths, whatever they are, and, please also, allow each other to speak hers. I refuse to believe that ANYTHING is said here that, to one degree or another, we don't each identify with. The ONLY 'rule' that we should all pledge to abide by, IMO, is to try to never hurt another sister. Can we all pledge to that....PLEASE?

That having been said..........OMG, nosurrender! Your post gave me goosebumps! Thank you!!!!

~Marin

marshakb

Marin, I agree 100% with you. Everyone should feel they can express their own feelings, good or bad. Oh and LOL at the cancer spending. You can almost smell the plastic burning. hahaha Mine was to plan a trip to Jamaica on my first "I got rid of the sh** in my body" anniversary in Dec. Totally charged the whole thing. And not going to worry about it. Am I going to give cancer the credit for that? Nope, I give MYSELF credit for that.

NoH8

Quote:

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I think there are many places to post how we are feeling when are experiencing negative feelings - I have read many of those and can commiserate with all of them but I also think it's important to have some positive ones too.

---

I totally agree with you. Someone always seems to come around and chime in with negativity on a positive post-- rather than just allowing those of us who are choosing to be positive to have our thread and starting a different negative post. I sometimes wish they'd remember that they don't have to post in every thread-- if "pink ribbon smiles" seems like something you might not agree with, you don't have to open the thread and read it or you can stop reading it if it bothers you.