What Do I Say to Co-Worker *DELETED*

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shorfi
shorfi Member Posts: 791
edited June 2014 in Life After Breast Cancer

Post deleted by shorbr

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited July 2007
    I'd let her know that she will get through it, she's strong, and you're there to support her and help her through. I think you'll come up with the right words that will express your intentions... and she'll be so thankful for your support.

    Doreen
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  • Emelee26
    Emelee26 Member Posts: 569
    edited July 2007
    Maybe just that she will get through it and you will help her with questions or little "hints"..let her know you're there for her and she's going to be ok. I think that would help...
    You're very nice to be so supportive
    Love Marisa
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  • Fireweed
    Fireweed Member Posts: 189
    edited July 2007

    And I would send her to this forum or other sources of support as well. You are being very kind, but you don't want to be her ONLY source of support unless you are very close.

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  • jrp
    jrp Member Posts: 21
    edited July 2007

    Tell her that there are lots of people to help her - medical professionals, health center support groups, and hopefully her colleagues. Tell her that she need to concentrate on herself right now, so that she will come out the other side mentally and physically strong.

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  • iodine
    iodine Member Posts: 4,289
    edited August 2007
    Keep reinforcing that there are all sorts of support for her. That will keep you from being her end all be all. Too much pressure for you.
    You will be helpful for her as we all want to be for others. Let her know that.
    Let her know that you will be there if she just wants to talk and that she can call you and that you look forward to hearing updates on how she is doing.
    That's what I did.
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  • shorfi
    shorfi Member Posts: 791
    edited April 2011

    Post deleted by shorbr

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  • nycmom
    nycmom Member Posts: 61
    edited August 2007

    how about directing her to this site?

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  • shorfi
    shorfi Member Posts: 791
    edited August 2007

    Post deleted by shorbr

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  • nowheregirl
    nowheregirl Member Posts: 894
    edited August 2007
    Why isn't she aware of what type of BC she has? Because she just can't remember what she has heard from her doctor? Or her doctor didn't explain anything about her path report? If that's the case, then I would suggest her to seek for a second opinion. I highly believe that doctors must explain what's going on with you regardless of whether or not you ask. That's their job and you have every right to be fully explained. Personally I wouldn't trust the doctor who neglects to explain the details much enough to follow their advice. JMO.

    Hope everything goes well for her. You are such a good friend!

    Hugs,
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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited August 2007
    I agree with Fumi that it's pretty peculiar that this woman doesn't know the details of her disease! Nevertheless, I don't blame you for being reticent about advising her on the question of joining a clinical trial. The only thing that you can tell her in that regard is that many people have access to new drugs that way or, at the very least, have the opportunity to help those who are diagnosed in the future. Only she can decide if that appeals to her. First and foremost though, she needs to research her breast cancer and the treatment alternatives available...only then can she make an informed decision.

    ~Marin
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  • shorfi
    shorfi Member Posts: 791
    edited October 2007
    Quote:
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  • shorfi
    shorfi Member Posts: 791
    edited April 2011

    Marin...thanks for the advise. What I really want to do is...grab her by the hand and tell her what to do. I never realized that she had all that going on with her. I was shocked to say the least. All I can do is just support her, but in the meantime I feel so helpless.

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  • sahalie
    sahalie Member Posts: 2,147
    edited September 2008

    Your friend could be completely overwhelmed at this time.
    I was.
    I OD'd on all the literature I was given, remembering what the doctors all told me, reading my notes, etc.
    It wasn't until I joined here and everyone told me to read all my path reports and everything about my Stage and Grade and + this and - that. It was then that the pieces came together. I found so many answers here.
    I think she needs time.
    The one thing I knew from day one was that I wanted a bilateral mastectomy (tumor in left breast only) because I didn't want to go thru this again.

    It's wonderful you are her friend and are there for her.

    Stay by her and just talk to her about what comes natural.
    I found my breast surgery to be the easiest part of this whole journey.

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  • iodine
    iodine Member Posts: 4,289
    edited August 2007
    A lady who works for me was dx'd and I wanted to be there for her up to the amount she wanted/needed.

    She wanted/needed very little. She does have a 'puter but chose not to do any research or to seek info or support online. She is like many women I have met who do not want to do anything on their own. They want to follow their doc's orders and that's all. They ask no questions, and that's the way they like it.

    I know that is not how we see it, but that is the way some women see it. We do not have the right to change their minds. I did tell some of these ladies I was available to ans any questions I could and offer any info they wanted.
    It was up to them to ask.
    Even when cautioned about a few things, it made no difference, "their" doc and "their" treatment were perfect and they were completely happy. So be it.
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  • shorfi
    shorfi Member Posts: 791
    edited April 2011
    Thanks ladies for all your replies. I am going to delete this topic...because frankly like Dotti said earlier "it made no difference, "their" doc and "their" treatment were perfect and they were completely happy. So be it.

    She is completely non-chalant about it...so I am not going to worry about it anymore.

    So be it!!!
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  • lvtwoqlt
    lvtwoqlt Member Posts: 6,162
    edited August 2007
    After my dx of ADH 2 yrs ago, another woman in my office asked me a few questions about stero biopsy, she was scheduled for one in a couple of days. When I started asking what the mammo report read, she said she did not know only that the doctor ordered the biopsy. She did not seem to want to know more about what they were looking for.

    I told her that knowledge is power, and she said I don't want to know. Her biopsy was b9 and she has not had any additional problems that I know of.

    Sheila
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  • shorfi
    shorfi Member Posts: 791
    edited April 2011
    Just spoke to her a few minutes ago and now she says the oncologist will treat her with oral chemo medication and will see how she progresses within the next few weeks, months, years. She said he saw a spot on her lung and when I tried to question her, she didn't seem to know. It seems like she has breast metastases to the lung. I originally mentioned that her breast tumor size was 5cm and 3-4 lymph nodes were positive. They were talking about doing chemotherapy and radiation therapy, and now this.

    I am so afraid for her right now...is she gonna be okay? I only mention positive things to her and did say that while breast cancer can possibly spread to other organs in the body, it is considered a chronic disease that can be treated as such...with medication. Did I tell her the right thing?

    Help!
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  • iodine
    iodine Member Posts: 4,289
    edited September 2007

    With the little info you have you have said the right things. She does not seem to be asking you for information but seems to be updating you.

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