Starting Chemo in JAN 2007

Forgot to say that I'm finding radiation no big deal at all, although I can see it's going to be a pain in the butt until I get a decent appointment time. The worst thing is that my new bra is all stained with red ink. I got smart, though - I went out and brought a dark red one and a black one. My wardrobe options are shrinking by the day - now it's high necked, dark-colored, old clothing - for six weeks. Eek!

Hi All,
Mel, glad you got the rads going. And your new dog sounds lovely. I feel so sorry for him being shuffled around; how nasty of his owners to give him up after 8 years! At least now he has his permanent home.

Skye, hope you are doing ok and not worrying too much. You too, Sharon. And Mary, I think feeling 100% is going to take a few months. I expected to bounce right back, but I guess not.

I did take an ativan last night, slept well (thanks Caya) and feel better psychologically today. We are off to Albuquerque tomorrow for a wedding, back on Sunday. It's a quick trip but we adore this nephew, and there will be lots of fun family there. All three of our kids are going. So it will be a fun whirlwind.

I notice I can breathe easily again, so have stopped hyperventilating ... I can really work myself into a tizzy when I let my mind go to dark places.

I hope everyone has a good weekend. I got on the chat last night but I was too late, everyone was gone.

Melia

Lynn Yay on getting DD from camp! I can only imagine how much you must have missed her. I have yet to be able to give up one of my kids for more than a weekend. I hope she had a great time.

Mel congrats on the furniture and the dog...was the new chair for the new dog to sleep on? I suspect that if you are not careful, HE will think so mine thinks the couch is her personal lounge area, although I have really drawn the line at the bed as a no-no. good thinking on the bra situation..dark colors are helpful. Even without the markers my rads experience was pretty messy (creams and such). By the end I was reduced to to camisole tops with a shelf bra inside, everything else was just a bit too irritating. The good news is that I am completely healed now (it is three weeks since I finished) and my skin looks and feels just about the same as it did before.

Melia, I am so glad you are feeling better. A good nights sleep can really help with that.

Joni it was so good to hear from you! Sounds like you are having a great time. Take a deeeeeep breath of fresh air for me (cough cough....smog)!

Mary, I am with Tina on the Tamoxifen...just start popping them! it is really no big deal, and I am not sure if it makes a difference what time of day you take it. Try the AM, and if you have a problem just switch it! I have no serious problems to report about the Tamo other than the ever present hot flashes (exacerbated by the hot weather I am sure) that alternate most unpleasantly with chills (sometimes i shiver!) Beyond that I feel like myself again, and my husband reports that I am as ornery as ever now.

Sharon, keep us posted on your CT scan. I bet it is just fluid in your inner ear or something. You will be fine!

Skye I am with some of the others who have said that we will do your fretting FOR you so you can enjoy your vacation. I have been very dutiful, and fretted all day yesterday on your behalf. I am also, however, confident that it is nothing.

well I was all set to start my day this morning when I suddenly realized that I have to go to see my Onc for my three month follow up. what a pain! I will report back later, but I am not expecting anything dramatic. He will look at my scar, poke me in the liver, listen to my heart and send my on my merry way. then I will head over to the pool and meet up with the family...DH stayed home today. Tonight we are going to go out to Benihana as sort of a pre-surgery celebration. Anyway...hugs to all my sisters!

Ok I am going to start the Tamox tomorrow no matter what. Robbin, did you start yet? I am also going to see my internist because my sinus infection is back (yeah Mel I didn't take enough antibiotics). So I feel lousy but oh well. I am determined to have a good weekend. Mel, be careful with rads toward the end because that is how I got so tired and run down. And congrats on the dog. You are a real blessing to him. Off to cook dinner for company, well get it ready and have DH bbq even though it's 95 out there.

Quote:

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Good girl, Mary! Take those pills. It'll be tamoxiFUN! I promise.

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LOL Tina!

Hi all,
We have been at our cottage. We are going to stay here for the rest of the summer and maybe part of the fall. It will be nice to recuperate here after my surgery because it is very small and easy to take care of. It is on a lake, and very quiet and peaceful. It is a very old cottage- an original from the by-gone days. We have updated it a little- we added a dishwasher and washing maching and dryer- things you cannot live without- LOL. We finally got internet today, (yippee- it is the little things that make me happy- lol) but I am sharing my dh's notebook until I bring down my computer, hopefully by Monday. Right now my dd is finishing up on some papers for her classes and needs the printer that only works with my computer. Her last class and final is on Monday, so I will reclaim my computer then. It has been really hot here. I am counting the days until my Diep surgery (10)- yikes!!
I have been trying to catch up on all the posts, but if I wait to read them all, I will not get to say hi now. I read most of them though. My hair is not long enough to dye. I have much more on my sides than on the top of my head which is still very scarce.
Skye,
I am so sorry you have to go through all this right now. I agree with everyone else that 80% of all tumors are benign. After all your treatments, I cannot imagine how cells could survive. I also agree that you should let us and your onc worry. I know it will be very hard to let it go while you are on your cruise, but after knowing you and your positive energy, I think you will give it a BIG try- and I know you will succeed. I think doctors have to state all possibilites, even the most remote, because they are afraid they might be sued if they don't. We are here for you. Like Rebecca, I have been worried about you since I read your posts. I am so glad you are feeling better.
Melia,
I hope your swelling subsides soon. I agree with Mel that maybe you should talk with our onc again to get this resolved once and for all.
Mary,
Happy Anniversary! I hope you have a great weekend and I hope your infection clears us very fast.
Mel,
I am glad you got your dog and that he is compatable with your cats. Have fun with your new furniture- that is always fun.
Joni.
Sounds like you are having a marbelous time.
Tina,
Could it be capsular constriction? Just a thought. My friend got that 3 years after reconstruction. She says that massaging the breast helps. I am sure you called your doctor, but please please don't jump to conclusions until you have it checked out - and you might want to check with your PS also.
Rebecca,
Congratulations on your clean bill of health. That is so cool. Your onc sounds very caring. Forgive my memory, but what day is your surgery?
I hope everyone had a great day.
Viddie

Rebecca, you always inspire me with your strength and courage. I am glad your appt went well. You are going to live a long and happy life, and are going to see your great grandchildren. You will handle your next surgery with the same fortitude that you have handled everything so far.

Mary, just give yourself some time. You will regain your strength.

I had a manicure today in prep for the wedding tomorrow. When the manicurist took off the old polish, I was stunned to see two black nails. I keep thinking it's over, but there is still junk in my system. I hope I don't lose the nails.

Off to Albuquerque for the wedding tomorrow. It will be fun to see the extended family, and our kids will be there too.

Good weekend all,
Melia

Here is me and dh at tonight's soiree (I'm the one in the crewcut) - Skye

Mary - I take my Tamoxifen at dinner. I have been experiencing some joint and muscle aches and pains, on and off, since starting to take it, but I know this is a s/e ( Lynn mentioned this too) and has been subsiding. Happy 29th anniversary. Hope your sinuses are better!
Joni- glad you checked in and are feeling good.
Mel - have they delivered your new furniture yet? It's so true that "guys don't see the need for that stuff" - My DH thought our 18 year old white lacquer wall units were just fine - luckily the new big flat screen TV didn't fit, so we had to get the new maple units built - and so of course who has been dragging all the neighbours in to show off the new units - DH of course!
Melia - ah, the magic of ativan - glad it helped. Hope your family wedding with your kids is great.
Lynn - bet you're glad to have Ally home. And thanks for the very uplifting story about our BC sister.
Tina - I'm sure the hardened areas around your reconstruction are normal. Are you allowed to massage it? I massage Vitamin E cream into my mast. scar twice a day, and it has faded to nothing.
Rebecca - mazel tov on your onc. visit. Sounds like you are in great form before your surgery.
Viddie - have fun at the cottage. Can you post some pix, it sounds so quaint, Norman Rockwellish?
Skye - love your crewcut - I'm at about the same stage now.
Sharon - so happy your CT scan was good. Have fun on your vacation sweetie you deserve it.
I am off to Stratford Ontario today with my mom, stepdad, and the 2 DDs to see a production of Oklahoma - it's gotten rave reviews and is one of my favourite musicals. It's a 2 and 1/2 hour drive there, we're leaving early to have lunch there, walk around the town a bit, see the matinee, and then on the way home stop for dinner somewhere. The weather is gorgeous, the humidity finally broke - lots of nice sunshine. DH got back late Thursday night from Las Vegas so he's just going to relax here at home today and go visit his 88 year old mother - that should be REAL relaxing
Have a great day/weekend everyone.
caya

Skye, I like your hair. You've got great bones that the wig hides. Skye, we'll be praying for you, Puppy & I.

Whoopeee Sharon...have fun, have fun...with a light heart. You've been through a lot and you've been courageous my friend. We wants lots of pictures and sketches. Are you keeping a sketchbook journal? Please do. Maybe you can share part of it with us when you return.

Oh Caya, I am so jealous. Erik & I had a weekend all planned at Stratford and we were going to see Oklahoma, but we had to give it up for the wedding which I think may up not attending.

Viddie, I hope you are enjoying your cottage...I am sure you are.

I'm back to taking Ativans, every night. I decided I needed to with all the stress I'm dealing with. Yesterday I went for a quick errand out to a store and got FIVE calls from one of my brothers arguing with me about the wedding present. By the time I got home I had chest pains.

One thing we do that is WONDERFUL for stress is go to a nearby lake and swim for an hour around dusk. We get there hot, bothered, dishleveled, and leave cool, relaxed, and ready for sleep. It helps a lot.

I am beginning to get some aches in my ankles from this Femara. I think strength training would help--anything that increases blood flow to the bones.

cont'd

LOL'ing about "Happy Boob Day to you", Rebecca!

Skye, you are rocking the short hair! You have the face for it. Mine was slightly longer than yours around June 9, the day I flew to San Diego. When I think of that compared to how much I have now, I am amazed. It's a good inch long...on top. Not the sides or bottom, unfortunately, but... I'm not seeing a ton of grey coming in right now and I haven't colored in a good month...not sure what that means. Funara! Yes, that's it!

MisZ, Kangamangus Hwy....that's a blast from the past for me. As teenagers, we used to go up there a lot. Some of my friends that still live there go camping there still. Nice area. Enjoy. I will be in Maine next week too, but in Wells. Prob. just day tripping though. That's OK...
Doing the north end on Sat. night w/my five girlfriends I grew up with. Will have to hit Mikes for cannolis, Lynn.

Viddie, capsular constriction....gonna have to google that. Haven't heard of it. It's a rather large area...over an inch long of rock solid tissue. I'm just not sure I went the right way with this TRAM flap stuff. The scar on my stomach is HORRENDOUS and my new boob is so ugly. Then, it just feels so gross, I couldn't bring myself to touch it, let alone massage it. Thank God it looks ok in clothes. After all, it only matters how we look, right?

Aaaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuughhhhh! Just wrote a big long post and lost it! I know better than to do it on this site. Will go redo it in Word, I guess.

Viddie, just re-read your post about going to your "cottage". I noticed that when people replied back they called it a "cabin". Just another one of my geographical observations from moving all over. In New England, all vaca. places are called "cottages". It's kind of funny. Here, in OH, they are all cabins. Basically all the same stuff. Viddie, where in Mass. are you and where is the cottage? If you don't mind saying...

Tina! We're on the same page - I had just asked the question (in my usual too-many-words way) about cottages. It sounds so much more special than cabin, and brings to mind such a different image. I wondered if there was a difference, and if so what. That was part of the lost post. My fingers are hurting and I was going to retype it all, but it just seemed too much of an effort at the time. You all will live without those words, most of them. My fingers still hurt - everything hurts today, joint-wise, but then I've had some nails break off also, and some missing, and those are uncomfortable. Plus the neuropathy. Ok...no more whining.

Skye, you just look so good! DH is a cutie also, but you're a good pair and you look just fine topless. Your hair does resemble mine, or would if I'd get some dye on mine.

Viddie, I do envy you getting to stay in your cottage the rest of the summer and into fall - it just sounds idyllic, and the perfect place to recuperate. Although I'm sure it won't take you long to bounce back. Can't wait for my turn. I guess it was you who made me ask the cottage question. I did notice that you northeasterners were saying that most often. Sharon, I hope you got off on your trip and are blissfully unaware of anything I'm posting by now. You certainly deserve a carefree vacation after all you've been through. I was so glad to hear your CT was negative - thought it would be, but it was still worrisome. And Mizsissy, your trip sounds like the trip of a lifetime - enjoy every moment! I've always wanted to see Maine, and up in that part of the country. After hearing all the talk from the Canadian girls, I'm almost ready to move up there.

Mary, happy anniversary, and I hope you're feeling better. You had a very full weekend for someone who was under the weather. Monday, please call your internist and get a prescription for some antibiotics, and take all of them. Hope you started that Tamoxifun today......and I'll always think of it as TamoxiFUN, thanks to our resident humorist.

Rebecca, glad to know you got a clean bill of health. I'm sure it will be glad to have your surgery out of the way. Tina, I'm no expert, but I think that areas of fat necrosis won't decrease over time. That's probably what you've got, and you just may have to have some revision done in that area. What I do suggest is that you make an appointment with another PS. The problem isn't with the TRAM itself, I'm thinking, but with the execution of the TRAM. Many people are totally in love with their TRAM reconstructions, and you are entitled to a reconstruction that you are happy with also. It made me sad to read that you think it's ugly, and too gross to touch. To me, that means it wasn't done properly, and isn't all it could and should be. See if you can find someone who can give you an unbiased opinion of what you've got and maybe what they can do to make you happy with it. You deserve that. I've seen some gorgeous reconstructions, so I know it's possible.

Lynn, I'll bet you've spent the day listening to Ally's camp stories, and I'm sure you're glad to have her back home. How is your port site infection by now - less of an issue, I hope? Caya, hope you enjoyed Oklahoma and the outing that went with it. Joni, thinking of you and hoping you're having a wonderful time. Tami, glad you checked in with us, glad you're doing well. Melia, hope you're having a good time at the wedding. Sorry about the black nails - happened to me, too, after I thought everything was over.

Ellie, glad you're doing so well, and Harrison says thanks for the hug. He'll take all the hugs you can dish out. He's a very loving dog, and is doing so well with us. Still a bit insecure, at times, but he is definitely happy to be with us, and is bonding quickly. He wants to go for a walk every couple of hours, so that will be good for me. I'll take some pics of him, and post them, one of these days.

We went out to dinner last night, and I thought that would be a good time to bring up the new furniture....but I didn't. Finally spilled the beans just as dh was going to sleep. I shouldn't have worried - he just said he knew we were overdue, but hated to spend the money. Once they came today, he loved them, and decided we needed to get a new sofa to go with them! We drove clear into town tonight to check out sofas at Crate and Barrel (my favorite place) but unfortunately got there as they were locking up. So...another day. But new sofa is coming up!

Hope you all are having a great weekend. Hugs.

We'll miss you Tina - maybe you can find time to check in from somewhere. If not, have a wonderful time, take some photos, and remember all the stories you would've told us if you had had internet access.