Starting Chemo in JAN 2007

luckymel

OMG, that's WAAAAAAAAAYYYYY too big! Yikes!

NOLONGERREADINGORPOSTING

Oeeeewwweeee what a lovely lady! See yall in Sept.

goldnmom

You look gorgeous, and you have a great head!! You don't need a wig or scarf any more. Have I mentioned that I regret putting color on my hair? My gray is really shining through again now and it is going to stay. When I put the color on, I was very torn, thinking it might look thicker with some color. I really don't think it did.The good thing about hair color, it can come and it can go!

Congrats on going topless!

Caya

Mel,

You look beautiful - definitely ready to go out there and greet the world topless girl- I have been going topless the past few days, and I really think I get less stares than I did with scarves. I think because it is summer people may assume we just buzzed our hair short because of the heat.
Mary - sorry your gyny appt. got cancelled - oh well, that's the way it goes. Hope you are feeling better emotionally today.
Melia - I agree with you about the problems with "adult" children - now there's an oxymoron! My mom used to say to me - small kids, small problems, big kids, big problems. This was when my biggest worries were if they would make it through the chicken pox, have a temper tantrum in public etc. Of course I realized Mom was right when both my girls became teenagers - I had an especially difficult time with my younger one - but she's come through it all fine and is a great kid now at 18, off to study journalism at university in a few weeks.
Cindy - I hope your daughter and SIL come through this difficult time - it must be heartbreaking for you to watch.
I went to see my psychologist today - I started to see her in Nov. when I was diagnosed and we weren't telling anyone right away. I haven't seen her in about 2 months but I have been really anxious since starting the Tamoxifun. We discussed the onc. appointment yesterday and possibly starting Effexor - She says she has many patients on it and it really is a great anxiety reliever - she thinks I should take it, and she will help me monitor it. So I'm going to the pharmacy tomorrow and fill the script and I think I am going to do it - She said I shouldn't be a hero, between the DH and his aneurysm and me with the BC, I should take the Effexor to help me emotionally/mentally.
Anyone else out there on any kind of anxiety/anti-depressants?
thanks for listening girls - you are the greatest.
xoxo caya

viddie

Hi all,
Rebecca,
I hope you are feeling better today. I hope you are letting your family cater to you. Just curious- how did you catch the kid plagiarize?
Joni,
I am glad you are feeling better.
Caya,
Your onc sounds like a very caring kind doctor. A pep talk from your onc is very encouraging.
Your cabinets look great. Have fun decorating them.
Melia,
Sounds like you are going to have fun with your family this weekend.
Mary,
That must have been very frustrating. I switched to a gynecologist only doctor- (no obstetrics) a few years ago. That way, she is never delivering babies during my appointments.
Mizsissy,
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!!
Mel,
You look beautiful- so chic. If my hair was your length, I would go topless.
You did everything you could do- we all did.
We all have our doubts and dark moments, but we also have very positive moments and experiences that crush those darker thoughts. My darker moments come when I am driving alone in the car- I sometimes start crying- then I put the radio on to some upbeat music and I try to pick myself up.
This roller coaster of emotions will end when we realize that we are survivors and we intent to remain that way.
Viddie

viddie

Caya,
What is the difference between taking effexor and ativan? If they both relieve anxiety, is one better than the other? I take ativan when I feel I need it- like this weekend before surgery. I am afraid to get addicted to any one pill, but if it helps us get through this crisis, why not?
Viddie

meliaanne

Viddie, take whatever you need this weekend, and good luck with surgery. We will all be thinking of you and praying for you. You are a strong, brave woman, and you will be fine.

Caya, I cannot imagine the stress of dealing with your husband's illness and then yours. Do take the meds and see if they help. My husband has been a rock thru this, and if I had to deal with the fear of losing him before I got bc, I would have been much more of a wreck.

Mel, you are lovely. I would go topless if I had that much hair. Mine is sparser by about half or a third, but it is trying to come back, so I am working on patience. Which is not my strong point.

The wedding: we had our older daughter's wedding last summer, which was much more of a learning curve. It was a blast. My motto then, and now, is that we are going for a wonderful wedding, not a perfect wedding. If the bride, groom, and minister show up, we are good! Last summer was harder, since it was bigger (185) and the mother of the groom was, umm, high maintenance. This one is about 120, and the mother of the groom is a doll. We have all the big stuff done, minister, venue, dresses (not mine), caterer, dj, photographer. I am in the floral industry, so flowers are a no brainer. This weekend, Anne is having a trial hairdo, meeting with her dj to tie down the music, choosing paper for the programs (which I will do). What is great is that all our extended fam (about 60 or so) come, and I do a brunch on Sunday, so it's a reunion as well as a wedding. It will be lots of fun, but it is closing in on us fast. Oct 6.

So life goes on ... did God plan for me to have bc in between the girls' weddings? I don't feel like I needed a wake up call; I have always loved my life. And i think the most profound lesson I have taken from all of this is that,when I found out, I thought long and hard about my life, and I decided that I wouldn't change a thing. Sure, I would love to retire, but can't yet, and I have a job I love. And a husband who does his best, wonderful kids, a house I love in a place I love. So I am a very lucky woman. I do panic at times, but I also feel very blessed.

Ok, off the soapbox and time for bed. Sweet dreams all.

Melia

Caya

Viddie - Effexor is an antidepressant/anti anxiety drug that works constantly - ativan helps only when you take it. It will "take the edge off" and hopefully I won't get "anxious" at all - Yes, there is the possibility of "addiction", but the psychologist told me I should be thinking of taking it for at least 4 - 6 months, maybe even a year - she will monitor me and help me get off it if/when I want - you have to wean off it, not go cold turkey. She said exactly what you said - it can help me get through this crisis - so why not? I really respect her opinion, and believe me I have thought about this, but I have been so nervous lately that I want to try it - it can take a couple of weeks to kick in, so I'll have to see how it goes.
She has treated many BC patients, and reassured me that I will get back to my old self - and not be so hard on myself and take the Effexor to help myself.
Melia - sounds like the wedding plans are coming along great. I hope you will post some pix when it all takes place.
Caya

mer1957

Mel you look great! You have a great face for short hair. I wouldn't worry about the gray for now. It will be less noticeable as it gets longer and then you can decide.

Melia, I think you better start looking for a dress! Did you say you don't have one yet? I can't wait to start looking for one. It sounds like the plans are coming together great. Luckily being the groom's mother I won't have that much to do. I plan on being very supportive but leaving it up to the bride's family for all decisions, although it is at our church so that is my job. We hired this singer who has the most beautiful voice. She could easily have been a Faith Hill or Amy Grant. To me the ceremony is the most important.

I don't think God sends this bc our way to teach us a lesson. He is just there for us to support us and as a shoulder to cry on. It does makes us realize though what is important in life!

Viddie, we're thinking and praying for you re your surgery. I know you are in good hands.

Caya, good for you for getting the script. I'd try it if I were you. I tried some antidepressant once (don't remember the name) but I couldn't function with working. I feel a little more up today. Going to a friends for a bbq and then out on their boat on Lake St. Clair. It should be a good night. My younger DS is getting his wisdom teeth out on Wed so that is sad. I am proud that he decided to get it done and over with rather than putting it off. It will probably cost me $1000 even with dental insurance but it's worth it. I guess I'll be serving a lot of mashed potatoes for awhile.

Rebecca, hope you're being pampered.
Mizsissy, have a good trip.

Love ya,

Rebecca

Mel I absolutely LOVE your hair. I think you look great…no need for a wig. You are very photogenic O Luckiest of my sisters. I do not think you need to dye it if you do not want to. The s S&P is very attractive. Of course I am a bit biased…I am pretty anti-hair coloring. I have never dyed my hair, except for two summers ago I put in a bright fushia streak. One of these days I will post a pic of myself for evaluation

Mary that stinks about the GYN appt. I hate when that happens.

Miz-happy belated birthday to you! In all my boob-day mayhem I forgot to chime in with the wishes.

Quote:

---

We all have our doubts and dark moments, but we also have very positive moments and experiences that crush those darker thoughts. My darker moments come when I am driving alone in the car- I sometimes start crying- then I put the radio on to some upbeat music and I try to pick myself up.
This roller coaster of emotions will end when we realize that we are survivors and we intent to remain that way.

---

Viddie, that is scary…you could be writing about me. I have experienced, and completely agree with everything you said. I truly believe that the key it happiness is perspective…meaning it is all in how you look at and interpret the things in your life. If you view yourself as a survivor, and say “I HAD cancer” rather than “I HAVE” cancer then it is so. We put ourselves through chemo to eradicate the disease, and then we put ourselves through reconstruction to eradicate the reminders and put it behind us. I am viewing my boob-day, my final transformation, as the day that I officially became a survivor.

On catching a plagiarizer:Viddie, it is not an easy thing. The first thing that usually happens is that I notice that the writing is “too good”. That is, the phrasing and word choice are too sophisticated for that particular students. The other thing is that most plagiarized papers are very “choppy” because students tend to take sentences and phrases from different places and splice them together. Once I recognize that I have to document it if I am going to fail the student, and that is the time consuming part. Usually I use a combination of Google and full-text academic search engines to find specific phrases. Once I get a hit, usually I can find a lot of material from that source embedded in the paper. I have to create a “concordance” which means that I have to show that the material in the paper was taken from a particular source. I usually use highlighters in different colors. I hate doing it….it is a major pain, and I am absolutely unforgiving. If/When I get tenure at the college I will be one of those professors that brings students up on formal academic charges. I do not do it now because I am only an adjunct. Just to give you an idea of how much of an investment it is…it takes me about 15 minutes to evaluate an honestly written paper. It takes about 2 HOURS to deal with a plagiarizer. Thankfully I only get about one per year.

Viddie, I hope you are feeling well..I do not remember your surgery date, but I am thinking of you, and hoping that you have a happy boob-day too!

As for me, I think the pain is finally starting to ease off a bit. The dressing is VERY constricting and I can not wait to have it off. Somebody asked if I have seen my girls yet, and the answer is NO…and I am very anxious for my first peek. I have been able to sneak a finger in to touch an un-incised surface to feel how soft it is, and I am VERY pleased. Fret not…as soon as I see them I will post a report! I had some blood soaking through my dressing yesterday and got a bit freaked out, but I called the PS and he said it was fine. I have been taking my pain medication regularly, and as long as I do I seem to be fine. If I stop, then I get very weepy and uncomfortable. I am a little nervous about that because I am on my own starting Monday…I am not sure if I am going to be able to drive or not! As of right now, I can NOT drive between the narcotics and the pain. Ah well. This has turned into a long rambly post….I think I am going to go get my coffee.

Hugs to my beloved sisters.

meliaanne

Cindy, how are your daughter and her husband doing? Do they have children? It must be so painful to watch her go through this, and I am thinking of you.

Joni, how are you? What meds are you taking, and how are the side effects?

Mary, last year I just looked online at Nordstroms for my dress and ordered a half dozen, tried them on at home, chose one and took the rest back. So easy. Their fall line isn't out yet, so I can't choose yet. I figure that I will get serious after our vacation, which is Aug 19 - 26. Tomorrow our son wants me to go to the mall to help him choose a suit, and I may look a bit then. I am not much of a shopper though. I need a relatively simple dress, as Anne's is lovely but simple, and I want a long one. Anne's attendants are wearing a very pretty slate blue. I am thinking maybe navy?

Rebecca, glad the pain is easing a bit. I wish we could all come on Monday and take over the caregiving for you. This is such a big step forward for you, and hopefully you will feel a bit better everyday.

OK, off to the airport to get Anne, and then our whirlwind weekend. I am glad I am done with treatment; no way I could have done this a month ago.

Hugs to all,
Melia

skyedivine

Hey everyone,
Viddie I think everyone is with you on those dark moments.It's impossible not to have them if you are a thinking, feeling being...which we all are. But the dark times always pass and I keep reminding myself that no one has a guarantee of a single day, therefore living in the moment is the way to be.
Rebecca I'm glad the girl's have a good softness, you are doing great. Very interesting on the plagiarizer. I'm surprised only one a year, I thought it was more rampant than that.
Mel, you are SO good to go with it just like that... And the S&P does look nice on you. On me it just looks old because it doesn't go with my warm complexion.So much has to do with your natural, overall coloring. Therefore I'll be dying it again in a day or 2.
Caya lovely furniture!
I went topless as planned to dh's business lake cruise last night, just gobbed on the jewelry and makeup. It was the first time I had seen most of his coworkers since dx and also many clients. The office secretarial manager took me aside as soon as she could and told me every gory detail of her mother's bladder cancer, just awful. Luckily dh had assigned me the wives of two clients to watch over so I had an excuse to get away. But mostly everyone was nice and told me I looked great (of course, what else are they going to say?) and I had a good time and ate cheesecake.
ONE chapter left on the book, must do today but I have pre-vacation errands too. Melia I know what you mean about being able to get things done again. It's great to have some energy again.
Mary I agree that God doesn't send us BC. I don't think we can ever understand all the things that happen to us on this earth while we are still here, it's just our job to get through it all.
And now time to get some stuff done. Enjoy the weekend, ladies! - Skye

Rebecca

eeeew Skye why is it that people think that just because we HAD cancer that we want to hear the gory details about everyone that they knew that also had cancer. I am as sensitive as the next gal, but I mean really.

BTW I think one of the reasons that I do not get more plagiarizers in my classes is that I warn them at the start that I HAVE and WILL catch plagiarizers and that it really isn't worth it. I give good grades for imperfect papers if they are honest.

TPPJ

Guys, just a quick check in here from Boston. Skye, you look fab in your do. Mary, great pics of you and your family too. Joni, per usual, some of the most gorgeous scenery ever... who knew Canada was so beautiful.

Having a great time...but too good of a time. I'm beat. Need to go home to nice, quiet Ohio, where my friends don't go out for dinner and drinks every night...:) OY!!!!!!!!!

dkmaustx

Wow Mel! I hope I get that kind of coverage soon. I measured the hair on top of my head yeterday and it was three-eighths of an inch long. I can see hair in the mirror, but there's still lots of scalp showing through.

Caya, those wall units look wonderful. Lots of storage and room for a really big TV and other equipment.

Viddie, good luck with your surgery next week. I hope you come through with flying colors.

Skye, nothing like spouse duties to spare you from more gory stories. Glad the book is coming along.

Melia and Mary, good luck with the weddings and getting great mother of the groom dresses.

I've had a good week. I'm officially more than half way through rads, 19 down and only 16 to go. No bad side effects, either, only red at the collar bone and a little pink everywhere else.

Catch you again soon.

nandy42918

Hi Everyone–I haven’t posted anything for a long time but I keep up with all the happenings in your lives so I feel like I have an extended family through you all. My last tx was on April 2 and I have been doing really well I am taking Arimidex and have a few stiff joints and hot flashes have started all over again I was mostly through with those since I am almost 65. But this is a small price to pay if it keeps the tumors starved out..Like all of you I have been anxious for my hair to grow back. I have seen the recent pictures posted and decided to share my new growth with everyone. My hair was very curly before and it looks like it is going to be curly now also. My wig is frosted and I have had so many compliments on it that as soon as I can, I plan to get this frosted also. Right now it is just to grey. I have noticed a couple of you mentioned having a family member or friend having aneurysm surgery. My husband is seeing a surgeon in St. Louis on Wednesday of next week to have one repaired in his stomach is very nervous about having this done but he really has no choice.
You are a great bunch of ladies and I could not have gotten through what I did without you!http://s174.photobucket.com/albums/w98/nandy1942/?action=view&current=me2.jpghttp://s174.photobucket.com/albums/w98/nandy1942/?action=view&current=me.jpg

nandy42918

Sorry about that--I guess I have not figured out how to post the pictures after all. I will try later

nandy42918

luckymel

Nandy, you look GREAT! Lots of great hair already - maybe you should keep it short, it's so flattering. Glad you are doing well, and I'm sure your husband will do well with his surgery also. Please let us know how it goes.

mer1957

Yes Nandy, great hair -- lots of it -- it looks great. I agree we are extended family. Keep us aprised of your husband's surgery.

Lynn12

Hi Girls,

Quick check in.

Mel, you look great! I add my vote for you to go topless from now on!

Nandy, nice to hear from you and glad you are doing well. Your hair is so curly, wow! Looks great!

Rebecca, keep taking the pain meds until you are comfortable without them. I'm sure the girls are fabulous...look forward to a full report!

Viddie, I will be thinking about you on Monday. I'm sorry I won't be able to come see you, but will be there in spirit.

I'm traveling to Huntington Beach tomorrow, coming home Tuesday night on the red-eye...yuck! I'm going on business to a not so fun client. Tons of traveling, two long hard days at the client, red-eye home.

love and hugs,
Lynn

viddie

Hi,

I guess I am getting a little nervous today. I started crying for no reason several times today. I feel I am losing it- at least temporarily.
Tomorrow should be fun. We are staying at a hotel tomorrow night close to the hospital and my dh, ds, and dd and I are all going to a Spanish restaurant for some tapas. I am not sure if I could partake in a glass of Sangria the night before surgery. Anyone know if that is a no-no or not? If it is not a good idea, i will just take an ativan. All that should keep me busy and my mind off the surgery.
I spent the day cleaning and doing last minute things to get everything ready for my return. I will try to write tomorrow morning before we leave. I will be in the hospital until Friday. The surgery starts around 8:00 on Monday morning.
Rebecca,
I hope you are feeling better.
Nandy,
Your hair looks great! Thanks for sharing.
Lynn,
I hope you can take some time out for yourself while in Ca.
Debbie,
YEAH! Halfway through!!
Tina,
I am glad you are having fun.
Skye,
Good for you for going topless to an event. Good luck finishing your book.
Melia,
Have fun this weekend.
Have a great night everyone.
Viddie

goldnmom

{{{{{{Viddie}}}}}}}}
Of course you are nervous. You've never done this before! Don't feel bad about it, and by all means, have a glass of Sangria tomorrow night, but just one. You don't want to be hung over and dehydrated for Monday. If you just have one and still feel anxious several hours later, go ahead and take the Ativan. Just be sure to set the clock for the morning. ;-)

You will be so glad to get past this and so happy you did it. It will feel as if it only takes a minute to go through the whole operation since you will lose the time when you are asleep. I'll be right there with you in spirit, pulling for you the whole way.

Can't wait to hear from you about 3-4 days after. You are going to one happy BC sister!

luckymel

Viddie, you're not losing it - of course you're nervous, though. I second Ellie's advice - by all means have one Sangria, and an ativan also if needed! Have a good time tomorrow, then Monday will literally be over before you know it. I know you will do well, so please don't be scared. I have a feeling it isn't going to be nearly as bad as you think it will be. And judging from my friends whose DIEP's I've seen, you are going to be soooooo happy!

Lynn, your trip doesn't sound like much fun - my wish for you is that Wednesday comes quickly.

Skye, hope the book is done by now.

Ellie, you were right about the hair color. I was very torn also, but sort of halfway did it anyway, and it's just awful. I only used semi-permanent stuff, and tomorrow I'm going to get something to get it out of there. I think the natural salt and pepper was much better.

Rebecca

Oh Viddie hang in there! Definitely take an ativan tonight. I saved a Xanax for the night before my surgery and it helped soooo much in the relaxation dept. Nothing like a good nights sleep before spending the whole next day under anesthesia . It will LITERALLY be over before you know it. The last thing that I remember is being scared and cold in the OR, the anesthesiologist put in my line and “gave me something to calm my nerves” The world went a little funny, and then I was in recovery being asked if I was in pain. In the meantime, 5 hours had passed in the real world. The worst part of the day was the wait beforehand, and being marked and measured by the PS.

It will be over soon, and you will look GORGEOUS!!!! And if that isn’t enough (and by G-D is out to be) you will ALSO have the peace of mind that comes with the kind of surgery you are getting. We are all rooting for you!

Yikes Lynn on all the running around!

Mel, smart move on the semi permanent color since you were on the fence about it!

I am feeling better today. I have started to wean off the pain meds. I did not take one this morning, but I am taking them at night to be sure that I get rest. I am VERY ready for the bandages to come off. Sweaty, itchy and tight. YECK. I think that I will be more comfy with them off, since I think some of my discomfort is squishing of the girls. There is no telling what is under the gauze…DH told me that after surgery the PS outright admitted that he gave me bigger boobs than I asked for (and then spend a looooong time justifying it). It is funny because I remember that he was STILL looking at the catalog of implants when he was measuring me….I wonder if he tried on a few before settling on the ones he liked. Not a nice mental image….modeling school in the OR. Ah well….I am sure that they will look fine. Like everything else in this journey I have to just place myself in the hands of medicine and trust.

Hope the rest of you are having a good weekend!

abbadoodles

Hi, girls. Popping in to check out everyone's hair pics because I saw mention of them on the main boards. Of course, every one of us is interested in how fast our hair is going to grow! You girls are looking great!

I finished chemo (4 DD A/C only) on 5/17 and look pretty much like the picture of Mel, with that same S&P going, especially on top! There's even a patch strangely resembling a skunk I'm thinking. Wow, I have colored my hair all my life and have not been confronted with the real thing until now. LOL What a shock.

The good thing is that I now have the virgin stuff to mess with and am liking the short, short look. I'll bet a lot of women post-chemo find they like really short hair. It looks really neat on so many people and I'm hoping I'm one of them. Only problem is, it means more trips to the hairdresser for trims, like every three to four weeks. $$$ Well, I'm not going to deny myself that little luxury. We've been through enough so it's time for pay-back, right, ladies?

Hugs to you all,

Tina

Caya

Viddie - Of course you are nervous, who wouldn't be? Go for one sangria and definitely the ativan. We are all pulling for you, thinking the best thoughts for you. You go girl, try to relax and remember you will wake up with 25 year old perky boobs.
Rebecca, glad you're feeling better. Don't overdo it, and take the pain meds as long as you need to.
Lynn, hope your trip goes well.
Quiet around here, nice weather. We took my mother-in-law out for an early dinner, had her back here for tea and fruit outside on the patio - nice quiet evening. Today DH is driving to Montreal for business until Wednesday.
My brother-in-law who lives in San Francisco is flying in today for week to visit. He's a lot of fun and is staying with us.
Off to a friend's pool for the afternoon.
Have a great day all
caya

viddie

Hi all,
Thanks for all your support. I do not know what I would have done without all of you. Off to Boston for a day of R & R with my family. Either I, my dh, Ed or my dd, Meri will write in to tell you how I am doing.
Thanks again for being there as always,

Have a great week,
Love,
Viddie (Paula)

jonimb

Hello Viddie:

We'll all be with you in spirit tomorrow Viddie.

Big Hugs....Joni

goldnmom

I used the 28 day semi permanent stuff, and have just let it wear off. It has lasted way longer that 28 days though! Your hair will probably grow super fast now, especially if you take some good vitamins. I took the Nioxin vitamin pack. Probably would have done just as well with a Walmart generic MVI, but you know how we are about our hair!

I get my 3rd mini-trim around my neckline on Tuesday, attempting to let the top look a decent length. It takes a long time for the top to get long enough to look like it covers the forehead a bit. Maybe I'll post a picture. I kid my hairdresser that my trim takes about 90 seconds.