The Good Death

saluki · July 2007

Believe me I know this is a downer subject. But it crosses
my mind perhaps more frequently than it should.

I had been a caretaker for my Mom for over 20 years when she was diagnosed with terminal Parotid Cancer (Ca of the Salvary Glands) I had Hospice come to the House. It was very, very,rough.
Including having to deal with a BIL (Doctor) who was wanting to take her to the Hospital for Hydration when she got Tacky---And having to explain to my sister how this was undermining the whole concept of hospice and certainly the last thing my mother wanted.

Hospice was a G-dsend
I felt I did the best I could and I am at peace with my decisions.
I'm not sure it was the good death but it was the best I could give her.

I right away made a living will and a medical power of attorney--(anything to keep my Brother-In-Law away from the decision making process).

But, I've been drawn to this subject and here are two thought provoking articles dealing with life and death issues.

http://www.boston.com/yourlife/health/other/articles/2007/07/03/helping_my_father_die/

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comment/columnists/guest_contributors/article2045207.ece

Toronto · July 2007

I could relate to the first article especially. Years back my father-in-law had a inoperable lung disease. He was at home and on an oxygen concentrator and clearly was nearing endstage. He was having trouble breathing and got quite anxious at times. His doctor was called and prescribed "something that might help". I went to the local drugstore (which was 30 miles away) to pick it up. I still remember looking at the bottle and saying to the druggist "Morphine, isn't that a respiratory suppressant?" The druggist, who knew the situation, stared me straight in the eye and said "Yes".

I felt weird driving back through the woods with that little bottle of pills. As it happened, the morphine did help, it relaxed him - no panic so he could breathe easier so that more than balanced out the respiratory supression.
He died a couple months later.

But it did give me a little bit of insight into the difficult decisions that health care providers (not to mention family members) face.

marshakb · July 2007

When my grandmother was dying my mom bascially quit her job, moved Mama Sapp into her house and brought in Hospice. OMG the best thing in the world! My mom went on to be a Hospice Volunteer for some years. Thanks for the links, really makes you think.

Anonymous · July 2007

When my dad was passing from cancer I quit my job and moved home with he and my mother so she wouldnt have to carry the load...
His last wish was to be at home so I did everything in my power to make that happen for him, including sneaking him out of the hospital when he said he didnt want to be there...

I was with him when he passed...it was the hardest thing Ive ever done but I wouldnt change a moment of those last few weeks with him for anything in the world.

We talked about bringing hospice in to help with his care but he really just wanted family so mom and I took care of him...as it turned out he only made it a few weeks after the dx so there wasnt even time to do the paperwork for hospice...

A couple of years ago my aunt was passing with lung cancer and we had hospice...those people were a God send....I cant thank them enough for all they did for my aunt and uncle!!!!!

iodine · July 2007

Hospice is a gift to patients and families. It is even more of a gift if it is provided early on, rather than later.
When our local Hospice began, we had a difficult job educating the docs and public that calling in Hospice was not the death knell, but the beginning of a good relationship with family and caregivers. It can be a beautiful relationship, giving and taking, sharing and being cared for, as long or as short a time as needed.
If you or anyone you know, wants to know more, learn about it before you need it, if you can.
If possible, support your local Hospice. They do work wonders for families.

roseg · July 2007

This topic belongs in the palliative care section.

Most of us don't want to consider "moving beyond" cancer and death all in the same thought, at least in this section!

saluki · July 2007

You may be right Rose. I posted it here because I thought the palliative care section referred more patients themselves issues and viewpoints in Palliative care than the caretaker's dilemma. I may be wrong.

Also, I viewed moving on to be finished with treatment and "trying" to move on. Not necessarily, being able to block out every unpleasant thought that crosses your mind but to deal with it. If you can only post brightness and light here---what kind of support is that?

To bring up living wills and medical powers of attorney I would think would be a totally appropriate---but then that is me.------And I can say I'm moving on but that monster is always in the back of my mind. Its not something I like or want to think of but its there in those recesses of the mind
and comes part and parcel of moving on.

The title clearly says what the subject is about and it it
up to you to read or ignore.

wallan · July 2007

I think hospice is a wonderful thing. I had to talk my dad into letting a hospice worker speak to him in his last weeks of his life with lung cancer. He definitely didn't want to die in hospital.
And hospice was wonderful with me when I was dx. And I wasn't even stage 4 or anything. I could access them for counselling or massage or just social things. I still do.

Wendy A

glaveg · July 2007

Oh, Saluki...thanks for the info. My mom had hospice and she just loved her caretakers and it gave my sister a break.

I am an RN and actually applied to Hospice, but got breast cancer before I could get the new job, and for insurance purposes, that was a blessing. But I so believe in the values of hospice and how much it means to the patients and families!

pdb · July 2007

Saluki -

I for one am glad you shared this information and that you chose to do so in this forum as I don't usually read about palliative care....

Thank you.
Phyllis

tawyna1 · July 2007

saluki,

when my grandma died she died here she lived with me. we did not know about hospice . well it was scary. i think about her and the way she died often. it has made me terrified to die well suffer.

after that my uncle died he had hospice they were great. i wished we had it for my grandma.

thanks for sharing your information and god bless you.

The Good Death

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