Got an email today from an old friend

Options
gwenn
gwenn Member Posts: 106
edited June 2014 in Bonded by Breast Cancer

This woman was my closest friend since 8th grade. Once she found out I had bc she never returned my emails or phone calls. today, 2 years later I got an email from her. She gave no info about herself just wanted to let me know that she was thinking about me and wanted to know how I was. Part of me immediately thought that she just wanted to know if I was alive. Im not sure how I feel about the email or how I want to respnd to her.

· Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

Comments

  • iodine
    iodine Member Posts: 4,289
    edited April 2007

    I wouldn't know how to respond either. I'd probably sleep on it and likely write back, I'm still here.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • moogie
    moogie Member Posts: 499
    edited April 2007
    One thing I have started to say with regularity:
    People are weird!!!!
    One of my best friends disappeared form my life entirely when I got an LCIS biopsy. a year later I was a week from mastectomy when she called. She said what's new.....and I said" I'm getting a boobectomy"". I called her after the surgery and she said she was a bad friend. I told her to be a better one going forward, and we are now on much happier terms....talking more frequently without odd silences. I think she just could not relate and retreat was her only answer.

    Perhaps your friend is a little checked out too......and telling her how you really feel about her absence may break the ice and get you to a better place.
    Moogie
    Moogie
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • acgw
    acgw Member Posts: 286
    edited April 2007
    Gwen,

    I think I would write a brief e-mail that tells her how hurtful her response to your BC dx was. Good friends are hard to come by and people often do stupid things. Give her a chance to respond to your feelings; if she doesn't-well, write off that friendship. If she does respond then you have an opportunity to re-build that relationship. I don't know that she can ever be a 'best'friend again as I always thought the role of the bestfriend was to be willing to wipe your butt and clean up your vomit, but maybe you can be good friends.

    I wish you the best.

    Casey
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Isabella4
    Isabella4 Member Posts: 2,166
    edited April 2007
    OOOO, I 'd be naughty here, and just not reply, she will always wonder what happened then.
    (My black sense of humour coming out here !!! )
    Friends that can't hack it are not friends at all, I know you shouldn't wish ill on others, but, one day it just might happen to her, and she'll know what its like to be ignored just when you could use a shoulder.
    Isabella.
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • djd
    djd Member Posts: 866
    edited April 2007

    When people around me seem uncomfortable about my BC, I tend to blurt out answers to the questions I wish they would just ask of me. It has worked quite well in a few cases to ease the tension and move on to normal friendly conversation. What's interesting is that some people just want to pretend like the cancer never happened. That actually doesn't bother me, because I don't turn to them for support, and it's nice to have some "normal" relationships, however shallow they may actually be...lol

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • jacqniel
    jacqniel Member Posts: 720
    edited April 2007

    Some people just can't handle other's pain. I don't hold this against them - I just try to make them comfortable when I can. I have one friend that I have contacted and arranged get to gethers - which go very well, and then she still doesn't call. I am backing off - I figure if she wants to see me she will call. If not, her loss. Jacque

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • KariLynn
    KariLynn Member Posts: 1,079
    edited April 2007
    I'd just respond with a things are good email and tell her I appreciate the good thoughts.

    Then I'd forget about her unless she reached out again.

    To ignore it would take more "mental energy" than shooting off a fine.
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • ptesinge
    ptesinge Member Posts: 119
    edited May 2007
    one thing a cancer buddy and i agree on: cancer cleans house!

    i have "friends" like that. if i don't care so much about whether we reamin friends or not i just don't answer. if it's the kind of person that i know i will have a great time when i SEE them, i treat them like acquaintances. first, i say "what the hell?" and get a response. after getting my thoughts out there, i thereafter drop a line or two but no more. i enjoy their company when the occasions arise but i no longer "let them in". i know they are friends for entertianment purposes only, not to be depended on. and that's fine, now that i know it.
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • gwenn
    gwenn Member Posts: 106
    edited May 2007

    At the insistance of my bf I ended up emailing her. I was shocked to find out that I really did not have much to share with her. I received an email back from her and she confirmed what I thought. She was just checking to see if I was alive! Ugh, well at least i can put that one to rest.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Chelee
    Chelee Member Posts: 513
    edited June 2007
    Gwen, I am so sorry to hear that your so called friend was just checking in to see if your still kicking. I've had a few people do that to me so I can SO RELATE. I have one person for the last 9 months sending emails in hopes I will reply...they are DYING (excuse the pun) to know if I am still alive. They wanted NO part of me once they found out I was DX...so they can sit and wonder for the rest of their life if I am alive or dead. Some people just suck at being human.
    -----------------------------------------------------------

    PteSinge, You WIN hands down. I love that line of yours. Quick and to the point...and above all else so very true. "Cancer cleans house". Can I have your permission to use that one. I love it.

    Chelee
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Missjaq
    Missjaq Member Posts: 69
    edited July 2007

    Wow. I come to this site almost daily because my dear friend has BC stage IV. The opposite has occured with me. She does not always respond, she does not want to talk about it, she is reluctant to answer questions. Each in their own way of finding a comfort zone in dealing with this disease. Sometimes she has let me take her to treatments, sometimes she will talk. Other times I just have to guess her mood and needs. Answer your friend. Let her know you are well. Let her know your needs. If she hides away 2 more years, then she does. Maybe she has grown more aware of the progress in this disease and is less frightened to approach you. I have joined marathons and am raising money for BC in support of my friend. Although she doesn't like to acknowledge my efforts, I know she loves and appreciates my involvment. I value this forum in educating me to the various and ever changing mind sets this disease exposes.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • iodine
    iodine Member Posts: 4,289
    edited July 2007

    bless you, not all of us have friends or even family as interested or caring.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Chelee
    Chelee Member Posts: 513
    edited July 2007
    I just want to "DITTO" what Dottie just said. Your a true friend and a TRUE blessing. Dottie is so right...there are FAR to many of us that don't have any family and friends for support. I am one of those. The few I had did NOT walk...they RAN. I have never felt so alone in my ENTIRE life. When I needed these people the most...they walked out on me. Your friend has a very special person she can count on...and believe me...that means the world to her. God bless you.

    Chelee
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Missjaq
    Missjaq Member Posts: 69
    edited July 2007
    Thanks for your reassurance that my friend trully appreciates my support. I learn so much from each of you.
    Gwenn, I am sorry your friend was "just curious". Whatever her fears or lack of interest are, you are right to let it go.
    For those of you whose friends "ran" it was not far enough. You have a wonderful core of friends here and the commaderie is so strengthening.
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

Categories