Ter. .

Sweet Ter. I am going crazy with worry about you!!! Please send me an e/mail!! I Hate Cancer!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOVE YOU, Puppy

oh all of you are so so kind to me, sometimes i dont think i deserve it as i can be a real grouch, like lately....i feel sorry for frank as ive been on him like stink on pooey, and then i try to get up and gimp on my boot and my walker and stagger til the walker falls and then i trip due to me being grouchy...i think the best thing would be to hibernate..I know bears are coming out of hyberation right now IF mother nature decideds what she's going to do with this weather and I aint messing with herm i have enough going on.....

not sure whats going on, but when that port was in me all that time, it really messed up things in my heart, at first it hurt just a tad, now its daily or when anxiety hits, "ME" have anxiety????LOL the one thing that is going so well is my son....he moved from that family, but he moved in with an ole buddy/friend of his on this side of town in their own place..his buddy steve had been there for almost a year and blake signed all the legal doc's so they could go over his record as he had none of where he had really lived except home, but he passed w/flying colors and the boys oh excuse me the young men when grocery shopping together the other day, the first time for blake, as he never had gone to grocery store to do shopping and got ALL their foods from meat to cereal, boy was he happy, and they split the bill...frank tells me their apt is as clean as can be and you can eat off the floor, and about 8 mo ago he started going to this church, well he's still going,m at first it was just with this family he was living with, NOW his apt is right across the street from it, and he loves it, and was asked to join the grop of people his age, at the time he wasnt sure as he has an agenda of "what i have to do to make it", well he did attend the class , its before the main service and he went and met people, as he is not very socialable but he loved the poeple he met, then soemone got him to join in a group to help organize and move stuff around the church as its huge, and he accepted, and was trhrilled they gave him a green shirt to wear with some writing on it...he is amazing me and i am so proud of him...yes i did tell him that...he even said the "kids" he met can communicate and arent stupid, like the ones he use to hang out with ....what would a mom say to this "YIPEEE", thank you G*d, as this to me is doing good so far, and that is one less trauma off my shoulders of what was going to happen next to him...

so thats it folks, its very late and i have to learn to get up early...not an easy task, and then bathe, thats when i need help...and no the foot isnt healing quite as i wanted it too...oh well...must mean i need to keep it up more, and that means i havnet been working on the scrapbook but i will get to it someday soon i hope..

love you alll and PJB???? I hear you and read you, and your initials make me chuckle as i think they should be PB&J like the sandwhich...LOL thats wehre my mind is...

love ya,
hugs
Ter

Ter, sounds like you did a good job on Blake - and he didn't even know it! How are you doing?

Margaret

Luann, yes for him its great, and as name use to be Terynsmom, its Kelly she had the same visual idea as you..about my hottie LOL..and he's maturing, but not sure when it will be completed, as he is even going to church, and on sundays as its straight across the street from his new apts..and they invited him to join a group for "kid" his age from 20-30 and he said not now, well, he joined i think last week and some men found him and asked if he would like to contribute his time in moving and decorating and all that kind of stuff, and he aaid yes! he is broke to the bones, as their was a lay off on his job, he is union, and has signed up with the union and his benefits of unempoyment....

With me? I wrote a letter filled with questions to my onc PA, things I really needed to know more of, that i forgot or didnt realize at our appt time..and i called and was shocked they would give me her email...so im almost done as you know me Im the "RAMBLER' and i really dont want to ramble in this letter...as she just might not read it, so ive gone over it quite a few times and deleted some rambling and now just editing it...

She the PA had told me something very private, and since then I have really been thinking alot...as I was so calm after making my decisions as it took me 10 months to think on this and my choices etc...and now since the ball is hitting me harder than i thought, Im trying to put so many things into perspective....like this is "just part" of PC...no it is not easy as no matter what I do know i have met some awsome women here, and Id love it if we all lived close and i could meet you guys in person, though I dont travel as last summer was my last.
yes i did wear some blush on my cheeks to see my doc, as usualy i dont as i think doctors need to see you in your origiona; skin tone, just in case he/she sees some yellow etc and thats just life and can help you if you will allow your doc to see you with hardly on...I do it all the itme except to my orthopedic...all i do is wear blush and add eye brows chemo killed forever..
frnak thinks it funny as frnak has much prettier more tourquise eyes than anyone ive seen and eye lashes only
Revelon would want..


well the boot has to stay as its not healed and he wants to see me in 3 wks and gave me this contraption that i can sleep with it has a soft heal like and 2 plastic things for around my ankle and inside ankle and then you wrap velcro around til it sticks...so far its comfy..

its late adn ooops 1AM and i have to get some sleep as 2 days with no sleep is no good for me, as id like to work on my scrapbook tomorrow...if i can get up after i finally get a good nite sleep.

oh thank you LuAnn for the compliment on the pics i sent you from the books..

hugs to all, and excuse typing as i dont have glasses on..

G'nite
Ter

Oh Dunner I didnt know about your dh, I am so sorry and after the 3rd opinion???? I think ALL doc's are quackers.

Nah my sleep patter is pretty lousy like its 3AM now mondday or hould i say tuesday morning.... Just having not so good of days...yea the foot is real pain, but my chest walls as they sink in after you have 2 diff masct at diff times I dont know, but to me thats pretty trivial even for a question for any of my doc's....im still working when i can write that email to send to my onc PA as i want to make it as short as i can, as she is just that type of person, but too many IFs, or ORs...and things she told me, that scare the hell out of me, as I know my day will be coming and i dont think its too soon, and MY thoughts are Id say between 8 nonbths to 2 years, who knows, as too many things are going on, like in my heart from my port which effects some things that have to do with cancner,...
Imn not looking forward to any nore painm or trying to keep up so much with even ny email as poor Frank Ive called hin too much and he needs rest and sleep so badly, that it kills me watching and hearibn hin doing things whilhe Inm in bed or the sofa, and then i feel guilty for not helping him doing these thing and then try to help and imn more of a nusence abd a burden in my mind,m and yes ive told him, but he lies, and says no in not....I know better..

i cant write or talk anymore as I just wonder how our Stacy did all this in the pain she was in with a snile on her face, and sure i smile, but when someone is here visiting i have to wipe the eyes and try to pretend nothibg is wrong, and yea im getting pretty good at it..

I love you all so much
Ter

hi
ho you havnet seen me, nobody has, as ive been in hospital, and got home yesteerday tuesday...thught i was having heart attack as pain on left chest as usual but worse from port a cath, and the right side where they found those 2 lumps...

was a horrible time, as frank had to drive a bit later than when i left in ambulance, and iwas all by myself...nobody in ER knew or asked anything...they found an old med card in wallet that had all my OLD meds i use to take..and had nothing much about my cancer, so nobody asked me ntohing nor did they listen to me, and my own internist apparently doesnt do hospt visits...i was all alone til later when frank brought my toothbrush adn a few things...and as a man didnt tell him who he was etc..so no one knew nothing about me, nor treated me for nothing, oh they did take this wierd painful xray scan thing that was put together in lots of wierd pieced and they pushed meds in me ...and somebody hooked me up to this BP thing machine thta was like lazer and the damn thing syarted in pumping air into my right arm where there not suppose to and i was yelling and crying to stop it.....and the day before they didnt feed me due to this test plus the day of the test no food, til late at nite and i had this demented lady in my room who was nice and i tried to talk to her about sinple thing, and she liked me....made me sick as she gaged all day 24/7 and lites on aall day an nite right over me, so no sleep...

to top it they wont give me my reports, said when i see my doc the day after i got home id get them then..hell they didnt even know about aall my doc's at the cancer center nor believe me....it was so ugly......and my internist doesnt like to give me the meds my pain doc ordered me to take, so they got me so messed up on my meds plus they gave me otehrs that they found on my card i took 3-4 yrs ago..i wouldnt take them, and they write "patient refused'

not much else, but im home and so tired and my right che4sty hurts so bad and under arm and down ribs...does anyone know as my first masct was so nasty adn they took so much, and told me it would be years til it felt a bit better....even years to life that the pains might go away, thaqt was NOT the hosp telling me, so frank and i think it might be that...who knows, as agqin ive been ignored, screwwed around etc etc...should of just stayed on my path of PC/hospice instead of getting scarared when things got worse...so now i dont see onc til 33 of june, but then i will tell him NO MORE as i will never go in hosptial again as it was a nite mare

did i tell u i told frank not to come to seee me as he needed rest so bad and hosp is so big he cant walk it over and over, i really missed him....my aunt brought my mom or my cousin did and i cant remember as they put me on meds that diddnt mix w/my normal stuff and my normal doses they wouldnt give me....

yes im ticked mad, sad and all that goes along with it, ..,might not be answering too soon, all depends..
love you guys
hugs
ter

Yikes- I am soooo sorry you had to go through that nightmare practically by yourself. I would of flown to CA. to be with you but... So my prayers continue so that never happens again and that you can live in peace. Love and Hugs-Dunner

Terrie sweetie,

Just remember that you are now at home and you are safe. That hospital visit was just a huge trauma for you. I will call you again soon. Rest a lot and make sure you drink some water!!

lots of hugs,
celia

{{{TER.}}} Please talk to us we are so worried about you sweetie, when ever you can, it does not have to be long just a hello , guess i am selfish BUT I Love ya and you know how much i worry about you! maybe talk to Sweet Celia when she calls, tell her how you feel and what is going on, Crying again!! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoo LOVE YOU,Puppy

Ter,I Love Ya Sweetie!
{{{ROBIN}}}

yes i did get to spend mothers day with my mom down at the nursing home, it was great...we got there late, hmmm I just cant get up and i even had a wake up call from my sister suzie from Wash, but i fell back to sleep....

suzie had called here in town and set things up with them to deliver tons of chinese food and they have a large dining room adn one table is an old wooden one for whatevers, and they set it up for us...it was my mom, her sis and my other cousin, and ruby a little lady down there who has no family and frank, blake and me....after lunch dh and son went back to house for my son to get our cooler ready as its hot here,and frank assisted him below as he is not going on the roof....well needless to say weve been babying our cooler for quite a few years but this year its finaly dead, so now we have to get a new one before the 3 digits of temp come around.

after they all left I stayed and dh said he would pick me up later, so i had my mom all to myself, which is very rare,a nd we had a lovely visit and sat out in their outdoors courtyard, it was beautiful outside and we went inside and they have an ole computer I think just for games for them, and I had taught mom long ago how to get inot soliltare etc, so we played and played,and talked alot, it was wonderful, mom just trips on in her w.chair so quickly i cant keep up in mine as with my chest still hurting i go slow plus my right arm with the 2 new lumps they found they said were nothing????? really dont know for sure as what ive been thru...so using my arms to get me around boy i had a work out, and when we got home, i washed my face had jammies on and in bed at 6:30pm was out like a lite til 10:30pm and woke up thought it was morning and then went back to sleep.

ok ok i missed my appt today w/my internist, it was just a followup so no biggie, but for frank he was suppose to get his results from a CT he had, but he was sicker than a dog today and I rescheduled for next week...this wed i have an appt to see my ortho for my foot...it was doing much better but still cant walk on it too good, as the ankle and left side/heal hurt if i put presser on it, so I gimp around, but still mainly in bed.

Tired of being sick and not well all the time, as Id give anything to be painfree for one day.

well its 3AM and i guess i best go to sleep, as i just hobbled into kitchen and had some french toast strips, they are frozen and you just put on a plate and nuke them for 30 sec, then turn quarter turn, another 20 sec, then i put maple syrup on them, then nuke again for 20 sec as that gets them HOT and stays hot and not rubbery.

well my bc sisters, Im going to bed as when in kitchen the dang thing in the microwave woulndt you know bounced out and landed on {"guess what foot"? just cant win.

lots of hugs adn thanks for thinking of me.
Ter

Love You Sister So Much! Puppy

Hi Sweetie, sure hope Your enjoying Your company,and
having Lots of good time! Love Ya, Puppy

Hi Terri-
I was just checking in on you sweetie. Hope you're feeling better. Happy belated Mother's Day. Take care! God is able, Stephanie

oh i am going nuts after reading the last post above from me, the last sentence...sorry but i cant reread it..lol

im in bed all day for past few days as the trip to moms and the 2 scrapbook stores, oy it really zonked me out, hopefully i can get in other room...

i keep thinking of my visit from straykat coming all the way down here to help me and visit, it was wonderful and i think of it daily...she is a awsome real lady who is beautiful insdie and out.

love you guys
hugs
Ter