STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER

Kikomoon, ugh, that's so rough about your sisters. I keep trying to think of any time my sister and I have been close, and I don't come up with much. Even as kids, we were just two people who shared a room for several years. Most pictures of both of us back then, she's rolling her eyes or frowning at me or looking pissed in general. So now it just seems like so much work to stay in touch with someone I don't feel much of a connection with. People are hard.

Always envied those with sisters because I only had 3 brothers and a mother who preferred boys. So I guess I wanted someone that would identify with me. After reading what others have posted about their sister relationships, perhaps I lucked out. It was hard enough dealing with a mother who didn't care. I always blamed it on my GM's rejection of her but why perpetuate something that was so painful and do so on your daughter? Never understood it and now that she is gone, never will.

Betrayal...I always envied those with brothers. I have one sister. We have been no contact for many years. We have never been close or even semi-close. She is so much like our narcissistic mother. She always made me feel "less than", even as a small child. She is 16 months younger than me but has always thought she was older, wiser, and I was just a loser. My parents treated me the same way (probably where she got it from. Also, I am no contact with my parents). It is lonely not having family love and support. My aunt and I are in contact but I think strongly she stays in contact just for getting info for gossip. I don't tell her anything (including my cancer dx and my estrangement from my husband). Being rejected by my family and now my husband has me really starting to believe I am just not worthy of love or compassion. I am fortunate to have a great relationship with my adult son and teen daughter.

cm2020: I would not take it to heart that both your parents and estranged husband did not appreciate you. I would assign the blame on them for not being compassionate humans. I will not accept responsibility for the rift with my mother because I had a great relationship with my Dad and she would always remind me how jealous she was of that realtionship by saying things like "it's your daughter on the phone when I called (after not even saying hello)" and telling him that "she has better things to do then drive you to the doctor (when I would volunteer to take him since he no longer drove)". It's hard to accept that your mother is just plain evil and to explain it to others when she was just so sneaky about hiding it when there was an audience. I finally decided that I had to place myself first and not listen to her pointed criticism "too fat", "too old", and realizing I was never going to please her. Never told my mother or siblings (only told one of 3) when I was dx with BC because I knew she would spin it that "I deserved this" for some imagined shortcoming or weaponize it. It was hard enought to deal with without compounding the problem. Told my BF and she has never once asked about how I am doing so that too was a bust.

When my mother died, I lost 2 brothers and have no regrets there either. One has never been very close (politics and religion were sources of conflict) and the other has a bitch for a wife who is poisonous. She helped care for my mother but my mother even had a target on her that she "was a lousy cook" and "never shut her mouth". Made sure she never heard it but told everyone else about her.

So my advice is to be thankful for your children, as I am for mine, and know that they will be your best support system based on not only compassion, but love. Your friends on here will also be the ones to recognize your worth. I do.

Betrayal...Thank you for sharing your story and for the wonderful advice.

Family is complicated! I have brothers and sisters. They are a mixed bag. I know I could count on several for help if needed, but the problem is they only want to see themselves in the role of SuperSibling saving their pitiful weak sibling and they are blind to the fact that I'm a very capable adult who brings much to the table. They want their roles to be that of Saviors. Our parents both passed almost 25 years ago. Two sister now act like they're parents to the rest of us. They don’t seem to realize I don't have to answer to them. When either of them go through troubles, they keep it hidden between them so they never appear weak. They must always present themselves as dominant, in control, unfazed by things that topple their siblings. I'm done being double teamed by them and will only be around them when others are present so I don't take the brunt of their behaviors.

illimae....That is bloody horrifying! My parents are also toxic but never in a million years would they deserve beating up. What your brother did was disgusting and I do hope he pays for it. I'm glad you vented here. I can't imagine how upsetting it is to you for a number of reasons (in part as you said you are fighting for more time here and he is just p*ssing his away). I'm very sorry.

He deserves everything the law can get him for. I’m sorry. Hugs❤️❤️❤️

Illimae, that is so awful, I'm so sorry! I hope he gets what he deserves. Your brother sounds an awful lot like my sister, except she is verbally abusive rather than physical. My mom can lash it back though. She's a saint, but my sister can really get under ones skin. Sister is 50 years old with addiction problems and is about to become a grandmother herself. I’m sorry so many of us have shit relatives and no contact relationships. I always thought I was quite alone in this.

illimae - that terrible I hope your folks are ok and set some "or else" rules in place.

illimae, sorry this happened to your family. I have had a similar experience with a family member we had to cut out. It was for safety and while tough, it was the right call. Violence, drugs, manic depression are never acceptable around our son. Sorry I put up with it as long as I did. Prayers for your family and those kids.

illimae: that's awful! We have a nephew who is a (recovering) addict. In the past he has stolen etc but was never violent. When high he would go on and on about the finding the "meaning" of life. I said your 30 years old...start putting one foot in front of the other and get on with it.

On to other bad news: My SIL who has chronic leukemia is back in hospital with pneumonia following covid. Now in the ICU. She tested positive at Halloween, was in hospital for a week, came home for about 2 weeks and now is back in. Admitted tonight. My brother cannot see her because hospitals are locking down again here. She is still testing positive but nurse said sometimes that happens for a few weeks even if you don't "really" still have it. I'm sad and worried but also kinda mad at her. She is a very social person and being immune compromised has cramped her style. SO even tho she could work from home she went in and was exposed to 2 sick people (they later tested positive) which started the whole thing. Then she went to a Halloween party even tho she felt like shit. I went over this am and checked her pulse oxygen level and it was 78. Not good. Txted my DIL who is a nurse and my niece who is a physician assistant and they said send her via ambulance. So at least she got a bed as the news is saying hospital beds are in short supply.

This covid business. I know we are all sick of it but I do wish people would take it seriously.

Thanks BC family for listening.

My last U/S and mammo showed BI-Rads 3. I had to look it up... probably negative. How reassuring.

Holidays seem to bring out the best and the worst of our families. So sorry for all these situations I'm reading. Had an addict cousin (opiates after a head injury), dead at 50. It was a few years of hell trying to help her until I finally had enough and cut her off. The hardest part for me was also cutting off her kids. If I reached out to them she would try to manipulate her way back into my life. They're adults now, and we're not as close as we were.

My good friends husband passed last week from covid. It's so sad. Adding a funeral to the things to do this week.

illimae, I'm sorry for what your brother is putting your whole family through. I hope he doesn't get lawyer who's able to cop a plea deal to lesser charges.

KID, it's frustrating when people with health issues don't take precautions around Covid.

ctmb, sorry that you have a funeral to attend.

Right after Halloween, TV commercials pour on the “happy families gathered around the Christmas tree" advertisements. Makes you think everyone has nothing but Hallmark holidays.

My Thanksgiving went pretty well this year because I stopped having the extended family coming for dinner after 30 years. It was nice with just dh, my son, stepson and his family. I thought, “this is better.” I don't do drama my more.

I'm not sure who came up with two big holidays a month apart that center around extended family.

Thank God for this thread. I just received news that makes me so angry … and so sad.

My long-time gynecologist is one of the most amazing women I've ever known. She has been a source of information and strength during my entire time with cancer. When she received the results of my biopsy in 2017, she stayed late at her office to call me. She arranged an almost-immediate appointment with a wonderful BS (a personal friend whose office is across the hall from hers) and then spent hours answering all my questions and calming (most of) my fears. She even shared her own story of having had breast cancer a few years before. When her cancer returned a few years later, I was devastated. But she was so calm and so certain that she would again prevail that I believed she would be okay. And, for awhile, it appeared she would be.

Today I received a call from her, letting me know that she was retiring, as of today. Her cancer has returned and her prognosis is not good. I am so angry that this horrible thing is happening to such a good person. I am angry that there is nothing I can do to change what is happening. I want to scream but all I can do is cry. Cancer just continues to cause misery and pain - F@&K Cancer!