My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer

Moth? Are you bean dipping me? I always thought I was more a guacamole type.....

moth- Are you bean dipping me?

By the way, I love Rachael Ray. I cannot cook a lick, but I enjoy watching her. I admire her.

I bean dip topics all the time. I have a friend I worked with before she moved back to the US. We never discuss politics or her facebook posts. I lean toward the middle in my country like some parts of the left agenda with some of the fiscal stuff the right offers as well. I sometimes feel triggered to want to say something when I don't agree but I remember that how I feel about her is way more important than how she feels politically, especially since she is in a different country. I do the same on all the current social topics discussed on facebook and twitter. Refuse to argue with people online either. Pass the bean dip, scroll on by.

One thing I was happy to hear is that one of my favourite books, The Talisman by Stephen King and Peter Straub is going to be adapted into a tv series a la streaming service at some point. I have read that book at least 10 to 15 times in my lifetime. Almost once a year. Social media is good to keep up on entertainment.

Mae - Somehow I missed that you were moving. Are you moving to your cabin? Good vibes for a safe and happy move. I like my Tahoe. It is built on the same chassis as a Chevy 1/2 ton pickup so it fits tracks from pickups if that is what you are wanting. The Yukon might be more mountain ready with the bigger engine.

Candy - I am happy that it sounds like you may have found something rewarding to do.

Funny that Moth and Candy have mentioned Rachel Ray. Her cookware has been a symbol for me of life after cancer. I was really sick when I was first diagnosed and had to have a pleurex catheter inserted into my chest which required lots of equipment so that it could be drained every few days. I had some frequent flyer miles that were expiring-I figured I would not be flying anywhere soon or possibly ever again so I was able to cash them in for a set of Rachel Ray cookware. I had always liked how they looked but was too cheap to buy new pots and pans for myself. I got them in red which to me symbolizes life and vitality. Even as I ordered them, I thought it might be very foolish for how long would I be around to cook? I hoped that maybe at least one of my relatives would like them after I was gone. Well-four and a half years later my "new" cookware looks very well used. I smile whenever I use them which is several times a day. One of the pleasant bonuses of the Covid restrictions is that I have become a much better cook-preparing 21 meals per week will do that!

I agree with Mara that Rachael Ray makes it look simple. I guess she has cooked her whole life--- mentions growing up on her mom's hip in the kitchen. You can tell it is just second nature to her. Her show is good--- neat recipes (look yummy but too advanced for me) and some good guests and discussion. Good for you Chicagoan for getting her cookware.

Today is another hum drum day inside. Supposed to be sunny and in the 50's. Maybe a little too cool to open windows, but the sun is nice. I put away my winter decor-- snowmen, and put out some artificial spring flowers and such. May call a church friend today and see if she is home and can talk for a bit. Cowgal- I hope I have a chance to do some food pantry volunteering. I have not heard back from them. And I heard on the news-- yet again-- that the virus mutations are worrisome. Should I get out and about, even with getting the Covid vaccine? I am unsure when I will go back to church. Last weeks Facebook stream panned the crowd and several with masks off nose or not on at all.

Next scanning for me is the 22nd. When I think of it, my heart speeds up. So I have not lingered on thinking about it yet.

The Mug Bread turned out very well, added regular ingredients excepted subbed out almond flour for wheat flour which was fine and added a little wheat bran seasoned with some taco seasoning, salt and onion powder. Did not add sugar. I cooked it with a mug first, let it cool then sliced up what I had and toasted it. It tasted like a very hearty bread and added peanut butter, so good and very filling.

Vaccine news I get the 2nd one on the 29th. DH is unable to travel for health issues so I’m holding off on plans to see mom in NY.

Mel I’m on the couch with you waiting for second half of scanxiety-results. They have some really delicious white chocolate chip cranberry macadamia nut cookies at Trader Joe’s that’s what we’re nibbling in with our tea.

I want to do as Mara suggested and pass the salsa dip but I wanted to share that my son (lives in his own now) was not the best roommate. I worried about all of your concerns. He got a studio newly renovated and dirtied it up the landlord told him to hire a maid or clean it up. He hired a maid lol. Imagine all those years of smelling funk and he could’ve just hired a maid.

Have a great weekend everyone.

Tany

Hello Ladies. ~ just trying to keep my mind off of the results and trying to just keep busy. Naps help. Have to run some errands tomorrow so I’ll be doing something. I hate it when I feel like I sit in one place for days in end. And guess what ? I do sit there. Driving me crazy having cancer is. I have no libido. But someone expects there to magically be one. Not. Happening. Gonezo hormones took care of that and the medicine. Some people don’t understand that medical feeling. Just feeling either pain, or fatigue nothingness. Sludge. Explain as I try. It falls on deaf ears sometimes. Other times it’s ok. Until tension builds and another thing explodes. Just not in a good place. Right now. I want to be who I was. So hard. To deal with. Would like to hide. Hope they are good results. I don’t think I could take anymore shit

Mel- I am so sorry. I can hear the tiredness and sadness in your post. I speak so much about the volunteering thing with me, but maybe that is what you need. After you hear of your results- and they will be good we pray- maybe you should go out and look for something to occupy your time. Even a day or 2 a week, for a couple of hours. "I want to be who I was". Yes I get it too. I do too. But we cannot have our old life back so we have to learn a new life. I cannot address the libido issue, but maybe if you can find some happiness then the love will come back into the marriage. You have to be happy with yourself first.

Booboo- I am so sorry for you too. But you have to take care of you. He has to address his issues. You have too much to carry with your illness to carry him too. I hope the house sells quickly and easily and you get moved back with family.

I have no right to give marriage advise to either of you. I have never been married. But I know that one has to love themselves and care for themselves to be able to love and care for others. I give this advise because I care for you both.

I have these on my list for scans/appts this week---

Lee (Ibrance Thread)- scan Monday

JACK5IE (Ibrance Thread)- MO appt Monday

Mel- Scan results.

I know I have missed some. Anyone else?

No appts for me this week. Scanning on the 22nd. I am getting scanxiety.

Mel and Laurie, for what you both are going through, I am so sorry but I am glad you have your sisters to support you. You did your best when it comes to your husband, and he likely did his best and lost as well. Glad you are taking care of yourself.

As far as I go, am finally doing some blankets, discovered I can wash them in the bucket with the clip on washer at the same time as pillows if I hold on to them and put half in at a time. I am relieved. They have needed to be done a couple of weeks. I may also go walking as well, ordered everything I needed yesterday at the grocery store. Really enjoying the vegan beefless ground, so easy to add a spoonful to my beans and they have a lot of iron. The mug bread is good as well though I will need some baking powder since I had to use baking soda. Easy thing to make. Only reason I do not go to the laundromat is that I am a germophobe, even when it comes to DB and putting clothes or blankets in another washer.

Candy, Mara, BevJen,

Thanks. I’m actually somewhat relieved to have finally made a decision. He and I are going to try to keep things as friendly as possible, so that’s good. I’m going to help him find another place to live as I also make my plans to move. I told him I’m not going to rush to divorce, but will most likely pursue a legal separation in case his drinking escalates, and so I am not liable for anything that occurs with him. So far, not much has changed. We will take things a step at a time and hopefully things will progress with no drama.

booboo, I'm sorry for your loss... I'm sorry your husband chose to drink again, I'm sorry your life has taken you down this path. I happy that you have a place to go when your house sells and that your sisters are supportive. Life is just so hard sometimes...

I wish all of you a peaceful day, if that's possible. I wish I could fix this for all of us!

Love, hugs and tears,

Carol

I have been continuing to try to alleviate my back pain and sciatica that I have been dealing with for about a year. I have made improvements in the year but still have some chronic pain. I decided to try acupuncture and have had 3 sessions now. I basically lay on my stomach for 30 minutes with the needles in my back, legs and both feet (both feet because he is trying to help with my chemo neuropathy in my toes and the front pads of my feet). I told the chiropractor at session 2 that he could make this a better experience by having a little lab puppy under the table so that while I lay there for 30 minutes, I could be petting on a lab puppy. He told me that he didn't have a puppy but had an older chocolate male at home that he would bring in for me. I showed up at session 3 and got to lay there for 30 minutres petting on a 12 year old lab that seemed very happy to have the attention. Still too soon to say if acupuncture is working. I have at least 9 more sessions so we will see. We have been putting off getting another lab after our old lab died until my cancer was stable (I have been NEAD since last July) and then my back issues came up and we are hoping to get the back issue taken care of before getting a new pup but I think I may have to realize that my back may be a problem from here on out and just get a puppy in the next few months. I will report back on how the acupuncture has worked for anyone else struggling with back issues.

Mara - I tried the mug bread recipe. I used olive oil and the almond flour and did not use any of the optional ingredients. The spices I used was Everything but the Bagel. I nuked it for 80 seconds because I have a higher wattage microwave and then toasted the slices. I tried butter on two of them and Philadelphia Cream Cheese w/ Jalapenos spread on the other two slices. It was pretty tasty. I will probably use this recipe quite a bit. Thank you for sharing it.

Mae - I hope you had fun finding your new ride this weekend. I was surprised yesterday that my husband wanted to meet me at the John Deere dealership and have me sit in a Gator to see if my back could take it. I use a similar vehicle at work sometimes when I have to take soil samples and have done pretty well if I have my lumbar towel behind me and try to take it easy. Our old 4 wheeler is long past used up and DH thinks that the Gator will be better for my back and we can both ride in it together. We use these type of vehicles a lot around the farm with all of the things that go along with farming and ranching and this hopefully would make it where I can help a little more again. Right now we are discussing but hopefully will get one soon.

Booboo - praying for you.

Lee, Jack5ie and Mel - prayers and good vibes that all goes well for you this week. Tuesday is my monthly bloodwork day along with XGEVA and Faslodex if all looks good with the bloodwork.

Like BevJen mentioned, spring is coming! I have been seeing the signs and I love spring! I hope everyone on here has a great and wonderful week and if weather permits and you hit a nice day...maybe go sit out in the sun. There is just something about sitting in the sun on a nice day that is good for your soul.

Melissa, Cowgal, Sunshine, and Goldens,

You are all so kind. I thank you, especially for prayer, as I have seen God work in incredible ways.

May He bless all of you for your kindness and compassion.