19 yrs old . Anyone diagnosed @ or similar in age

Hi O2s! I am not young (58) though saw no one had responded to your post yet so checked it out... I truly feel for you and your daughter! So young for her to be dealing with all of this and for you given this is your daughter! I do hope others of a younger age will come along at some point though not sure how many young people are on this site. Even if your daughter is not interested (or maybe yet) in posting for support - if she's spending more time on the couch inactive maybe she would be willing to look around the site? There are forums/threads for IDC and triple negative as well though likely mostly people older than your daughter (not sure really). I know there would be younger (20'/30's) with the IDC forum. A message I'd recommend sending her, without pressuring her of course, is regardless of age there are similar feelings, experiences and valuable information, let alone support really is ageless. Of course she would prefer people more her age though until she finds that.... I also think breast cancer tends to be more unusual in younger folks though also often more serious so that's not helping the situation though this site has sooooo many viewers and participants.... Gentle hugs to both of you!

O2s, My heart goes out to you and your daughter, such a young age to be battling breast cancer. It all must be so devastating and difficult to process. I’m not young, I was 45 at diagnosis. Like your daughter I was diagnosed with stage 3 triple negative breast cancer. I am 6 years out from diagnosis, which for TN cancer 5 years out is when we can put fears of metastasis behind us for the most part. TN can be beat, I hope that she has a good doctor and cancer center where her disease is treated aggressively.

I can’t even imagine how difficult this all must be on your daughter and your family. This site is a good place for both of you to feel safe and heard.

Positive healing thoughts and prayers,

Rebecca

You are a great Mom and I know your daughter appreciates your support. Even though I am old it took me some time to feel like myself again, not only physically, but mentally. If you go to: All Topics → Forum: Young With Breast Cancer. There are some post from a 20 Year old. It does help to relate to others who are going through the same things. If depression continues it doesn't hurt to go on something for a while to get through treatment and beyond. Best wishes.

hey there,

like others have said I’m not as young as your daughter. I’m 31 and was diagnosed just over a year ago. Sounds like you’ve already been directed to young survivors coalition but I also wanted to mention that the breasties are a pretty neat group. I’m so sorry she has to join this crappy club especially so early. Please do t be afraid to reach out. What are her hobbies? I’m a video game nerd and find that to be a good escape from all of this stuff. If she ever wants to reach out my dms are open. Also, make sure she knows to ice her hands and feet during taxol treatments it helps prevent long lasting neuropathy I have none from mine and am so grateful

One note to you that you may not need: when I was diagnosed I thought my mom would be a huge support for me, and she tried but she was always so bent on me being positive that it created a rift between us. I’d try to open up and cry and she’d tell me that I had to stay positive which felt super dismissive. That or she’d try to fix everything or suggest solutions to issues when all I wanted was just to have someone listen and be there emotionally. Please allow her to grieve this in her own time. If she wants to be super positive be there for it, but also try to just be there with her while she is in the depths of her grief. Like I said you may not need that info, but I know I wish I could have felt more heard by my mother.

Please feel free to reach out in any of the tn threads if you or her need anything. I know I found great support there. Also, Reddit has a decent breast cancer sub with lots of women in their 20’s and early 30’s.

Please pay attention to what Hawk said. Every woman at ANY age has to come to terms with her own diagnosis. This is not something you can fix and you shouldn't try to control her. I know that's REALLY hard for any Mother who wants to make it better. As Hawk said - listen, be there if she wants to cry, and offer support if she's receptive, but don't take over.

Os2

First let me commend you for your post. It is great to see you open the door for your daughter to reach out. I don't post often, or for that matter come back to the site as much as I should but your post resonated with me.

I am in the unique position of being in both rolls, 1) being a patient of breast cancer and 2) watching my 12 (at the time, 14 years now) of coming down with an illness that I had no clue of what it would do to her or what I could do to help her. I know the terror of feeling that you will not be around to raise you 7 and 5 year old children and the terror that you might lose your child. They are both very dark places to be in.

I got my cancer diagnosis when I was 46, I am now 55 and will be cancer free for 10 years at the end of June. When I was diagnosed I felt like I was hit by a Mack truck. I lost 25 lbs because I stopped eating and I walked (so much nervous energy).

I also was lucky (if that is the right word) that I had a counsellor in the wings. Ten months prior I had lost my dad to lung cancer and I had started seeing a counsellor there to help with my feelings as I was the principal caregiver for him. When I was diagnosed she was there for me almost immediately. Counseling may be helpful for both you, as a caregiver, and your daughter, as a patient. I remember telling her how everyone kept telling me I had to stay positive. I WAS not all positive at that time and people telling me that only added to my agitation. She told me that there was no science based evidence that lack of positivity would hurt your chances of recovery. She said being positive just made it easier on the people around you. That statement made an impression on me. I had 2 young kids and a terrified husband. I made my own call on whether I would be positive or not going forward.

But to be honest when I was on chemo I did not do much. I was pretty sick, ended up in the ER on the evening of the first chemo because I was vomiting so much, and I ate whatever I could (not necessarily the healthiest of diets) as I always dropped 5 lbs in the first 2 weeks then ate like a lumberjack during the next 2 to bring the weight backup.

It wasn't until I was done all my treatment that I started to exercise. Then I used an elliptical and literally exercised (worked up slowly of course) for up to 5 hours a week, like the research suggested.

I fought for a BRCA test and came back positive for a BRCA 1 mutation so I had a few procedures. Hopefully they have suggested this test for your daughter, if not I strongly suggest she get it. This allowed me to have additional procedures which could give me further piece of mind.

After she is done her chemo and radiation she may feel more up to moving around, as buttonsmachine has suggested. But in the meantime I hope you are looking after yourself. As I said previously I know the terror of being in both shoes and the terror of potentially losing my daughter was in some ways worse. Because while I was on chemo and radiation, even though I had no control over my cancer, I still felt like I was doing all I possibly could to get better. When my daughter got ill I felt so much more incredibly helpless...and that is something coming from a stage 3 BRCA1 positive breast cancer survivor. Please take care.